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Gok

Being a romantic asexual sucks

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Gok

It's true. Especially when you're a male (not to sound sexist, I'll elaborate). If I'm an asexual, then let me be a full-fledged one. But the romantic aspect makes things harder... You fall in love, and even though you believe you have a shot, you keep yourself from going further because you know it would never work out since your crush is %99.9 likely to be a sexual. It feels terrible. If I were a girl; I would at least give it a shot, fulfilling the sexual needs of my partner even though I don't like it. But since I'm a male, whose affection is by no means sexual, in other words, will not get aroused (something necessary to be able to have sex for the male part), I don't have this chance to even make a sacrifice. I'm sure there are male asexuals out there dating sexual girls... But I'm just realistic, and I don't want to try and bind anyone's sexualism just for me, I know it will not work out and chances are high that one day I will get very disappointed. Therefore you have to keep it inside. You can't move further. Which sucks. Really sucks. I went to the seaside at midnight and sweared out loud like crazy lol.

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NerotheReaper

I know how you feel, it really sucks kind of makes you question if you should even try...

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

You can have sex without using your penis!! ^_^

Being a romantic ace only sucked for me when I didn't know I was asexual.because I thought I was a broken freak incapable of truly loving someone, even though I knew the love I felt was true, deep, and sincere.. I just couldn't force myself to want sex as a result of it.. Now I know love and sex are different things and that I'm not broken, I'm just asexual!

Anyway now that I know about asexuality, I am overjoyed, ecstatic.. because I know there are other people out there like me, who want exactly what I want (romantic love, with no need for sex, ever) ..I only have relationships with other asexuals and grey-asexuals now, so.. I have no issues in that regard ^_^

If I were a girl; I would at least give it a shot, fulfilling the sexual needs of my partner even though I don't like it. But since I'm a male, whose affection is by no means sexual, in other words, will not get aroused (something necessary to be able to have sex for the male part), I don't have this chance to even make a sacrifice.

Also regarding the female/male thing, if a female isn't aroused for penetrative sex, it can hurt her and just be very uncomfortable.. so we have our own issues in that regard!

But yeah, you CAN have sex without using your penis (if you literally only want to be with sexuals or think it'll be too hard to find an ace or whatever) .. You could just say ''I have an arousal disorder, so I can't have penetrative sex, but I can do anything else you like!'' or whatever (as opposed to saying you're ace if you didn't want to say that) , or you could say ''I'm asexual so I don't really get aroused sorry, but I'm happy to do anything sexual that you like that doesn't involve penetrative sex''

Then use your fingers, tongue, and sex toys on her instead of your penis. There are a LOT of sexual women who are okay with that (some ''require'' an erect penis, but some just aren't that fussed at all as long as some form of pleasurable sex is happening) ^_^ Some sexual women even actively do not like penetrative sex but only do it for their sexual partner, they'd rather have their breasts and clitoris etc stimulated.

So yeah, you totally have options imo (that's if you actively want to compromise ''the way a female can'' ..I won't be too hard on you on that one but yeah, penetrative sex can be difficult to impossible for us too, depending on the female! We can do other stuff though, of course, just like you can. That's IF we actively want to compromise. Some don't and that's fine too)

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Gok

I know how you feel, it really sucks kind of makes you question if you should even try...

Exactly dude. But anyways; I always try to be optimistic. Life is never fair. Many people do suffer. We should put up with it. I try to learn to take pleasure from this painful passion. :D

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Ricecream-man

Just putting it out there. There are many ways to satisfy a woman sexually that doesn't involve a penis. Lesbian/Bi women are proof of this. While it does lead to a lot of awkwardness and not every woman will understand it, there are women out there who don't have much issue with your lack of arousal or inability to engage in/enjoy PIV sex or sexual activity involving your penis in general. I've been in a few relationships like this. Not having sex with my penis was never the reason for breaking up.

Now if you're sex repulsed it's a different story.

Plus there are still romantic asexual women out there and if it's something you're open to non sexual polyamorous partners aren't unheard of as we well.

It's not easy and you're dating pool is definitely more limited than a sexual romantic but it's not impossible. Don't let being asexual stop you from trying to find a meaningful relationship.

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Gok

You can have sex without using your penis!! ^_^

Being a romantic ace only sucked for me when I didn't know I was asexual.because I thought I was a broken freak incapable of truly loving someone, even though I knew the love I felt was true, deep, and sincere.. I just couldn't force myself to want sex as a result of it.. Now I know love and sex are different things and that I'm not broken, I'm just asexual!

