Jump to content

Dont be deceptive about your sexuality


TheSexualHusband

Recommended Posts

Telecaster68

I've addressed everything you raise, Pan, and I'm not repeating myself.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I do question my heterosexuality, and I would consider it intellectually dishonest for me not to, or to claim that I'm 100% sure I'm heterosexual when it's impossible for me to know this. I'm just functionally, for all intents and purposes, heterosexual. I don't have a reason to explore other possibilities. If I had a male partner, it'd be a different story.

Link to post
Share on other sites
OutsideObserver

Out of curiosity, why are you on AVEN?

I don't know who you were asking, but I imagine the answer is "they are an allosexual who is currently in a relationship with an asexual"
Link to post
Share on other sites

Out of curiosity, why are you on AVEN?

I don't know who you were asking, but I imagine the answer is "they are an allosexual who is currently in a relationship with an asexual"

I think they were asking the OP, and that's the person who needs to answer.

Link to post
Share on other sites
he fact is that the OP has just received devastating news and is in a very bad position. He needs to go through a grieving process, and anger is a very natural step in that process.

Yeah, that's true. What he did not have to do, was seek out a support forum specifically for asexuals, and imply we were a haven for deceptive people who want to use people like him. Plenty of people in his situation come here for advice or knowledge, but he specifically said he didn't want that. He wanted to vent. At asexuals. He also seems to have completely missed that apart from the possibility of not knowing about your own asexuality, it is still dangerous in a lot of situations to come out even if you do know. How many people here were attacked or gaslight specifically because they did this? I'm not saying he deserves no compassion, but literally anywhere would have been a better place for him to vent.

I mean, I had abusive parents, but I don't walk into daycare centers and tell all the parents there that they really shouldn't be abusive. Because what happened to me is not those people's fault or responsibility.

Also:

I like the idea that each person has a right to their own bodies and what they choose to do with it. It all sounds like a nice concept and we can tie a very nice ribbon around it. It certainly is the politically correct way today is it not.

Uh, no, it's not a "nice concept" or "politically correct"; It's an essential human right that every decent human being respects. His language in this sentence, and his tone later, implies that he sees this as some highly progressive concession he's granting, or something that makes him terrific. no. basic human decency is not something you get a gold star for.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
AceInhibitor

If an asexual already knows that they're ace... yes, I agree with the OP. Coming out to a partner very early - no later than the third date at the absolute latest - is an ethical duty. Anything else is indeed leading someone on, IMO. If an ace is not ready to come out to a potential partner, they should simply refrain from dating people, period. Pretense and lies are never okay.

Of course, as has already been said - not every ace is aware of it, and if they aren't, it's a tragic situation that can't be helped, and for which nobody is to blame.

Obviously, I'm not in the place to decide which of these two scenarios is the one that actually happened in the OP's situation. But I'm not ready to jump on the wagon of denying that it may indeed have been the former. We'd need to hear her side of the story for that - but the possibility that she was 100% in the wrong is a possibility.

Either way... if it's come to such a climate of putting blame and belief to have been deceived from day one... yep, no matter if it's scenario 1 or 2, separation/divorce seems the bst option to me.

After the last time I came out to someone (and that was someone I trusted), there is not a chance in hell I'm coming out to anyone unless I really, really, trust them, and if that takes longer than three dates, then it takes longer than three dates. Granted, I personally probably wouldn't date someone unless I knew they were cool with me being asexual in the first place, seeing as sex would probably come up and I would probably freak out. But I can see why people might take longer to feel comfortable coming out to someone and I don't think it's fair to tell people that if they don't feel they're able to open up and tell someone they've only been on three dates with (which to be fair isn't even that many) that they're asexual then they're a bad person.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

From the sounds of it, I'm not surprised she didn't want to open up to you about being asexual if you react like this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
nanogretchen4

If an asexual does not feel comfortable coming out to someone who is almost certainly sexual and therefore almost certainly incompatible by the third date, there are two ethical alternatives. The first is to break up on the third date instead. The second is to only date other self identified asexuals in the first place.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Tarfeather

If an asexual already knows that they're ace... yes, I agree with the OP. Coming out to a partner very early - no later than the third date at the absolute latest - is an ethical duty. Anything else is indeed leading someone on, IMO. If an ace is not ready to come out to a potential partner, they should simply refrain from dating people, period. Pretense and lies are never okay.

