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FaerieFate

Helpful info for those questioning their (a)sexuality

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Adalheidis

Hi there recently new here

I'm just now finding this place and looking over the umbrella.. Mm and find myself agreeing with the demisexual term 

 

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Ohtheplacesyoullgo

Hi. I new to this forum and honestly talking to people on the internet know general but I've been struggling a lot lot with my sexuality recently and one just need a place to write down my thoughts and also need someone else's opinion who I feel would be of great help and this site seems very accepting. Let me giveback some back story on me. I have known I was some form of queer since I was nine. I came out as bisexual at the age of eleven and have been greeted with that label very kindly. My family and friends are in full support. I have always been very interested in the ways sex works because it drives people go to lengths that I would not go to. I have always felt really comfortable masturbating because I think it s a a way to let out stress and frustration. But that's not where find my difficulties. I have had an amazing girlfriend for almost two years now and love her very much. Throughout the time that we tried getting physically I felt uncomfortable and feeling like I could be doing anything else. This isn't because she is  making me feel pressured or anything. She Is the most caring person ever. So after some thought I came out as ace b cause I felt after reading up on grey that was what describes me. I have a low drive and honestly physical contact doesn't play a big part in how much I love a person. I know this is long. I'm not usually this long winded but I'm just wondering if grey is a valid label. And I really want a label because they help me. I'm just afraid I'm doing the asexual community wrong for sometimes making out and enjoying it. Or wanting her to hold my hand. Or kissing her neck because I know she enjoys it. So if this seems a little everywhere I'm sorry. This has really helps to write out something knowing maybe one person will read a sentence. Thank you. 

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TheAP

@Ohtheplacesyoullgo Wanting to hold hands or kiss sounds like sensual and romantic attraction, not sexual. Asexuals can enjoy non-sexual physical contact. So no, you're not doing the asexual community wrong. Grey is a valid label; it would mean someone who only experiences sexual attraction or a desire for sex rarely, while an asexual would not feel sexual attraction at all.

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(A)yy

I’m not questing my sexuality I just want to find out more about sexuality,

so how can someone be a sex repulsed hetero or homosexual if they experience arousal to somthing but don’t wish to ever take it to a sexual level isn’t that just arousal, not sexual attraction?

people can experience arousal randomly or to somthing they don’t find sexually attractive, so what’s the difference between that and sexrepulsed allosexuals.

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FaerieFate
3 hours ago, (A)yy said:

I’m not questing my sexuality I just want to find out more about sexuality,

so how can someone be a sex repulsed hetero or homosexual if they experience arousal to somthing but don’t wish to ever take it to a sexual level isn’t that just arousal, not sexual attraction?

people can experience arousal randomly or to somthing they don’t find sexually attractive, so what’s the difference between that and sexrepulsed allosexuals.

Sex repulsed doesn't mean someone can't get aroused. It just means the thought of sex grosses them out. Sex repulsed also doesn't mam they can't experience sexual attraction. 

 

Sex repulsed, arousal, and sexual attraction are all completely different things.

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(A)yy

 

8 hours ago, FaerieFate said:

Sex repulsed doesn't mean someone can't get aroused. It just means the thought of sex grosses them out. Sex repulsed also doesn't mam they can't experience sexual attraction. 

 

Sex repulsed, arousal, and sexual attraction are all completely different things.

 I know being aroused and sex repulsed are completely different things, I just don’t really understand sexual attraction

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Alexspace

Hi,I think I’m quite confused and things are a bit of complicated. I’m 27, I’v had three relationships and fooled around with someone of the opposite sex. When it comes to sex, it’s more like a competition or mental/physical dominance for me. I’m able to initiate some physical connection like kiss or some more explicit and quite good at it, but I really abhor when other people touch me first.

I don’t feel real physical sexualy attraction, just curiosity, fun(mental not physical), competitive at first, and then tiresome,dull and senseless. I’m desperate for throwing myself into a relationship fully ,I just can’t help but be frigid. I’v been going through these all the time and now I feel a little depressed.

