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Has anyone ever been attracted to you?


Adam Here

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Depends on the attraction, I've only had a few people come up and tell me they really like me in a crush kind of way. In terms of just "You're really pretty" or "you're attractive" or when I'm out on a night and people try to touch me or dance with me, I'm going to be a vain little creature and say it's happened a lot. I'm relatively good looking conventionally but unfortunately I'm not interested anyone! I always give off a very "bro" or purely friendly aura to either scare them off or let them know what's up.

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  • 2 weeks later...
YorkshireTyke

Never - much to my relief as it's spared me a lot of awkwardness!

Having said that, I've led a weirdly isolated life and probably haven't been around enough people to attract any admirers...

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  • 2 weeks later...

I don't really think so, to be honest. Would be nice though. I have never dated anyone and want to start trying, but it still makes me nervous.

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SpacePrincess

Yes, I've had my three best friends all at one point or another tell me they were attracted to me. I've had random guys ask me out, interested in me sexually and so on and so forth. It's weird and I don't understand why they like me and I tell them that. Not like a , "i don't deserve to be liked," but more of a, "What the heck?" Because I still don't understand sexual attraction since I don't have it.

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Yes, and there is no one more surprised by this than me. It's weird and I've never gotten use to it (not that it happens all the time, it doesn't)

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No, not that I noticed or perceived as such.

Yes, maybe in hindsight looking back at some experiences, some might've. But I wasn't aware of it at the time.

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I do get hit on sometimes in messages at facebook, but that is a completely unreal situation, so I attach no meaning to it.
In real life, I tend to occupy a sort of 'gay best friend' role to any women friends.
Husbands and boyfriends are often apparently jealous, but that stops when they meet me, so I must be giving out some kind of 'safe' or 'neutral' or god knows what vibe.
I've always had far more female friends than male, which could be because of something I'm giving out, or because I don't personally relate to men who talk about sport, fast cars, the gym, getting drunk, etc etc. Not that women don't do those things too, but men seem to do them in such a macho and humourless way.

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Yes, this sounds odd, but many guys have been attracted to me. I've had 3 stalkers in the past. 2 of them were extremely dangerous. Several guys at parties in college had tried to grope me. Also, get uncomfortably close. I've had a boyfriend, too. We met in college. He would tell me that every time I breathed, bent over, walked, etc. (basically just moved) it would turn him on so much it hurt. This was incredibly creepy to me. Also, had a couple of guys try to date me in a casual way. They were all incredibly nervous around me. I'm a bit oblivious with flirting, and either someone else later would tell me that someone flirted with me, or I'd realize something was off hours later. A girl flirted with me recently at a Pride event. It dawned on me on the way home. I think I'm even more oblivious of girls being attracted to me. Especially, because I'm not attracted to them romantically. (Just as friends.) There was a guy in high school who was supposed to be in choir, but would sneak into the band room while I was there and just stick around me. He did this so often, he eventually joined band, but never played an instrument. He would occasionally help out with banners and such, but his whole reason for being there was because of me. He told me this...He begged me to make him my +1 for the band dances. He even wanted me to be his partner during graduation. I find all this a bit bizarre. Romantically, I kind of like guys being attracted to me, but most of them have had more than just that on their minds.

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In all honesty, I don't think the guys I've met and/or encountered were attracted to me. Some of the guys I know who would approach me were just pestering bullies bugging me with the whole 'I like you' schtick and/or something else. Some were just friends, school/collegemates or acquaintances. Also, I couldn't, and even have a hard time, distinguishing attraction of any kind. Most likely from my quoi-flux side.

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Rolling Everforward

Yes. Of course, I have been in relationships in the past (and currently) so it had to have happened.

Like others have said, it usually goes completely over my head, especially when females are attracted to me and trying to hint. Gay men are much less subtle. When I do recognize that someone is trying to flirt with me, I get uncomfortable and usually wind up unintentionally saying something rude.

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anzu2snow, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. I hope you've found a better path that steers you away from the unpleasantness....

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Yes, but I'm oblivious until they tell me. One woman even asked me years later if I really had no idea at the time. I was uncomfortable because bringing up something so old made me wonder if she actually meant to give me a hint in the present. Sometimes cluelessness sucks.

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This was one of the questions I asked a councillor once, before I discovered the Asexual community...I asked her why at my 30 something age why nobody had ever found me attractive. Surely someone out there might have...I meet a lot of people in my life so it was making me feel quite low that nobody had. Later on after she had thought about it she chuckled and added that I was not broken but when your not hard wired for sex you possibly don't notice the signs from people. She went on to add that maybe people had shown an interest but because I had not responded in any way, it could be that they felt I was giving of the 'no' vibe so didn't take it further...and as for them trying to flirt, I just probably missed it. It was an interesting discussion!! :)

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^^ that describes me perfectly, thanks 🎂 🎂

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Yebby01, thanks for sharing that. I think it probably describes me as well. Fascinating stuff!

