lillia Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Hi! I discovered this website after watching the view today. I couldnt believe that asexuality existed!!! I was amazed!!! Now I understand. It is exactly how I can discribe my husband! it is sad to say but i am kind of relieved. We have been together for 10 years. We started dating in college. we were very young (21). Now we are 31 and still sooo in love with each other. All oer friends are soo jealous of our relationship escept that they dont know that in 10 years we might had sex maybe 6 or 7 time!!!!!! I swear!!!!! and he doesnt think its a problem. I thought maybe he doesnt love me but every morning he cannot leave the bed without smooching and kissing. I was so confused. I often cried, got mad, gave up, and cried again, talk but nothing...... So I guess he is asexual. this is the only explaination. Ill ask him tyomorow when he weakes up and see his reaction. That sucks ... well ...he is the love of my life... i lived with it for 10 years... and no one can make me happier!! But I wish I could have sex with HIM!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lillia Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 oh and by the way I was a virgin when we got together. so at age 31 I had sex 6 times!!!!! talk about luck!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Goonie Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Welcome :D You might see if your husband wants to join. Even if he isn't A, he might find some interesting information. Most Avenites have found out more about themselves by staying here. It is a wonderful growing oppertunity. Feel free to poke around as well. We tend to be a friendly bunch. Feel free to ask questions as well. I am sure there is someone of the nearly 6000+ members who will be able to answer it. Oh and most of us here don't see Asexuality as something wrong. Just like writing left handed isn't wrong. It is just part of who someone is. Happy exploring :D Link to post Share on other sites
lillia Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 I agree with you. It isnt something wrong. But is it wrong to try teach him how to like it? Link to post Share on other sites
Orbit Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 If he is willing and wants to learn, you can try to talk to him about trying sex with you helping him enjoy it. But if you insist on him trying to learn when he doesn't want to, it may put a lot of strain on the relationship and mess up the beautiful thing you have going. It sounds strange, but if your husband finds out that he is asexual and not alone, he may decide to try sex with you for your sake. Once I realized that I was NEVER going to be in the mood on my own, because I was asexual and would not experience sexual attraction - I also realized if I was going to have sex with my husband, it would have to be because I DECIDED to have sex - not because I wanted to. It did, in a way, make it easier - because when I realized nothing was wrong with having sex when I didn't want it, it was easier for me to decide to do it when I didn't want to. But, if your husband does decide he will try sex with you more often, do not expect him to start becoming attracted to you and wanting sex like you do. He may be able to change his sexual behavior for your sake, but sexual attraction doesn't change. (usually) My husband has learned not to push me, because when he does I feel pressure and stress and that makes it hard for me to choose to have sex with him. But for my part, I also know he wants sex, so I actively try to find times when I am okay emotionally to do it. Sometimes it takes me a couple of weeks or a month before I'm okay, sometimes it's a couple times in one week. However, if he put pressure on me it would be NEVER... That's just how we work though - I know some asexuals just cannot choose to ever have sex, no matter what. So... it is unique to each couple what will happen. I wish you luck! hawke Link to post Share on other sites
Rabger Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Well, it's very cool that this discovery has helped you understand your husband better, but just to point it out, there is nothing "wrong" with him. And if you're both willing to try to talk about sex and try new things, that's cool. However, you can't necessarly teach him how to like it. He may never enjoy it. Or he might like it physically or emotionally but not both. He might learn how to relax more, or discover what he enjoys more, or things like that, but he may not also. And pressure makes it worse. Just keep in mind that he is who he is, and that's not something you can teach out of him. Link to post Share on other sites
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