And what’s more, I find myself prefer spending time with a girl.(not any girl,but a particular one who has the kind of personality that I’d fit well with like a partner.Is that some kind of girl romance?I don’t know.) I have been thinking if I am a lesbian or bi at least,but I’m sure I don’t want to kiss a girl. And somehow I realized maybe I will be like that forever,no matter what kind of person I go out with,I will not feel sexualy attracted to him or her. I do admire some guys’ character but I want to be the person like that ,rather than be with them.

I really don’t know what’s going on with me.I’m pretty sure I don’t have any trauma.So,am I biromantic and asexual,I really don’t know.

 

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FaerieFate
On 6/3/2018 at 5:12 AM, (A)yy said:

 

 I know being aroused and sex repulsed are completely different things, I just don’t really understand sexual attraction

I don't really understand either. It's not really something you can understand unless you expereince it, ya know? But here's al ink that might help you understand.

 

 

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FaerieFate
14 hours ago, Alexspace said:

Hi,I think I’m quite confused and things are a bit of complicated. I’m 27, I’v had three relationships and fooled around with someone of the opposite sex. When it comes to sex, it’s more like a competition or mental/physical dominance for me. I’m able to initiate some physical connection like kiss or some more explicit and quite good at it, but I really abhor when other people touch me first.

I don’t feel real physical sexualy attraction, just curiosity, fun(mental not physical), competitive at first, and then tiresome,dull and senseless. I’m desperate for throwing myself into a relationship fully ,I just can’t help but be frigid. I’v been going through these all the time and now I feel a little depressed.

And what’s more, I find myself prefer spending time with a girl.(not any girl,but a particular one who has the kind of personality that I’d fit well with like a partner.Is that some kind of girl romance?I don’t know.) I have been thinking if I am a lesbian or bi at least,but I’m sure I don’t want to kiss a girl. And somehow I realized maybe I will be like that forever,no matter what kind of person I go out with,I will not feel sexualy attracted to him or her. I do admire some guys’ character but I want to be the person like that ,rather than be with them.

I really don’t know what’s going on with me.I’m pretty sure I don’t have any trauma.So,am I biromantic and asexual,I really don’t know.

 

Oh, wow... I don't know! I've never heard of that before! Try looking through this link and tell me if it helps?

 

 

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Qwertyxace
On 5/23/2016 at 6:10 AM, FictoVore. said:

You should lock this thread so people can't comment asking you to remove stuff like this because it's incorrect.

Cupiosexual, for example, is a normal sexual person. Any sexual on AVEN will agree with that. Fraysexual, also 100% normal. Again, sexuals will agree. These are not ace spectrum experiences!

Pretty much, as long as you're not a horn-dog who looks at anyone attractive and wants to have sex with them, you're on the ace spectrum if you go by definitions like this. *sigh*

It's things like this that make people think asexuality is a joke -_-

Hello! So i do sometimes feel sexually attracted to someones astetics but it just fizzles. Its for a couple seconds, then it’s just appreciation. So what does that mean? Do other Asexuals experience the same?

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
2 hours ago, Qwertyxace said:

Hello! So i do sometimes feel sexually attracted to someones astetics but it just fizzles. Its for a couple seconds, then it’s just appreciation. So what does that mean? Do other Asexuals experience the same?

Do you want to have sex with the person you feel that spark of aesthetic attraction for? Like if they turned around and offered you sex, would you definitely want to? All that really matters is whether or not you actively desire sex with someone else strongly enough to actually want to act on it if given the opportunity. If you never experience that then you're definitely ace regardless of those fleeting moments of attraction :)

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alibali

I have felt lots of sparks over the years. Maybe that's why I didn't realise I was ace for so long. I get a spark when I see a sexy scene on TV. And I do make the connection between that and sex. But it's more of a "well I ought to" thought that has ever led to sex.

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Luna.717

I have a question regarding my asexuality, hope you can help :)

so I know asexuality is generally defined as lack of sexual attraction. Now as an asexual I have a very hard time figuring out what sexual attraction is. But I do feel a form of attraction, mainly towards women, allthough its not in a way that would want me to have sex with them. Rather I find their bodies somehow sexy, in more than just an aesthetic way... But I dont desire sex with them in any form.

Can I still consider myself asexual? Or rather graysexual? Or something else entirely?

