Are there not a lot of Ace people?

[Aceofheartss]

Hi! I recently came out as asexual, but I've never actually met anyone else who is ace, and I've never seen any representation in media. . .so I'm kinda wondering if the social stigma against being ace makes people afraid to come out, or are there just not a lot of asexual people? Either way, is there any representation in media?

(I posted this in the wrong forum at first I think, sorry!)

[Muledeer]

I read an article in the New York Times that stated around 2% of the population may be asexual. But who knows? I don't think it has really been studied too much.

[SquidKen]

Honestly I just don't think there's a ton of us, or at least none who feel they need to come out. I've never met another asexual either, and I think that's due to both those reasons. I've heard 1% (or 2% as said above me, maybe he's right) of people are ace. In general that's still a lot of people, but in a school or work environment not so much. In my case up until a month or two ago if you asked if I were Ace, I wouldn't know what to say. I had no idea that was a thing I could be, I just figured I was broken. Maybe that's part of it too.

[Coffiend Jackalope]

I always heard it was about 1%. I think one thing is people don't realize they're ace til they're practically in adulthood. We don't hear about it in the media so a lot of us just have to notice the absence of sexual attraction, which is hard to notice if you've never had it in the first place.

On the Big Bang Theory Sheldon and Amy started off ace, but they were never stated as being ace, and the writers did that "they only had to meet the right person" thing. The show Sirens has a canonically ace character. And then there's Doctor Who and Sherlock, but they're not said to be ace on the show.

Many of us aces just go and headcanon characters to be ace.

[levelskid]

I think there are more than is let on, but a lot of people just don't realize it. I only ever met a demisexual and until this year, I didn't know I was one even though I had learn what it was for years. Are we a majority? No. But we don't have all the numbers.

[Velma]

(I kept getting an error message saying that I didn't have permission to reply to this post. Then I got a message that the post didn't exist. What the...)

I think there are many asexuals who have no idea that they are that way. When I was growing up, it wasn't even a viable option. The DSM-V still sees asexuality as a disorder that needs to be treated. So if people go talk about it to a therapist, there's a good chance that they'll be told it's something that needs to be fixed.

I thought I didn't know any, but I've known several in my life. It's only looking back that I realize that most of my closest friends I've had were asexual, and our unusual special "just friends" status would probably have made us asexual couples. What's odd is that I'm not aro, but 3 of them were definitely aro relationships. I seriously had no idea that my "special friends" and I were asexual.

So anyway, I think there are many who don't know what they are. Some don't want to be that way so think they are just slow to warm up --eventually, they will get attracted to someone... Sure... Also some probably just don't want anyone to know, and they aren't going to tell you.

That's why I think the rings are a good idea. Even if you never talk to the person, at least you see that others DO exist. It may not just be a personal statement. It could be a lifesaver for some closeted person who sees it and knows that they aren't the only person in their neighborhood. (If they even know what the ring means, of course.)

[Starlit Sky]

AVEN typically says there's around 1% of asexual people in the world, but the trouble with that statistic is that the AVEN gods can really only tell that by the number of people who find this website, by the number of people who respond to census thingies, etc., etc. I agree with Velma and levelskid say, in that there are many who just don't realize it.

In the first half of my senior year in high school, I told one of my acquaintances that I was asexual, to which he responded, "Oh, you know you'd do it if you got the chance!" Later on in the academic year, he told me, "You know, I think I may be like you. Asexual."

When I was in the eighth/ninth grade I talked to a guy online who was unbelievably frustrating, but when I look back on it he was deeefinitely asexual, or somewhere on our side of things. He would frequently talk about the evils of sex and once told me that when he was younger he seriously considered cutting off his genitals (!!!!!!!!!!), he was so repulsed. Very romantic though. My main annoyance with him was that he was sooo sure I had to be like everyone else and would never believe me when I tried to say that I don't like guys, either. I wonder if he's found out about asexuality yet.

Anyway, my point is . . . there are many, many people in this world who A) don't speak a language fluently enough to find AVEN (which is the biggest asexual resource), or B) don't have access to the Internet in the first place. At this time, there is no way to determine the exact percentage of asexuals.

That being said, there are significantly less asexual people than, say, gays. Or bis. I've met more pansexuals than I have asexuals in person, even.

