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On 12/26/2022 at 8:34 AM, AbeeC said:

Does anyone else struggle with how others perceive your platonic relationships? I'll clarify a bit: 

I have a male friend who I have known for probably 6 years- we met in college. We are a part of the same close friend group (like we've all gotten together for vacation, and do monthly video calls, etc). His family lives in Malaysia and all our other friends leave the area during Holidays so I always invite him up. He's come a for quite a few major holidays over the years. My family has never questioned me about him (I think largely in part because he was my college boyfriend's roommate, which makes him 'off limits'?) but I still feel like there is this background understanding they all have that this is probably more than friendship or that we like each other in that way. 

He was going through something very difficult this weekend so I sat up with him late one night and even though neither of us said anything or in anyway indicated anything romantic I still had that feeling in the back of my mind "what if he interprets this as romantic". 

TLDR: I am in my own head too much about if other people see my relationships as romantic or not even though no one has said anything. Anyone else feel that way? 

Absolutely. Well, sort of. I was so freaked out about how other people might see something as romantic that I straight up refused to talk to boys outside of class in high school. Then I went to a women's college. And it's not exactly easy to meet and befriend new people at work.

really only have one guy friend and he was a coworker. Nice guy, and very aware I wasn't interested and he wasn't interested in me. We went to one of those paint your own pottery places one afternoon because I had a project to do and invited him and a mutual friend. He was the only one free. 

And we had a good conversation and I knew it was fine and I still spent the whole time internally freaking out because it could look - from an outside perspective - like a date. I could barely look at my friend, had to focus on the mug I was painting instead. It was ridiculous. I was so frustrated with myself. 

I never did resolve that stress properly. I ended up dating my best friend and now knowing (and saying) "I have a girlfriend!" manages to help me chill out, but I still don't spend much time with guys. No fault of theirs, I'm just not accustomed to it/don't have that many opportunities to meet people in general. 

 

And on the opposite end of the issue, I keep having people (older people mostly) assume that my relationship with my girlfriend is platonic. After all, my Grandma calls all her friends her "girlfriend's" and such. So I say "I moved in with my girlfriend" and the neighbor I'm talking to asks how my roommate is doing. In the same way that me and a guy my age hanging out must be romantic or at least flirtatious, obviously me and a girl are just friends. 

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  • 5 weeks later...

That was the second time my coworker has said something to me along the lines of "enjoy your free time before you have kids". I think if he brings it up again I will say I am infertile, even though I'm not. 

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15 hours ago, Cranston said:

That was the second time my coworker has said something to me along the lines of "enjoy your free time before you have kids". I think if he brings it up again I will say I am infertile, even though I'm not. 

Ew. That reminds me: a coworker told me about a time when she was carrying a bunch of Gatorade through a 7-11 and this random dude commented that he 'liked a woman who could carry lots' with the implication that she'd be great at caring kids around. 

There was a guest speaker to a class in college who was a vet and incredibly frustrated because no one seemed to believe she didn't want kids. They wouldn't give her jobs working with wildlife instead of pets because it was too rough and long and away from a potential family life. And people who brought their pets in sometimes thanked her male assistant as if he were the vet doctor when she'd done everything. 

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I am ace/aro. I think it began in my early 20’s. All my family kept saying was that I needed to find a good man and settle down, have children. After hearing this all the time, I ended up accepting that I must have been broken from trauma in my teens that left me with PTSD, deep depression and severe social anxiety. I gave in and got married to a man who I called my best friend. I loved him but was not “in” love with him. Had a child(she’s grown now). The marriage became very abusive, physical, verbal and emotional, then he cheated, I didn’t even care. I blamed myself because I just hated having sex. The divorce was welcomed. I wanted nothing from him, no alimony, no child support, nothing and that’s exactly what I stood up in court and told the judge, I just wanted it over and in the past. For years after, I withdrew from everyone, severed ties to all friends and most family. I was tired of hearing how I needed a man again. My father was the only one who understood me but when he passed(8 yrs ago), I felt I had no one. I went to mental health therapy, still do, just trying to understand myself. I look at crowds sometimes, from a distance, and wonder if any one of them feels how I feel. I want companionship, a best friend… I just do not want sex. Is that really so hard to understand? 

