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FaerieFate

Helpful info for those questioning their (a)sexuality

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MichaelTannock

@LavenderLotusWitch Welcome to AVEN!

 

I have the same doubts that maybe I'm lying to myself and others when I say that I'm Asexual, but those doubts disappear when I ask myself if I've ever experience Sexual Attraction because the answer is a resounding no.

In my case, I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing sexual comments from my peers and in media and found that they bewildered me. I'm now 33, and I've never had or desired sex.

 

You could be a Heteroromantic Asexual.
Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.
Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Lavender Lotus Cake,

ku4qozsa4bykwpgbpo27.jpg

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Guest ANerdyBiromantic

Can I be asexual if I don't mind sex? Like, I prefer a romantic relationship over a sexual one since sex never really appealed to me but at the same time, sex isn't too bad, it's kind of annoying really. Also, If I find someone "hot" does that mean I'm grey-ace? Demisexual? Somewhere in between?

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MichaelTannock
7 hours ago, ANerdyBiromantic said:

Can I be asexual if I don't mind sex? Like, I prefer a romantic relationship over a sexual one since sex never really appealed to me but at the same time, sex isn't too bad, it's kind of annoying really.

Yes. Being Asexual doesn't mean that you necessarily hate sex.

 

7 hours ago, ANerdyBiromantic said:

Also, If I find someone "hot" does that mean I'm grey-ace? Demisexual? Somewhere in between?

It depends on whether finding them "hot" leads you to desiring sex with them.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.
Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.

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Daydreamer2000

I have been questioning for years and now believe I am asexual, however my disinterest in sex expanded over the same time I had health issues that impacted my pelvis, making sex very painful (still is). I am 35 with a toddler and a LTR of 15 years that is suffering from lack of sex; I find it unappealing, slightly gross, and too exhausting when I have other things and interests I’d much rather do. 

 

What I really need to know is— how can I be sure this is true asexuality vs a result of medical conditions? 

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Tator-tots-are-great

Hi I’m new here and severely confused about my sexuality. I’m 18 but growing up in the city I was surrounded by the talk of sex and it always bothered me. I realized I’m more attracted to girls than boys but even with I got I’ve never gotten any pleasure for sexual contact and I just feel nasty and like they only want my body. Usually I related to me being molested as a kid and raped at 12 but it feels like it’s more than that. I’ve gotten horny and masturbated before but whenever it comes to actually being with a guy ( I’m still a virgin guy wise ) I just get disgusted and uncomfortable. Getting sexual with anyone makes me uncomfortable. Does anyone have any idea what I could be because right now I have a boyfriend and he wants sex and I’ve tried to get myself to do it but I cancel every time because I’m uncomfortable. Please help. 

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MichaelTannock

@Daydreamer2000 A belated welcome to AVEN!

 

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.

Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.

So my suggestion would be to look back at the times you've chosen to have sex and think about the reasons why you did.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Daydreams Cake,

clsjbkvjbjhsnjj3xhhb.jpg

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MichaelTannock

@Tator-tots-are-great Welcome to AVEN!

 

You could be a Biromantic Asexual.
Asexuality is not a lack of libido, but a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.
Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.
 

I also have some sexual trauma in my childhood that made me wonder if it caused me not to experience sexual attraction, but I don't believe so.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Tater-Tot Cake,

900_tater-tot-cake-50098ZyqEH.jpg

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Jax0633
On 5/23/2016 at 12:54 PM, FaerieFate said:

I respect your opinion, Panfictio. However, my intent for keeping this thread open is for people to ask questions. That is the intent behind me keeping any of my thread open and I actively invite questions and critiques on all of them. While I understand your views on definitions of asexaulity, there will never me a definitive answer on what asexuality is. That is why I I said that it was part of the ace spectrum and not asexuality itself because these definitions exhibit some parts of the asexuality definition and not others. However, I will make it clear that I did keep your definitions in mind when writing this, Pan. I respect you a lot, which is why I made it very clear that there is no one definition and the definition for asexuality is confusing. I understand that you only use the second definition, but not everyone sees it that way and there's no way to force a consensus among the whole asexual community on the definition.

I will not close this thread on the basis of people disagreeing with it. In fact, I kept it open with the intent of having discussions and questions. Even criticisms like these. That way members may see how confusing asexuality is when they enter AVEN and will understand when it is harder to decide on a label.

I’m just so thankful I found a safe place for people that understand me and what I’m going through. Never ever thought I’d figure out what was -“wrong” with me. 