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Yeah, it has happened a couple of times. I guess it's flattering, but it often also makes me a bit uncomfortable.

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Sockstealingnome

Yes. Too many and across various ages, races, and social stereotypes: from your All-American jock to the awkward losers who have never dated to someone's grandfather suggestively placing their hand on my knee. It's been...uncomfortable to say the least. I grew up looking different, got made fun of and was bullied in school. I was the girl who sat by herself and groups of stupid boys would dare their friends to ask out on a fake date. I was Drew Barrymore's character in Never Been Kissed. Some time after high school I blossomed and grew into my face. That was a huge adjustment in attention that I did not understand.

From what I've observed, very few people will come right out and state their attraction. It's a whole lot of hints and looks and nonverbal cues. I've learned to just ignore them lest I feel too awkward to interact normally. I put the onus on the other person to state their intentions clearly. So that's resulted in me getting a lot of looks but very little date offers which is fine by me. Are there people attracted to me? Yes but it still equals out to getting hit on maybe once every three to four months.

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UncommonNonsense

I've had a few relationships and people who were attracted to me in my past, but they have never lasted longer than 8 months.

The 8 month one was in university. I had classes with a guy named Matt, and when he asked me out, I accepted. I had no attraction to him, but did consider him a friend. I guess I accepted because dating was something everyone else was doing and I figured that maybe sexual attraction and desire would kick in given some time. It didn't. I managed to put him off in regards to sex for about 7 months, but he started getting really insistent, and I guess I thought something like 'if I do this for him, maybe he'll leave me alone about it for a while". He didn't. As soon as I'd acquiesced once, he was pestering me constantly. We did it one more time, and I hated it just as much as the first time. After that, I broke it off.

The next relationship happened in the summer between my first year of university and the second. I'd gone home for the summer to work. I had met a guy who I'd been really close friends with all through elementary and middle school but had lost contact with when he'd been transferred to a different high school. He asked me out... and since I had kind of a squish on him for most of middle school, I accepted. We didn't do the standard dating script. Instead, we hung out at each other's houses, played 'Magic - The Gathering' with his friends, drove around in my parents' car, and went for walks together. This relationship ended badly after only about a month. He was the one who ignored me telling him 'No!' and 'Stop!' and pinned me under him so I couldn't escape or fight him off. Thankfully, my parents returned home before it could become full-on rape. After that, I told him I couldn't trust him, gave him back the things he'd left at my place, and went back to university, a four hour drive away.

The next situation was a stalker at work, about nine or so years later. He stalked me for months, then sexually assaulted me, and my workplace did nothing but tell him to stay away from me. I left that workplace about 6 months after that.

A few years after that, an unknown man kicked in the front door to my house at 2:30 am and tried to rape me. I fought him off, injured him, and chased him out. I called the police, and they responded with everything they had (cannot fault them at all, they were awesome!) but he was never caught.

About 5 years later, I met a guy through work. He worked as a truck driver for the postal system and he began flirting with me every time he saw me at work. I just thought he was joking around so I never paid it much heed, but then he asked me out. I'm a plus-sized critter, and he was a roly-poly kind of guy... I like fat/plus-sized people on an aesthetic level, and I thought he was funny, so I accepted. Unfortunately, he had sex on his mind from the start, and both times we went out together, his language became overtly sexual and vulgar straight away. He ignored me when I asked him to stop, so I finally had to get a little creative to get him to drop it. I responded to every sexual/vulgar overture by loudly saying things like "That's GROSS!", "Why would you say something so *disgusting*?!?", "Stop saying obscene things!" and relying on the other customers' disgusted stares in his direction to shut him up. Then I told him to lose my number and walked out. I was so glad to be rid of him! Two dates and he's already hounding me for sex?!? No fucking way!!!

Since then, I have resolutely stopped dating. If someone asks me out, I tell them as gently as possible that I'm not seeking a relationship and likely never will be. A few times, I've revealed that I'm asexual and aromantic, but I usually just tell them that it isn't personal, and it isn't because I don't like them, but that I just don't date and don't do relationships, but am open to being friends.

I'm afraid I just don't trust most guys anymore. I've had too many negative experiences (these ones aren't all. there are about 6 others and they all ended up being bad). If a guy flirts with me, I just do my best to remove myself from his presence as quickly as possible and avoid him as much as possible ever after. I trust a few, like certain family members, my boss and coworkers, some of my neighbours.. but that's about it.

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dragon_cake

I only heard from past friends of anyone being attracted to me. In middle school, according to a male friend whose mother was a friend of my mother, there were three guys he knew that were sexually interested in me. In high school, my female friends told me how some of the guys (younger or older) were attracted to me and were grossed out for me or looking out for me since they were not really "nice" guys. Apparently I'm too oblivious to tell if anyone was attracted to me until they say it bluntly or someone else would have to hint it to me. Either way, I wasn't too interested since I'm all about handholding and the more nicer side of a relationship that doesn't involve sex much less make outs.