I just feel giving myself the label asexual has really helped me a lot explaining myself to others and to myself, so I'd be very sad to not have that anymore.

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TheAP
18 minutes ago, Luna.717 said:

I have a question regarding my asexuality, hope you can help :)

so I know asexuality is generally defined as lack of sexual attraction. Now as an asexual I have a very hard time figuring out what sexual attraction is. But I do feel a form of attraction, mainly towards women, allthough its not in a way that would want me to have sex with them. Rather I find their bodies somehow sexy, in more than just an aesthetic way... But I dont desire sex with them in any form.

Can I still consider myself asexual? Or rather graysexual? Or something else entirely?

I just feel giving myself the label asexual has really helped me a lot explaining myself to others and to myself, so I'd be very sad to not have that anymore.

Yes, you can still be asexual if you don't desire to have sex with the people.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
On 6/19/2018 at 9:18 AM, Luna.717 said:

I have a question regarding my asexuality, hope you can help :)

so I know asexuality is generally defined as lack of sexual attraction. Now as an asexual I have a very hard time figuring out what sexual attraction is. But I do feel a form of attraction, mainly towards women, allthough its not in a way that would want me to have sex with them. Rather I find their bodies somehow sexy, in more than just an aesthetic way... But I dont desire sex with them in any form.

Can I still consider myself asexual? Or rather graysexual? Or something else entirely?

I just feel giving myself the label asexual has really helped me a lot explaining myself to others and to myself, so I'd be very sad to not have that anymore.

Yep that sounds asexual to me. The key factor in sexual attraction is whether you actually want to have sex with the people you find attractive.  If someone said "I'm gay because I find men attractive but I don't want to have sex with them" most people would tell that person he might not actually be gay if he doesn't want sex with other guys. Asexuality is the same except you don't want sex with anyone  (for your own sexual and/or emotional pleasure) regardless of how attractive you find them ^_^

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alibali

I still think of myself as heterosexual because any sparks I get are more inclined that way but asexual first and foremost.

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GutsyCowardLep

hi I have a question.

 

so I do have a sex drive and before I learned about asexuality I considered myself straight, however as I've gotten older (into college) I feel like I've gotten more confused.

 

I have wanted to have a romantic relationship but as of recently I just can't see myself having sex with someone. I feel like this is a lot more confusing because society says everyone has to have sex and puts pressure on people to have sex and while I enjoy the pleasure from masturbation and have watched porn I just don't find it sexually attractive anymore even if my sex drive acts up.

 

 for a while I thought I maybe bi because I could point out people on both genders who I knew people would find attractive or sexually attractive, but I've come to realize that I just don't find them sexually attractive as much as just appreciating certain ascetics.  does this make me asexual?

 

Also does fantasies make you not asexual because I have had those but while the idea maybe stimulating the action of sex is kind of disgusting and disturbing to me I even dislike seeing or hearing someone kiss as unattractive.

 

P.S

Sorry for the rambling, I have just come into asexuality and still trying to understand were I fit, but as I read more the more I think that I fit into the umbrella.

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GutsyCowardLep
On ‎6‎/‎18‎/‎2018 at 5:18 PM, Luna.717 said:

I have a question regarding my asexuality, hope you can help :)

so I know asexuality is generally defined as lack of sexual attraction. Now as an asexual I have a very hard time figuring out what sexual attraction is. But I do feel a form of attraction, mainly towards women, allthough its not in a way that would want me to have sex with them. Rather I find their bodies somehow sexy, in more than just an aesthetic way... But I dont desire sex with them in any form.

Can I still consider myself asexual? Or rather graysexual? Or something else entirely?

I just feel giving myself the label asexual has really helped me a lot explaining myself to others and to myself, so I'd be very sad to not have that anymore.

I know right I can see women that way as well.

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The Gryffin

Hello everyone!

I am 24 years old, female from north Germany.

