Fire Monkey Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Hi, I'm 57 male panrom, and I have just found this site. I have enjoyed reading this thread so much. It is quite interesting and, in a way, reassuring to see the range of views and experiences. My own experiences of dating are sparse. Opening up about being Ace is the killer of all things romantic in my experience. Hi, Phil, and welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Welcome, Phil50! Have some Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Phil50 welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 Have a scout around the forums, make friends, have fun and hopefully find out more about yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Gentle Giant Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Welcome, Phil50! Link to post Share on other sites
2gab Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Maybe u could have started a new thread about "eating out alone'' since it kind of stirred away from the topic of ''dating''. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 If it bothers you you could try asking a mod to split it off. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Muledeer Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I don't like to date and I feel that being asexual gives me a license to not feel like I need to date. It always used to be one of those "should" items but I never really enjoyed dating nor have I dated that much anyway. And no, I don't enjoy eating out alone either. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I can barely remember dating, but I do remember thinking it was horrible. It was like having to take a test each time you saw someone. Marriage/relationships at least gave you some breaks between tests. Link to post Share on other sites
2gab Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Maybe join an Ace meet-up group near where you live and check out the members there. That way the hurdle of knowing someone's sexual orientation already has been moved out of the way. gab Link to post Share on other sites
Tja Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 That's a good way to meet someone, gab. Unfortunately, for me, the people in my area are mostly late teens to early twenties...and female ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Qutenkuddly Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Welcome, Phil50! Please enjoy some ! Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I'm here at AVEN again - LOL! The moon must be in a weird phase or something.I'm trying to remember what it was like to date. My memories are vague, but what there is left of them tells me that I didn't enjoy it or get very much benefit from it.I can't imagine why I would want to be in a one-on-one situation with a stranger, besides, there are ways to get to know people that are SO much better than dating. My number one choice for meeting new people: (don't laugh!) is VOLUNTEER WORK PARTIES! Find something that needs to be done. Maybe there's a disabled or elderly person who can't keep up with their yardwork, (or even their house work?); maybe there's a park or a waterway that's full of trash; maybe there's an animal rescue place that needs help with cages or pens - who knows? The possibilities are almost endless. Instead of awkwardly sitting around trying to deal with small talk, get together with a group of people and accomplish something. You will learn more about a person by working beside them than you will by sitting across from them, and then when the job is done you can all go out as a group and have pizza or just grab fast food and sit around in the parking lot - it really doesn't matter. Don't make it into such a big deal. If friendships develop, great. If not, the good work that was done will still remain. Link to post Share on other sites
pickles. Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 KAGU: "I'm here at AVEN again - LOL!" Yea! I remember you! So good to see you again. And I agree 100% -- volunteer work parties are da bomb. Link to post Share on other sites
Artimus Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 I'm 38 and I haven't dated in over ten years, unless you count going out with my best friend. We both work together at a retail store and she teases me about the young lady cashiers that get hired and then get crushes on me. She encourages me to be nice and flirt some, and I agree; it's good for me to get out of my strong, quiet-type mindset now and then. But to actually date? Ug. And date someone not much more than half my age? Double ug. I'll just keep it harmless smiles and conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Pameda Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 I have a lot of older acquaintances thru meet-up groups who are mostly straight. At first it was excruciating to subject myself to these new social situations but I knew that if I stayed home alone one more weekend that I would lose my mind. Plus, I enjoyed the casual, friends only aspect to the groups I joined. In fact, members could be barred if they hassled other members for intimate reasons. After much time, I have gotten to know many of the members who are in my age range. I hear the same things from many of them about dating and especially online dating. They get fed up with the whole rollercoaster ride that it becomes. For me, I know that I would be so nervous to go out on an actual date but on the other hand, I am curious. I have to say that the responses I have received about online dating sites over the past 5 years have been quite negative and I can't say that I know anyone who has succeeded to find a partner yet. And yet, I still have this, probably misguided, wish to meet a like-minded buddy to share life with or at least some of life with. I know many older women who are still with their long time partners who don't have sexual contact any more, as in for the past ten years. I kind of envy them in a way. I have been planning to go on a dating site for over 5 years but I am still mustering up the courage, oh dear. I have to say that popping in here to chat or message does add a bright spot to one's day. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