Of course, as has already been said - not every ace is aware of it, and if they aren't, it's a tragic situation that can't be helped, and for which nobody is to blame.

Obviously, I'm not in the place to decide which of these two scenarios is the one that actually happened in the OP's situation. But I'm not ready to jump on the wagon of denying that it may indeed have been the former. We'd need to hear her side of the story for that - but the possibility that she was 100% in the wrong is a possibility.

Either way... if it's come to such a climate of putting blame and belief to have been deceived from day one... yep, no matter if it's scenario 1 or 2, separation/divorce seems the bst option to me.

After the last time I came out to someone (and that was someone I trusted), there is not a chance in hell I'm coming out to anyone unless I really, really, trust them, and if that takes longer than three dates, then it takes longer than three dates. Granted, I personally probably wouldn't date someone unless I knew they were cool with me being asexual in the first place, seeing as sex would probably come up and I would probably freak out. But I can see why people might take longer to feel comfortable coming out to someone and I don't think it's fair to tell people that if they don't feel they're able to open up and tell someone they've only been on three dates with (which to be fair isn't even that many) that they're asexual then they're a bad person.

So don't date. Just get to know them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If an asexual already knows that they're ace... yes, I agree with the OP. Coming out to a partner very early - no later than the third date at the absolute latest - is an ethical duty. Anything else is indeed leading someone on, IMO. If an ace is not ready to come out to a potential partner, they should simply refrain from dating people, period. Pretense and lies are never okay.

Of course, as has already been said - not every ace is aware of it, and if they aren't, it's a tragic situation that can't be helped, and for which nobody is to blame.

Obviously, I'm not in the place to decide which of these two scenarios is the one that actually happened in the OP's situation. But I'm not ready to jump on the wagon of denying that it may indeed have been the former. We'd need to hear her side of the story for that - but the possibility that she was 100% in the wrong is a possibility.

Either way... if it's come to such a climate of putting blame and belief to have been deceived from day one... yep, no matter if it's scenario 1 or 2, separation/divorce seems the bst option to me.

After the last time I came out to someone (and that was someone I trusted), there is not a chance in hell I'm coming out to anyone unless I really, really, trust them, and if that takes longer than three dates, then it takes longer than three dates. Granted, I personally probably wouldn't date someone unless I knew they were cool with me being asexual in the first place, seeing as sex would probably come up and I would probably freak out. But I can see why people might take longer to feel comfortable coming out to someone and I don't think it's fair to tell people that if they don't feel they're able to open up and tell someone they've only been on three dates with (which to be fair isn't even that many) that they're asexual then they're a bad person.

If you trust slowly and it takes a while to trust the person, they're likely already falling for you by time you reach the trust mark... and yeah, that's really deceptive and rather mean to do to a person you know you're most likely incompatible with. The alternative would be to do what I do and only date people you know, instead of strangers, so trust is already there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

If an asexual does not feel comfortable coming out to someone who is almost certainly sexual and therefore almost certainly incompatible by the third date, there are two ethical alternatives. The first is to break up on the third date instead. The second is to only date other self identified asexuals in the first place.

Why three dates though? I just think that's overly simplistic. Not everyone is going to feel certain after three dates. It might take longer than three dates for you to reach that point. You might not even be serious yet. I don't think you can put those kinds of conditions on when someone should or should not come out to someone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If an asexual does not feel comfortable coming out to someone who is almost certainly sexual and therefore almost certainly incompatible by the third date, there are two ethical alternatives. The first is to break up on the third date instead. The second is to only date other self identified asexuals in the first place.

Why three dates though? I just think that's overly simplistic. Not everyone is going to feel certain after three dates. It might take longer than three dates for you to reach that point. You might not even be serious yet. I don't think you can put those kinds of conditions on when someone should or should not come out to someone.

Three dates is just a general rule, cause that's typically when people start thinking "Huh, I think I might want a relationship with this person" instead of just getting to know them / see if they click. If you start thinking about becoming exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever material (or the poly equivalent), it's time to tell.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

If an asexual already knows that they're ace... yes, I agree with the OP. Coming out to a partner very early - no later than the third date at the absolute latest - is an ethical duty. Anything else is indeed leading someone on, IMO. If an ace is not ready to come out to a potential partner, they should simply refrain from dating people, period. Pretense and lies are never okay.

