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I don't know if I'm Asexual or not..

A lot of the things I read about Asexuality does not fit my experiences, it makes me feel like this thing is more of a disorder than being Asexual..

Or maybe it's low self-esteem I am not sure.. I am also a Muslim and have been raised in an environment that discourages any sexual contact before marriage so it might be something mentally engraved in me.. but again, I don't see myself getting married, not sure if I want to.. 

 

I am 30 years old, I've never been in love, never dated and never had sex.. But I do feel attracted to people and develope crushes but never associate myself in it, as in I never see myself in a relationship with them and especially will not see myself having sex with them.. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well..

 

Thanks

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lifeisarichtapestry

I’ve recently begun exploring the possibility that I might be demi or hyposexual. But I can’t stop thinking that maybe my own insecurities are what’s preventing me from enjoying sex the way others do! I waited a long time to have penetrative sex for the first time (until my mid twenties), and it was also my first time having sex of any kind with a partner I had an emotional bond with. Previous to that, sexual encounters had been a one-off and generally not very enjoyable, but I ascribed that to being inexperienced and unsure of what did and didn’t work for me. With my ex, it was more enjoyable, but I liked it because of the intimacy it created between us, not because of any feelings of sexual pleasure. I spend most of the time thinking about other things, and wondering when it will be over (not necessarily in impatience, just curiosity—though sometimes impatience creeps in).  But I did feel closer to my partner afterwards and enjoyed that closeness, so I wasn’t displeased with our sex life. 

 

How do I know if this is just a case of inexperience, self-consciousness, and poor communication, or if I fall somewhere on the asexuality spectrum?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Help!

Im wondering what to do about my situation. I dont wanna have sex, I see it as a chore, and I also have endometriosis which makes sex hurt sometimes (which may have led to this). I was also molested as a child by a close family member, so when I’m too close to a boyfriend, I lose that sexual desire more. I believe I’m a type of A-Sexual, possibly fraysexual and/or hyposexual.

I’ve been with a very understanding and loving boyfriend for 7 years now but i know he can’t take this anymore, and takes it personally when i dont wanna have sex. We go for months without having sex. He won’t marry me and I believe this is why. Any suggestions??? Sorry if this is the wrong thread, I’m new.

 

xoxo 

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I am so confused!!! A few months ago I read stuff about Asexuality and found AVEN and finally thought yaay! An answer! A community! A reason for everything! But then I started reading up on HSDD and now I am so confused! I was so happy to be sure of my Asexuality because I had an answer but now I’m back to being confused! Any words of wisdom?

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1 hour ago, willhelmina said:

I am so confused!!! A few months ago I read stuff about Asexuality and found AVEN and finally thought yaay! An answer! A community! A reason for everything! But then I started reading up on HSDD and now I am so confused! I was so happy to be sure of my Asexuality because I had an answer but now I’m back to being confused! Any words of wisdom?

The DSM says that if one identifies as asexual, and/or is not experiencing any distress, then they cannot be diagnosed with HSDD. Here's the words of a professional.

Quote

Why Asexuality Is Not a Sexual Dysfunction: The Evidence

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) recognizes several sexual dysfunctions, such as Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) and Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder (FSIAD). Both are relevant to a lack of interest in sex. The key difference between such sexual dysfunctions and asexuality is that people with disorders experience significant personal distress because of their lack of sexual attraction. Asexuals do not. They aren’t worried about their asexuality (except for the disapproval it can bring from other people) and they are uninterested in seeking professional help to deal with it.

 

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I'm 21, have Aspergers syndrome,  and have recently started trying to date though online dating apps. I've met plenty of guys who are very nice, but I haven't felt anything with any of them really. Yesterday I went on a date that involved quite a bit of kissing, and I realised that while the guy was really sweet, the kissing just did nothing for me. I know I want a romantic relationship, but kissing and anything more than that just seems to be something I'm not interested in doing! I've read through the post on late bloomers and I guess that is what I'm worried about to an extent - is it just that I haven't met the right person, or am I actually on the asexual spectrum? 