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Jax0633
Posted (edited)
On 4/23/2019 at 12:00 PM, ANerdyBiromantic said:

Can I be asexual if I don't mind sex? Like, I prefer a romantic relationship over a sexual one since sex never really appealed to me but at the same time, sex isn't too bad, it's kind of annoying really. Also, If I find someone "hot" does that mean I'm grey-ace? Demisexual? Somewhere in between?

I’m new here and not sure of other terms but sounds like you could possibly be. Do some more research and check it it other sub catalog groups and see if you fit in any of those or sounds more like you. I’ve been reading in this site for hours and hours.... literally. Trying to find answers for myself and my partner. Great site and fantastic information for a newbie like myself. Ty

Edited by Jax0633

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FaerieFate
On 4/28/2019 at 3:21 AM, Jax0633 said:

I’m just so thankful I found a safe place for people that understand me and what I’m going through. Never ever thought I’d figure out what was -“wrong” with me. 

Glad people feel this way. I never felt different. I just assumed everyone felt the same way I did about sex for a long time, until a friend that was struggling with their identity talked to me about it. Then I realized people actually do think about sex and their identity is strongly based on who they want to have sex with. Super weird to me, but whatever makes them happy. Long-term members start to form strong opinions about definitions, and I find not everyone fully agrees, which is fine. As long as we're all accepting on here and not trying to deny someone's labels it's all fine in the end.

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J.Adam94

I have always felt 'different' to those my age/my friendship group simply because of my dis-interest in sex, it's not that for sex is a complete 'No-no' its just that for me on my priority list its pretty much bottom of the pile and that cuddling/kissing is more than enough for me. When ever I think about being in a relationship the things that mean the most to me are the emotional connection, the feeling of love, the wanting to be in the company of that person and not the need for sex.


I've just come out of a relationship with my (Ex)girlfriend because she was unhappy with the lack of sexual contact - i tried to explain to her that it wasn't that i didn't find her attractive, because she to me was absolutely gorgeous but it was just that kissing / cuddling was more than enough for me and that sex wasn't (for want of a better phrase) a requirement.

It's not that I am looking for a label but having input from fellow minded people would be fantastic to help me to understand and explain to those around me/potential partners moving forward.

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Kylan Velpa
Posted (edited)

I'm only 16 so I don't have much to base this off yet, but I'm questioning my sexual orientation and my primary suspect is that I am asexual but still romantic (probably panromantic because I have been with someone who at the time said they were genderfluid).

 

My Mum is trying in the sweetest possible way to convince me that asexuality doesn't exist as an orientation, and telling me I am too young to confine myself to something that could harm future relationships.

 

While I see her point of view, I haven't experienced sexual attraction as yet and the idea of sex seems rather weird, unnatural and unappealing to me. My ideal future relationships would not require sex to be a factor in the least. However, my Asperger's can make it difficult to interpret my own feelings, and I could just be demisexual or a "late bloomer".

 

I would like some advice here.

A) Do you think it is reasonable for me to describe myself as asexual for the time being?

B) How can I react to people discounting asexuality as a sexual orientation?

 

For clarification, I understand I may be sexually attracted to someone in future, in which case I can change the label. No biggie. I also get that it shouldn't be essential to know, but I really like labels! They're safe and they make everything make sense, and it gives me some peace of mind to be able to better understand myself.

 

Your help would be much appreciated! Sorry for the lengthy post...

Edited by Kylan Velpa
Inclusion of extra information

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CustardCream

@Kylan Velpa, It is reasonable to assume that most 16 year olds would have experienced sexual attraction at least once. 

 

You have clearly given this a lot of thought, and I see no reason why you can't label yourself as asexual until proven otherwise. Most of us are still figuring this stuff out.

 

I have no suggestions on how you can present asexuality as a valid orientation to someone who doesn't believe in it. I would suggest you avoid making a big deal of it for now, at least until you have more confidence about presenting your argument - have an explore around the forum, visit the threads for younger members such as 'teen corner', chat to other younger members and see how they are handling it. I am sure you will find plenty of help here.

 

 

 

 

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Kylan Velpa
1 hour ago, CustardCream said:

@Kylan Velpa, It is reasonable to assume that most 16 year olds would have experienced sexual attraction at least once. 

 

You have clearly given this a lot of thought, and I see no reason why you can't label yourself as asexual until proven otherwise. Most of us are still figuring this stuff out.

 

I have no suggestions on how you can present asexuality as a valid orientation to someone who doesn't believe in it. I would suggest you avoid making a big deal of it for now, at least until you have more confidence about presenting your argument - have an explore around the forum, visit the threads for younger members such as 'teen corner', chat to other younger members and see how they are handling it. I am sure you will find plenty of help here.