Of course, as has already been said - not every ace is aware of it, and if they aren't, it's a tragic situation that can't be helped, and for which nobody is to blame.

Obviously, I'm not in the place to decide which of these two scenarios is the one that actually happened in the OP's situation. But I'm not ready to jump on the wagon of denying that it may indeed have been the former. We'd need to hear her side of the story for that - but the possibility that she was 100% in the wrong is a possibility.

Either way... if it's come to such a climate of putting blame and belief to have been deceived from day one... yep, no matter if it's scenario 1 or 2, separation/divorce seems the bst option to me.

After the last time I came out to someone (and that was someone I trusted), there is not a chance in hell I'm coming out to anyone unless I really, really, trust them, and if that takes longer than three dates, then it takes longer than three dates. Granted, I personally probably wouldn't date someone unless I knew they were cool with me being asexual in the first place, seeing as sex would probably come up and I would probably freak out. But I can see why people might take longer to feel comfortable coming out to someone and I don't think it's fair to tell people that if they don't feel they're able to open up and tell someone they've only been on three dates with (which to be fair isn't even that many) that they're asexual then they're a bad person.

If you trust slowly and it takes a while to trust the person, they're likely already falling for you by time you reach the trust mark... and yeah, that's really deceptive and rather mean to do to a person you know you're most likely incompatible with. The alternative would be to do what I do and only date people you know, instead of strangers, so trust is already there.

Well I mean personally, I don't date, and if I did, I don't think I'd date someone unless I was sure I could trust them in the first place, plus I'd have to at least have a crush on them to agree to date them anyway because I don't see the point in me dating someone if I don't actually like them that way. But I can see why other people who do the whole dating thing would take longer. I think it makes sense why people would be scared about that and I feel like lots of people are being really judgemental about this?

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

If an asexual does not feel comfortable coming out to someone who is almost certainly sexual and therefore almost certainly incompatible by the third date, there are two ethical alternatives. The first is to break up on the third date instead. The second is to only date other self identified asexuals in the first place.

Why three dates though? I just think that's overly simplistic. Not everyone is going to feel certain after three dates. It might take longer than three dates for you to reach that point. You might not even be serious yet. I don't think you can put those kinds of conditions on when someone should or should not come out to someone.

Three dates is just a general rule, cause that's typically when people start thinking "Huh, I think I might want a relationship with this person" instead of just getting to know them / see if they click. If you start thinking about becoming exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever material (or the poly equivalent), it's time to tell.

Sure, but I'm not sure that's necessarily a three date thing. That's my issue. I mean, you should definitely be telling someone that kind of thing by the time it comes to getting married, if you're certain about your sexuality, and it's probably something you should tell someone when it comes to the whole 'what are we?' chat. But for some people that's not always going to be at the three date mark, so you can't just make a rule that says if you haven't told them by the third date then you're a bad person.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

If an asexual already knows that they're ace... yes, I agree with the OP. Coming out to a partner very early - no later than the third date at the absolute latest - is an ethical duty. Anything else is indeed leading someone on, IMO. If an ace is not ready to come out to a potential partner, they should simply refrain from dating people, period. Pretense and lies are never okay.

Of course, as has already been said - not every ace is aware of it, and if they aren't, it's a tragic situation that can't be helped, and for which nobody is to blame.

Obviously, I'm not in the place to decide which of these two scenarios is the one that actually happened in the OP's situation. But I'm not ready to jump on the wagon of denying that it may indeed have been the former. We'd need to hear her side of the story for that - but the possibility that she was 100% in the wrong is a possibility.

Either way... if it's come to such a climate of putting blame and belief to have been deceived from day one... yep, no matter if it's scenario 1 or 2, separation/divorce seems the bst option to me.

After the last time I came out to someone (and that was someone I trusted), there is not a chance in hell I'm coming out to anyone unless I really, really, trust them, and if that takes longer than three dates, then it takes longer than three dates. Granted, I personally probably wouldn't date someone unless I knew they were cool with me being asexual in the first place, seeing as sex would probably come up and I would probably freak out. But I can see why people might take longer to feel comfortable coming out to someone and I don't think it's fair to tell people that if they don't feel they're able to open up and tell someone they've only been on three dates with (which to be fair isn't even that many) that they're asexual then they're a bad person.

