*a*rteest Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 The most difficult thing for me as an aro ace is basically financial. I work in a job that is absolutely not financially rewarding, and as long as my mom is here we get along fine, if things are a bit tight once in a while that's OK. But I have no idea how I'm going to make do when she's gone. I'm 40 and I have no direction. I have a degree I don't want to use from circumstances years ago I could not control. What annoys me about society is, that it basically financially pushes you to FIND someone to live with. I have no interest in living with anyone, not even a QPR. I want to live alone in my own house. I don't want a boyfriend or a husband. But yet the way society **works** is that you pair up to get bills paid. I have no idea what I'm going to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Aromantic Asexual Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 It is a struggle everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
Fox6 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I have been aromantic for most of my life. While romance is everywhere on media, it's something that used to leave me more perplexed than anything because I couldn't understand it. 1) Romance is always portrayed as perfect in movies. However real life is messy. Relationships have low points, very low. Forget about the dream-like stories you see on films. 2) People are different. Some give more importance to romance than others. Some people will find their soul-mates, and yet will dedicate themselves to other areas of their lives (such as their jobs) and their relationships will come in second place. Romance is not the most important thing in life, just part of it. 3) There are probably way more aromantics than you think. There are many people who seek a partner only for the sex, financial support, to serve them or to raise children with. Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 On 5/29/2016 at 1:40 AM, aussiekirkland said: It's not that I don't accept myself. Over the past year I have learnt to love all aspects of myself, despite what I am constantly told to feel. Almost every form of media I consume is romance obsessed. Yes, I could narrow down what I consume but quite frankly that leaves me with shit all. But back to the point, I am constantly being told through media that romance is The Most Important Thing and that my life is awful without it. I feel like life with romance is so much worse. Relationships are so constraining. Too much commitment and no freedom. Breakups also tend to suck. Link to post Share on other sites
Adam_Jensen Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I don't see how being an aromantic can be a struggle.As teenager for years I though I was weird because I didn't gave a damn about relationships and everything related to them. Untill I found the concept of aromantism and suddenly everything clicked and made sense.It's a part of me I accepted 100% and quite frankly I'm relieved that there is a part of me I don't question at all.The way I see it romantics are the ones who struggle the most,relationships do nothing but add drama and stress to someones life and most of them end badly either way.In the end romantic relationships are an alien concept for me and I'd rather observe them from distance than get myself involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 33 minutes ago, Adam_Jensen said: I don't see how being an aromantic can be a struggle.As teenager for years I though I was weird because I didn't gave a damn about relationships and everything related to them. Untill I found the concept of aromantism and suddenly everything clicked and made sense.It's a part of me I accepted 100% and quite frankly I'm relieved that there is a part of me I don't question at all.The way I see it romantics are the ones who struggle the most,relationships do nothing but add drama and stress to someones life and most of them end badly either way.In the end romantic relationships are an alien concept for me and I'd rather observe them from distance than get myself involved. I agree. Let's observe the drama of romance... Link to post Share on other sites
sgtcactus Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I think it's great being aromantic because my day-to-day thoughts aren't consumed with relationship and dating issues. I can just relax and think about movies or whatever and have a good time. Link to post Share on other sites
cooliocool Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Being aromantic was not really a struggle for. Annoying people are a struggle which is why I avoid being friends with people who romantically and sexually attracted to men. I have had so many bad experiences with girls who played the "let's pretend to be friends until I'm not friend zoned anymore" strategy. I also avoid being friends with straight guys who think i'm a loser who doesn't want romance. Link to post Share on other sites
Fox6 Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 On 22/01/2017 at 6:25 PM, Lemonasculine said: "let's pretend to be friends until I'm not friend zoned anymore" They may not necessarily be masking their intentions. For most people, when they develop strong feelings for someone else (i.e. a close friend), it overlaps with something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Ettina Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 On 5/31/2016 at 1:48 PM, Snow Cone said: I'm a serial friendzoner, both sexually and romantically. Some people think that's rough and that I'm not considerate of their feelings...but they're clearly not considerate of mine if they believe I owe them reciprocation. That is an issue that extends beyond aro people, of course, as everybody gets to be as selective as they want and nobody ever owes their feelings to someone else. Somehow it doesn't surprise me that your pronouns are she/her. The idea of friendzoning often has a misogynistic element, of female-perceived people 'owing' the man romance as a favor for him being such a 'nice guy'. Any romantic can get friendzoned, but there's a special dynamic when it's a straight guy getting friendzoned by a woman. A lot of straight guys very much feel like women owe them sex/romance. This results in a lot of messed up behavior, ranging from being a jerk to female friends to being an outright rapist. (Literally, I found a blog entry online where a guy justified being a rapist by "I need sex and those mean women won't sleep with me unless I make them" which was pretty horrifying.) Link to post Share on other sites