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Hey fellow Autistic. : )

 

First up, it doesn't have to be an autistic thing, second up romantic and sexual attraction can be separated into two different things. eg. someone may be 'asexual (not want sex)' and 'romantic' (want a romantic relationship)' since just because you're one doesn't mean you have to be the other if the other doesn't feel right to you.

 

As for

6 hours ago, nmorgan305 said:

- is it just that I haven't met the right person, or am I actually on the asexual spectrum? 

Orientations can change, you can identity as 'Ace' (asexual) or 'Acespec' (grey asexual spectrum) eg. greyace if that label feels right to you and then change your mind later if it no longer feels right. 

 

As for your final question only you are allowed to label yourself so ask yourself 'Does this definition suit you?'

Quote

An asexual is someone who experiences no sexual attraction and/or no intrinsic desire for partnered sex. -Heart

You don't have to figure it out right away, you can call yourself 'Questioning' if you like but basically the question focuses on 'Have you ever had the desire to have partnered sex in real life?' not fantasies, in reality. If you've only ever felt a little sexual attraction or desire to have anything partner related then you may fall under 'greyace' as linked above. There is also different types of sexual orientations eg. -sensual: someone who isn't into sex or necessarily kissing but might like hugs eg. instead of 'bisexual' someone may be 'bisensual' instead.

 

In regards to wanting a romantic relationship well '-romantic' is an orientation but there is also a bunch of different romantic orientations as well. eg. -platonic (I'll let wiki explain because it tends to have multiple meanings) , -alterious (primarily focused on emotional closeness) and even queerplatonic relationships. So basically there is a variety of different orientations and relationships available if things like 'kissing' etc. don't feel right to you and/or aren't something you are interested in. There is also countless other labels floating around. Note: You don't have to label things, but they can be useful tools when Questioning and putting words to things.

 

If you want to know more about asexual I recommend this post and then keep scrolling for the grey sexual questions etc. 

 

Also it's traditional to great newcomers with cake, Welcome to Aven! 🎂

 

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@nmorgan305 Welcome to AVEN!

 

I also have Asperger's, but I've never dated.

You could be Asexual.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone (This is different from arousal, which doesn't always lead to desiring sex).

But there are other types of attraction.

There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.

There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty (you can't take your eyes off them).

There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship (I still don't know what that is, I'm Aromantic).

There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a close friendship with someone.

And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Kitten cake (all edible),

http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/124900-kitten

uuseinqfedu1lhjoxhva.jpg

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Thank you guys! (Also, how did you know I love cats?!) I think for now I will identify as demiromantic and asexual - I want a romantic relationship (hugging, but limited kissing), but romantic feelings seem to take a while to develop, and I've never had the urge for partnered sex

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You’re welcome! :) Glad you found something that works for you 🍰

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On 9/11/2019 at 5:37 PM, nmorgan305 said:

Thank you guys! (Also, how did you know I love cats?!) I think for now I will identify as demiromantic and asexual - I want a romantic relationship (hugging, but limited kissing), but romantic feelings seem to take a while to develop, and I've never had the urge for partnered sex

Michael is magic, and somehow knows what all the newbies like. I keep telling them they need to lead a welcoming team or something, they're so good at welcoming newbies.