So don't date. Just get to know them.

I don't date. Because I don't trust people.

Link to post
Share on other sites
nanogretchen4

Honestly, three dates is being lenient. I think it's undesirable to wait that long. The point is, you must reveal an almost certain deal breaker before the other person has developed serious feelings for you, and before they have wasted a lot of time and energy on a dead end. If you are serious by the time you tell the truth, you have already waited much too long.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If an asexual does not feel comfortable coming out to someone who is almost certainly sexual and therefore almost certainly incompatible by the third date, there are two ethical alternatives. The first is to break up on the third date instead. The second is to only date other self identified asexuals in the first place.

Why three dates though? I just think that's overly simplistic. Not everyone is going to feel certain after three dates. It might take longer than three dates for you to reach that point. You might not even be serious yet. I don't think you can put those kinds of conditions on when someone should or should not come out to someone.

Three dates is just a general rule, cause that's typically when people start thinking "Huh, I think I might want a relationship with this person" instead of just getting to know them / see if they click. If you start thinking about becoming exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever material (or the poly equivalent), it's time to tell.

Sure, but I'm not sure that's necessarily a three date thing. That's my issue. I mean, you should definitely be telling someone that kind of thing by the time it comes to getting married, if you're certain about your sexuality, and it's probably something you should tell someone when it comes to the whole 'what are we?' chat. But for some people that's not always going to be at the three date mark, so you can't just make a rule that says if you haven't told them by the third date then you're a bad person.

Well, it should be WAY, WAY before getting married. Before "I love you". Before "I really, really like you" even, really. Whenever "Hey, I like this person, I think I might want a relationship with them beyond just casual no strings dating" comes into your head, you need to open up.

Yes, that will be different for some and it might take a little longer. But, the more time invested in the relationship, the higher the likelihood the other person will feel betrayed, lead on and "stuck" in a relationship. You gamble with another person's mental well being by not being honest, since we've had sexual partners who feel they cannot leave because they love their ace so much - yet are miserable and feel they can't be happy if they stay, either. They get very depressed over having two very bad options. And, while it's unavoidable for people who can't tell because they don't know... it's very avoidable for people who do know and just choose to not tell.

And ... while one person may think three dates is not very long, another may think it's a lot of time invested in absolutely nothing if the deal breaker is huge for them, so they'll probably be pretty upset if you make them wait even longer to know it's going nowhere.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

Honestly, three dates is being lenient. I think it's undesirable to wait that long. The point is, you must reveal an almost certain deal breaker before the other person has developed serious feelings for you, and before they have wasted a lot of time and energy on a dead end. If you are serious by the time you tell the truth, you have already waited much too long.

I'm just not sure it's fair to judge people for not being willing to tell someone all of that right from the get-go. But dating culture is literally a mystery to me and I don't understand it anyway.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Honestly, three dates is being lenient. I think it's undesirable to wait that long. The point is, you must reveal an almost certain deal breaker before the other person has developed serious feelings for you, and before they have wasted a lot of time and energy on a dead end. If you are serious by the time you tell the truth, you have already waited much too long.

I'm just not sure it's fair to judge people for not being willing to tell someone all of that right from the get-go. But dating culture is literally a mystery to me and I don't understand it anyway.

Is it really unfair to try to establish etiquette - or beyond etiquette, just a general consideration and attempt to understand and anticipate another person's feelings - in what's an often dreaded emotional minefield for people? Sexual compatibility is extremely important for the functioning of most relationships. It's not like it's a personal secret that's irrelevant to the other person. It's entirely relevant to them, and if you want to carry on with a relationship and have the other person invest their time in it, it's their business to know.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

If an asexual does not feel comfortable coming out to someone who is almost certainly sexual and therefore almost certainly incompatible by the third date, there are two ethical alternatives. The first is to break up on the third date instead. The second is to only date other self identified asexuals in the first place.

Why three dates though? I just think that's overly simplistic. Not everyone is going to feel certain after three dates. It might take longer than three dates for you to reach that point. You might not even be serious yet. I don't think you can put those kinds of conditions on when someone should or should not come out to someone.

Three dates is just a general rule, cause that's typically when people start thinking "Huh, I think I might want a relationship with this person" instead of just getting to know them / see if they click. If you start thinking about becoming exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever material (or the poly equivalent), it's time to tell.