Fox6 Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 10 minutes ago, Ettina said: Somehow it doesn't surprise me that your pronouns are she/her. The idea of friendzoning often has a misogynistic element, of female-perceived people 'owing' the man romance as a favor for him being such a 'nice guy'. Any romantic can get friendzoned, but there's a special dynamic when it's a straight guy getting friendzoned by a woman. A lot of straight guys very much feel like women owe them sex/romance. This results in a lot of messed up behavior, ranging from being a jerk to female friends to being an outright rapist. (Literally, I found a blog entry online where a guy justified being a rapist by "I need sex and those mean women won't sleep with me unless I make them" which was pretty horrifying.) The nice guy syndrome. Some men decide to become closer to a women who is not attracted to them, under the assumption that if they make enough favors the woman will reciprocate with sex. That's not friend-zoning, that's just someone who is not attracted to you. Friend-zoning means that you are attracted to someone else, but don't want to risk loosing that friendship by declaring yourself or with an eventual break-up. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 3 hours ago, Fox6 said: The nice guy syndrome. Some men decide to become closer to a women who is not attracted to them, under the assumption that if they make enough favors the woman will reciprocate with sex. That's not friend-zoning, that's just someone who is not attracted to you. Friend-zoning means that you are attracted to someone else, but don't want to risk loosing that friendship by declaring yourself or with an eventual break-up. That is...different from how I've seen the friend zone discussed. I've only seen it used to mean Person A who wants a relationship with Person B tries to get close to them, but once Person B sees Person A as "just a friend" the chances are lost. Person B, with no romantic feelings, has friend zoned Person A. That's how I've seen it used, at least. Modern social phenomena are not scientific concepts with clear and specific meaning. Link to post Share on other sites
Somewhere_inbetween89 Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 On 5/29/2016 at 8:49 AM, TiffanyJung said: As a romantic sexual, I can tell you that it's really not easy for us either , just like it's not easy for aces , aros or aro-aces. Because developing feelings for someone can be just as devastating as it can be exhilarating at times. And trust me the shock of not having your feelings reciprocated is ten times worse when you're an extremely sensitive person. I can't comment on the PDA, the weddings etc because I live in a completely different society from you where you're not going to see PDA at all. Because of moral policing as some people in India call it. And yes Pan's right. My best friend who's romantic experiences full blown romantic repulsion as well. So well....*Grimaces* Hey sorry about the late reply, but I’m starting to think the grass is always greener on the other side when it comes to this. Many romantics wish they were aromantic, and many aromantics wish they could fall in love! Both are sad positions to be in. I for one am worried I’m slightly aromantic and can’t fall in love, and this makes me sad everyday. Every time I see a couple or hear a love song, I feel like my heart is being broken and being ripped out of my chest! I would give anything to fall in love, even though it can hurt. Because at least then I would feel some pleasure instead of this constant pain. At least people who can fall in love can feel some pleasure before the pain. I guess it’s just pure irony you wish you were me, and I wish I was you! So please, don’t for a second wish that you couldn’t fall in love- it’s why we are all here! And you know what? I really think that people who can’t fall in love aren’t even completely alive. So at least you can feel it, you’re alive, you’re human! Not just a robot. So the next time you feel the rush of romantic attraction, just think: “thank god for this feeling. Because at least I can fall in love! There’s hope for me, there’s hope for my soul! I’m alive!!” Please at least appreciate that. Please don’t wish you were aromantic. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
Heartnet Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 On 5/29/2016 at 11:17 PM, aussiekirkland said: I think next time I am looking to seek aromantic conversations I will turn to the aromantic blogs on tumblr, I don't feel like I can voice my opinions on AVEN without conflict or hurt feelings there is actually an aromantic website thats like aven, heres the link if you want http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/ Link to post Share on other sites
Eveelowthwaite Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 I’ve Found a lot of support from the lifelong singles community. This is a group of people whose entire lives have been shaped by choosing to not have a romantic partner. The focus you’re describing by Media on love and romance is actually thoroughly discussed by the single psychologist and blogger Bella DePaulo. Any of my fellow a romantic’s out of there who are looking for A community where they fit in a little bit better look to the lifelong singles community! https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single Link to post Share on other sites
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