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SeriousCyclist
1871

It's only natural that someone will be attracted to you, even if you are asexual. People are visual, emotional creatures, and they could, for lack of a better description, attach themselves to you no matter what you do. And they probably don't know you are asexual.

As a muscular male from a family of pro athletes, I get this all the time. Mostly from women, I'm guessing gay males might be afraid I'm a stereotypical heterosexual who responds to their advances negatively and physically. That said, I don't want any sexual advances, from men or women.

It can be a challenge for an asexual to know when somebody is attracted to them in a non-romantic way. I've only gotten better because I am an old asexual, and have had the benefit of experience.

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UncommonNonsense, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. It sounds terrifying. I've had the good fortune to most ignored and/or oblivious.

Your ETSY shop looks great! I may need to order something....

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My favourite relationships with men have been friendships where the boundaries have been clearly drawn....both married to someone else. I look back and believe that there was some spark for them as they clearly enjoyed my company in an additional way to friendship. For me, I enjoyed their company and the attention which I didn't get from either my ex or my female friends. So yes I felt I was attractive and felt a spark, although I would no more have wanted sex with them than a hole in the head. But definitely a connection.

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J. van Deijck

There were only 3 people who found me attractive: both my exes and my dear beloved. And one gay man I know, he is openly attracted to me. And also some random old men who think I'm a woman. It irritates me as fuck.

Besides that, nobody finds me attractive and it rather won't change. Well, I know I'm ugly, seems that I just have to deal with it.

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It sounds weird but I think that sexual people have a radar to recognize faces and behaviour that are not heterosexual. Of course not to a 100 or 90 % accuracy but it's posible to filter a huge part. I noticed that when I was asexual Ialmost nobody was attracted by me and the omes they looked like attracted were weirdos. Now that I experience sexual attraction I see faces in a different way, it's difficult to explain. I also noticed that asexuality is not only about sex and romanticism, in other words, there are many traits that a an asexual have not in common with an average sexual.

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Sockstealingnome

It sounds weird but I think that sexual people have a radar to recognize faces and behaviour that are not heterosexual. Of course not to a 100 or 90 % accuracy but it's posible to filter a huge part. I noticed that when I was asexual Ialmost nobody was attracted by me and the omes they looked like attracted were weirdos. Now that I experience sexual attraction I see faces in a different way, it's difficult to explain. I also noticed that asexuality is not only about sex and romanticism, in other words, there are many traits that a an asexual have not in common with an average sexual.

Good god is that why I attract the creepy ones? My heterosexual friend even commented that I get an unusual amount of attention from that camp.

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I never believe it if someone is attracted to me because I am fat.

Believe it or not a couple of those guys had a fat fetish which I find just weird.

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UncommonNonsense

I never believe it if someone is attracted to me because I am fat.

Believe it or not a couple of those guys had a fat fetish which I find just weird.

I'm fat too, and rather plain of face and wear only mens' clothing on top of it, but if I wanted a typical romantic/sexual relationship, I don't think I'd have any trouble finding one, judging by how often I've gotten unwanted attention from guys. But since I don't want one, I just find that attention annoying at best and creepy/threatening at worst. I really suspect that weight may not be the root of your troubles.

I'm quite confident about my weight, despite the fact that my body doesn't fit society's opinion of what is attractive. I guess I've always been the kind of person who says 'Society doesn't like my look? Well, fuck society!' I happen to like (most of) my body, even the parts that are the fattest bits of me. I hate my breasts, but that's because I'm agender and having rather large breasts just doesn't fit my gender identity and causes dysphoria, so I'd be rid of them if I could. But the rest of my body is fine by me.

I suspect the fact that I am confident is what people react to. I walk tall (well, as tall as possible.. I'm only 5'4"), hold my head high, and don't try to make myself appear smaller or to apologize for my body taking up space. Even though I'm not very social, I make as much eye contact as I can muster given the fact that I'm autistic, smile, and talk to people whenever I feel able to. I don't try to hide myself or act shy or ashamed of my physicality and I think that is what people find attractive. If you act confident and content with yourself, people will be attracted to you.

I know that's a tough act to pull off if you're not actually confident, but if you practice and mimic people you consider assertive, confident, and attractive, you'll pick it up (that's how I learned how to use non-autistic social cues like facial expressions, body language, eye contact, and vocal intonations, so I know it works), and the more practice you get with faking it, the more it will start to feel natural. Plus, the more you pretend, the more you will really start to feel more confident about your body and your looks. It really does work, though it takes a long time to feel much of a difference.

I hope this helps. No one should feel inferior just because of a silly social shallowness. Go strut your stuff, believing that you are awesome, 'cause you are.

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