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Invite To A Support Group for Sexuals Involved With Asexuals


Sweetdreamr45

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Well, I can't argue with something I don't believe in. Good luck.

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  • 1 year later...
renaissance redneck

Well, there was a lot of nothing said about that particular turn of phrase earlier - and no one seemed to like it much.

What do you call it when your spouse expresses love, then leaves you feeling hurt. Constantly. What if you truely care for them, and they admit that they feel like a eunoch? They tell you they have not enjoyed sex for years?

My GOD! How would you feel on being informed that you were essentially serially raping the person in your life who matters most?

Low?

Sure!

Lower than dirt?

You'd view yourself as a reprehensible ass!

How do people protect their fragile ego's from harm in such scenarios?

Anger

Transferrance

Denial

Depression

Please note there are many more ways - and they all correlate directly with how people deal with the DEATH of a loved one. Learning of the asexuality of your spouse is, after all, learning that part of your relationship that you treasured IS DEAD.

A narcissist will likely pursue sex through other venues (eg masturbation or infidelity). Eventually the self-centered individual may seek divorce.

A more mature person will try to cope, learn a new way of life, and continue a lifelong relationship with the most important person in their life.

Please note: How you deal with an asexual spouse is no different than how you would have to deal with any other traumatic loss in your relationship (eg a stroke, car wreck, amputation). Consider yourself fortunate that the person you love is still physically whole!

If YOU are worth loving, you will figure out how to continue your relationship with your spouse. Too much focus is placed today upon what pleases ME as an individual. Marriage is a UNION, one that is not entered into lightly, for it REQUIRES the subjugation of the self for the whole to succeed.

Yes, you may feel victimized by your asexual spouse. Especially upon learning that you are a rapist. There is nothing wrong with finding ways to preserve your ego. Yet, do not let it end there. Come to terms with your loss.

Great people are not found in tranquil times, adversity is required to allow them to excel.

Well, that's a snapshot of what went through my mind anyway. You may disagree that a willing partner could be raped - It's a matter of diction. After being lied to for so many years, thinking I was pleasing her when I was not - it's how I felt.

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renaissance redneck
Goats:

“ 3The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 7They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. 10His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 11But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. 12For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. “

Someone correct me here - but weren't eunuchs prohibited from marriage - as the bible deemed them neither male or female? The eunuchs "which have made themselves" were, of course, the priests - a celibate life without marriage in that day. (before Martin Luther)

The bible does, in fact, confirm a long existence of eunuchs - no surprise. What it DOES NOT do is suggest that a man or wife should cleave to a eunuch - rather they are commanded to cleave to each other. Regarding marriage: "all men cannot receive this for there are some eunuchs"

Sure reads like the bible instructs eunuchs NOT to marry. Rather one can infer that they are to gather with those of their 'kind'.

Please note the chauvanism of the day, in that the possibility of a female eunuch was not addressed - and likely not thought to exist.

Anyway, if you cleave to God, and consider your asexual self to be a eunuch - your direction from this version of the bible certainly seems clear.

(Blame my Southern Baptist undergrad for this argument - they view THE BIBLE as THE WORD OF GOD there. My favorite question for them was "Who wrote it? The honest answer for the smarter ones was "Catholics" and my reply :"then why aren't you Catholic?" Some really intelligent students and professors would refer back to the Hebrew texts - to which I would simply reply: OK, so why aren't you Jewish?)

Once, I received a truely savant answer. Faith.

Have faith in God, faith in yourself, and faith in your partner. You will all work it out together.

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Actually, marriage does a whole lot of things legally but it does not guarantee sex.

In the US polygamy is illegal. So if marriage prevents partners from having sex outside the marriage, the assumption is that they will have sex in the marriage. Words like "Cheating", "Affair" and "Adultery" are certainly understood terms for breaching the Marriage vows, and show how central sex is to the institution. I've always assumed that marriage was invented to regulate sex and child-rearing.

Being married to an asexual closes all doors to having a sexual relationship. Period. Furthermore, since, as is so often repeated, "you can always divorce," there's an underlying assumption that you have to get out of a sexless marriage if you want to have a sexual partner (ie: you can't have one and remain married).

-Chiaroscuro

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