newtoallofthis Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Hello Everyone and thank you for allowing me to join I would really appreciate some help and advice from the community. Please forgive any ignorance on my part at the outset. This weekend my partner came out to me as asexual. Being honest I have known very little about asexuality. For my part I hope I was very understanding of the news. I told her that nothing has changed with us (nothing has changed, I still love her very much). We have never been an overly sexually active couple. My partner has told me that she still enjoys sex as and when we have it. I know that asexuality is not a response mechanism to previous relationships/abuse etc however she has raised with me details of her previous partner, who by all accounts was sex on the brain 24/7. We have an incredibly intimate relationship (she loves back rubs for example, and I love giving back rubs, works well) and I guess what I am asking for is advice on how my behaviour should adapt to make sure that my partner never ever feels like I am unaccepting of who she is or feels pressured into a sexual encounter which she does not want. I am afraid that she will feel like she has to have sex with me. Now listen, all cards on the table, I am a sexual person and I have desires. We are planning (down the line) on marriage and children, we are both in agreement about this. I am trying to understand her viewpoint, of enjoying sex when we have it, but not being attracted to me sexually. Romantically yes, enjoys sex but doesn't want sex. I am sorry again for the ignorance of this post, I just cannot seem to make total sense of where she is...... Link to post Share on other sites
Baam Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Think of your favourite food. I'm going to use cake as an example, since we tend to be obsessed with it around here. Sometimes you get a really big urge to go and eat your favourite food; cake. And you may or may not indulge in that urge, and go and eat cake. But sometimes someone will just randomly offer you cake, when that urge isn't present. You didn't particularly want the cake, but you really enjoyed eating it since it's your favourite food. So - even if we don't feel the desire to reach out for sex, it doesn't mean we can't enjoy it. Link to post Share on other sites
newtoallofthis Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Bram, Thanks for the cake analogy, actually helps a huge amount with things. I think we both have quite a lot of questions, I am really glad that my partner was able to be honest about this with me, I think it was really playing on her mind. But there are lots of really good informational threads on here which I think are going to be a huge help to the both of us, for different reasons and we can move forward together stronger for it. Link to post Share on other sites
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