Jump to content
FaerieFate

Helpful info for those questioning their (a)sexuality

Recommended Posts

K.I.N.G

Can someone (me)  with a high libido and who gets turned on by the idea of  sexual activities be Asexual though?  

 

I feel like id be forcing my way into the asexual community and don't really have a right to claim that label.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
friendlynerd

Hey,
so I am 100% positive that I don't feel sexual attraction, but sometimes I like kissing and even touching from the waist up. Does that mean that I am not full asexual? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TheAP
32 minutes ago, friendlynerd said:

Hey,
so I am 100% positive that I don't feel sexual attraction, but sometimes I like kissing and even touching from the waist up. Does that mean that I am not full asexual? 

No, kissing and other non-sexual forms of touching are part of sensual attraction, not sexual. So asexuals can still enjoy those activities.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NicoleLikesPurple

Hi I'm new here and the thought of having sex is gross but I have had multiple (male) crushes any advice on how to tell someone you don't want to have sex without hurting their feelings?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FaerieFate
10 hours ago, NicoleLikesPurple said:

Hi I'm new here and the thought of having sex is gross but I have had multiple (male) crushes any advice on how to tell someone you don't want to have sex without hurting their feelings?

I say just be honest with them. Let them know there's no one that you want to have sex with, but you still really like them and would like a romantic relationship.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FaerieFate
On 2/11/2018 at 11:57 AM, i am just Me said:

Can someone (me)  with a high libido and who gets turned on by the idea of  sexual activities be Asexual though?  

 

I feel like id be forcing my way into the asexual community and don't really have a right to claim that label.

TMI incoming in spoiler.

 



I have a high libido. I masturbate. I watch porn. I write erotica. I don't desire sex with another person. I'm still asexual.

 

Does that help?

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FaerieFate
On 2/7/2018 at 1:21 AM, Toria1 said:

This is really interesting! Reading things I think I might be Bellusexual with a hint of sapiosexual but for ages have considered myself on the demi area of sexuality leaning toward demihomosexual though my one partner identified as a male. I find people attractive but don't want sex or at least receive it. In my one VERY brief relationship i was fine and enjoyed giving my partner pleasure but i just couldn't enjoy it when they returned the favour and I've always struggled with masturbation but I've always been aroused imagining sexual lives of well fictional relationships or even with myself. I love physical effection though in terms of cuddling, kisses and even 'foreplay'/playing with my body. It's just when my vagina is touched i lose all sexual interest

The line between sexual and sensual is different for everyone. Some people consider foreplay sensual, and some people call it sexual. But I can still be asexual despite my high libido, because I don't desire sex with anyone. 

 

Read more about it here.

 

 

I'm not saying you're asexual, only you can determine that, but it's nice to have all of the information before finding a label. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
squaggly

I consider myself to be asexual heteroromantic, but does that mean that I want to be in a romantic relationship the same way a straight person would want to be in a sexual relationship? If it's that way, I might change it to demiheteroromantic, but that's just sooo long.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FaerieFate
36 minutes ago, squaggly said:

I consider myself to be asexual heteroromantic, but does that mean that I want to be in a romantic relationship the same way a straight person would want to be in a sexual relationship? If it's that way, I might change it to demiheteroromantic, but that's just sooo long.

I'm not sure what you mean by this, so can you please explain what you mean be, "same way a straight person would want to be in a sexual relationship"?? That way I can answer this to the best of my ability.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
squaggly
Just now, FaerieFate said:

I'm not sure what you mean by this, so can you please explain what you mean be, "same way a straight person would want to be in a sexual relationship"?? That way I can answer this to the best of my ability.

kind of like, straight person vs demi person for sex, but for relationships.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FaerieFate
1 minute ago, squaggly said:

kind of like, straight person vs demi person for sex, but for relationships.

I am still confused, I apologize :P I don't really know how demi people view sexual relationships.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
squaggly
1 minute ago, FaerieFate said:

I am still confused, I apologize :P I don't really know how demi people view sexual relationships.

that's alright.

would a heteroromantic person want relationships the same way a heterosexual person would want sex? is kind of what I'm asking

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FaerieFate
1 minute ago, squaggly said:

that's alright.

would a heteroromantic person want relationships the same way a heterosexual person would want sex? is kind of what I'm asking

My question is, in what way do you think heteroesexuals want sex? Because there are a lot of incorrect assumptions in the ace community about sexuals (mainly the assumption that they'll have sex with anything that moves and they hump like rabbits). Heteroesexuals don't just want sex all of the time with any person that meets their qualifications. Sexual attraction is a complicated experience that sexuals can't really explain without combining in romantic and aesthetic attraction. Some sexuals do have sex more, but there are sexuals that haven't had sex until their late twenties because they simply want to find the right person. It's different for each sexual.