 

Edited by Mother Bread
Egg Removal (Easter 2020)
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So I’ve been really thinking about asexuality lately. As in I’m not sure if I’m asexual or not. I’m in college and a lot of my friends talk about sex and someone made a comment about how I never talk about it. I wouldn’t really call myself a “prude”, I certainly don’t mind when people talk about sex and I’m not going to shame anyone either. Someone asked me if I’m asexual and I’d had the thought in passing but never really took the time to consider it in depth. I think some of what’s confusing me is the fact that I want to have sex, but I also don’t feel physically aroused basically ever. That said, there’s a lot of stuff that I’d always assumed was stacked against me in terms of libido (diabetes & weight issues, self-image issues, polycystic ovary syndrome, severe anxiety & depression issues and long term use of SSRIs). I also have some issues with things that have happened in the past. I’ve only ever had two “sexual experiences” (mostly just kissing) and both didn’t end well for me. Both experiences left me with a lot of shame, but not because of the act itself but because the first incident was horrible and literally ruined my friendship with my best (and only) friend. The other time I was extremely emotionally vulnerable and a girl I’d been friends with (who I’d rejected multiple times) took advantage of that and we made out, only for her to spread it all around school so I could literally not escape it. I haven’t ever really discussed the full extent of these events with anyone, including my therapists. All my friends know I’m a lesbian and while I don’t talk openly about it I’m not hiding it either, I’m just a relatively private person. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because a friend of mine was asking if I liked a girl I’m good friends with at college. I said I don know, because I don’t! So much of what society focuses on is sex and I don’t think I really know how to tell if I’ve got feelings for someone if you strip away the sexual aspect. There’s the cliched butterflies in your stomach thing but I’ve never experienced that in my life and I do believe I’ve had crushes in the past. All of it’s just been really confusing and stressful for me lately. I’m having a really tough time identifying what I’m feeling and on top of that I’m not experiencing much arousal but it’s not for lack of wanting it. I guess I’m also having trouble reconciling the idea that I could maybe be ace even though I want sex and think about and fantasize about it. But when I compare my thoughts to what my friends talk about it’s different (in the way that I’m not thinking about people I know that way, it feels wrong to me, kind of like an invasion of privacy if that makes sense). I also can’t see myself having sex, but I think it’s more because I hate my body and I’m not comfortable having casual sex with someone because my anxiety is so bad. I can’t fathom having sex or making out with someone I’m not super comfortable with but because of past experiences I haven’t ever let myself entertain the thought of something more with people I’m good friends with. Basically, I’m really confused and I can’t figure out if I have feelings for my friend and I can’t figure out if I’m asexual and I’ve been stressing over it for at least a month now and I’m starting to second guess everything I say and do because I’m at a point where I’m overthinking things too. I could really use some advice about all of this. Sorry this is so long and I don’t know if I expressed everything correctly but I definitely didn’t mean to offend anyone. Anyways, thank you to anyone who replies :)

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musicofthenight

I have been trying to figure out if I am asexual or not. I'm 24 years old and have never dated or even kissed anyone. I always assumed I would be into that stuff as I got older but now I am older. I don't really have a libido at all but I do sometimes fantasize about sex. In real life, however, I get really uncomfortable if someone approaches me in a remotely sexual manner - i.e. if someone calls me sexy. I do want a relationship but I don't know if I'm sex repulsed or not and it's hard to tell since I've never even been close to having sex. Is there any good way to determine whether I am sex repulsed or not? In my head I want sex but I have a feeling in real life, I wouldn't be as comfortable. It would be nice to know before I put myself out there in terms of a relationship. 

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On 8/31/2019 at 1:36 PM, Wildber913 said:

Help!

Im wondering what to do about my situation. I dont wanna have sex, I see it as a chore, and I also have endometriosis which makes sex hurt sometimes (which may have led to this). I was also molested as a child by a close family member, so when I’m too close to a boyfriend, I lose that sexual desire more. I believe I’m a type of A-Sexual, possibly fraysexual and/or hyposexual.

I’ve been with a very understanding and loving boyfriend for 7 years now but i know he can’t take this anymore, and takes it personally when i dont wanna have sex. We go for months without having sex. He won’t marry me and I believe this is why. Any suggestions??? Sorry if this is the wrong thread, I’m new.

