Im Gay, and Im wondering what asexuality really means.

[A*I*W*S]

Hey, new here, I saw someone talking about an asexuality website on tv, and intrigued me, being very interested in the "science" of sexuality. So basically my question is and before i ask it i want to make clear that i dont mean ANYTHING mean to anyone, im just uneducated about this (ive dealt with some morons when i came out to people "Cant you just not be gay?") So yeah, basically, how does that work is it that you just dont get turned on? No desire to do it? Low hormones?

Thanks and aggina, i mean no harm

[Orbit]

hey there.

As with homo and hetero sexuals, we all differ slightly in the particulars, but basically - we don't find anyone sexually attractive.

Heterosexuals find the opposite gender sexually attractive (not everyone of the opposite gender, but some or most, or a few or at least the person they are in love with)

Homosexuals find the same gender sexually attractive (not everyone of the same gender, but some or most or a few or at least the person they are in love with)

Bisexuals find both genders sexually attractive (not everyone, but some, or most or a few or at least the... you get the picture)

Asexuals don't find anyone sexually attractive - not even the person they are in love with.

HOWEVER - Sexual attraction is different than other forms of attraction such as romantic and aesthetic - for instance someone can be homo asexual - they fall in love with members of the same gender, but they aren't sexually attracted to them. Asexuals have all the same (and differing levels of) need for affection, attention, relationship and intimacy as sexuals - we simply don't need/want sex to be part of the primary partnership. So an asexual can have a crush on a cutie and it's not sexual. An asexual can fall in love and want to marry someone, and be perfectly fine with not having sex with them...ever.

Attraction is different than drive. Meaning, as with sexuals, sometimes the feelings are just there without a reason for being there other than hormones. Some asexuals have a low drive, others moderate or average. (not sure if there are any high drive asexuals) So asexual men may have wet dreams and/or an asexual may feel the urge for something sexual (some choose masterbation, some eat cake...etc.) - but it is not directed or caused by a person, it's more like taking care of a biological function...

Arousal is different than attraction too. Arousal comes through drive or can be encouraged through direct stimulation. For an asexual it is not associated with a particular person or gender, it's just a feeling. Some asexuals can become aroused with a partner when they have sex - but it is probably similar to someone who is gay having sex with the opposite gender - you're able to do it because the equipment works, but the attraction for doing it with that person just isn't there. And for some asexuals, that's okay, they can have sex with someone they aren't attracted to and it's cool. With others, even the thought of it gives them the eebie geebies and they cringe... It's another one of those things that differs between us.

As for hormones - some asexuals have had their hormones tested and came out completely normal - not all of us have and there has not been any scientific study, so we assume it's not hormonal. Hormones probably have to do with drive anyway, not attraction.

Hope that clears it up for you. :)

hawke

[Steeple333]

hawke> Damn, I couldn't put it better if I tried. :o

[Fleabus]

For me it was "what's the big deal?' Always. I never looked for sex. Every once and a while it happened, but I never really enjoyed it and as far as I can remember, I never initiated or pushed it. I looked on it as a burden. I always suspected that sex was not for me. I can get aroused, but I don't want sex with a partner. I guess that is what asexuality is for me.

[thylacine]

I guess for me the term "asexual" just means being not interested in sex. It's not being anti-social, or something. I like people, and notice when someone is good looking, but I just don't feel like being into the sex thing. It's just not a part of my life. I'm pretty content & feel a sense of inner peace without sex in my life, & feel that it's not necessary. Other people keep saying to me they "cannot live without it," so like, yeah, fine, that's not my prob! So everyone is different in this world. You have got people with way high sex drives (like Bill Clinton) then there are people like us who have little or no sex drive & feel content & okay with that.

My prob is when everyone in my life keeps on trying to change me, and insists I can't be happy without a husband and kids and a minivan and all that crap. I can't explain the asexual thing because that's kind of beyond their level of understanding (believe me, it is way behond their understanding... a lot of my friends aren't real sophisticated, unfortunately... !)