 

Similarly it's different with each romantic. Some romantics leave a relationship and fall right back into one. Then some, like myself, like to just take a break and not date for a while, or have a hard time finding someone that they're genuinely interested in (again like myself).

 

Demiromatnic and demisexual doesn't mean that they experience sexual or romantic attraction any differently. It just means that they experience it less often. Generally they can count on one hand the number of times they've felt it in their life. Some people think it means that they experience it less strongly or to a lesser degree (meaning that demisexuals might like foreplay but not the sexual act), but that's simply not true. It's more about frequency than strength.

 

Sexuals regularly experience sexual attraction (not in the hump like rabbits way. It's hard to explain.)

Grey sometimes experiences it (considerably less often then normal sexual)

Demis rarely experience it (Generally after a deep emotional or romantic connection)

Aces never experience it

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
squaggly
24 minutes ago, FaerieFate said:

My question is, in what way do you think heteroesexuals want sex? Because there are a lot of incorrect assumptions in the ace community about sexuals (mainly the assumption that they'll have sex with anything that moves and they hump like rabbits). Heteroesexuals don't just want sex all of the time with any person that meets their qualifications. Sexual attraction is a complicated experience that sexuals can't really explain without combining in romantic and aesthetic attraction. Some sexuals do have sex more, but there are sexuals that haven't had sex until their late twenties because they simply want to find the right person. It's different for each sexual.

 

Similarly it's different with each romantic. Some romantics leave a relationship and fall right back into one. Then some, like myself, like to just take a break and not date for a while, or have a hard time finding someone that they're genuinely interested in (again like myself).

 

Demiromatnic and demisexual doesn't mean that they experience sexual or romantic attraction any differently. It just means that they experience it less often. Generally they can count on one hand the number of times they've felt it in their life. Some people think it means that they experience it less strongly or to a lesser degree (meaning that demisexuals might like foreplay but not the sexual act), but that's simply not true. It's more about frequency than strength.

 

Sexuals regularly experience sexual attraction (not in the hump like rabbits way. It's hard to explain.)

Grey sometimes experiences it (considerably less often then normal sexual)

Demis rarely experience it (Generally after a deep emotional or romantic connection)

Aces never experience it

thank you for that. It's really insightful. I'll think about this a little bit and see how I feel about myself

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
stygius

Hi, i'm searching for advice. i know that no one can label me except for me, but also i'm wary of inserting myself into communities where i don't belong. i'm 20, AFAB, and i recently started identifying as non-binary, because i realized that a lot of my experiences as a kid and as an adolescent stemmed from gender dysphoria. for a brief moment in high-school, i wondered if i was asexual, because i didn't understand what all the fuss was about regarding sex. i had never felt the urge to do it, or to explore my own body or sexuality. later, i started having sex with both women and men, and i enjoyed some of it a lot, but what i enjoyed mostly were the intimate relationships that i got to be a part of with my partners.

 

i still don't think i feel sexual attraction towards people who i don't already know in the same way that others seem to, and i've "fallen into" most of my relationships (my partner initiated, and i followed suit). i have felt some libido, but generally not directed towards people, and i don't/can't masturbate. i'm not even sure if i've ever had an orgasm. i hope that this isn't oversharing, but this is something that i wonder about a lot. i used to consider myself polyamorous, but i have also noticed that i don't seem to have the same distinction between sexual and platonic relationships that others do. my relationships are sometimes sexual, and sometimes platonic, and that's okay by me, although it makes the prospect of monogamy difficult.

 

any insight would be appreciated, along the lines of "sounds like ___" or "look here for similar experiences", or anything else, really.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FaerieFate
On 2/27/2018 at 1:49 AM, stygius said:

Hi, i'm searching for advice. i know that no one can label me except for me, but also i'm wary of inserting myself into communities where i don't belong. i'm 20, AFAB, and i recently started identifying as non-binary, because i realized that a lot of my experiences as a kid and as an adolescent stemmed from gender dysphoria. for a brief moment in high-school, i wondered if i was asexual, because i didn't understand what all the fuss was about regarding sex. i had never felt the urge to do it, or to explore my own body or sexuality. later, i started having sex with both women and men, and i enjoyed some of it a lot, but what i enjoyed mostly were the intimate relationships that i got to be a part of with my partners.

