Falling for fictional characters more than real people

[Ladygoditha]

As my attraction to people is completely dependant on personality (I don't have any reaction to bodies of any gender, but seem to consistently like male, clever, funny but confident in themselves nerds a la Data from STNG/Jonathan Creek/Ford Prefect/John Oliver) I find that, as people in real life are generally hidden as far as their inner thoughts go, I fall completely for people in books and on TV as you get to see them -inner thoughts and all- much more completely. I've only really loved and been attracted to one person in real life. I've had crushes on at least 10 pretend people. Anyone feel the same? Who did you like?

[Ladygoditha]

As my attraction to people is completely dependant on personality (I don't have any reaction to bodies of any gender, but seem to consistently like male, clever, funny but confident in themselves nerds a la Data from STNG/Jonathan Creek/Ford Prefect/John Oliver/Richard Ayoade) I find that, as people in real life are generally hidden as far as their inner thoughts go, I fall completely for people in books and on TV as you get to see them -inner thoughts and all- much more completely. I've only really loved and been attracted to one person in real life. I've had crushes on at least 10 pretend people. Anyone feel the same? Who did you like?

[Guest]

Same here, my feelings for fict characters have always been stronger, more intense, and much deeper than anything I have ever felt for ''real people'' ..

I define my romantic orientation as pan-fictoromantic (experiences romantic attraction to fictional characters regardless of their gender/lack thereof, race, or species) and grey-romantic when it comes to ''real people'' ..Some of my fictional loves have been book-Legolas from Lord of the Rings (cliche yes but I was 14), Sparrowhawk (Wizard of Earthsea) Serafina Pekkala (HIs Dark Materials), Ripley 8 (Alien Resurrection) Incariol (Second Apocalypse) and Sandor Clegane (A Song of Ice and Fire).. I was very strongly in love with and romantically attracted to these people, far beyond a crush. Feelings that can be felt throughout ones entire body, like.. you physically ache and hurt because the love and romantic desire are so strong.

[Guest]

Same here, my feelings for fict characters have always been stronger, more intense, and much deeper than anything I have ever felt for ''real people'' ..

I define my romantic orientation as pan-fictoromantic (experiences romantic attraction to fictional characters regardless of their gender/lack thereof, race, or species) and grey-romantic when it comes to ''real people'' ..Some of my fictional loves have been book-Legolas from Lord of the Rings (cliche yes but I was 14), Sparrowhawk (Wizard of Earthsea) Serafina Pekkala (HIs Dark Materials), Ripley 8 (Alien Resurrection) Incariol (Second Apocalypse) and Sandor Clegane (A Song of Ice and Fire).. I was very strongly in love with and romantically attracted to these people, far beyond a crush. Feelings that can be felt throughout ones entire body, like.. you physically ache and hurt because the love and romantic desire are so strong.

(edit I replied to both of these because I wasn't sure which one people would comment on) :o

[lina-gray]

i feel the same! it s not easy for me to feel attraction, for 2 reasons, first because as you said, people in real life usually hidde their thoughts and their feelings and they pretend something else, it s not often to find people who shows the "real you" and express his feelings, because they usually try to follow social "rules" and they dont allow themselves to be free, and second, this lack of self confidence! this is a big subject. i dont mean that a person must be egoistic, no, i just mean that if he doesnt appreciate himself and he is in an endless fight/blaming himself, how can i feel attraction for him? so, yes i like fictional characters, not as attraction, but as people who i would like to have a friendship (for me friendship in THE ONE!)

everyone is attracted by different fictional characters, maybe from them who has some characteristics a bit similar to him/her? i would like to learn your opinion for this! i mean, why the one is attracted by one fictional character and the other from another? were it depends?

personally i consider myself as demiromantic asexual because i can have some romantic feelings (not often...) but i m interesting for friendship because in friendship there is a feeling of freedom which there is not at a relationship (most times, because it depends at the person who you are in relationship).

my one and only fictional "love" is Thranduil from The hobbit. i like his coolnes, his confidence and the calm and simple way he express himself, he could be my best friend!!

[SithLord]

Ah, so ficto-romanticism is it? Well I know I've been attracted to quite a few characters like Vegeta and Trunks from DBZ, Saya Takagi from HOTD, Kyoya from OHSHC, Temari from Naruto, as well as Izaya and Shizuo from Durarara!!. I tend to be attracted to male fictional characters (and masculine, as the more feminine they are they tend to lose attractive points like with Forrest from Fire Emblem Fates Conquest). I like anti-heroes, the ones who get the shit beat out of them or who life treats like shit but don't let it get them down.

The appeal of fictional characters I agree is that they're more obvious than real people in what they mean or believe. Books, movies, anime, etc are made to be understood by the reader/viewer so have simplified characters, but in real life we try our hardest to blend in with others so hide our true selves. I like the honesty there.

But that being said, I know for certainty that I would be incompatible with these characters if they were real or I was in their world. :) I just don't have the patience to put up with most of who I crush on. And I also pair off most of who I crush on, since them being happy is what really matters.

[Light02]

This happens to me, too and I think it's because I have Asperger's and it's really hard for me to know what someone's thinking or feeling unless they just tell me! That's why I like people who are very sincere, straightforward and just say whatever's on their mind. But it seems very hard to me to find sincere boys. I feel like a lot of them are soo fake and they always act differently around me and their friends, trying to be masculine and shit. When it comes to fictional characters, though, you always know what they're thinking. And I've noticed I have "a type" amongst characters. The ones that I get a crush on are always similar - Bugs Bunny, Sonic The Hedgehog, Andy from that show "What's with Andy?", Deadpool... I'm not entirely sure what they all have in common but they do seem to have similar personalities - sincere, snarky, really funny, kind of feminine or at least not stereotypically masculine and they're all pretty much assholes but in a sort of nice/charming way? XD

[Guest]

I have kind of been the same. In real life I can't really do anything with people. It's either awkward or it doesn't work or other reasons. But, when I read book or watch anime, I sometimes develop small crushes on different character. But after a while, it dies down and goes away.

