For sexuals: Why is sex so important to you?

[Tarfeather]

By your very own desire-based definition, not being asexual, is not the same as engaging in sex. You can be a child and experience sexual desire. This would make you a non-asexual child.

As I said - I'd consider a pre-pubescent child desiring partnered sex a pretty big (though not 100% infallible) warning sign that something traumatic happened to them.

Please don't phrase it that way. It sounds like you're saying "penetrative sex", and yes, obviously, that would be unusual for a child to desire. But stuff like, touching the genitals of a woman? I did experience that desire at a young age, and I'm not inclined to think I'm that unusual, nor have I experienced anything traumatic (at least not sexually).

[Guest]

Huh... Ok, that makes sense... so you guys are saying that the internal feelings, etc, are completely different? I accept that!

*nods* Trust me... the years of guilt and self-loathing, breeding clinical depression, that I went through are not something I'd wish on anyone. And clearly, that's not the default state for all, or even the majority of, aromantics.

By your very own desire-based definition, not being asexual, is not the same as engaging in sex. You can be a child and experience sexual desire. This would make you a non-asexual child.

As I said - I'd consider a pre-pubescent child desiring partnered sex a pretty big (though not 100% infallible) warning sign that something traumatic happened to them.

Please don't phrase it that way. It sounds like you're saying "penetrative sex", and yes, obviously, that would be unusual for a child to desire. But stuff like, touching the genitals of a woman? I did experience that desire at a young age, and I'm not inclined to think I'm that unusual, nor have I experienced anything traumatic (at least not sexually).

Maybe we shouldn't discuss this farther, then.

[Rising Sun]

Please don't phrase it that way. It sounds like you're saying "penetrative sex", and yes, obviously, that would be unusual for a child to desire. But stuff like, touching the genitals of a woman? I did experience that desire at a young age, and I'm not inclined to think I'm that unusual, nor have I experienced anything traumatic (at least not sexually).

Sorry to divert the thread again, but all kids feel some curiosity towards private parts, especially of the opposite sex, but it's "scientific" curiosity rather than sexual desire. Or at least it was like that for me.

For you, was it more curiosity or genuine sexual desire ? I'm curious to know if this might be common in little children.

Edit : if ever you feel uncomfortable with this question, feel free to ignore this post.

[Tarfeather]

For you, was it more curiosity or genuine sexual desire ? I'm curious to know if this might be common in little children.

It was genuine desire. Not very strong, though.

[Heart]

For you, was it more curiosity or genuine sexual desire ? I'm curious to know if this might be common in little children.

It was genuine desire. Not very strong, though.

You're not the only person I've heard say this too. It seems that sexuality can present much sooner than I would have expected. But I guess that's fair; after all, laws and media do all they can to convince us that no child is sexual until they hit puberty. But really, who is behind that? That's not the children themselves telling that story, it's the older generation. There are a lot of parents in that older generation, which perhaps creates a bias. In retrospect, I am not surprised that sexuality often manifests long before I would have expected; I am ace, so have no personal experience with this, and I relied on media and sex ed to tell me what was normal.

So, I don't think this is necessarily that uncommon. Nor always something that comes from abuse or trauma. I mean, if children as young as 8 years old are getting periods, it only makes sense that children could be developing sexuality earlier too, right? And with such an early development of sexuality, it does not surprise me how deep in one's personality and sense of self this can be.

[Guest]

Talking about kids is difficult. Children's brains are different from our brains, their hormones are different, and their understanding of the world is different. Kids can say "I feel like a train" and mean it, but they don't mean it like they would mean it if they were an adult. Not to mention that we tend to ratify past thoughts and behavior based on who we become as adults... we kind of rewrite our lives to fit into a narrative that meshes with who we are when grown. Two male kids could feel the exact same way, internally, and experiment sexually with each other. Fifteen years later and one of them says "I always knew I was gay!" and the other one says "I was pushed into experimenting." Same initial feeling, totally different conception of it as adults.

I don't know what my point is.