 

xoxo 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
scholaroftheworld

idk why its so nerve racking to post on an anonymous forum but I guess it's cause it's admitting to strangers what I've only been able to tell people who i would trust with my life. I'm new here and just here to learn a little bit more about myself. I think I'm demisexual heteroromantic but its hard to know because ive never been interested in anyone long enough to get to know them well enough to develop any sexual attraction as demis do. I know I've had at least 2 romantic crushes, and I wouldn't mind dating if the right person asked/came along, but they are few and far between -- Im 23 and the last one I can remember is when I was 17. I work weekends at my side gig and at my daily 9-5 someone commented how I work too much and that I'm "young and single and shouldnt work every weekend" and I didn't know how to respond to that because the only time being single is something on my mind is when someone else brings it up and I'm not naturally inclined to use my weekend time to try to change that. I'm not feeling like I'm missing out or unfulfilled by not being in a relationship. I have a libido bc "all the parts work" but am completely uninterested in exploring that with another person thus far in my life. I think probably what I struggle most with and why I dont want to talk to people about it is because I think people change and I'm afraid if any of this changes for me, people would think that I wasn't telling the truth or they'd feel some kind of vindication that all it took was "the right person." The few times I have explained that I'm on the ace spectrum, I've given the bare minimum of information to avoid having to discuss it further and then moved on. Sometimes since I'm avoiding talking about it, I do just say I'm ace and never bother to explain the intricacies, just tell them that I never have any type of sexual feelings because I don't want any follow up questions. I'm the oldest unmarried female in my large extended family and in my culture, that's a guarantee for a lot of questions about relationships and kids and so on. I just wanted to connect with some people who understand that that's not something that is 100% necessary for a fulfilled life. And I also wanted to know if others within the community think my analysis falls within the demi/hetero labels, out of curiosity, because I'm still researching and I want to know what others who've gone through the exercise think. 

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Hello, I am 17 and will try to keep things pretty short, but I really want an answer because this has been killing me my whole life.  I am questioning whether or not I am asexual, but the weird thing is that I do no want to be asexual.  I really do want to have a relationship with a girl, but I for some reason am not very attracted to them.  I might think that they look hot, but that does not really change anything.  I will try to masturbate, but I guess my sex drive is so low that I just do not feel anything really.  I have never seen myself climax when trying to masturbate before, but I know I am functional because I have had wet dreams before.  I hope I am explaining this right.  I really want to be attracted to girls, but feel like I just can’t be which really sucks.  I am not sounding cool, but I am pretty attractive so girls liking me is not the issue at all and no I do not like guys to any degree.  My question is are asexuals usually able to masturbate even though they aren’t attracted to any genders?  I feel like my attraction is so non existent that my penis doesn’t have any feeling if that makes sense.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi, I'm new to this site. I have heard the term asexuality before, but never really knew it pertained to people. When I read this, I finally feel like there's a name for what I am and I'm not just damaged or something. I've been in relationships my whole life and I've made myself have sex because I thought that's what I had to do as a partner. It was just a chore I hated to do, but it had to be done if I wanted the relationship. Fast forward 20 years, I now have a baby girl and her father and I are separating because I just can't fake it anymore. I decided to stop having sex because I hate it. I always thought there must be something wrong with me that I didn't want to have sex. I thought it was a medical, emotional, or med related problem, but maybe it's just a part of who I am. I'm gonna be honest.... After reading this, it scares me that I'll never have a close relationship again like that if I don't have sex. And what if I want to have another child? Sorry for ranting, but this makes me so scared for my future relationships if I embrace this identity. Are there that many other people in the world that are looking for just the cuddling/kissing/emotional/no sex relationship? If anyone read this, thank you for your thoughts