[Luckiplier]

I second everyone else who is saying the awareness isn't there. For example, most of my life, I thought I simply hadn't found the right person, but years after having partners in my life whom I love deeply, and my "servicing" them and my clearly not having their physical cravings and my not getting the ecstasy out of the act of sex itself that they do, someone suggested to me asexuality. I looked into it, and discovered I can relate to this orientation more than any other. I mostly feel like a bodiless mind, and I'm not touchy feely unless I'm gearing up to "service" someone I care about.

[Sally]

.

That being said, there are significantly less asexual people than, say, gays. Or bis. I've met more pansexuals than I have asexuals in person, even.

We don't know that for certain. There are no doubt many asexuals who don't know that they are "asexual". I didn't for most of my life.

[Starlit Sky]

.

That being said, there are significantly less asexual people than, say, gays. Or bis. I've met more pansexuals than I have asexuals in person, even.

We don't know that for certain. There are no doubt many asexuals who don't know that they are "asexual". I didn't for most of my life.

I suppose that we don't know that for certain, but the reason why homosexuality is starting to really become more accepted is because there is more visibility--that is, there are a lot of people who are gay. The amount of people who are gay CREATE that visibility. I don't think we'd have the problems that we do if there were more aces than gays. :P

[Nashira]

I think the difference between asexuality and being gay/lesbian etc. is that when you actually want to be in a (sexual) relationship with a person of the same gender, it becomes something much harder to hide then just not wanting to be in a relationship at all. A person who is never in a relationship, or who is in one but is either demi or romantic, probably will be viewed somewhat either as "normal" or will be left alone, but won't really suffer prejudice because they prefer to be single. I guess that just makes us asexuals kind of comfortable hiding our sexuality.

[Lost247365]

It is my understanding that we are pretty rare. Where as the homosexual population is usually estimated at around 3-10%, we are usually estimate to be around 1% of the population.

I have also heard that it is speculated that people who are in some small way bisexuals/pansexuals actually make up a majority of the population, but nothing conclusive.

[Starlit Sky]

^ That. I've heard of the theory that everyone is bisexual in some way or another. While that's not actually true, I know a lot of girls (myself included) that are more than capable of fantasizing about other girls, and many who are comfortable doing sexual things with them (even if they only consider themselves to be hetero). I do believe that most people are "bi" or "pan," to some degree, but it is very often not enough to even matter.

[SkyHigh]

I have heard about the 1% estimate before, but what is the number based on? Is this the amount of people who know that they are asexual from research, or does it include an estimate of the people who are not aware of being asexual?

In any case, it is a difficult thing to learn about in our society. To me it seems that everybody has been trying so hard to make sex seem normal rather than a taboo that people are now afraid of not being obsessed with sex, and people even often see asexuality of others as an insult. Having more media attention would be fantastic, but please, stop making every possible asexual look like a serial killer or a complete psychopath. It does not help. :P We can love too. There are probably a lot more asexuals in the world than we might believe. But who knows if they themselves do not know?

[Starlit Sky]

^ That.

I'm extremely sex-positive and even enjoy talking about sexual things every now and then, but even I can get pretty exasperated with all the SEX SEX SEX LOOK AT ME SEX SEX YOU KNOW YOU LIKE THIS SEX SHE'S HOT ISN'T SHE SEX DON'T YOU JUST WANNA SUCK HIM OFF (<--- TMI) SEX in various forms of media. While I encourage people to explore their sexuality if they wish to, I don't think that that should mean that it is okay to shut the rest of us out if we don't want to.

I have a favorite example, actually, but it's nothing to do with asexuality.

Anybody ever heard of the Free the Nipple campaign? It's a feminist movement that has the mission of pointing out the double-standard when it comes to guys and girls going shirtless (namely that if a guy goes outside without a shirt on it's because they're confident, whereas if a girl does that it's . . . well, illegal). When I first heard of it my initial reaction was, "That's because breasts are seen as more sexual, and heterosexual guys would find that very distracting," etc., etc. After thinking about it a bit, though, I know for certain that the male chest is just as a "hot" to many other girls I know. Soo I actually see the point in this.

That being said, when doing my research on it I found a post from somewhere--I think it was Twitter--where one girl said she wasn't personally ready to show her boobs to the Internet masses (essentially), and another person followed up with an attack that she needed to not talk about feminism until she remembered what feminism is all about. I guess that person forgot that it's not very "feminist" to guilt trip other people into showing their bodies if they don't want to, and I contribute that at least in part due to SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX in the media.

