NYCMan Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 <<<<< Older Ace Man here...hello! anyone near NYC? Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier080854 Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 I don't date, I just hang out with friends, male, female, straight. gay or trans. The chat is the most important for me. Link to post Share on other sites
AspieAngel Posted December 26, 2016 Share Posted December 26, 2016 I avoid dating because it generally puts me in an awkward situation. Link to post Share on other sites
straightouttamordor Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I believe some Aces over 50 would like to date if possible. Geography, fewer numbers of asexuals, the varying degrees on the spectrum and the criteria we place on one another make dating a challenge. I have seen a few ads on Craigslist for asexuals. Most ads are scammers sadly on Craigslist. Many have thrown in the proverbial towel. Sexual people as well seem to give up at a certain time in life. They feel that their sexual market value has expired or they have unrealistic expectations in a mate. People do have baggage by middle age who are honest. They don't want to quote "settle" so they turn into loners. I'm not advocating being desperate. The age adjusted cull factor curve may need further examination by both asexuals and sexuals. Look at what a person is rather than what they are not. I like cats but I don't want to be an old cat person who shuns everybody and has ass face all the time. Do ya feel me aces? Link to post Share on other sites
Kazbe Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I feel you, @prib23. I tried dating when my last relationship ended, thirteen or so years ago. However, the whole process was thoroughly demoralising. I had almost no offers on internet dating sites - my age (late 40s at the time) combined with education (PhD) combined with where I live (I live a long way from the city) seemed to be the culprit. Plus I wanted to date someone roughly my own age. When I tried a dating agency as a last resort, I was told quite firmly that a woman of my age and attractiveness (I was rated as average) should only aim for men 10-15 years older. The agency was a huge waste of money, and it became clear during the phone 'dates' that I had very little in common with all the supposedly 'good' matches they made for me in that age group. And to be honest, the feeling was mutual. One guy told me I was too immature for him because I liked anime and fantasy films/novels. Another asked what was wrong with me because I didn't have children. Another disparaged people with PhDs as not living in the real world. Sigh. Also, by this stage I was over tolerating sex in a relationship. In the end, the thought of dealing with sex again was so off-putting, I couldn't bring myself to follow through on the couple of offers I did get in the three year period I was actively looking. And at this stage, I don't think I can put myself through all that 'looking for dates' nonsense again. Link to post Share on other sites
straightouttamordor Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 The fantasy films and the like I'm cool with, like most of them myself. My educational back ground is the polar opposite of yours. I came from an extremely disfunctional family. I have a GED and only two semesters of technical college in my background. I have a very blue collar job. So many view me as less than I suppose. Although I am not a redneck or trashy in any way. Many aces are very intellectual and educated. I have no problem with it. Sex in the relationship ? Yes your right, its better to be with someone who is on the same spectrum of being asexual as their partner. Maybe more people will come forward one day and embrace their asexuality. Many may be living in the shadows of shame. Me, I don't give a flying fornication what peop!e think. Link to post Share on other sites
Kazbe Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I actually didn't get an education until my 40s - my mother insisted I leave school when I was sixteen so I ended up studying while working. My mother was of the opinion that too much education was unnecessary for women and that my real job in life was to get married and produce her grandchildren. Needless to say I was HUGE disappointment. She even refused to come to my graduation. So I empathise with having a dysfunctional family. Honestly, do you think there is such a thing as a functional family? I swear I don't know anyone who has one! Link to post Share on other sites
straightouttamordor Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 Yes all families have dysfunction. Some more than others. Passing your family's genes on and having a legacy is paramount to most people. So the disappointment is shared by the families of many asexuals. My family, only my grandfather ( a machinist) and myself didn't get a degree from a university. I have two Harvard PhDs on my mom's side. So I am the black sheep. I've grown to like being the anti hero and the outcast. I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to be me. Link to post Share on other sites
