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Telecaster68

For asexuals: when you say you physically enjoy sex, what does that actually mean? [almost inevitable TMI]

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Telecaster68

I mean, how much?

One a scale of 1-10, where 1 is something like walking out of a humid 32 deg celsius into an air-conned shop, and 10 is 'holy f*** what the hell was that don't stop don't ever stop'...

And if it's more than say, about a six, why are you perfectly okay with never doing it again, for it's own sake?

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skullery

My partner puts it at about a 5, so I guess that answers that :P

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Tarfeather

Is 5 like, literally not caring? Because then that'd be my partner, as well.

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skullery

i'm using 5 as: Not caring until it happens, and then being like "um ok this can be pleasant, so long as I'm the only one who actually gets me off... but I do enjoy getting off."

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Serran

I would say about a -5.

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Tarfeather

Yeah the low end of that scale is set a bit high. :P

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Serran

Yeah the low end of that scale is set a bit high. :P

Well, I think he is mainly asking aces that enjoy it. But, :P

When I said I could enjoy it a bit in the other thread, what I meant was "I can enjoy the kissing, being held, caressed and all that and ignore the sex part". To clarify my recent posting.

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cym

i'm using 5 as: Not caring until it happens, and then being like "um ok this can be pleasant, so long as I'm the only one who actually gets me off... but I do enjoy getting off."

this. ^

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

Not at all so like -12 (and no, I'm not sex-repulsed) but I'm not identifying as asexual anymore.. I'm just one of those weirdos who has no desire for, or enjoyment of, partnered sex :p

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Bezzy-Loo

Well, based on that scale... I guess I've gotten to a 2 or 3 a couple times? ^^; But usually it'd be more like a 0 or a 0.5...

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Telecaster68

Yeah the low end of that scale is set a bit high. :P

I genuinely struggled to calibrate the low end.

Wouldn't getting off indicate at least an 8 or 9?

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Jade Cross
Not if it didnt produce any worthwhile sensation

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Notte stellata

Even with end points defined, interpretations of the points in between are still largely subjective. I think anything above 5 would be things you enjoy so much that you actively seek them out, so sex is at most 5 for me. More likely 3-4.

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Serran

Yeah the low end of that scale is set a bit high. :P

Wouldn't getting off indicate at least an 8 or 9?

Depends what you mean by getting off. An orgasm is not pleasurable for everyone. Personally, I find the sensation distinctly unpleasant and would bring the scale lower rather than higher for me.

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tali.lynn

Are we talking abou sex or just sexual pleasure? For me, masturbation falls at like a 1. It's akin to say, eating a handful of chocolate chips. It's something I get the urge to do sometimes, but can easily overlook, it is pleasant for exactly the duration of the activity and once I'm done I wouldn't want to do it again for a while.

It is possible I would get more physical pleasure out of sex but I am uncomfortable with the entire concept so I would say that would be like a -5 (on a scale from -10 to 10, 0 being absolutely indifferent).

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Mysticus Insanus

The scale is so off. :lol:

Granted, I'm not a sex-favorable ace... but I'd rate entering an airconned shop in high summer about an 8 on a scale where ejac (through masturbation) is a 3, at most. (The idea of partnered sex involving my genitals, ejac or not, is about -1000... I'd literally rather die.)

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Telecaster68

I did say asexuals who enjoy sex...

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Serran

Myst, I don't think you've ever said "I enjoyed sex with that person" though :lol: I think Tele is mostly wanting to know why we say that. I rarely say I did, but occasionally I will say something like sex with my first boyfriend could be pleasant.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

I did say asexuals who enjoy sex...

Yeah I'll never get it. I mean, if you don't want to watch the football, ever.. because football just isn't something you have any interest in, how could you enjoy watching it?

The minute I enjoy partnered sex is the minute I start identifying as sexual. End of.

(edit: and I responded because meh, free forum)

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Mysticus Insanus

Myst, I don't think you've ever said "I enjoyed sex with that person" though :lol: I think Tele is mostly wanting to know why we say that. I rarely say I did, but occasionally I will say something like sex with my first boyfriend could be pleasant.

Well, I did enjoy the cybering sessions I've been in a couple years ago, and have on occasion said that (and that while I can live just fine with never going there again, and lived just fine without anything like that being part of R. and my 'ship... but I'd still be open to it with a woman who'd want that, as long as she can absolutely and without question respect my very strict limits on what I'm okay with doing, and the many, many things that are right out). But I enjoyed them in a way completely unrelated to (what I think) Tele means by "getting off" - I never ejaced during them, and they did jack squat for my libido.