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 I have struggled withy sexuality my whole life, but I have also struggled with people expectation for my sexuality since as long as I can remember. I am 28 now and have been in two major relationships in my life, I ended both of them after sometime because they wanted the relationship to “progress” which to them meant having sex or being more sexually intimate. I never felt ready or even wanted to move forward in that way, and the thought always made me so anxious that it was expected of me to get to that point and never getting there. I felt like if I wasn’t sexually attracted to them I must not really love them. I have been doing a lot of soul searching recently because a guy has recently started talking to me, and immediately has started to try and initiate a physical relationship. I realize I am just not interested, I think he is a great guy and want to get to know him, and I have told him that. And if I am being honest I want to be in a romantic relationship. But the though of his expectations, which I know are going to include physical things, gives me so much anxiety because I don’t want to do them. I keep telling myself it’s because I don’t know him very well (we have been in grad school together for 2 months and have been really talking for 2 weeks) and that eventually once I get to know him that it will change. But that has never been the case in the past.

  In fact any sexual act grosses me out, I don’t understand it and don’t enjoy it. I am concerned that I am actually sexual adverse and not asexual. I am really struggling with this and have been for a long time. I have always kind of put it on the back burner because, I don’t have any desire or need to have sex so I just never sought out romantic relationships. I don’t really know how to figure this out or who to talk to. 

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On 4/17/2016 at 8:59 PM, FaerieFate said:

What doesn't affect your (a)sexuality

This is just a short list of what doesn't affect your asexuality. For more, please click here and here.

  1. Whether or not you're sex repulsed, sex positive, and/or sex neutral
  2. Whether or not you masturbate
  3. How often you may masturbate
  4. Whether or not you consume pornography
  5. Whether or not you consume in or create erotic pieces of work
  6. Whether or not you've had sex in the past
    On 4/17/2016 at 8:59 PM, FaerieFate said:

     

  7. Whether or not you are sexually active
  8. Your sex drive/libido
  9. If you have kinks or fetishes
  10. Your gender identity/expression
  11. whether you take hormonal therapy or have undergone sexual reassignment surgery
  12. Whether or not you have fantasies
  13. Whether you experience sensual, romantic, or aesthetic attraction
  14. Mental or Physical disorders
  15. Any medications you may take or have taken
  16. Whether or not you've been abused

 

Back To Top

This is actually not my experience.
I've recently realized that not only is my orientation not straight (been out for almost 2 decades so this is not new to me--I'm pansexual & panromantic), but my gender identity is also fluid. Most of the time I am female. Some of the time I feel agender. Overall I tend to be very sexual. But, when I am agender, that changes. I almost panic when someone expresses interest in me, especially if they are male. I think that's because their interest is based on an assumption about my gender that is incorrect at that time, and I have a really, really strong knee jerk reaction to that and just want to walk away. I also tend to become less interested in sex when I am agender. Not exactly sure why this happens, so I'm trying to figure out whether I'm alone or this happens to anyone else when they move from one gender to another. Is there anyone else like me?

Edited by ViolaLemur
Added my orientation to clarify what I'm saying.
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  • 4 weeks later...
On 10/29/2019 at 11:09 PM, ViolaLemur said:

This is actually not my experience.
I've recently realized that not only is my orientation not straight (been out for almost 2 decades so this is not new to me--I'm pansexual & panromantic), but my gender identity is also fluid. Most of the time I am female. Some of the time I feel agender. Overall I tend to be very sexual. But, when I am agender, that changes. I almost panic when someone expresses interest in me, especially if they are male. I think that's because their interest is based on an assumption about my gender that is incorrect at that time, and I have a really, really strong knee jerk reaction to that and just want to walk away. I also tend to become less interested in sex when I am agender. Not exactly sure why this happens, so I'm trying to figure out whether I'm alone or this happens to anyone else when they move from one gender to another. Is there anyone else like me?

