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Dont be deceptive about your sexuality


TheSexualHusband

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The rate of unintended pregnancies is what makes me think that people are lying to themselves

about being glad they had children.

It's really not your place, or anyone's place, to assume other people are lying to themselves -- no matter what you have read.

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And yeah, love isn't so hard to find. Compatibility, now that's trickier.

Dammit, Skulls. How do you come up with spot-on oneliners like these? :cake:

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Tarfeather

And yeah, love isn't so hard to find. Compatibility, now that's trickier.

Dammit, Skulls. How do you come up with spot-on oneliners like these? :cake:

Oh, yes, sure, spot-on, it's only a false sentence if you take it in its literal interpretation.

What?

I mean, would you also call it a spot-on one-liner if I said "Curing cancer is not hard, curing cancer AND making it available to the general population is"? Because, you know, that's literally not true, one being harder than the other doesn't make the other "not hard".

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Well I simply don't agree that it's wrong in its literal interpretation. My experience is that love really is pretty easy to find, indeed. It's just that the vast majority of folks to love isn't partner-compatible... especially for aces, but I think it's only a bit of a degree harder for sexuals. So, yes, Skulls' remark is spot on.

Your cancer analogy looks pretty nonsensical to me. A better one would be "breathing is not hard, breathing while deep-sea diving is". And I would call that a spot-on oneliner, too. *shrugs*

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Tarfeather

You are basically saying that it's okay to generalize from your experience to literally all people ever. Mysti, that isn't even remotely logically consistent.

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Okay, let's take a step back then.

a) What do you think the expression "finding love" even means?

b) Why do you consider this to be a hard thing to do?

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Tarfeather

Okay, let's take a step back then.

a) What do you think the expression "finding love" even means?

b) Why do you consider this to be a hard thing to do?

Well, talking about love in general would not serve the discussion. Obviously Ms.White was talking about love in a specific context. Particularly, when we're talking about "throwing love away for sex", we're going to have to assume a situation where an emotional relationship is already established and the two people involved consider themselves to love each other. That is the context in which I've been talking, and I by no means believe that something like this "isn't hard to find" for everyone.

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Then you're talking about a situation in which Skulls' statement can't even be applied, because you already have a level of compatibility established... which, as she - correctly - said, is a lot harder/rarer.

In my experience, you won't even get to establish an emotional relationship with the majority of people you love, because incompatibility prevents that. Love, itself, though? Dirt cheap, and ubiquitous.

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Tarfeather

Okay, sorry, this is becoming a waste of time. The bottom line is that we seem to be using different definitions of the word "love". Yes, I was from the start assuming that the word "love" as used by Ms.White directly implied some level of compatibility. But no, I wasn't assuming that this was the kind of compatibility Skulls meant. You can be 100% emotionally compatible and be able to love each other, and still be absolutely incompatible in a relationship way (the sex issue is a good example).

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"I once had to go to a shrink. She asked me all about my life and what not.

By the end of it, she told me, "You should leave your husband, he's not helping you enough. You shouldn't have to carry everyone."

I had two things to say to that: 1) You wouldn't say that if I was a man

2) This wouldn't be a problem if I was born rich. Money problems are not his fault.

Tell you what, she had NOTHING to say to that."

I imagine she was thinking "WTF brought on that massive non sequitur?"

No, she had nothing to say to that because she knew what I just said was true. She assumes it is a man's

responsibility to provide for the woman, and expected me to agree because socially, women are encouraged

to agree with this. Also, providing is hard work.

I happened to be doing the providing at the time, as I have done most of my marriage due to the stability

of my job. But not only am I totally comfortable with that, I'm proud of it.

Plus, she didn't even realize she was blaming all money problems on my husband for the same reason.

Basically, she thought I'd jump at the chance to blame any and all problems on my husband, who was, in

fact, doing fine.

Also, the "massive non sequitur" would have been her telling me to leave my husband, because I was

there for OCD. Yeah, that'll cure it, I'm sure.

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Obviously Ms.White was talking about love in a specific context. Particularly, when we're talking about "throwing love away for sex", we're going to have to assume a situation where an emotional relationship is already established and the two people involved consider themselves to love each other. That is the context in which I've been talking, and I by no means believe that something like this "isn't hard to find" for everyone.

Thank you, that is exactly what I have meant.

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The rate of unintended pregnancies is what makes me think that people are lying to themselves

about being glad they had children.

It's really not your place, or anyone's place, to assume other people are lying to themselves -- no matter what you have read.

I guess I'll just stop using deductive reasoning then. It's not like it's one of the best things about being

able to think and all.

Also, You didn't address these:

http://parenting.blo...-have-children/

http://www.cbsnews.c...hy-study-finds/

http://www.theguardi...vey-bereavement

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The rate of unintended pregnancies is what makes me think that people are lying to themselves

about being glad they had children.

It's really not your place, or anyone's place, to assume other people are lying to themselves -- no matter what you have read.

I guess I'll just stop using deductive reasoning then. It's not like it's one of the best things about being

able to think and all.

Also, You didn't address these:

http://parenting.blo...-have-children/

http://www.cbsnews.c...hy-study-finds/

http://www.theguardi...vey-bereavement

I don't have any duty to "address" whatever you want to link. This is a discussion thread, not a literature review. Why don't you talk about your own experience -- you know, from actual life. Are you a parent? I am, twice.

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  • 1 year later...
TheSexualHusband
On ‎2016‎/‎05‎/‎21 at 9:08 PM, Sally said:

The rate of unintended pregnancies is what makes me think that people are lying to themselves

about being glad they had children

I often compare statistical figures with my own observations. For instance, if i read that about 3 in five marriages end in divorce i can test this at any social function by doing a survey of the people. I have done this on a number of accations and each time found the statitic to be fairly accurate. I doubt very much that by common observation or inquisition you are likely to find any parent acting in a way that suggest he regrets his children or admitting to doing so. There are indeed those cases mostly post divorce where one or even both of the parents becomes absent. In my observations those cases are ceartainly fewer and further between than examples of careing and loving parents that will live and die for their kids. Even if those children may have be unwanted at the time of conception.   

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