Sure, but I'm not sure that's necessarily a three date thing. That's my issue. I mean, you should definitely be telling someone that kind of thing by the time it comes to getting married, if you're certain about your sexuality, and it's probably something you should tell someone when it comes to the whole 'what are we?' chat. But for some people that's not always going to be at the three date mark, so you can't just make a rule that says if you haven't told them by the third date then you're a bad person.

Well, it should be WAY, WAY before getting married. Before "I love you". Before "I really, really like you" even, really. Whenever "Hey, I like this person, I think I might want a relationship with them beyond just casual no strings dating" comes into your head, you need to open up.

Yes, that will be different for some and it might take a little longer. But, the more time invested in the relationship, the higher the likelihood the other person will feel betrayed, lead on and "stuck" in a relationship. You gamble with another person's mental well being by not being honest, since we've had sexual partners who feel they cannot leave because they love their ace so much - yet are miserable and feel they can't be happy if they stay, either. They get very depressed over having two very bad options. And, while it's unavoidable for people who can't tell because they don't know... it's very avoidable for people who do know and just choose to not tell.

And ... while one person may think three dates is not very long, another may think it's a lot of time invested in absolutely nothing if the deal breaker is huge for them, so they'll probably be pretty upset if you make them wait even longer to know it's going nowhere.

I don't know. I just feel weird about it because I've seen this argument a lot of times before with regards to people being transgender and people insisting that it's something that people deserve to know right from the start. And while the stakes aren't as high coming out as asexual, because there's a lot more violence towards people who are transgender, and you don't really know how someone might react, I still feel like it's weird. Because that still feels like relatively early stages, in the first few dates. I mean I agree that honesty is best but I can understand why people are reticent about putting something like that out there right from the beginning. I don't know, I just don't get it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

Honestly, three dates is being lenient. I think it's undesirable to wait that long. The point is, you must reveal an almost certain deal breaker before the other person has developed serious feelings for you, and before they have wasted a lot of time and energy on a dead end. If you are serious by the time you tell the truth, you have already waited much too long.

I'm just not sure it's fair to judge people for not being willing to tell someone all of that right from the get-go. But dating culture is literally a mystery to me and I don't understand it anyway.

Is it really unfair to try to establish etiquette - or beyond etiquette, just a general consideration and attempt to understand and anticipate another person's feelings - in what's an often dreaded emotional minefield for people? Sexual compatibility is extremely important for the functioning of most relationships. It's not like it's a personal secret that's irrelevant to the other person. It's entirely relevant to them, and if you want to carry on with a relationship and have the other person invest their time in it, it's their business to know.

Sure. But I'm not sure that the point at which you ought to tell someone is always as simple as 'You have to tell them by date three or else you're not being fair'. I just think maybe it varies depending on the person, so setting that kind of condition on it feels strange. You should tell them, if sex comes up and sex is off the table. But it's not going to be the same scenario for every person. My main issue is with the whole three-dates rule, not the general principle that you should tell someone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, no, the three-dates rule is a general guideline based on when sex might start to become of interest to the other person. It could depend on the person you're seeing, how you met them, what the common moral/cultural values are wherever you live, etc. If I dated people, I would tell them by the third date because that's a common point at which to consider sex for my culture and age group.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

Well, no, the three-dates rule is a general guideline based on when sex might start to become of interest to the other person. It could depend on the person you're seeing, how you met them, what the common moral/cultural values are wherever you live, etc. If I dated people, I would tell them by the third date because that's a common point at which to consider sex for my culture and age group.

Ok that makes more sense

Link to post
Share on other sites

For what it's worth, I think by date #3 you are already very solidly in a partnered relationship with each other. So, yeah, not coming out by then is definitely deceptive, and does make you 100% completely at fauilt for it if and when the relationship fails over the sex question. You led them on, end of story.

Frankly, I consider "no later than third date" very, very lenient already. Personally, I would not ever wait longer than the first date, and the only reason I even allow for two more under some circumstances is that I know some people date complete strangers (which I personally can't relate to, it's just not a thing I could see me doing).

So, I second what Tar said... if you need longer than three dates to feel trusting enough to come out, it's better for everyone involved if you simply refrain from dating altogether, or to only consider dating people who have been trusted friends with you for a good long while already.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Germans are so efficient at dating...