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1 hour ago, DAlice said:

I am ace/aro. I think it began in my early 20’s. All my family kept saying was that I needed to find a good man and settle down, have children. After hearing this all the time, I ended up accepting that I must have been broken from trauma in my teens that left me with PTSD, deep depression and severe social anxiety. I gave in and got married to a man who I called my best friend. I loved him but was not “in” love with him. Had a child(she’s grown now). The marriage became very abusive, physical, verbal and emotional, then he cheated, I didn’t even care. I blamed myself because I just hated having sex. The divorce was welcomed. I wanted nothing from him, no alimony, no child support, nothing and that’s exactly what I stood up in court and told the judge, I just wanted it over and in the past. For years after, I withdrew from everyone, severed ties to all friends and most family. I was tired of hearing how I needed a man again. My father was the only one who understood me but when he passed(8 yrs ago), I felt I had no one. I went to mental health therapy, still do, just trying to understand myself. I look at crowds sometimes, from a distance, and wonder if any one of them feels how I feel. I want companionship, a best friend… I just do not want sex. Is that really so hard to understand? 

I'm so sorry to hear you went through all that! I'm glad that you're out of that marriage, and dearly wish you'd never had to experience it at all.

I hope your therapist is helpful and not one of the many who have been taught to think not wanting sex is an issue. 

 

Wanting companionship without sex shouldn't be that hard to understand! I feel similarly. I don't know why it's so outlandish to do many people. They're (often?) willing to accept that people want different things than them - gay or straight, bizarre fetishes or something, a job in computers I would find mind-numbing - so why is not wanting sex so much worse?

Sigh. 

 

Well, welcome to AVEN! I hope the community here can help you at least a little!

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On 1/29/2023 at 12:25 AM, Cranston said:

That was the second time my coworker has said something to me along the lines of "enjoy your free time before you have kids". I think if he brings it up again I will say I am infertile, even though I'm not. 

I am, and people still wouldn't stop. "You can't know that!" Disrespectful people gonna disrespect.

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JustAnotherNerd
On 1/29/2023 at 5:29 AM, DAlice said:

I am ace/aro. I think it began in my early 20’s. All my family kept saying was that I needed to find a good man and settle down, have children. After hearing this all the time, I ended up accepting that I must have been broken from trauma in my teens that left me with PTSD, deep depression and severe social anxiety. I gave in and got married to a man who I called my best friend. I loved him but was not “in” love with him. Had a child(she’s grown now). The marriage became very abusive, physical, verbal and emotional, then he cheated, I didn’t even care. I blamed myself because I just hated having sex. The divorce was welcomed. I wanted nothing from him, no alimony, no child support, nothing and that’s exactly what I stood up in court and told the judge, I just wanted it over and in the past. For years after, I withdrew from everyone, severed ties to all friends and most family. I was tired of hearing how I needed a man again. My father was the only one who understood me but when he passed(8 yrs ago), I felt I had no one. I went to mental health therapy, still do, just trying to understand myself. I look at crowds sometimes, from a distance, and wonder if any one of them feels how I feel. I want companionship, a best friend… I just do not want sex. Is that really so hard to understand? 

I am so sorry, and no, it's not hard at all to understand. It requires basic empathy, geez louise. I'm so glad you're done with that douchebag, and there are so many awesome people here on AVEN that you can talk to and find friends. I hope you know and fully believe everything that happened to you was never your fault. I hope you find what you're looking for and more ❤️ 

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Has anybody else had weird sexualized dreams that have to do you with your asexuality?