 

 

 

 

Thank you!

I really appreciate the advice. I'll definitely look over in the teen corner you mentioned. 

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Izzy2453

I’ve been reading posts, definitions, and stories on AVEN and I can’t figure out if and where I fit in. I’d like to share my history and get your thoughts.

 

i became interested in sex at about 17, and boy did I want it. I found men physically attractive, wanted them to find me physically attractive, and wanted it to lead to lots of sex. After many of those encounters through my early 20s, I was proud of my conquests. And even though I wanted lots of sex, and I wanted my partner to care and even love me, I wasn’t interested in a relationship. When I did try a relationship, it failed miserably, not because of our sex life, but due to my inability to be faithful, my lack of communication skills, and my inability to emotionally connect.

 

Even with all the sex I was having, it turns out I wasn’t really enjoying it that much. I thought I was at the time, but I never had orgasms, it felt like work, I frequently ended intercourse by giving a blow job. I considered his ejaculation meant the sexual encounter was a success, even though I really didn’t enjoy myself.

 

This situation continued till my early 30s when I tried a relationship again. About six months in I found myself faking yet another orgasm and wondering how long it was going to take. And I think that was really the beginning of my admitting that I didn’t really like sex, and although when I was younger I found men attractive, I really couldn’t think of one that I still found attractive. I realized I didn’t want to have sex with my partner and started avoiding it. The relationship took another year to end, and I had wanted it to be a success, so I was devastated. As I got further away from him, and back into a life of singlehood, I started to think more about what I wanted and realized the happiest times of my life was when I was single and not having sex, so at 35 I committed completely to a life of singlehood and celibacy. At the time I thought I had made a choice, but as the years have gone by I’ve slowly started thinking that this is really my natural state. I feel like I had been trying to fit a standard, be like other people, I even used sex to my advantage, but I just feel a certain peace since giving it all up that I can’t help but question what it means.

 

Now, five years later, I am comfortable admitting that I never want to have sex again, that even the thought of kissing makes me want to gag. From reading definitions, I would say I’m sex repulsed at this point. What I can’t figure out is if I qualify as asexual since I used to want sex. I think in hindsight it was really more about the game than the act, but I can’t deny that I wanted it and actively pursued it. From what I’ve read on the site, being asexual is something you are, not something you become, so even though I feel strongly that I would identify as asexual today, I don’t feel I can honestly identify my 17 year old self as asexual. So what does that mean?

 

And on a different topic, can someone explain or point me to information as to why AVEN and asexuals identify with LGBTQ+? I’d rather get the facts instead of making assumptions.

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MichaelTannock

@Izzy2453 Welcome to AVEN!

 

You could be a Sex-averse Aromantic Heterosexual.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex.

But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.


I identify with the LGBTQ+ community because I'm not Heterosexual. It's as simple as that.
But there is still some debate over whether Asexuals belong.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a The Secret World of Arrietty Cake,

vs7tr5ovnnsbeqdgth9w.jpg

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cigarettesatmidnight

Hello! I am a very confused 27 year old woman. I have never thought of myself as asexual until the last 2 years even though I knew the term since long before. The reason is that I thought I was a sexual person (even when I have been questioning my orientation since I was 16) because I have crushes sometimes (like 1 per year LOL) so, I find some people hot, but then, I wonder if I had ever felt sexual atraction or it is anything else. I have read all the post about sexual atraction but still don't get it!  I think its some kind of sexual atraction because of the biological symptons, but not sure anymore. What confused me more is that sexual atraction starts at puberty. I have felt atracted to people since I was 5, but then, I doubt I had wanted sex with them at that age, I still like people the same way I liked them when I was 5, nothing change in all those years.  I have wanted to have sex with some of them, but don't know if it was out of curiosity or fantasies, because I can't get turn on by them in real life. I don't even get aroused by the thoughts of having sex with them. 

I had sex with some men and women, mostly out of curiosity, I wanted to have sex as Im a very sex positive person, but I find it as boring washing dirty dishes. Its not it didn't felt good but...I had more fun watching movies with them. I know Im not demi 'cos I was in love with one of them but still couldnt enjoy it. I just can't seem to feel sexually aroused by a person itself, even though I may get aroused by the act. 

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to have a normal relationship but I can't since every time someone make sexual advances at me, I resent them for wanting something Im not comfortable with and stop liking them.

Has anyone go through something similar? At this point, I don't even know what I am anymore.