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

For what it's worth, I think by date #3 you are already very solidly in a partnered relationship with each other. So, yeah, not coming out by then is definitely deceptive, and does make you 100% completely at fauilt for it if and when the relationship fails over the sex question. You led them on, end of story.

Frankly, I consider "no later than third date" very, very lenient already. Personally, I would not ever wait longer than the first date, and the only reason I even allow for two more under some circumstances is that I know some people date complete strangers (which I personally can't relate to, it's just not a thing I could see me doing).

So, I second what Tar said... if you need longer than three dates to feel trusting enough to come out, it's better for everyone involved if you simply refrain from dating altogether, or to only consider dating people who have been trusted friends with you for a good long while already.

Like I said, I don't date.

But I'm not sure everyones relationship necessarily follows that formula, you're assuming everyones relationships are progressing in the same way. I'm not disagreeing that you should tell people that you're asexual but I think you're being too quick to judge other people for not doing it exactly the same way as you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This was a really interesting read. I am new here, and I'm starting to understand myself an my lack of sexual desire. I'm also married to someone with a very high libido. Your post allows me to see my husband's frustrations.

I will admit, I used to fake interest in sex multiple times a day. It just became such a chore that I really don't even try to fake it anymore. I resist every night but he urges so much that i give in. Sometimes I fake it a but just so he comes faster and I can go to sleep. We've had so many arguments over it. He doesn't believe me when I tell him I don't know why I can't get turned on. And I think he's childish for throwing tantrums on nights I'm particularly reluctant. I just can't understand how sex can be so important. When I ask him, he says that he doesn't feel loved when I won't have sex with him, and my husband is a pretty clingy guy. He won't even eat if I'm not there to eat with him and he can't sleep if I'm not in the bed next to him, so I don't hold out. I give him sex or a blow job at least 5 nights out of the week. I try to liken it to how I would feel if he didn't cuddle me or something, but that's the best way relate it to myself.

I've often told him that if he needs sex that much, he should leave me and go find someone else. He won't though, and I still don't know why. He's a good looking guy, and on top of that he's caring and supportive (most of the time) so any girl would have him.

I dread going to bed, because I know he'll bug me for sex. I wait until he's at work to have showers because he comes in and tries it in there when all I want to do is have my damn shower. He forces me to buy lingerie I'm never going to feel sexy enough to wear. What's worse is that I have severe body iage issues. I haven't let him touch my breasts in TWO YEARS because I'm so insecure about their small, A cup size. I know my husband likes big breasts and big butts, i don't have that at all. I'm thin and I've tried to put on weight for him but I can't. He likes darker, tanned skin and I have very fair skin.

What's your advice? Should I leave him myself, or watch some porn to try and learn how to fake it better?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Like I said, I don't date.

Good. :)

I did read you saying that before, but this is a general issue, not just related to you, personally.

But I'm not sure everyones relationship necessarily follows that formula, you're assuming everyones relationships are progressing in the same way. I'm not disagreeing that you should tell people that you're asexual but I think you're being too quick to judge other people for not doing it exactly the same way as you.

The problem is that people who don't follow that advice are often the same people who tend to entitledly complain if and when they get "dumped over sex" by a partner who went into a relationship with them based on a lie of omission.

I just want them to be sure that they won't get any sympathy from me, and to realize that there will be no point in wasting my time by whining to my ears - it's my firm conviction that they did have it coming, and 100% brought it on themselves.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AceInhibitor

Like I said, I don't date.

Good. :)

I did read you saying that before, but this is a general issue, not just related to you, personally.

But I'm not sure everyones relationship necessarily follows that formula, you're assuming everyones relationships are progressing in the same way. I'm not disagreeing that you should tell people that you're asexual but I think you're being too quick to judge other people for not doing it exactly the same way as you.

The problem is that people who don't follow that advice are often the same people who tend to entitledly complain if and when they get "dumped over sex" by a partner who went into a relationship with them based on a lie of omission.

I just want them to be sure that they won't get any sympathy from me, and to realize that there will be no point in wasting my time by whining to my ears - it's my firm conviction that they did have it coming, and 100% brought it on themselves.

That's alright then. I'm well aware that my trust issues aren't exactly ideal for dating. Amongst other things.

Perhaps. But I'm reluctant to feel that everyones relationship has to follow a certain set of rules.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...