Grayel Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm a hopeful romantic. I want to date, I want to find the companionship that I desire. I have much to share, and not sharing is unfulfilling. My favorite part of my previous long-term relationships was always when their lust stage wore off (thank gawd) and we settled into the companionate stage. Link to post Share on other sites
Helena_Handbasket Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I don't want to date but I do want to meet someone who is similar to me in terms of wants/needs. I geographically challenged it seems. Dating just brings anxiety and dread of awkward discussions. I just want a dinner/ movie / concert companion that likes a good laugh and satisfied with each others company. Plus have you been on some of those dating sites? *whispers*the horror... the horror* Link to post Share on other sites
straightouttamordor Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Yes those dating sites like OK Cupid and others will plug you into socket that you don't want. People embellish and fluff the old profile. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 The part of dating that I don't care for is that collection of unwritten rules everyone's supposed to know. Break any of them, and it's like you're slapped with a sticker that says DANGER---DO NOT LOVE THIS PERSON. Link to post Share on other sites
Kazbe Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 10 hours ago, Helena_Handbasket said: Plus have you been on some of those dating sites? *whispers*the horror... the horror* Yep. Definitely. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyWurly78 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I would like to have a companion but I have just given up 'dating'. It just does not work for me. It is too sexual and to be honest I don't think people on those sites understand the concept of intimacy, affection and romance. Link to post Share on other sites
AnneSexnot Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I would totally settle. I am recently single, and am not sure how to proceed. I'd be happy in a polyamorous relationship where I could assume the role of companion, primarily, as opposed to sex partner. I'd also be open to dating a man who can't have sex for some reason. Not sure, though, if they'd still want to go through the motions in order to feel normal. I've never really been in anything but monogamous relationships with heterosexual men. I did try the poly route at one point and was not comfortable with it. High drama and a lot of hurt feelings. I don't want to be alone, though. Since I've been single (it's only been a few weeks) I haven't thought about my sexuality a ton, probably because I am no longer in a situation where sex is expected. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I can't remember exactly what dating was like but I remember it was horrible. Relationships are difficult but dating just doesn't have any good stuff at all. Link to post Share on other sites
mari Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 On 1/1/2017 at 10:53 PM, Kazbe said: I feel you, @prib23. I tried dating when my last relationship ended, thirteen or so years ago. However, the whole process was thoroughly demoralising. I had almost no offers on internet dating sites - my age (late 40s at the time) combined with education (PhD) combined with where I live (I live a long way from the city) seemed to be the culprit. Plus I wanted to date someone roughly my own age. When I tried a dating agency as a last resort, I was told quite firmly that a woman of my age and attractiveness (I was rated as average) should only aim for men 10-15 years older. The agency was a huge waste of money, and it became clear during the phone 'dates' that I had very little in common with all the supposedly 'good' matches they made for me in that age group. And to be honest, the feeling was mutual. One guy told me I was too immature for him because I liked anime and fantasy films/novels. Another asked what was wrong with me because I didn't have children. Another disparaged people with PhDs as not living in the real world. Sigh. Also, by this stage I was over tolerating sex in a relationship. In the end, the thought of dealing with sex again was so off-putting, I couldn't bring myself to follow through on the couple of offers I did get in the three year period I was actively looking. And at this stage, I don't think I can put myself through all that 'looking for dates' nonsense again. do you have a dating agency to advice? how does it work? Thanks. Im very very tired about dont have someone to give my live , care, caress and to dont have the same, sadly i live in South america nd all is more complicated but i can move anywere i have my own life, only with my pets. Link to post Share on other sites
