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Telecaster68

Asexuals, how long do you think sex takes? (TMI)

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Skullery Maid

A perceived lack of heterosexuality is a convenient excuse to pick on an easy target.

This, and gender nonconformity too. Now that I think about it, it's certainly one of the situations that statistically must lead to bullying the most.

I think it's much more about gender nonconformity. I've always assumed that's a big reason I wasn't bullied... being a feminine gay girl, wearing skirts, flipping my long hair... it's the gender stuff that really gets people going. An effeminate gay man will have a harder time than a masculine one, I'd be willing to bet millions on it.

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Jade Cross

I'll explain the process of how it happened to me.

Son of a strict and conservative household, in the family, things had to be "proper". So of course, there was a structure and mental pattern established and continuously enforced. As a result, an identity born out of those regulations is established. As a nerd that I am, and anyone who is, you know that we strive on the intellectual and on what makes sense. This makes it dangerously vulnerable when the structure of logic you have is ill based.

So when you reach the famous teenage years, where the hormones kick in and everyone is talking about sex, not feeling that in the same way as others or at all creates dissonance. In my case, the rejection of peers wasnt the blow that did me in. It was uncomfortbale yes but not unbearable. From peers it transfered adults. Thinfs start getting a little more co.plicated when authority get involved becaus of the percieve wisdom they are made to think they have. After all its like asking a doctor about medicine. If you ignorant about medicine, you will takd the doctors words to be absolute.

With peers and other adults talking, the concep of abnormality took more and more ground, especially since what they kids said was what the adults said. So by linear logic, you start considering that they are right.

The finishing blow however came from parents. Being the absolute authority figures (even with teen revelry), when peers say it, adults say it and even your own parents say it and you find that youre the only one not saying it, by pack mentality we begin to doubt ourselves (its not absolute but it happens) and our ideals.

The longer the pattern holds, the more ground insecurities will gain because you will start desperately trying to find a logic to fit the situation that isnt "youre a freak". Upon not finding it, the desperation will grow until probably the state to which Pan was driven to where she was in certain terms killing herself (and from the perspective of someone going through the same, its very hope inducing to see that there are ways to get out of that mental state of torture and in this case testimonies of it happening) over trying to find an answer. And just like her, although in a more indirect way, I did the same but with articles, news, psychological studies(one of the reason I went to therapy),etc.

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Serran

With peers and other adults talking, the concep of abnormality took more and more ground, especially since what they kids said was what the adults said. So by linear logic, you start considering that they are right.

The finishing blow however came from parents. Being the absolute authority figures (even with teen revelry), when peers say it, adults say it and even your own parents say it and you find that youre the only one not saying it, by pack mentality we begin to doubt ourselves (its not absolute but it happens) and our ideals.

Indeed. It's one thing for a bunch of kids that know no more than you to say things. When you're a teen, barely old enough for HS, it's a whole other thing when all the adults and your own parents say it. When everyone agrees, even "authority figures" and "wise adults", it's hard to go "NO! You're wrong." I kept going to adults for advice. That was my mistake. Expecting adults to know any more than the kids. Or to be more accepting, or open-minded.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

So I have confusion about these stories... and my age may explain 90% of it, maybe, but... I didn't have sex until I was 18 (girl) and 21 (boy) and I honestly didn't feel any pressure at all until college. Some of that may have been that my friends and I were all nerds with the highest GPA's and the only people likely to leave the state for college... we were all focused on our futures, etc... but I dunno, I have no idea how someone could feel broken at age 14. I remember the sex jokes and I remember not understanding them and I remember being teased about it a bit, but I had no respect for those people because they were the dumb, popular kids and I didn't care what they did. *shrugs*

Well I definitely felt broken long before 14, was already suicidal etc by then but I think that's quite normal. It was nothing to do with asexuality. Were you ever badly bullied skulls? Because I notice the majority of people who say they felt broken were often really bullied, and also didn't really have friends for support etc

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Snao van der Cone

A perceived lack of heterosexuality is a convenient excuse to pick on an easy target.

This, and gender nonconformity too. Now that I think about it, it's certainly one of the situations that statistically must lead to bullying the most.