And while I did enjoy quite a lot, they can't hold up to the "aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh gooooooooooood" that I'd describe entering an airconned shop in summer with. No joke - I find it honestly baffling that anyone, sexual or otherwise, would seriously rate sex and sex-caused orgasms higher than that.

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skullery

I understand enjoying something that I don't "like", as weird as that sounds. I'm thinking specifically of dining out. I hate dining out, but I also kinda like it... it's sort of... putting up with the evils of socialization, crowds, noise, and uncomfortable chairs for the ability to choose and consume delicious cocktails and food. I will never say that I like dining out, but I do love food and drink, so sometimes one must suck it up and tolerate the shitty aspects for the good.

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Telecaster68

That's simply saying I like X and Y elements of an activity, but not A and B, and in the end, X and Y outweigh A and B, isn't it? Which doesn't seem to be quite the same as saying 'I enjoy activity Z, but I don't want to do it', which seems altogether more baffling to me.

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skullery

Well, I could very easily say that I enjoy dining out, but I don't want to do it. Because really, that's pretty accurate. You have to drag me kicking and screaming into a restaurant, and I often have panic attacks in the restrooms, but it would be untrue for me to claim there's no part of it I enjoy.

What if someone enjoys getting off... the actual orgasm part... but the rest of it... the interaction with the other person, the caring about their pleasure, etc, is awkward and exhausting? One could say that one doesn't like sex (in one sense) and loves sex (in another sense).

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Mysticus Insanus

What if someone enjoys getting off... the actual orgasm part... but the rest of it... the interaction with the other person, the caring about their pleasure, etc, is awkward and exhausting?

Or exactly the other way around. Which isn't that far off from how I experienced (cyber/phone) sex. Being able to help a woman come - heck, even being considered for the privilege to try - is a pretty fine feeling indeed.

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Telecaster68

I'd put it that they like orgasms but they don't like sex, particularly since to most sexuals, the interaction part is the essence of it. It sounds like they'd be happiest masturbating, which is pretty asexual.

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skullery

What if someone enjoys getting off... the actual orgasm part... but the rest of it... the interaction with the other person, the caring about their pleasure, etc, is awkward and exhausting?

Or exactly the other way around. Which isn't that far off from how I experienced (cyber/phone) sex. Being able to help a woman come - heck, even being considered for the privilege to try - is a pretty fine feeling indeed.

Exactly! Actually I think a lot of asexuals probably feel that way...

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Mysticus Insanus

What if someone enjoys getting off... the actual orgasm part... but the rest of it... the interaction with the other person, the caring about their pleasure, etc, is awkward and exhausting?

Or exactly the other way around. Which isn't that far off from how I experienced (cyber/phone) sex. Being able to help a woman come - heck, even being considered for the privilege to try - is a pretty fine feeling indeed.

Exactly! Actually I think a lot of asexuals probably feel that way...

At least a lot more than some folks believe possible, yep.

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Telecaster68

In which case, why the apathy/revulsion towards having sex with someone, if you enjoy making them come so much? And I completely agree, getting someone off is fantastic.

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skullery

I'd put it that they like orgasms but they don't like sex, particularly since to most sexuals, the interaction part is the essence of it. It sounds like they'd be happiest masturbating, which is pretty asexual.

My point is... you can enjoy physical sensations without enjoying all the rest that comes along with it. Or, you know, you can enjoy some aspects without enjoying all aspects, and the parts you don't like can be offputting enough to make you prefer to avoid the whole shebang.

I really don't see what's so hard to understand about that.

If we're talking about asexuals who more than just enjoy it... asexuals who want sex... but then do the dumb "I'd be fine never having it again" thing... those folks I think simply misunderstand what desires are. One can have a desire without it being an obsession, but that's a distinction that some AVEN members don't seem to grasp.

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Mysticus Insanus

In which case, why the apathy/revulsion towards having sex with someone, if you enjoy making them come so much? And I completely agree, getting someone off is fantastic.

Because, penis. Sex involving a penis is one of the most disgusting things I can imagine (penis-shaped toys are almost as bad), and death is preferrable.

Lesbian sex is okeydokey fine (as slong as it involves no strap ons, dildos etc.), and has never been a problem for me.

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