MaxCaulfield Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 I haven't been on a date in years, yet now I wonder about the possibility with someone like minded. The idea of sharing a pleasant evening doing something new and fun without that massive undercurrent of "so are we going to get it on?" could be nice, I think. Still trying to get my head around the idea that its "OK to be me", so who knows what will happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Tja Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 This thread has me thinking about dating, now. Highly unlikely. Low probability. Homoromantic Asexual males are practically mythological creatures. :P *In my area, anyway* Not to mention that I would have to take a course to learn how to do date Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 I'm aromantic, Tja, but that " take a course on how to date" strikes a chord. I wouldn't even begin to know how to. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 I enjoyed a good portion of my dates, though I can't say any of them were "successful", mainly because I never called them for a second date. :) I always liked to do dinner. Then you get a chance to talk to someone one on one. That might make a lot of people uncomfortable, but the key is confidence. You have nothing to lose on a date, except a little bit of time, and if you're the man, you will probably end up paying the check (not always though!). I find that it's best to ask a lot of interesting questions about them. If you talk and talk and talk about yourself without prompting, then that turns a lot of people off (surely you've all been the victim of this before). Anyways, these tips seem to work in any one on one situation, not necessarily dates. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier080854 Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 I am 62 and have never dated, what is the point, the ultimate conclusion will never happen. I like the company of women, so long as there are less than 3 at any one time, any more and I get ignored. But I make it clear after the 2nd meeting that I am not interested in taking things any further, preferring to keep thing platonic. That way everyone knows where they stand. Unfortunately sometimes women forget and try it on with a kiss. Then I have to tell them that I am asexual. Otherwise things get very awkward. I would say that from that moment roughly 2/3 fall by the wayside, never to be seen again. I will never say that they are acephobic, just that they want something more than I am able to give. Those that do stay are enjoyable company and everyone is happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Gypsy2 Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 I would also like to date or even marry another Ace but so far not much luck. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliJones Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 I really don't like the dating situation where I'm forced into a Q&A session with a person I barely know. Maybe, as an experiment if I ever go on a date again, I'll bring up asexuality as early as possible and see what reaction I get. Link to post Share on other sites
Touchofinsight Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Im only 30 and already i feel like dating is more of a hassle then what its worth. Yea i miss physical intimacy but with the all or nothing attitude most people have with relationships it just turns me off. Im pretty close to just cutting it out of my life much like i did sex many many years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayLife Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Well there's one recurring theme here that I can relate to....the need for alone time/independence. I've ALWAYS liked my alone time. Even as a child. Is that an older asexual thing? Do we not need another person to make us happy (sexually and mentally)???? At times I don't want to interact with people at all...no talking....no phone calls... Of course I LOVE "talking" online (esp. with other like-minded people). Probably why I like this site so much! My independence is VERY important to me. I refuse to rely on someone else. It's extreme at times and frustrates my family constantly. I'm trying to get better at letting people in but it's hard. Dating at this age(51)??? Noooooo thank you. Too much pressure. I can't imagine finding someone else who would respect my ace-ness and need for alone time. I agree that getting past age 50 is such a relief. No one seems to question my relationship status anymore. I hope it stays that way. It's not their business anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
mari Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 On 16/2/2016 at 3:11 PM, moonnymph said: I would like to make a deep connection with someone that will last for the rest of my life, we two sharing a life together, traveling together, doing everyday things together, needing one another in our lives. I am 41. I want to know what love is and to love in return. Your words are mine words. i dont want to live the rest of my life alone, im 47 and i suffer every day to have to live this vway. i love to cuddle. comments things. cook/eat together Link to post Share on other sites
biancaboricua13 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Aww dating, that awkward moment where I eat my food and the other person's because they don't seem very interested in much (outside of talking about themselves). I thought we came to eat. Hmmmm....I don't like dating, I can cook a yummy meal at home and would rather like taking a hike or riding my bike, instead. Link to post Share on other sites
teatree Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Haha, well said, Bianca! I went on a date (despite my better judgment, but this was before I had discovered asexuality and I was still thinking maybe I could become interested in someone...) about two yesrs ago and it was so awkward! Never again. Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 The preconceived expectations around dating are what kills it for me. I can't deal with meeting someone who thinks "it's gotta go this specific way within X amount of time or it's failure." I feel like I stumbled into what I have now. I remember being told something like "once you hit 30 you'll have so much game. You've never been married, you're educated, and you don't have any kids." Only one of those things is something I achieved. What game do I have exactly? Like my is my game cuddling and making Italian food? Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 I don't understand the question. What does age have to do with whether someone wants to date or not? Link to post Share on other sites
teatree Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 Just to clarify, I was not interested in dating when I was younger, either! Link to post Share on other sites
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