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Lesbian dating a genderqueer person?


Skri

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Hey everyone

recently I started talking through a blog with this person, who happens to be genderqueer/fluid/confused.

There is a lot of liking going on between us, and I will meet them in one month or so.

But the thing is: I am a lesbian.

It's not like: I am a lesbian but my sexuality may change according to whom I like, no, I already had years ago one or two dates with a transgender person and that made me think a lot, coming to the conclusion that I would always seek for the "female" side of who I am dating... which is not ok. That would hurt the person I am with and I don't want it.

My question is: is there a way this situation could work?

I will definitely talk with them once we meet, before anything will happen, but still I'd like to get, if possible, the opinion of someone who has been through this? or someone who is genderqueer, maybe, what would you think of it?

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I'd just be honest with them.. You are attracted to females/femininity. You like them as a person and you'd like to have a relationship with them. You acknowledge the duality of their gender identity and respect that, but you'd likely seek their feminine side in a relationship.. Ask them how that makes them feel and what their comfort level is in trying things out.

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I'm seconding that honesty really is the best route here.

Honesty doesn't mean "give up" or "break up," but it does mean share your thoughts and concerns and talk about things openly. That's really the only way to be healthy, and the only way to make a relationship work.

If things don't work out because of honesty, they wouldn't have worked out anyway - and they would have failed in a much more insidious fashion that would have made both you and the other person suffer.

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Beth_Altair4

I'd say genderqueer is such a wide umbrella that it's hard to tell. It can cover so much that you cant really assume anything, in a good way as well as bad.

Personally I remember what I was like when I was identifying as genderfluid and confused, it's a tricky time to be honest. That's not to say I'd avoid them but don't expect them to know where they will be in 2 years time regarding gender ID or Transition stuff.

I'm kind of in the same position, I mostly like girls, If I want to be queerplatonic and huggy with someone who is non binary but mostly presents as a transguy then am I misgendering them internally? It gets complicated .

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ChillaKilla

I know a lot of femme NBs who call themselves lesbians because of their presentation and the fact that they're attracted to women, so I don't see why not!

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LadyErzsebet

Its kind of complicated. Mostly, I'd say talk to them. Like, I'm nonbinary and don't identify as female but I'd be cool with dating someone who identified as lesbian, because for me, lesbian is a label that has a lot of significance to people and I wouldn't want to take that away from someone. Also, most identity terms were created without thinking about nonbinary people so they don't really include us. I'm comfortable with dating someone who identified as lesbian as long as they weren't misgendering me in other ways. Like, what words are they ok with? It really depends on them. People are comfortable with different things.

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