I had a dream about 4 days ago that has stuck with me like glue and has been making me feel like crap since. The ending centered around me trying to save a naked, overly sexualized woman that was in a huge dirty tiled bathroom, and her not wanting to leave. Then my ex came in, naked as well, but had tattoos and acted differently, like he didn't care about anything but just sex. No actual sex happened in the dream, but I got the feeling either they had had sex or were going to. I ended up waking up crying, feeling really disturbed by it and have been thinking about it alot since. I know it had nothing to do with jealousy or wanting my ex. I think I had such a strong reaction because I think the woman symbolized that sexual woman that I tried so hard to be and wanted to be for him, but never was. And him being uncaring about anything but sex scared me because the thought of everything about him(his personality, caring nature, etc) being stripped away and him only acting out of lust scared the hell out of me. I really wish I could get this dream out of my head but for some reason it just keeps coming back and I just want to scream, and I just really needed to get this out.

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On 2/2/2023 at 10:52 PM, kittyminion said:

weird sexualized dreams

I have had dreams along this line, yes. I've also had just weird upsetting dreams in generla, that aren't sexualized. To be honest it doesn't really bother me that much anymore, because I kept getting in this weird confused state after dreams for like, several years when I was a younger adult. I would always feel like the dream was very real, and it affected me emotionally by a lot. but now, I definetly can still be affected, but I've managed to reach a point emotionally and mentally where I see the dream as a kind of immersive movie rather than something real. So I'm able to detach from it, and say it is just a dream and nothing more.

 

 

Recently I had a dream, IDK if you want to hear about it so it's in spoiler: 
 

Spoiler


where I found myself sexually charged, and someone wanted to have sex with me and I thought, sure, sounds fun, but then they started cleaning their room and I lost that arousal and that's when we started touching and I just felt really scared and woke up.

 

When I woke, I definitely felt frustrated with the dream, confused, and sad, but I tried to move on from the dream and think about other things. The dream looked like I was feeling sexual attraction, which was disconcerting, but I quickly used my logical mind to acknowledge that in the dream it was not really attraction, and that dream me does stuff, feels stuff, wants stufff, and etc that real me never would.. I've had so many dreams where I felt or thought or wanted something, and when I wake up the emotional experience is just no longer there. It's weird. 

 

 

I don't really know what else to say. Basically my advice is to view it like an immersive movie and try to detach from it, which is a skill I now have after several years of needing it. I've had all sorts of dreams and over time I just got used to it happening, to weird dreams and not letting them feel as real as they used to.

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On 1/29/2023 at 6:59 PM, DAlice said:

I am ace/aro. I think it began in my early 20’s. All my family kept saying was that I needed to find a good man and settle down, have children. After hearing this all the time, I ended up accepting that I must have been broken from trauma in my teens that left me with PTSD, deep depression and severe social anxiety. I gave in and got married to a man who I called my best friend. I loved him but was not “in” love with him. Had a child(she’s grown now). The marriage became very abusive, physical, verbal and emotional, then he cheated, I didn’t even care. I blamed myself because I just hated having sex. The divorce was welcomed. I wanted nothing from him, no alimony, no child support, nothing and that’s exactly what I stood up in court and told the judge, I just wanted it over and in the past. For years after, I withdrew from everyone, severed ties to all friends and most family. I was tired of hearing how I needed a man again. My father was the only one who understood me but when he passed(8 yrs ago), I felt I had no one. I went to mental health therapy, still do, just trying to understand myself. 

 It breaks my heart that you had to go through so much. I can't even imagine the mental strength required to face such an ordeal without crumbling and then to lose someone that close?  I'm speechless. 

I hope that with therapy and time, you let go of the self-blame and allow yourself to heal. 

 

On 1/29/2023 at 6:59 PM, DAlice said:

I look at crowds sometimes, from a distance, and wonder if any one of them feels how I feel. I want companionship, a best friend… I just do not want sex. Is that really so hard to understand? 

It isn't hard to understand  at all and it shouldn't be, for the right person.

AVEN is quite diverse and I think that you are quite likely to find someone you connect with. 

 

Wishing you the very best in life. 

Always remember to be proud of how far you've come and hold hope🖤

 

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nickolekuebler
On 1/28/2023 at 4:25 PM, Cranston said:

That was the second time my coworker has said something to me along the lines of "enjoy your free time before you have kids". I think if he brings it up again I will say I am infertile, even though I'm not. 