 

i still don't think i feel sexual attraction towards people who i don't already know in the same way that others seem to, and i've "fallen into" most of my relationships (my partner initiated, and i followed suit). i have felt some libido, but generally not directed towards people, and i don't/can't masturbate. i'm not even sure if i've ever had an orgasm. i hope that this isn't oversharing, but this is something that i wonder about a lot. i used to consider myself polyamorous, but i have also noticed that i don't seem to have the same distinction between sexual and platonic relationships that others do. my relationships are sometimes sexual, and sometimes platonic, and that's okay by me, although it makes the prospect of monogamy difficult.

 

any insight would be appreciated, along the lines of "sounds like ___" or "look here for similar experiences", or anything else, really.

I did not forget about you :) Sorry, I try to respond faster, but your case is a little confusing.

 

I honestly can't say that I have any advice for you. I don't know what to suggest. Though asexuals can be sexually active under certain circumstances (hormones released in orgasm helps with pain, some do it so that they can have children, and some do it to please their partners). So, you could be an asexual that is just sexually active to please your partners because you don't seem to experience sexual attraction. But you could also be pansexual and just not have a strong libido or desire for sex.

 

You might benefit from this debate to try to further understand if you experience sexual attraction or not. It might be far more helpful than me searching my brain for answers. :P

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Iodonulid

Brand new around here. So yeah, I guess you could say I am questioning all this. 

 

I used to feel absolutely nothing for anyone in any sort of way. However, for about a year now, I've started to feel what I've seen described elsewhere as aesthetic/sensual attraction, maybe romantic (heteroromantic, that is). I still feel absolutely nothing sexually. I clearly don't have a lack of hormones or anything- I know that much. I do also know however that there's also a lack of desire to act on them often. I feel like when I do experience attraction of some kind, it's with very specific tenets. I don't just look at someone and think "attractive," really. I have to really know them and have shared experiences, and then I might start to feel something. I have romantic desire I think in the idea of having a partner to support and be supported by emotionally, etc. I am not opposed to the idea of a relationship in itself. Oddly, when on the rare occassion I do feel feelings of some kind, they are extremely strong. Overpoweringly strong. I cannot focus on anything else and it consumes me. I have no desire whatsoever for a sexual relationship: I'm quite frankly disgusted by the human body (I'm slightly germaphobic). I don't know if under the right circumstances I'd be wholly opposed to the idea, but it's certainly not what I am looking for in life. I'd be fine dying a virgin, but depending on who was around, I'd be a bit put off dying single I suppose. 

 

So as per my tag, based on other reading I've done, I've concluded that I am perhaps a heteroromantic grey asexual. Sorry if this post was a bit incoherent, I've been letting these thoughts swirl in my head far too long. 

 

Thoughts on my self-labeling in regards to its accuracy?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moiagashi

I think I am a Asexual I just need more help or clarification on it. So I don't have the desire to be relationship, have a family, have kids, or get married. Those things are the very last thing I think about. They really don't interest me honestly. Is that normal that I don't want those things ? I feel kinda weird honestly. I just wanna achieve my goals, eat great food, watch a whole series on Netflix and hang out with my friends. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TheAP
48 minutes ago, Moiagashi said:

I think I am a Asexual I just need more help or clarification on it. So I don't have the desire to be relationship, have a family, have kids, or get married. Those things are the very last thing I think about. They really don't interest me honestly. Is that normal that I don't want those things ? I feel kinda weird honestly. I just wanna achieve my goals, eat great food, watch a whole series on Netflix and hang out with my friends. 

Yes, it is normal. If you don't desire a romantic relationship, you might want to look into being aromantic. That's a term for a lack of romantic attraction.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CierraJasmineJ