[poindexter]

Doesn't John Oliver count as a real person? And Richard Ayoade.

[Visenya]

It's so great to be able to talk about these things here! I can't tell anyone I know that I fall for fictional characters, because they tend to get judgemental, call me childish, and accuse me of doing it just because I can't deal with a real relationship (excuse me if I'm incompatible with most real people ¬¬'). I've seen this sort of thing here, but waaaay less often. I've never understood why people are allowed to have sexual fantasies ("oh, that's normal and healthy and everyone does it"), but if you have romantic fantasies, it's because you have psychological issues. <_<

But I digress (and sorry about ranting)...

I think I can relate to what you said, at least a bit. For some reason, crushing on someone real is getting rarer and rarer for me. I think that's because I've gotten too attached to a particular fictional character (in my case, it's Rhaegar Targaryen, from A Song of Ice and Fire) and, being monoamorous, I'm not capable of liking two or more people at a time. I need to get over one person in order to fall for the next. And on the rare occasions when I feel like I'm starting to fall for someone real, I avoid getting too emotionally/romantically invested, because I know it's a waste of time. The only problem is that I'd like some physical affection, but oh, well... At least, I'm glad I can control my feelings a bit better and not waste it on other people. I'm much happier when I'm into fictional characters, and if I could choose, I wouldn't like real people anymore.

Regarding the inner thoughts thing, I don't think I can relate to that. My fictional crush is too mysterious and it's a bit hard to get to know him well, but at least he's very interesting.

[Manticone]

I am like this, totally.

But I think what it is...is just letting my guard down. Knowing I can find a character adorable, but not be pursued sexually.

I think, in real life...even if I DID know a person like, say, Sherlock, or 11, or Reid...I would still only be interested in friendship with them.

Or maybe I would feel something romantic for them; not sure, not even sure how I would know if it was romantic as opposed to a very strong friendship.

I think shows and series (book or television) give us a chance of exploring a potential, imaginary friendship...while understanding that no harm, no miscommunication...nothing could come from it.

That said, my idealized boyfriend would possibly be closest to a combination of Sherlock (from BBC's Sherlock) and Spencer Reid.

I am not clingy, and not jealous by my nature, and Sherlock seems so overtly ace that he'd be a perfect fit. :)

[Grace Barton]

I definitely connect more to fictional characters more than real people, for those very reasons! I develop strong attachments to the characters I like, because you see so much more of their personality and hidden thoughts. I had a huge kid-crush on Tai from Digimon when I was a kid, and I'd be lying if a part of me still didn't hold a torch for him, which has been re-ignited thanks to Digimon Tri coming out. I also think I had a bit of a crush on England from Hetalia, and Tohma Seguchi from Gravitation, but it could just be that they were my favourites in the series. I suppose Ringabel from Bravely Default counts as well. I didn't like his character when I started playing that game, but dammit he grew on me!

There are some other characters from books I'd say I had a strong connection with, but I think of them more as favourites than crushes. Like Dannyl from the Black Magician trilogy, or Raistlin from the Dragonlance series. The latter I don't really understand because his attitude was terrible and yet I connected more with him than anyone else, probably because we got to see more of the hidden feelings and personality behind the outward one.

[Forest Spirit]

I am like this, totally.

But I think what it is...is just letting my guard down. Knowing I can find a character adorable, but not be pursued sexually.

I think, in real life...even if I DID know a person like, say, Sherlock, or 11, or Reid...I would still only be interested in friendship with them.

Or maybe I would feel something romantic for them; not sure, not even sure how I would know if it was romantic as opposed to a very strong friendship.

I think shows and series (book or television) give us a chance of exploring a potential, imaginary friendship...while understanding that no harm, no miscommunication...nothing could come from it.

That said, my idealized boyfriend would possibly be closest to a combination of Sherlock (from BBC's Sherlock) and Spencer Reid.

I am not clingy, and not jealous by my nature, and Sherlock seems so overtly ace that he'd be a perfect fit. :)

Those are exactly my three biggest crushes too XD I would love to meet someone who's a good combination of them in real life, but doubt it's ever going to happen (pessimistic me..). But even just as a best friend it would be awesome <3

[Goonie]

Yup all the time. But I think for me it's because they are fictitious. I don't have to worry about hurting feelings. If someone makes them cry, I am not the one that has to comfort them. They aren't clingy and they are there on my demands and whims. If i get upset at them I can turn them off or put them down and not deal with them until I am ready. So while you get that inner dialogue and completeness given to you, you are still missing the reality of them cutting their toenails while you are eating and the likes.

[Farfalline]

It's possible that you're simply more attracted to the intellectual rather than the physical. I'm not going to lie and say that I've never platonically connected with a fictional character (Tyrionnnn), but I doubt I would ever want a romantic relationship if they were 'real.' As others in this thread have said, fictional characters don't come with real person baggage and you as the reader/viewer/audience essentially are privy to their entire being, thus removing a great deal of the 'danger' that comes with getting to know a real person. Because they don't exist outside of their respective media and our own imaginations, we can essentially tailor them to our whims and make them 'perfect' in whatever capacity.

[scarletlatitude]

Moving to romantic and aromantic orientations

scarletlatitude

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