I never had a relationship and I always saw that as a huge failiure as I feel great internalised preassure which I think comes from my parents and society. For that reason I find it very difficult to know wheather I really have feelings for someone or just get exited when they show an interest in me because it might be my chance to finally fulfill everyones expectations and prove myself able and worthy of a boyfriend. But yeah, it never worked out and I think I never really wanted it to deep down. I did have crushes, but the last one was over 5 years ago and I don't know if it was sexual. I also don't feel sexual attraction at all and never masturbated or had an orgasm. I have no libido, does that mean there is something wrong with me? I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

But can I really know that I'm asexual and/or aromantic if I never had sex and never was in a relationship? Many friends of mine also never had relationships or sex and I find it hard to believe that all of as are asexual so maybe I'm just trying to find an excuse for being unable to get a boyfriend.

I would love to hear your opinions!

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TheAP
1 hour ago, The Gryffin said:

Hello everyone!

I am 24 years old, female from north Germany.

I never had a relationship and I always saw that as a huge failiure as I feel great internalised preassure which I think comes from my parents and society. For that reason I find it very difficult to know wheather I really have feelings for someone or just get exited when they show an interest in me because it might be my chance to finally fulfill everyones expectations and prove myself able and worthy of a boyfriend. But yeah, it never worked out and I think I never really wanted it to deep down. I did have crushes, but the last one was over 5 years ago and I don't know if it was sexual. I also don't feel sexual attraction at all and never masturbated or had an orgasm. I have no libido, does that mean there is something wrong with me? I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

 But can I really know that I'm asexual and/or aromantic if I never had sex and never was in a relationship? Many friends of mine also never had relationships or sex and I find it hard to believe that all of as are asexual so maybe I'm just trying to find an excuse for being unable to get a boyfriend.

I would love to hear your opinions!

It does sound like you are asexual. You don't have to have sex or a relationship to know. If you don't feel sexual attraction, that means you can call yourself asexual. Don't pressure yourself to have sex or a boyfriend if you don't want to. There's nothing wrong with you. Having no attraction or libido isn't harmful.

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Charmed333

I am a female in my 30s and have never had a crush.  I've never looked at someone of any gender and thought, 'I want to kiss or hug or cuddle or have sex with that person'.  I do masturbate and get aroused looking at porn, both heterosexual and lesbian porn.  I was kissed once by a male and thought it was disgusting, but that might have just been the person I was kissing.  I don't know if I'd find it disgusting in all situations.  When I look at women sometimes I feel a little something - I don't know how to describe it, maybe a twinge in my stomach. I have never had sex.  I want to have sex because I'm curious about it and society says that I should have had sex by the time I'm in my 30s.  I want to have sex because I feel left out of conversations, and have a difficulty relating to people who have sexual relationships, but I don't know if I want to have sex because I actually want to have sex. 

Would the fact that I never see people of any gender and think about kissing or having sex with them make me asexual, even if I have a curiosity about sex?  And would the fact that I don't think about kissing or cuddling with anyone make me aromantic?  But then, what about that twinge I get when looking at women?  Where would that fit in?  I see women and I have some reaction, but not enough to want to kiss or hug them or have sex with them.  I thought about homoromantic asexual, but the fact that I don't feel romantic feelings toward anyone would lead me to think I'm aromantic.  

Sorry this is so long, I am just very confused and have even been talking this through with a therapist for quite a while, and not come to any conclusions about my sexuality.

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Spaceunicorn

Hi I'm still new at being asexual neutral to be exact but last night when an acquaintance that i hadn't talked to in awhile found me on facebook messaged me and tried to sleep with me last night said let's hangout and then i said sorry I'm not interested I'm asexual. And then he continued to say oh well how about we try having sex maybe i can change your mind. And then i said no i already told I don't like sex. And then in my mind i was even feeling uncomfortable hearing the word sex so does that mean i am not asexual neutral? And if so am i asexual repulsive?

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FaerieFate
37 minutes ago, Spaceunicorn said:

Hi I'm still new at being asexual neutral to be exact but last night when an acquaintance that i hadn't talked to in awhile found me on facebook messaged me and tried to sleep with me last night said let's hangout and then i said sorry I'm not interested I'm asexual. And then he continued to say oh well how about we try having sex maybe i can change your mind. And then i said no i already told I don't like sex. And then in my mind i was even feeling uncomfortable hearing the word sex so does that mean i am not asexual neutral? And if so am i asexual repulsive?