Hi, I feel kind of awkward posting here. It’s just, I’m 18 years old, and I’ve always thought I’d eventually figure out who I was attracted to but I just haven’t yet. I don’t even think I’ve had my first crush yet? It’s really weird, I don’t know if I’ve had a crush and just not realized, or still haven’t had one yet. At this point I’m assuming eventually I’ll have a crush on someone and recognize it for what it is, and then be able to figure out if I’ve had one before based on that experience? I don’t know if I am asexual or not, and I’ve read about asexuality and aromanticism, but it just doesn’t feel like it fits. I feel like I fit in more with the aces than others, but don’t feel comfortable identifying as ace in case I’m wrong. Do you think I should have it figured out by now? It just seems like all of my friends are either dating, or at least have a crush on someone, whether they are gay/straight/bi/pan/etc. I also for a while thought I might be demisexual, but don’t feel like that is entirely right either. Am I just mentally immature? I am known for being childish, and often don’t recognize things like flirting when I see it. Or am I on the asexual spectrum? I’m sorry for such a long winded and rambling question, I just really don’t know what I’m doing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
FaerieFate
11 minutes ago, CierraJasmineJ said:

Hi, I feel kind of awkward posting here. It’s just, I’m 18 years old, and I’ve always thought I’d eventually figure out who I was attracted to but I just haven’t yet. I don’t even think I’ve had my first crush yet? It’s really weird, I don’t know if I’ve had a crush and just not realized, or still haven’t had one yet. At this point I’m assuming eventually I’ll have a crush on someone and recognize it for what it is, and then be able to figure out if I’ve had one before based on that experience? I don’t know if I am asexual or not, and I’ve read about asexuality and aromanticism, but it just doesn’t feel like it fits. I feel like I fit in more with the aces than others, but don’t feel comfortable identifying as ace in case I’m wrong. Do you think I should have it figured out by now? It just seems like all of my friends are either dating, or at least have a crush on someone, whether they are gay/straight/bi/pan/etc. I also for a while thought I might be demisexual, but don’t feel like that is entirely right either. Am I just mentally immature? I am known for being childish, and often don’t recognize things like flirting when I see it. Or am I on the asexual spectrum? I’m sorry for such a long winded and rambling question, I just really don’t know what I’m doing.

My best advice to you is to just take some time to think about it. The amount of time you need will depend entirely on you. When I first found AVEN I wasn't sure that it fit either. I just had to sit down for a few months nad really consider it before I was like, "Yeah, Asexual fits me." So just take time to process it and how you feel. If it helps look up aromantic as well, as it might have some missing parts that makes the term asexual seem weird to you.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
person1

I'm new here and I think I'm demisexual, but the problem is I've only had a crush on one person. I developed my crush on them only after I had a really close personal relationship with them. I'm so confused as I am very new to this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TheAP
2 minutes ago, person1 said:

I'm new here and I think I'm demisexual, but the problem is I've only had a crush on one person. I developed my crush on them only after I had a really close personal relationship with them. I'm so confused as I am very new to this.

Did your crush include sexual attraction to the person?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
person1

No, not really

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TheAP
12 minutes ago, person1 said:

No, not really

Then it sounds like you may be asexual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
verymelancholic

Am I really greysexual/demisexual or not? While I do feel sexual attraction and I do want to act upon it, it happens very rarely, and only towards specific people, and only when we have already established a close relationship. I however am sure that I am a demiromantic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
smittyw
16 minutes ago, depressolation said:

Am I really greysexual/demisexual or not? While I do feel sexual attraction and I do want to act upon it, it happens very rarely, and only towards specific people, and only when we have already established a close relationship. I however am sure that I am a demiromantic.

Based on your description, I'd say yes. For sexual attraction to occur "very rarely, and only towards specific people, and only when we have already established a close relationship" sounds like the definition of demisexual. If you don't want to use the label for yourself that's ok too, but if it fits then don't be afraid to embrace it. :))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
verymelancholic

What is it called when you can be asexual on one day, allo (hetero( in another, then gay/lesbian in another, then demi on another, etc.? Or what if it only fluctuates between something like grey and straight?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
2 hours ago, depressolation said:

What is it called when you can be asexual on one day, allo (hetero( in another, then gay/lesbian in another, then demi on another, etc.? 

That's a bisexuaI person who is aII over the pIace. Most sexuaI people feeI very asexuaI sometimes though - wanting sex isn't something that happens 24/7. and if you only want to screw girIs one day, guys the next, and sometimes need a bond to be abIe to want that sex (demi) then you're just a bi person with fluctuating desires and preferences.

 

2 hours ago, depressolation said:

Or what if it only fluctuates between something like grey and straight?

grey and demi people are stiII either straight, gay, bi, or pan. They desire sex under some circumstances (aII sexuaI people do) and the gender of the people they desire sex with dictates whether they're gay, straight, etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
verymelancholic

What’s the opposite of placiosexual? Someone who doesn’t want to reciprocate towards someone else and only wants to receive from others?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...