[KendraPM]

In general I don't think we're a very large percentage of the population. However a lot of people believe romantic attraction to be sexual attraction, and that could play into people not realizing they are ace. Take me for example, when I first heard about asexuality, I didn't think it fit me because I experience romantic attraction. My first crush was at five. Was I sexually attracted to them? Nope, but since I had a romantic attraction to a male, I automatically assumed that meant I was either heterosexual. After my first crush on a female I assumed I was bisexual. Even after finding out that they were separate types of attractions, I didn't quite figure out that I was asexual until I went through a long questioning process.

It's also much harder to prove the lack of something over the presence of something. If you're seven and have developed a crush on a person of the same gender, you realize you're attracted to the same gender. However if you're seven and haven't ever developed a crush on anyone, you may be aromantic, you may not have found someone you click with yet, you may be too young to notice other people that way, or something else may be in play.

Plus there's a lot of stigma around people being asexual, (or with anything that's not heterosexual-heteromantic) that could be causing people to not come out. A combination of those three factors could be what's making the numbers seem so low.

[Telecaster68]

I have heard about the 1% estimate before, but what is the number based on?

From Wikipedia - links to sources (all pretty decent) are on the main page:

In the mid-twentieth century,Alfred Kinsey rated individuals from 0 to 6 according to their sexual orientation from heterosexual to homosexual, known as the Kinsey scale. He also included a category he called "X" for individuals with "no socio-sexual contacts or reactions";[26][27] in modern times, this is categorized as representing asexuality.[28] Kinsey labeled 1.5% of the adult male population as X.[26][27] In his second book, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, he reported this breakdown of individuals who are X: unmarried females = 14–19%, married females = 1–3%, previously married females = 5–8%, unmarried males = 3–4%, married males = 0%, and previously married males = 1–2%.[27]

Further empirical data about an asexual demographic appeared in 1994, when a research team in the United Kingdom carried out a comprehensive survey of 18,876 British residents, spurred by the need for sexual information in the wake of the AIDS pandemic. The survey included a question on sexual attraction, to which 1.05% of the respondents replied that they had "never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all".[29] The study of this phenomenon was continued by the Canadian sexuality researcher Anthony Bogaert in 2004, who explored the asexual demographic in a series of studies. Bogaert believed that the 1% figure was not an accurate reflection of the likely much larger percentage of the population that could be identified as asexual, noting that 30% of people contacted for the initial survey chose not to participate in the survey. Since less sexually experienced people are more likely to refuse to participate in studies about sexuality, and asexuals tend to be less sexually experienced than sexuals, it is likely that asexuals were under-represented in the responding participants. The same study found the number of homosexuals and bisexuals combined to be about 1.1% of the population, which is much smaller than other studies indicate.[4][7]

In contrast to Bogaert's suggestion in 2004 of a higher percentage, a study by Aicken et al., published in 2013, suggests that, based on Natsal-2 data from 2000-2001, the prevalence of asexuality in Britain is only 0.4% for people between the ages of 16-44.[30] This percentage indicates a decrease from the 0.9% figure determined from the Natsal-1 data collected on the same age-range a decade earlier.[30] Bogaert also found a similar decline between the Natsal-1 and Natsal-2 data.[31] Aicken, Mercer, and Cassell also found some evidence of ethnic differences among respondents who had not experienced sexual attraction; both men and women of Indian and Pakistani origin had a higher likelihood of reporting a lack of sexual attraction.[30] Muslims were also more likely to report this lack of attraction than respondents from Christian religions.[30]

[AnotherWeasley]

I think it's still very difficult to determine how many aces there are in the world, because it's an issue that's only slowly coming to the public's attention and there's still some stigma attached to it (we're cold machines, we're just prudes, we haven't found the one, we've had traumatic experiences involving sex etc., you know the stuff I mean) . Add to that the problem of definition and you've got quite a few obstacles to overcome before you can determine a remotely accurate number.

We may have a good definition on AVEN, but some people I've (had to) come out to were just like, "That's the one where you don't want/dislike sex, isn't it?" and I had to explain that it's actually about attraction. The worst situations are the ones where the other person is sure they know what I mean and I have to tell them that it's, in fact, very different from what they think. Also, we define asexuality by a lack of sexual attraction, which makes it more difficult - I'd imagine - to work out that you're ace than, say, that you're gay.