[Heart]

Talking about kids is difficult. Children's brains are different from our brains, their hormones are different, and their understanding of the world is different. Kids can say "I feel like a train" and mean it, but they don't mean it like they would mean it if they were an adult. Not to mention that we tend to ratify past thoughts and behavior based on who we become as adults... we kind of rewrite our lives to fit into a narrative that meshes with who we are when grown. Two male kids could feel the exact same way, internally, and experiment sexually with each other. Fifteen years later and one of them says "I always knew I was gay!" and the other one says "I was pushed into experimenting." Same initial feeling, totally different conception of it as adults.

I don't know what my point is.

My take-away is a reminder that memory is not reality, and memory can do very weird unexpected things ;)

Recollection is an important tool, but not to be mistaken as infallible. Even memories from a day ago. Humans tend to make their memories into more of a narrative, thus lending them purpose or direction that may not have been as prominent at the time. Studies about memory can get fascinating, really. Especially memories formed when your brain structure or function was different than it is now (whether that means you had some form of mind-altering substance like medications or drugs, or were much younger in the brain development stage of life).

Anywho. I also don't know what my point is. Just random pondering I guess.

[butterflydreams]

Talking about kids is difficult. Children's brains are different from our brains, their hormones are different, and their understanding of the world is different. Kids can say "I feel like a train" and mean it, but they don't mean it like they would mean it if they were an adult. Not to mention that we tend to ratify past thoughts and behavior based on who we become as adults... we kind of rewrite our lives to fit into a narrative that meshes with who we are when grown. Two male kids could feel the exact same way, internally, and experiment sexually with each other. Fifteen years later and one of them says "I always knew I was gay!" and the other one says "I was pushed into experimenting." Same initial feeling, totally different conception of it as adults.

I don't know what my point is.

My mom has worked with toddler-age kids her whole life, and I don't know what it is. I don't know if parents just never talk about it with each other, or if no one talks about it, but kids have an incredible amount of depth to them. All the stories my mom has told me. I don't know why we don't acknowledge it. It's very different from adults, but it's important to treat kids as sentient beings and not property. I took things very seriously when I was a little kid, and too often the adults in my life, parents included, didn't care enough to treat my serious inquisition with respect. And it really caused me to clamp down and stop expressing anything.

Kids are very curious too. My mom would say how often she had to deal with it. Though I think it's mostly curiosity, and not desire. It's hard to know what to call it at that age. The plus side is that most of the time, kids' short attention spans mean you don't have to go overboard with whatever explanation you give them. But please, for the love of god, give good, responsible explanations. My mom shamed me when I was little for "touching myself". Kids don't really have an understanding of what that is, but if you instill at that age that it's bad, that's going to stick very hard later on in life.

Ugh, I have really strong opinions about how poorly parents deal with kids. When I was delivered, the box said, "handle with care" and it was too often not heeded. :(

[Guest]

Sorry to divert the thread again, but all kids feel some curiosity towards private parts, especially of the opposite sex, but it's "scientific" curiosity rather than sexual desire. Or at least it was like that for me.

For you, was it more curiosity or genuine sexual desire ? I'm curious to know if this might be common in little children.

Edit : if ever you feel uncomfortable with this question, feel free to ignore this post.

Not directed at me I know, but I was pretty curious about male parts when I was a kid. I never wanted to touch them, but I remember I kind of wished I had them.

It wasn't sexual interest, in any case. Not back then.

[Tarfeather]

Sorry to divert the thread again, but all kids feel some curiosity towards private parts, especially of the opposite sex, but it's "scientific" curiosity rather than sexual desire. Or at least it was like that for me.

For you, was it more curiosity or genuine sexual desire ? I'm curious to know if this might be common in little children.

Edit : if ever you feel uncomfortable with this question, feel free to ignore this post.

Not directed at me I know, but I was pretty curious about male parts when I was a kid. I never wanted to touch them, but I remember I kind of wished I had them.

It wasn't sexual interest, in any case. Not back then.

Wow that's Freudian. xD