I am infertile so I would not be lying there. I have had so many of my coworkers tell me that I just need to find the right person and I will want sex, I have had it before I know what I'm missing and quite frankly I don't think that I'm missing anything at all. I am ok with them wanting it or wanting to talk about it all the time, I work with a bunch of men so normal topic for them, But I don't want you to tell me what I should want or how I should live my life. for one I don't need a partner to define me, for two I don't want it. 

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On 2/2/2023 at 7:52 PM, kittyminion said:

Has anybody else had weird sexualized dreams that have to do you with your asexuality?

I had a dream about 4 days ago that has stuck with me like glue and has been making me feel like crap since. The ending centered around me trying to save a naked, overly sexualized woman that was in a huge dirty tiled bathroom, and her not wanting to leave. Then my ex came in, naked as well, but had tattoos and acted differently, like he didn't care about anything but just sex. No actual sex happened in the dream, but I got the feeling either they had had sex or were going to. I ended up waking up crying, feeling really disturbed by it and have been thinking about it alot since. I know it had nothing to do with jealousy or wanting my ex. I think I had such a strong reaction because I think the woman symbolized that sexual woman that I tried so hard to be and wanted to be for him, but never was. And him being uncaring about anything but sex scared me because the thought of everything about him(his personality, caring nature, etc) being stripped away and him only acting out of lust scared the hell out of me. I really wish I could get this dream out of my head but for some reason it just keeps coming back and I just want to scream, and I just really needed to get this out.

I head a dream that I was sexually harassed by two guys and I was sexually assaulted. It sucked but I didn't really know why it appeared?

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My mom says I am going to date someday because it's human and that we all want to date and said that I was immature for not wanting criteria for a guy in terms of dating and that I need criteria for a guy when it comes to dating.

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13 hours ago, SneakyCookie11 said:

My mom says I am going to date someday because it's human and that we all want to date and said that I was immature for not wanting criteria for a guy in terms of dating and that I need criteria for a guy when it comes to dating.

she doesn't know. Aromantic people exist. People who have little to no interest in dating exist. 

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nickolekuebler

Is it weird that I want to date and I like the thought of romance but when I think about a relationship its not romantic at all. I'm confused if like I want romance or not, like the idea of cuddling with someone and kissing them and stuff like that sounds really good but then I'm just like out of a relationship I don't feel like I need any of that. 

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musicgurl2012
On 2/11/2023 at 2:34 PM, SneakyCookie11 said:

My physician during my physical told me that by the time I'm 21 I will want to have sex and I will have sex by that time.

That is a really weird and, honestly, unprofessional thing for your doctor to say to you. By the time I was 21, I had absolutely zero interest in sex. I wanted a romantic relationship, but the idea of sex wasn't even on my radar. I'm almost 33 now, and I can count on one hand the number of times I considered having sex.

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On 2/13/2023 at 5:54 PM, nickolekuebler said:

Is it weird that I want to date and I like the thought of romance but when I think about a relationship its not romantic at all. I'm confused if like I want romance or not, like the idea of cuddling with someone and kissing them and stuff like that sounds really good but then I'm just like out of a relationship I don't feel like I need any of that. 

doesn't sound weird to me at all :) 

 

 

Personally, I want a qpr over a romantic relationship. I'm happy with either, and since I feel alterous attraction I think I could pass as an alloromantic person but idk maybe not.

 

I asked if romantic people would date an aromantic person, and a lot of them (but not all) said there'd be something missing.

 

I also know there's cupioromantic people, people who don't feel romantic attraction but still want a romantic relationship. There's also aromantic people who want a partnered relationship, who prefer a qpr, or perhaps only want a qpr and not something romantic. 

 

As to your orientation, what matters is identifying what you do feel and what you do want. Focus on that first.

 

For me, I'm frustrated because I'm not sure if my alterous attraction becomes romantic sometimes, or if it's just intensity. So I don't 'know if I should be looking for a romantic relationship over a qpr. But I do know that I feel attraction and want to be with someone I find attractive, and I do know that I'd like my next relationship to be a qpr, and if I find out i do feel romantic attraction, well, I'll figure it out then, there's nothing I can do about it now. 