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FaerieFate
10 hours ago, cigarettesatmidnight said:

Hello! I am a very confused 27 year old woman. I have never thought of myself as asexual until the last 2 years even though I knew the term since long before. The reason is that I thought I was a sexual person (even when I have been questioning my orientation since I was 16) because I have crushes sometimes (like 1 per year LOL) so, I find some people hot, but then, I wonder if I had ever felt sexual atraction or it is anything else. I have read all the post about sexual atraction but still don't get it!  I think its some kind of sexual atraction because of the biological symptons, but not sure anymore. What confused me more is that sexual atraction starts at puberty. I have felt atracted to people since I was 5, but then, I doubt I had wanted sex with them at that age, I still like people the same way I liked them when I was 5, nothing change in all those years.  I have wanted to have sex with some of them, but don't know if it was out of curiosity or fantasies, because I can't get turn on by them in real life. I don't even get aroused by the thoughts of having sex with them. 

I had sex with some men and women, mostly out of curiosity, I wanted to have sex as Im a very sex positive person, but I find it as boring washing dirty dishes. Its not it didn't felt good but...I had more fun watching movies with them. I know Im not demi 'cos I was in love with one of them but still couldnt enjoy it. I just can't seem to feel sexually aroused by a person itself, even though I may get aroused by the act. 

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to have a normal relationship but I can't since every time someone make sexual advances at me, I resent them for wanting something Im not comfortable with and stop liking them.

Has anyone go through something similar? At this point, I don't even know what I am anymore.

As you've stated, you probably werent' experiencign sexual attraction at 5. There's other types of attraction that I've mentioned in this thread, which I'll quote below.

So

On 4/17/2016 at 9:07 PM, FaerieFate said:

What is Romantic/Aesthetic/Sensual/Platonic Attraction? Could that affect my (A)sexuality?

Romantic, Sensual, Platonic, and Aesthetic Attraction in no way affects or determines your sexuality. It is not uncommon for asexuals to have differing romantic and sexual identities.Most asexuals don't even bother labelling their platonic and sensual identities. Aesthetic attraction only affects who you find nice to look at. For more different types of attraction or for more about sexual and romantic attraction, these videos might help. The previously mentioned link also has more resources and descriptions of other asexual terms linked in the videos.

 

Quote
 

Romantic Attraction - The attraction and desire for a romantic relationship with a person.

Aesthetic Attraction - When your only attracted to the way a person looks and desire nothing more.

Sensual Attraction - When you're attracted so someone through your senses (other than looks). This may mean that you're attracted to the smell of a person or you want to be touched or hugged by a person.

Platonic Attraction - The desire to be really good friends with someone and nothing more

 

Crushes and Squishes are two ways that people will describe their desire to have a specific relationship with a person, and is caused by romantic and platonic attraction. For more information, read here.
 

Quote

 

Crush: The desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone. This is often caused by experiencing romantic attraction towards the individual.

Squish: The desire to be friends with someone. This is often caused by experiencing platonic attraction towards the individual.

 

Hope this information helps. IF you have more questions, feel free to poke me.

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SushiLePickle

Recently I've kinda came out as asexual as me and my sister had be thinking about it for a few months, not too long ago I was on medication for anxiety (anti-depressants). The side affects contained low sex drive and I've had a very high sex drive for many years as a kid growing up so I thought it wouldnt affect me at all, obviously I thought wrong. I've been off it for a month now and my sex drive is literally dead, I was very worried about my health as apparently it can be a cause of a heart disease and I have heart problems. I decided to stop researching into it and have a talk with my mum, as soon as I mentioned my low sex drive she asked if I was asexual. I didn't know what to say but "I think so", all she told me to do was stop worrying as she has a few asexual friends and that's probably it. Growing up I just thought I was bisexual because I had been bi-curious for many years and definetly had an attraction for girls but now I cant get into a relationship (I really don't know why, maybe scared?), I can't get turned on/horny but I'm attracted to a lot of people and think they're either cute or hot. 

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MichaelTannock

@SushiLePickle Welcome to AVEN!

 

When you say you can't get into a relationship, you could be an Aromantic Asexual.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Mini Tea Party Cake,

kulv2we9std5smk7yzpv.jpg

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SushiLePickle
8 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

@SushiLePickle Welcome to AVEN!

 

When you say you can't get into a relationship, you could be an Aromantic Asexual.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Mini Tea Party Cake,

kulv2we9std5smk7yzpv.jpg

Thank you for replying so soon, I think what you've said explains it all. I emotionally don't have the feelings to be in an a relationship but do like intimate things like hugs and kisses so I was very confused on what I was, my friend had suggested I'm maybe heteroflexibility but it didn't seem to fit the description so I thank you a lot, I also thank you for the wonderful cake and welcome. 😊😊

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DukePeralta

I have so many questions! I don't want to have sex with anyone. Women and Men can both be attractive, but I'm definitely more comfortable with women. The thought that I could go out with anyone I want and know that sex is never going to be an issue makes me happy! But when I think about things like maybe marrying someone someday I always pictured a woman. (I'm a man btw) What the heck am I? 