Anyway now that I know about asexuality, I am overjoyed, ecstatic.. because I know there are other people out there like me, who want exactly what I want (romantic love, with no need for sex, ever) ..I only have relationships with other asexuals and grey-asexuals now, so.. I have no issues in that regard ^_^

If I were a girl; I would at least give it a shot, fulfilling the sexual needs of my partner even though I don't like it. But since I'm a male, whose affection is by no means sexual, in other words, will not get aroused (something necessary to be able to have sex for the male part), I don't have this chance to even make a sacrifice.

Also regarding the female/male thing, if a female isn't aroused for penetrative sex, it can hurt her and just be very uncomfortable.. so we have our own issues in that regard!

But yeah, you CAN have sex without using your penis (if you literally only want to be with sexuals or think it'll be too hard to find an ace or whatever) .. You could just say ''I have an arousal disorder, so I can't have penetrative sex, but I can do anything else you like!'' or whatever (as opposed to saying you're ace if you didn't want to say that) , or you could say ''I'm asexual so I don't really get aroused sorry, but I'm happy to do anything sexual that you like that doesn't involve penetrative sex''

Then use your fingers, tongue, and sex toys on her instead of your penis. There are a LOT of sexual women who are okay with that (some ''require'' an erect penis, but some just aren't that fussed at all as long as some form of pleasurable sex is happening) ^_^ Some sexual women even actively do not like penetrative sex but only do it for their sexual partner, they'd rather have their breasts and clitoris etc stimulated.

So yeah, you totally have options imo.

Thanks for enlightening me. I just realized I was thinking too simply and ignorantly. :D

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Gok

Just putting it out there. There are many ways to satisfy a woman sexually that doesn't involve a penis. Lesbian/Bi women are proof of this. While it does lead to a lot of awkwardness and not every woman will understand it, there are women out there who don't have much issue with your lack of arousal or inability to engage in/enjoy PIV sex or sexual activity involving your penis in general. I've been in a few relationships like this. Not having sex with my penis was never the reason for breaking up.

Now if you're sex repulsed it's a different story.

Plus there are still romantic asexual women out there and if it's something you're open to non sexual polyamorous partners aren't unheard of as we well.

It's not easy and you're dating pool is definitely more limited than a sexual romantic but it's not impossible. Don't let being asexual stop you from trying to find a meaningful relationship.

Nice example. Thanks.

And no, I'm not sex-repulsed at all, I'm neutral towards it and can actually try and have fun with all these sexual acts. :D

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
Thanks for enlightening me. I just realized I was thinking too simply and ignorantly. :D

I wouldn't say ignorant, some people think PiV is the only ''real'' or ''truly satisfying'' form of sex for others, because that's all they have been really shown in the media/movies/books etc so just don't realize there is so much more to sex than just ''penis goes into vagina'' haha. To me ignorance would be ''I totally understand there are other forms of sex, but PiV is the only kind that truly matters'' or something like that :P

Nice example. Thanks.

And no, I'm not sex-repulsive at all, I'm neutral towards it and can actually try and have fun with all these sexual acts. :D

I hope it works out well for you! it'll totally be a deal-breaker for some women, but other women will be very happy with that (especially considering so many sexual men just go straight to penetration, which honestly isn't that pleasurable for all women.. Some would be overjoyed that you'd care enough to focus on pleasing them in other ways without that leading to penetration)

the question is whether or not you can sustain that, because for some asexuals it just gets too much over time and becomes like a chore they really loathe doing (whereas to start with they were fine with it and loved knowing it makes their partner happy etc) but that's something only you yourself can find out through experimentation and time!

and if it comes down to it, there are plenty of ace girls out there looking for love, but you might have to settle with distance to start with depending on where you live (because some places have HEAPS of aces, some places have none for miles)

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tali.lynn

Based on what allosexual women say (in movies and magazines and such) they always make it sound like a man who goes down liberally, is like, the best of the best. I think given that logic a man who performs oral sex and asks for nothing else, no penetrative sex or reciprocal oral sex, would be plenty satisfying for lots of women.

Of course, I am aroace, and my relationship advice is not always to be trusted.

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tali.lynn

Also regarding the female/male thing, if a female isn't aroused for penetrative sex, it can hurt her and just be very uncomfortable.. so we have our own issues in that regard!

*Raises hand* Yeeep! I've technically never had (penetrative) sex for this reason. I tried once, but I wasn't aroused (obviously) and I (TMI) do not have a big... vagina. In regards to depth, width, everything. TL;DR it didn't, er... fit. Yikes. So even if I was alloromantic, I'm not sure if I would be able to compromise when it came to penetrative sex.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

Also regarding the female/male thing, if a female isn't aroused for penetrative sex, it can hurt her and just be very uncomfortable.. so we have our own issues in that regard!