 

It's ok to not know what you want just yet, and to wait until you have a change to try out a relationship and see what happens with your feelings, whether or not you feel attracted, and etc. You can also talk to people about it, maybe to express yourself, or maybe to learn about other people's feelings on the matter for them.

 

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  • 1 month later...
On 7/18/2022 at 4:34 PM, Kyrenia said:

I'm in a weird zone today. Uneasy and unhopeful for a romantic future with anyone. Every once in a while I have this certainty that trying for a relationship with a guy would be pretty futile cause how likely is it really to find someone that is okay with not having sex?  I guess I'm pretty neutral about sex; like maybe I'd do it for someone, but I really don't see the point... and why would someone put up with me without it? The culture of the US is just so sex-centric/obsessed that I've been brainwashed into believing that I'm not worth anything if I can't do that for someone. But I know that's rubbish! But my heart is still low. Ugh. I'm also pre menstrual, so there's that. Like people have previously complained about: why can't we just turn off those bits that we don't even use? or at least turn the volume down on them, ya know?

 

My horoscope said to go ahead and cry in public today. So that seems likely :P

I’m very late to reply, but feeling the exact same way. The person I was talking to just called almost everything off with little explanation, and I’m pretty sure my being ace has something to do with it. That being said, I’m also panromantic, and I love love. I just don’t love lust. I know what would be best for me personally would be a qpr, but along the same line of thinking, what person is going to go for that? The whole thing made me wonder if it’s something I should get used to, being rejected for something that I can’t give to someone. It’s such a lonely place to be

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I had a job interview today. I normally look up the interviewer on linkedin to see their background as I prepare for my interview. Along with this person's career history is "consultant" at Pure Romance, that's the sex toy equivalent to tupperware or Mary Kay if you haven't heard of it. 

 

LinkedIn has always been a sex-free space. So I didn't expect this at all. I don't want to know this about a potential supervisor. 

 

Would this bother you or not bother you? 

 

 

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Thujaplicata
On 3/27/2023 at 3:27 PM, daylily said:

I had a job interview today. I normally look up the interviewer on linkedin to see their background as I prepare for my interview. Along with this person's career history is "consultant" at Pure Romance, that's the sex toy equivalent to tupperware or Mary Kay if you haven't heard of it. 

 

LinkedIn has always been a sex-free space. So I didn't expect this at all. I don't want to know this about a potential supervisor. 

 

Would this bother you or not bother you? 

 

 

I'm not sure if this would bother me. It would definitely lurk in the back of my mind as a weird thing. 

I guess it would depend on how they act. Like, is this just something that happened once and they don't talk about it and if they do it's a casual reference. Like, with all the importance of "I went to Spain once" as opposed to any sort of creepy relish. 

I'm having a hard time describing what I mean. 

 

If they wanted to talk about it all the time or acted like I should care or made it some sort of strange flirtation then yes, I would be very bothered. 

 

If they kept everything professional I think I could be okay relegating that information to the back of my mind. 

 

Anyway, I hope your interview went well!

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On 3/27/2023 at 9:27 PM, daylily said:

I had a job interview today. I normally look up the interviewer on linkedin to see their background as I prepare for my interview. Along with this person's career history is "consultant" at Pure Romance, that's the sex toy equivalent to tupperware or Mary Kay if you haven't heard of it. 

 

LinkedIn has always been a sex-free space. So I didn't expect this at all. I don't want to know this about a potential supervisor. 

 

Would this bother you or not bother you?

I don't think that would bother me, unless they bothered me with it, so to speak. What I mean is: As long as my supervisor doesn't try to sell me sex toys, I'm fine. Everyone needs a job, and there's nothing wrong with selling sex toys in my book. Then again, there's nothing wrong with being a sex worker in my book, either, and that is a heavily contested opinion.

Potential TMI for sex averse folks:

Spoiler

Sex toys can even be seen as liberating. They give women power over their own sexual pleasure and often lead to more orgasms than "plain" sex without toys.
So I approve of people consulting on this topic!