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FaerieFate
5 minutes ago, DukePeralta said:

I have so many questions! I don't want to have sex with anyone. Women and Men can both be attractive, but I'm definitely more comfortable with women. The thought that I could go out with anyone I want and know that sex is never going to be an issue makes me happy! But when I think about things like maybe marrying someone someday I always pictured a woman. (I'm a man btw) What the heck am I? 

Well people you want to be romantic with is romantic attraction. So figure out what is "romance" means to you and figure out who you want to experience that with. Some people think kissing is romance, some people think it's sexual. Some people think cuddling is romance, some people think it's sexual. You get the point.

 

Same thing goes for sexual attraction. There's sexuals that don't mind not having sex, as they don't think sex is the point of a relationship, just a nice bonus. It's whether or not you desire partnered sex or experience sexual attraction. Is there anyone you've desired to have sex with? I'd be perfectly happy without it.

 

As for who you find physically attractive, that's aesthetic attraction and doesn't effect your sexuality or romantic orientation. 

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Pandapanda

Hi, I'm questioning whether or not I may be asexual and I'm having a hard time figuring it out. I think it's partially because I am in a committed relationship so I do have sex. I always thought I just had a low libido but when look that up, most sites say that low libido is caused by something, and I've felt like this my whole life. 

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years, and I can count on one hand the amount of times I've initiated sex. Most of the time he asks for it and I'll say no a lot and then eventually say yes because I feel guilty. Sex seems like a chore, and I often think that it would just be easier to masturbate.

 

The part where I get hung up is on sexual attraction. I'm not really sure how to tell if I experience it. I find people attractive for sure, and some people I would even use the word "hot" but I have never had a sexual fantasy about someone, or thought about hooking up with them. I do like to masturbate occasionally, but I would never picture a real person, I usually just watch porn. I guess I'm just confused since I do feel arousal and find people attractive, but I would be okay with never having sex again.

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MichaelTannock

@Pandapanda Welcome to AVEN!

 

You could be a Heteroromantic Asexual.

I define Sexual Attraction as leading to the desire to have sex with someone, meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.

But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Panda Cake & Cupcakes,

lzrsl0bo9wq3e4t1ikbv.jpg

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scooter7270

Hello, all. I, like a lot of people on the forum, am confused about my romantic orientation. So currently I identify as asexual, and have a girlfriend. I like the fact that she is a girl, want to protect her in a sense, ect. Before I realized I liked her, she was genderfluid for a time. I was fine with that, but if she was to identify as genderfluid now, I don't think I'd like her anymore. But I also would be comfortable having a relationship with a male (the off chance if I liked one) or someone who's gender is something else. I'm super confused and I'd like other people's opinions!

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MichaelTannock

@scooter7270 Welcome to AVEN!

 

It sounds like you could be a Biromantic Asexual.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Scooter Cake,

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A Human Being

Hi, I'm 14, I'm a girl and I'm not really sure if I am asexual or not.

Since not long ago I thought that I was heterosexual but now I'm not that sure. I have had several crushes on boys before, but I don't think they ever had any sexual component. When I think what I would like to do with the boy I like there are always things like talking about something interesting or eating ice cream. I don't feel comfortable imagining myself in a sexual situation with anyone.

Am I too young for identifying as asexual? Maybe I'm just a late bloomer and I will feel sexual attraction when I grow up. I have no idea,

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MichaelTannock

@A Human Being Welcome to AVEN!

 

Your feelings could change in the future, but I don't think you can be too young to know.

In my case, I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing sexual comments from my peers and in media and found that they bewildered me.

You could be a Heteroromantic Asexual.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Peacock Cupcake,

p4icqylqmo0h6nhfp2bh.jpg

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FaceofBase

Hello! I've recently been examining aspects of my sexuality and have been thinking more and more about the asexual community. 

I find people attractive. I would go so far as to say I find them sexually attractive and am turned on by the way they look. I've had sex with very few people and never found it to be very pleasant. In the relationships I've been in, it would not have bothered me to go without sex at all. In the past I've felt that I have sexual feelings but I don't seem to have the same desire to have sexual intercourse that other people do. It makes me feel different than others around me. Any guidance would be great.

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