So, while it should be possible to determine the number of people who identify as asexual, I think it's gonna be fairly difficult for a long time yet to see how many ace people there really are (plus greysexuals and all the other "subcategories" the umbrella term "asexual" covers)

[Ruqiah]

People also confuse asexuality with celibacy or abstinance. People who wish to abstain from sex may do so for a number of reasons. Past trauma, health, religious, and so on. There may be a lot of people who are celibate or abstain for sex, that could actually be asexuals who don't know it. Their religious text forbids sex before marraige, so they think it's because of that. Health may prevent them from wanting sex or acting on it, so they think it's just for health reason. Maybe someone's had a run of bad relationships, and the person thinks it's their issue. But in reality, it could be the sex that bothered them. Maybe they've told people that they don't want a sexual relationship and people just say things like "you just need to try to know" or " you're too young" so they shrug and stop talking about it (thinking something's wrong with them).

Are there a lot of ace people? I don't know. I've met maybe one my whole life. Online in my chat community (which can number anywhere from 30-70 regulars), I know of four other aces who are there. So, who knows?

[guabonito]

I really want to know where this 1% statistic comes from. How recent is it, too? More people are becoming self-aware all the time, so if it isn't from the last couple of years, it might be outdated by now. If you had asked me one year ago if I was asexual, I would have asked you what the word meant and then said "no". I felt sexual attraction. Or so I thought. It turns out that what I had always defined as sexual attraction (a definition that I had to develop on my own because it's not like they teach you this at school) as what it turns out aesthetic and sensual attraction is. But I had never heard of either of these two attractions. I only learned two years ago that romantic and sexual attractions were separate things (due to a discussion in my bi group). I only discovered I was asexual after months of researching for a story I wanted to write because, as someone who wasn't asexual (how little did I know), I didn't want to get it wrong. I think there are more asexuals than that 1% statistic, but there isn't enough information out there for people to even know it's an option. For example, the spellcheck on this browser is telling me that "asexuals" is not even a word!

[Telecaster68]

I really want to know where this 1% statistic comes from. How recent is it, too? More people are becoming self-aware all the time, so if it isn't from the last couple of years, it might be outdated by now. If you had asked me one year ago if I was asexual, I would have asked you what the word meant and then said "no". I felt sexual attraction. Or so I thought. It turns out that what I had always defined as sexual attraction (a definition that I had to develop on my own because it's not like they teach you this at school) as what it turns out aesthetic and sensual attraction is. But I had never heard of either of these two attractions. I only learned two years ago that romantic and sexual attractions were separate things (due to a discussion in my bi group). I only discovered I was asexual after months of researching for a story I wanted to write because, as someone who wasn't asexual (how little did I know), I didn't want to get it wrong. I think there are more asexuals than that 1% statistic, but there isn't enough information out there for people to even know it's an option. For example, the spellcheck on this browser is telling me that "asexuals" is not even a word!

It comes from the 1994 UK study referred to in post #17.

[Mezzo Forte]

Honestly, the chances of running into another ace and knowing it is probably pretty small, depending on where you live. If you think about it, meeting a fellow asexual generally requires that 1) the person knows what asexuality is, 2) realizes that they are asexual, 3) is willing to share that information, and 4) feels comfortable/safe sharing that information in that given setting to the specific people in that setting.

So you're looking at percentages within percentages. I'm personally pretty private about my orientation because I see no reason to bring it up to others, (all social risk, with no real reward most of the time,) but if I feel safe to bring it up and I feel discussing my orientation is appropriate to the conversation, I might consider mentioning it. Maybe there's the rare "loud and proud" types who might be more visible, but there just aren't enough spaces where people will feel comfortable discussing their asexuality offline that would allow a lot of aces to find each other by chance.

[Ace of Amethysts]

I'm extremely sex-positive and even enjoy talking about sexual things every now and then, but even I can get pretty exasperated with all the SEX SEX SEX LOOK AT ME SEX SEX YOU KNOW YOU LIKE THIS SEX SHE'S HOT ISN'T SHE SEX SEX SEX in various forms of media. While I encourage people to explore their sexuality if they wish to, I don't think that that should mean that it is okay to shut the rest of us out if we don't want to.

I have a favorite example, actually, but it's nothing to do with asexuality.