*Raises hand* Yeeep! I've technically never had (penetrative) sex for this reason. I tried once, but I wasn't aroused (obviously) and I (TMI) do not have a big... vagina. In regards to depth, width, everything. TL;DR it didn't, er... fit. Yikes. So even if I was alloromantic, I'm not sure if I would be able to compromise when it came to penetrative sex.

Yeah I understand! penetrative sex is hell for me, just hurts so much *shudders* ..But I don't enjoy any other forms either (like being given oral or whatever) ..Just.. I'd rather game together!! So much more pleasurable :p

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Neapolitan_Cat

I'd be willing to date an asexual male. Because I am one too

Edit: asexual that is. Not the male part

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Gok

Also regarding the female/male thing, if a female isn't aroused for penetrative sex, it can hurt her and just be very uncomfortable.. so we have our own issues in that regard!

*Raises hand* Yeeep! I've technically never had (penetrative) sex for this reason. I tried once, but I wasn't aroused (obviously) and I (TMI) do not have a big... vagina. In regards to depth, width, everything. TL;DR it didn't, er... fit. Yikes. So even if I was alloromantic, I'm not sure if I would be able to compromise when it came to penetrative sex.

Yea, I see. You guys forgive me for underestimating asexual females' experience with sex. :redface:

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Smilamile

Asexual female here. Too new to know if there's any asexuals in my area. Enjoying life.

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Smilamile

Where in the world is it 3:13.

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Neapolitan_Cat

It's 7:12pm my time

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Smilamile

10:39 in Beckley West Virginia

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Woodworker1968

Patience, brother. It ain't gonna suck for much longer...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2WkGtjZDpcQ

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

Where in the world is it 3:13.

It's 3.10pm here on the 12th, as I type this :p

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starry-night-sky

Asexual female here. I have the same problem/worries. I'm aroused veeery rarely and when I'm aroused it's not strong and only lasts some seconds, so we're in the same boat. But as Pan said there are other ways of engaging in sexual acts than penetrative sex and many women seem to like that a lot.

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Ace of Amethysts

Definitely no to heterosexual sexual compromise for me.

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blanket burrito

I mope about the whole romantic asexual thing all the time, lol. I've resigned myself to never having a long-term relationship. It doesn't help that while I am willing to compromise, knowing that my partner expects that compromise (probably sooner than I'm really willing to just suck it up and put out) makes me feel uncomfortable and pressured. Kinda spoils the whole relationship.

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AceInhibitor

Yeah, I'm fine not being in a relationship at the moment, I'm cool with that. But I wouldn't be able to compromise, I physically couldn't, I don't even like people touching me below the waist (it tickles and it's really uncomfortable) so I'd never manage to, which basically means that unless I dated an asexual person, I'll never have a romantic relationship. And I'm cool with that at the moment but it is slightly sad to think that it's not really an option for me.

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Haleymarie841

This is totally why I think we need to always where the black ring on our right middle finger (if you're comfortable being out, that is), so that it's a nice discreet way to save lots of romantic aces from the heartbreak of feeling like they could never satisfy a sexual partner (some sexuals are cool with sacrificing their sex life, some aren't, I'm not trying to generalize here. Everyone is comfortable with different things and that's completely okay :D)

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Still

This is totally why I think we need to always where the black ring on our right middle finger (if you're comfortable being out, that is), so that it's a nice discreet way to save lots of romantic aces from the heartbreak of feeling like they could never satisfy a sexual partner (some sexuals are cool with sacrificing their sex life, some aren't, I'm not trying to generalize here. Everyone is comfortable with different things and that's completely okay :D)

Barely anyone knows what an "ace ring" is, though, so it wouldn't save you from having to talk about the subject.

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AryaStark

I'm asexual heteromantic and I'm currently in a long distance relationship. I didn't tell my heterosexual boyfriend about my sexuality until about five months in, but that was because I still wasn't comfortable using the label. He kinda freaked a little bit but now, ten months in, he has done some readings and we've talked a lot more about how to make things work, and it's still working.

The most important topic we have and still discuss is compromise. I told him about my fear of compromising for sex that goes beyond my comfort level (because I have definitely found myself in that situation with other people) and he understands that compromise needs to come from both sides of the relationship, and as long as we continue to discuss it, things will be okay.

I guess what I'm saying is, there is hope for asexual romantics, from both an emotional and sexual standpoint. Like any relationship, communication is key.

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Confusedloveally

I can understand that for sure. I feel pretty terrible when I have crushes on sexual guys/ people of non binary genders.

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JaySexual

Too bad you can't just turn off romantic feelings.

I personally wish I had zero feelings of attraction...

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