Kazbe Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 14 hours ago, mari said: do you have a dating agency to advice? how does it work? Thanks. Im very very tired about dont have someone to give my live , care, caress and to dont have the same, sadly i live in South america nd all is more complicated but i can move anywere i have my own life, only with my pets. I wouldn't go near a dating agency. You have to pay them a large sum of money every year and they supposedly do all the work to help you find suitable dates. They try to find matches in their database, send you the information and you can decide whether you would like a telephone meeting set up. If that goes well, it's up to you to arrange a meeting in person. They do check in with you and see how everything is going, get feedback on what you liked and didn't like. I've heard it works well for younger people simply because they have a lot of both men and women in their 30s and 40s on their books. However, that is not the case for 50s and over. I found out they had very few older folk on their books and that most of them were women. I can't advise on internet dating as I was a complete failure in that regard! :-) I've just given up. I truly doubt there is anyone out there for me given my age and and asexuality. The pool of available men is already very tiny even without the asexual part. Link to post Share on other sites
JackieSays Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I'm repulsed by dating and by relationships. I love being alone. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 I'm thinking that a lot of us have gotten past the idea of dating, so we more or less give up. If it wasn't for knowing a girl since before I identified as asexual, I probably would be a loner. We don't "date" much per se, but keep in regular contact to chat. If one is asexual , it's pretty difficult to date when the other person may have expectations of sexual activity. Link to post Share on other sites
impsub Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 On 2016. 02. 16. at 7:11 PM, moonnymph said: Azt szeretném, hogy egy mély kapcsolat valakivel, hogy tart az egész életem, akkor két közös életet együtt, együtt utaznak, ezzel a mindennapi dolgokat együtt, akiknek egy másik életünkben. Én 41. Azt akarom tudni, hogy mi a szeretet, és a szeretet cserébe. This sounds good. Link to post Share on other sites
impsub Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 On 2017. 02. 10. at 10:07 PM, Kazbe said: Most adtam fel. Őszintén kétlem van valaki odakinn rám adott koromat és és asexuality. A medence a rendelkezésre álló férfiak már nagyon pici nélkül is ivartalan részt. Maybe it's true ... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Personally, I'd hate to date,because there are so many expectations and subtexts around it. I just like to hang out , probably doing something interesting , visiting some place, with friend of any denomination. Link to post Share on other sites
Kere Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 I'm 48, think I'm demisexual, but not sure - I could be gray. Dating has never been fun for me, mostly because of the expectation of sex, so I haven't done it in a long time. Would love to be able to hang out with some of you all, though. It would be great to be able to just chat and talk without the expectation of you-know-what to make us so darn anxious! Link to post Share on other sites
Zivya Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 Still basically a newbie haven't been here in a while been so busy with stuff in my life and stress. I love the idea of finding a long-term companion, someone to grow older and stuff but seems there is no ace around me either and most men want well you know so I feel Im to be alone. this year i hit I hit the big 60. I would even love to have like minded around me but nothing. Im one of those who still hope though some day maybe or maybe not sigh. Welcome to all newbies and sorry I have not been around so much last couple of months I been holding on to holding on now think its beginning to be light again Link to post Share on other sites
Blackthorn Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 Someone at work the other day asked me what my ideal date would be - I said any I didn't have to go on! My long-term goal is to be an Old Cat Person Link to post Share on other sites
daisylove Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 On 1/31/2016 at 6:55 AM, Decaf said: I was so relieved when I hit my 50s and all the dating-type questions and comments stopped. Once my hair went grey, all interest from other people in a dating sense stopped completely, which I was very happy about. This is so true! I stopped dyeing my hair about 3 years ago. Its salt and pepper with a lot more silver hair in front and long, but I think I have been (thankfully) relegated into grannyhood. I absolutely love it! I even refer to myself as "granny" even though I have no kids. I have to say though that from people that are older than me, I still get the "dating" questions and people closer to my age that don't know I am asexual approach me and start talking about dating. Its annoying, but I am hoping that will stop at some point as I get even older. Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I always defined "date" as being with someone and not knowing what's going to happen. If sex is off the table, I don't see much that can go wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 i'm in my late 40's , I haven't been around sexual OR asexual men who wanted an emotional relationship with a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 22 hours ago, daisylove said: I stopped dyeing my hair about 3 years ago. Its salt and pepper with a lot more silver hair in front and long... Good for you. I like natural hair, including gray and silver. Perhaps gray hair goes well with a (gr)asexual? Link to post Share on other sites
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