Anybody ever heard of the Free the Nipple campaign? It's a feminist movement that has the mission of pointing out the double-standard when it comes to guys and girls going shirtless (namely that if a guy goes outside without a shirt on it's because they're confident, whereas if a girl does that it's . . . well, illegal). When I first heard of it my initial reaction was, "That's because breasts are seen as more sexual, and heterosexual guys would find that very distracting," etc., etc. After thinking about it a bit, though, I know for certain that the male chest is just as a "hot" to many other girls I know. Soo I actually see the point in this.

That being said, when doing my research on it I found a post from somewhere--I think it was Twitter--where one girl said she wasn't personally ready to show her boobs to the Internet masses (essentially), and another person followed up with an attack that she needed to not talk about feminism until she remembered what feminism is all about. I guess that person forgot that it's not very "feminist" to guilt trip other people into showing their bodies if they don't want to, and I contribute that at least in part due to SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX in the media.

This is basically my stance on sex in society. :D

Edited February 7, 2016 by Ace of Amethysts

[Starlit Sky]

Maybe there's the rare "loud and proud" types who might be more visible

Right here! XD

Well, I don't feel like yelling it by the rooftops as there's really no point in that except getting the cops called on me for disturbing the peace--but I'm very visible. I'll mention asexuality in any conversation with just about anyone if I see a point to be made. It's pretty rare for me to be totally uncomfortable talking about asexuality (not that it doesn't happen, of course), and I contribute this to having mostly positive feedback. I can't fault anyone else for not being as open about it, though, when we are all definitely sick in the head.

Anyway, I agree with what you say. I would argue that we've all come into contact in some way or another more than one other asexual, it's just that we don't realize it. I've read a few times from people on AVEN who will talk about their parents or grandparents talking about "not caring about sex but having it anyway"--or, being ace and not realizing it. I also knew a kid in school for three years before he told me that he suspected he might be asexual.

[Ace of Amethysts]

I`m a loud and proud ace, too :D

Edited February 7, 2016 by Ace of Amethysts

[Starlit Sky]

I`m a loud and proud ace, too :D

MY TWIN :')

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I'm not loud but I don't shy away from saying it if it's appropriate, though I usually like to make people guess first ;)

[KendraPM]

I'm not really loud and proud, but I'm not secret about it either. I'm out, but the first reactions I got where all negative. So that's made me gun shy on telling people, but I don't hide it either. If someone asks, especially when people at work see me on Aven, I'm honest. But I've stopped volunteering information.

[Lost247365]

Add to that the problem of definition and you've got quite a few obstacles to overcome before you can determine a remotely accurate number.

I think this is one of our biggest problems. Not only does it allow acephobes to try and undermine our orientation but causes endless confusion about whether one is asexual or not and can cause other self identifying asexuals to confuse other asexuals by accident.

We may have a good definition on AVEN, but some people I've (had to) come out to were just like, "That's the one where you don't want/dislike sex, isn't it?" and I had to explain that it's actually about attraction.

Here is a good example of the definition problem. Not being able to ever want sex IS ASEXUALITY. It is just as much about desire as it is about attraction. In fact, sexual attraction is just a synonym for sexual desire. They are the same thing. So those people were 100% correct. It is the one where you don't want sex.

And I disagree about AVEN having a good definition. I think it bad because it causes people to think asexuality is just about attraction. It needs to add the phrase "or does not desire to have sex with others" to avoid confusion.

[Starlit Sky]

We may have a good definition on AVEN, but some people I've (had to) come out to were just like, "That's the one where you don't want/dislike sex, isn't it?" and I had to explain that it's actually about attraction.

Here is a good example of the definition problem. Not being able to ever want sex IS ASEXUALITY. It is just as much about desire as it is about attraction. In fact, sexual attraction is just a synonym for sexual desire. They are the same thing. So those people were 100% correct. It is the one where you don't want sex.

You know, I was actually wondering about the "not being able to ever want sex" part. If that was the AVEN definition (asexuals are incapable of ever wanting sex), do you think that there would be a lot of newbies coming in and being confused? Many people say on here that they don't know if they want sex, or that they don't know if they would ever want sex, or something like that. I imagine that if you wanted to be really exact and whatnot you'd say "not ever have the intrinsic need for sex," or something like that?

Well, there are also people who eventually change from asexual to allosexual. What do you personally think in those cases? Do you feel that maybe it's more that they were in the gray area in the first place? Or something like that?

Anyway, I'm not actually challenging what you say and I hope I don't come off as sarcastic or . . . anything else. I'm just interested in hearing your thoughts, that's all. ^_^