No. You can still be sex neutral. That just means sex is a turn off for you (imagine how on TV or a book a guy will imagine an old lady to deal with their mini-me when they get turned on. I know that's exaggerated, but same concept). Neutral just means your neutral to the idea of two people having sex. Doesn't mean you're neutral to the idea of you having sex. 

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Spaceunicorn

@FaerieFate thank you so much that really helped alot. I really appreciate it.💜💙

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Ivy4

Hi, I'm 16 years old and female. I have thought for a while that I'm probably asexual because the idea of sex seems gross. But I think when I say that sex seems gross I'm thinking of sex with the opposite gender. Having sex with another female doesn't seem that bad, but maybe that's only because I'd be more comfortable with someone with the same body parts as me, or because there's not necessarily penetration? Do you think I'm mistaking being gay for being asexual, or am I just thinking too much?

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TheAP

@Charmed333 You could be asexual and aromantic. I'm not sure what the twinge in your stomach might mean. It could just be aesthetic attraction, i.e. liking how they look. If you don't feel any desire to have sex with them, it's probably not real sexual attraction.

 

@Ivy4 Not all asexuals are grossed out by the idea of having sex, so if you don't feel any actual desire to have sex with girls, you could be asexual. You don't have to figure it out yet, though. Give it time.

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alibali

I wasn't sex repulsed when I was young. It wasn't an unpleasant way of spending time mostly, especially if tied in with a Sunday afternoon snooze. But never any desire to have sex nor did it help to cement a relationship. More logically it seemed a good idea to do so for my partner.

 

I would say I am sex repulsed now.

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serendaphne

Hi! I'm 17 and female, and I'm still struggling to figure out what my sexuality is right now. I am heteroromantic, but when it comes to asexuality, I don't know exactly where I fit. Until recently, the idea that I could be asexual didn't even cross my mind. I had made out with a few guys before, and never really enjoyed it (I just found it gross and boring), but I thought it was because the attraction wasn't there. But recently I was with a guy and right up until we started making out, I felt sexually attracted to him. But the actual act left me thinking I might actually be sex-repulsed...

 

I've had plenty of crushes, and I had no problem feeling sexual attraction with them from afar, but now I'm wondering if I hooked up with them if I would I still enjoy it. Is this feeling of not enjoying sex because I'm nervous and inexperienced or is it actual asexuality?

 

Any thoughts are appreciated! :)

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Ivy4
On 8/2/2018 at 10:06 AM, serendaphne said:

Hi! I'm 17 and female, and I'm still struggling to figure out what my sexuality is right now. I am heteroromantic, but when it comes to asexuality, I don't know exactly where I fit. Until recently, the idea that I could be asexual didn't even cross my mind. I had made out with a few guys before, and never really enjoyed it (I just found it gross and boring), but I thought it was because the attraction wasn't there. But recently I was with a guy and right up until we started making out, I felt sexually attracted to him. But the actual act left me thinking I might actually be sex-repulsed...

 

I've had plenty of crushes, and I had no problem feeling sexual attraction with them from afar, but now I'm wondering if I hooked up with them if I would I still enjoy it. Is this feeling of not enjoying sex because I'm nervous and inexperienced or is it actual asexuality?

 

Any thoughts are appreciated! :)

I'm not an expert but that sounds a little like lithromantic, which means (as far as I understand it) that you can be attracted to people but when your feelings are reciprocated or when you start being in a relationship with them, your attraction disappears or you are disgusted. Or you could be romantic but still asexual. It might help to look up some of the sexualities on the ace spectrum and read about them.

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Alexxy

Hello,

 

I'm a female of 22 and a virgin. So far in my life, I've never had the desire for any form of contact or relationship with any gender and have been fine being single. The reason I never suspected I'd be an asexual is that while watching sexy scenes in movies or even porn, there's something. Not the desire to have sex myself perse, but just a feeling that maybe I wouldn't mind that.

 

Until recently I got into a relationship with a guy, and no matter what we try, I just don't feel anything in anyway. We haven't tried penetration yet, but that's because I'm kind of afraid that I won't feel anything then either and then my whole world would fall apart.

 

Again, I haven't really been waiting for sex and anticipating it, but not enjoying it at all never crossed my mind either. Does that make me an asexual, or there's something physically wrong with me and should I see a doctor?

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