Look up the term genderfluid. There are a lot of people like you, though the genders they are fluid between may vary :)

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14 hours ago, FaerieFate said:

Look up the term genderfluid. There are a lot of people like you, though the genders they are fluid between may vary :)

Maybe even demigirlfluid🤗

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14 hours ago, FaerieFate said:
On 10/30/2019 at 5:09 AM, ViolaLemur said:

This is actually not my experience.
I've recently realized that not only is my orientation not straight (been out for almost 2 decades so this is not new to me--I'm pansexual & panromantic), but my gender identity is also fluid. Most of the time I am female. Some of the time I feel agender. Overall I tend to be very sexual. But, when I am agender, that changes. I almost panic when someone expresses interest in me, especially if they are male. I think that's because their interest is based on an assumption about my gender that is incorrect at that time, and I have a really, really strong knee jerk reaction to that and just want to walk away. I also tend to become less interested in sex when I am agender. Not exactly sure why this happens, so I'm trying to figure out whether I'm alone or this happens to anyone else when they move from one gender to another. Is there anyone else like me?

Look up the term genderfluid. There are a lot of people like you, though the genders they are fluid between may vary :)

Or maybe even demigirlfluid🤗

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On 10/30/2019 at 5:09 AM, ViolaLemur said:

I'm trying to figure out whether I'm alone or this happens to anyone else when they move from one gender to another. Is there anyone else like me?

You're totally not alone in this, I experience that too sometimes, that when I'm feeling more male I do feel like my attraction towards people fades to a less strong one or even goes completely away, while when I'm feeling more female/neutral I feel more attracted towards people (romantically though, not sexual, I'm gray-ace)

 

On 10/30/2019 at 5:09 AM, ViolaLemur said:

I think that's because their interest is based on an assumption about my gender that is incorrect at that time

I can totally relate to this one too when I identify as agender, because when I think of the person I like, liking me back (you know, fantasies that you want to become true..😅) I get a real bad feeling when I'm agender, like it just isn't right.

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  • 3 weeks later...

hey  youngin here. I’ve thought I might be aro or ace for a while now, and this helped me figure out i’m probably both or at least around gray romantic. so thanks for the help

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  • 3 weeks later...

A pleasant good day. I have read and understood what you have shared on this topic quite extensively, but j still struggle with understanding some things and im not sure if you can answer this question for me. I have had sexual experiences, but ive never enjoyed them, i do watch pornagraphy but i skip to just the end and watch just the conclusion to which eve. Sometimes i feel nothing for. I like kissing and cuddling but although im not really sexually attracted or sexually inclined k dk have afeet fetish but not one where i would like to vet off on feet but one where i am just attracted to them. What are your views on this. Thanks in advance for your time. 

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  • 1 month later...
ConfusedPuppy

I’m Lana and I realize it’s been a while since the original posts but hope this is still okay to put up questions on. I have been unsure what to generally categorize as when asked my overall sexuality because it feels confusing at times, despite what I have read. The jist:

 

I do find I’m able to be romantically attracted to people, and find them aesthetically appealing, but never find them sexually enticing. I have attempted with a few people I was emotionally close to and not been able to find it interesting enough to follow through with.
 

Meanwhile, masturbation is not difficult but I am never able to, er, finish if thinking of any real person. In fact, it’s always characters (anime and so on), from the perspective of BEING one of them, and interacting with another. (Usually because it allows for the fetish part to be more believable; realism, as close as it can get within the fake characters, seems necessary or it throws me off.)

 

It doesn’t matter whether the person I am dating is male or female or identifies as whatever they prefer; I have been able to be emotionally and romantically attached to a variety with no difficulty. The lack of sexual interest doesn’t seem to change no matter how familiar or unfamiliar I am with my partner.

 

I read through a lot of materials including the information above and when I feel like I’m getting close to figuring out what to call myself, the doubt claws in a bit more and it usually centers around the fantasies mentioned.

 

I understand that people aren’t allowed to label others here but I’m lacking badly for what seems to be closest to the mark for this. Is there a possible suggestion that you think might be closest that I could research more on specifically to point me in the right direction? Or at least does this all sound like it still fits in the realm of overall asexuality?

Edited by ConfusedPuppy
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  • 1 month later...

I am struggling through the same exact thing, some would suggest to check a/romanticism (unsure if the wording is right).