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Just been chatting with a friend online about an actor we both like. We always talk about him and i love our chats. But it kinda turned a bit sexual when she mentioned a sex scene he did and was like "yes plz, take me now". I had to take a moment to think how to respond and ended up just sending an emoji lol. We usually talk about how much we love him and all sorts of fantasies but that's the first time it was ever sexual and the first time i couldn't actually join in. I never know what to say when conversations get sexual. 

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Yael Dmyana

i'm ace and have been in a relationship for over 3 years now. on my way to college with my mom, she randomly said "i just don't know if i can believe that you're asexual. i mean, when i like someone i just wanna kiss them!" first thing, i had never used the word asexual with her before so i was caught off guard by that. second, what kind of logic is that? 'i can't imagine you feeling that way, therefore how you feel doesn't exist'

 

i've had so many instances with people like this, and it drives me crazy. i'm new to finally admitting and using the word asexual, and i'm glad for a forum like this cause sometimes i really feel hopeless for being the way i am and even doubt if how i feel is real if that makes sense. anywho, that's my bit

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On 2/3/2023 at 3:52 AM, kittyminion said:

Has anybody else had weird sexualized dreams that have to do you with your asexuality?
 

I have had quite alot of dreams about masturbation where i am always stopped for some reason (someone walking in or something) and then feeling frustrated in the dream. Probably a sign i'm sexually frustrated although i don't feel i am in waking life. 

 

I once had a dream about a dildo that ejaculated raspberry syrup 😂 that was weird but funny. 

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Thujaplicata

I was randomly thinking today about how terrifying I find the idea of being pregnant. Just, hard pass. Of course, that's if I could ever get past my distaste for sex, and men (I'm homoromantic if anything. Well, demiromantic plus that. Regardless, I can barely see even hints of aesthetic interest in men. I manage a "he's not ugly, I guess?" when asked. So no, no making babies for me. Eww.) 

 

But just, I know there are other ways to become pregnant (with money and effort) and I am very much not interested. I can see myself with kids, but I'd have to adopt because while there's some charm to the idea of passing on my genes I guess, I do not want anything to do with growing a person in my uterus. Absolutely not.

I don't think it's 100% an ace thing, and I'm curious about other people's thoughts. 

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nickolekuebler
2 hours ago, Thujaplicata said:

I was randomly thinking today about how terrifying I find the idea of being pregnant. Just, hard pass. Of course, that's if I could ever get past my distaste for sex, and men (I'm homoromantic if anything. Well, demiromantic plus that. Regardless, I can barely see even hints of aesthetic interest in men. I manage a "he's not ugly, I guess?" when asked. So no, no making babies for me. Eww.) 

 

But just, I know there are other ways to become pregnant (with money and effort) and I am very much not interested. I can see myself with kids, but I'd have to adopt because while there's some charm to the idea of passing on my genes I guess, I do not want anything to do with growing a person in my uterus. Absolutely not.

I don't think it's 100% an ace thing, and I'm curious about other people's thoughts. 

I have friends that are not ace and feel the same way. I don't think that being ace is even in the equation. 

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9 hours ago, Thujaplicata said:

I was randomly thinking today about how terrifying I find the idea of being pregnant. Just, hard pass. Of course, that's if I could ever get past my distaste for sex, and men (I'm homoromantic if anything. Well, demiromantic plus that. Regardless, I can barely see even hints of aesthetic interest in men. I manage a "he's not ugly, I guess?" when asked. So no, no making babies for me. Eww.) 

 

But just, I know there are other ways to become pregnant (with money and effort) and I am very much not interested. I can see myself with kids, but I'd have to adopt because while there's some charm to the idea of passing on my genes I guess, I do not want anything to do with growing a person in my uterus. Absolutely not.

I don't think it's 100% an ace thing, and I'm curious about other people's thoughts. 

I'm ace an can imagine a pregnancy, even though I don't think I'd like to raise a child.

On the other hand, my sister thinks a pregnancy is an absolute no-no, but isn't asexual and would maybe like to have kids.

So no, no relation between the two.

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