But tbh, I don't feel that is it for me.

Nobody talks about kissing which is the main thing that throws me off, because I do get a desire to kiss people but not to have sex with them.

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Diana DeLuna
On 9/4/2019 at 12:18 AM, FaerieFate said:

The DSM says that if one identifies as asexual, and/or is not experiencing any distress, then they cannot be diagnosed with HSDD. Here's the words of a professional.

@FaerieFate Within this article you linked to, the author mentions there is evidence of biomarkers for asexuality. Biomarkers! Say whaaaat? But it being a pop psych article, there's absolutely no detail. She gives only a vague reference to birth order. 

 

In the 2000s, I started hearing about studies correlating birth order with homosexuality in men. Studies suggested that if a mother had too many boys in row, nature would see to it that the 2nd or 3rd or 4th son would be a gay one. 😁🌈 Because someone needs to help nurture all those nieces and nephews, and have time to broaden the culture (artistically, scientifically, etc.) while their allo brothers were occupied providing for their broods.

 

Here is a really nice TED talk on the subject, published around the same time as that Psychology Today article. It's an entertaining, engrossing little lecture, but none of it was new-news to me....

 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Khn_z9FPmU

 

 

As far as I know, the studies just stopped there: with cis gay men, which can't possibly be the case now.  I'm wondering if these studies have now been expanded to include other non-cis-het people. I'm asking you because your links in this thread are awesome!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hello,

I'm Isa, a 30 year-old brazilian woman who have suffered all my life thinking I was sick or I was an outcast.
I've recently found out about asexuality and I'm trying to understand whether or not I fit in it. Can anyone help me?

I have always tried and forced myself to like sex, since I was 16. But the thing is... I never really liked it.
I have had many long term boyfriends (I'm on my fifth now), they usually last 2-3 years. But after that, I always break up because I can't stand the pressure to have sex frequently. I feel romantic atracted, I have a libido and I also feel sexually atracted by people, but very rarely.

When I'm single I feel lonely. I've spent 2 years single, and at the end of that time I was lonely and in need of a partner. In those years I hooked up with many different guys because I felt arousal and atraction, but even then I never enjoyed the act of having sex and continued to feel lonely. I thought I was sick or had a problem, or that I was lacking something. Because of family issues I was diagnosed with depression and started taking meds. I put the blame of my lack (rare) of libido on the meds and on the contraceptive pill I had always taken.

Recently I have stopped with the antidepression meds and stopped taken the contraceptive pill, and... nothing changed. My boyfriend makes a lot of pressure on me to have sex more frequently and to show more attraction and desire for him. I really like him and I like to be with him and spend time together. But if I have sex like once every 6 months, it's enough for me. I have been through this "boyfriend cycle" again and again and I'm tired of believing I am the problem. But I'm really scared too. I've tried therapy, natural plants, medications, porn, masturbation, different partners without romantic connections, long term partners with deep romantic connections... but nothing changes.

I've never told this to anyone. I'm not even sure if I can explain myself very well.

Can anyone here relate to what I'm living? 


 
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  • 2 months later...
On 4/18/2016 at 4:07 AM, FaerieFate said:

What is Romantic/Aesthetic/Sensual/Platonic Attraction? Could that affect my (A)sexuality?

Romantic, Sensual, Platonic, and Aesthetic Attraction in no way affects or determines your sexuality. It is not uncommon for asexuals to have differing romantic and sexual identities.Most asexuals don't even bother labelling their platonic and sensual identities. Aesthetic attraction only affects who you find nice to look at. For more different types of attraction or for more about sexual and romantic attraction, these videos might help. The previously mentioned link also has more resources and descriptions of other asexual terms linked in the videos.

 

Crushes and Squishes are two ways that people will describe their desire to have a specific relationship with a person, and is caused by romantic and platonic attraction. For more information, read here.
 

 

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I love the concept of squish! like, hell yeah, I have a squish on so many great people around me

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