I think it's much more about gender nonconformity. I've always assumed that's a big reason I wasn't bullied... being a feminine gay girl, wearing skirts, flipping my long hair... it's the gender stuff that really gets people going. An effeminate gay man will have a harder time than a masculine one, I'd be willing to bet millions on it.

A lot of gender conforming gay people could stay in the closet for all of high school too. And it can really depend on who you try to make friends with. Openly gay and very effeminate guys in my school were involved in the performing arts program, so enough said :P A bi guy friend of mine wasn't very masculine for physical/health issues more than personality, though his personality was pretty volatile and disagreeable so he got into a lot of shit through his own brewing.

Kids are mean and volatile and it's a shitty phase of life for people who have just one missing or off factor that their brain isn't yet capable of balancing.

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Telecaster68

I've always assumed asexuals feeling broken was in terms of lack of sex drives /desire/whatever. Are you applying it in a wider sense here?

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Rising Sun

I've always assumed asexuals feeling broken was in terms of lack of sex drives /desire/whatever. Are you applying it in a wider sense here?

I think feeling broken that way is a more common problem for people with HSDD. Most of the time, asexuals are OK with what they are but others try to "break" them.

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Jade Cross

So I have confusion about these stories... and my age may explain 90% of it, maybe, but... I didn't have sex until I was 18 (girl) and 21 (boy) and I honestly didn't feel any pressure at all until college. Some of that may have been that my friends and I were all nerds with the highest GPA's and the only people likely to leave the state for college... we were all focused on our futures, etc... but I dunno, I have no idea how someone could feel broken at age 14. I remember the sex jokes and I remember not understanding them and I remember being teased about it a bit, but I had no respect for those people because they were the dumb, popular kids and I didn't care what they did. *shrugs*

Well I definitely felt broken long before 14, was already suicidal etc by then but I think that's quite normal. It was nothing to do with asexuality. Were you ever badly bullied skulls? Because I notice the majority of people who say they felt broken were often really bullied, and also didn't really have friends for support etc

Indeed. Which many times leads to saying "well i dont need no damn friends" you put on a tough act when inside youre hurting like hell.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

I've always assumed asexuals feeling broken was in terms of lack of sex drives /desire/whatever. Are you applying it in a wider sense here?

I felt broken sexually once I realized I couldn't enjoy sex the way... everyone else does. I wasn't a "real woman" ..just a broken freak. I still experience arousal and can orgasm etc, those parts work fine.. just sex itself is... well I just can't enjoy it and I can't desire something I don't enjoy.. but it was inability to enjoy it and the implications that would have on my romantic prospects that caused me to feel so broken sexually.

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Skullery Maid

I feel I'm being misinterpreted and am going to step out now...

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Jade Cross

I've always assumed asexuals feeling broken was in terms of lack of sex drives /desire/whatever. Are you applying it in a wider sense here?

Well, feeling broken sex wise is included in the overall feeling yes. Personally, even though I know better now, there are still days in which the lack of full understanding and of the missing/non existant feelings of sex gets to me. In part thats what drives me to learn more.

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m4rble

Starting in middle school I felt like I was somehow different from other people my age in respect to their obsession with dating and the opposite sex. This didn't become very apparent to me until I was about fourteen though. At that point I kind of felt awkward about my complete lack of interest in those sorts of things.

I remember talking to my Dad about it at the time. He told me he had no interest in girls or dating at all when he was fourteen either. He also told me that I had more interest in other topics than people my age and that's why I wasn't interesting in dating yet. This made me feel kind of good about myself because I felt like other people were only so into the opposite sex was because they were bored and weren't as intellectual or introspective as I was. I know that makes me sound incredibly full of myself, but that was my thought process at the time. I actually did hear about asexuality when I was fourteen and I briefly considered the possibility that I could be asexual. I mentioned the concept of asexuality to my Dad(I didn't tell him I thought I was asexual though) and he told me he thought asexuality wasn't a real thing. He said that he thought people could feel asexual for a certain periods in their lives but he didn't think anyone could be asexual for their entire lives. I didn't fully believe him at the time but I was actually relieved to hear him say that. While I thought that asexuality was still probably a thing that some people experienced I no longer believed it applied to me. I thought I was just a late bloomer like my Dad told me he was.

I also had my first period fairly late at age fourteen, so I assumed that I was just going to mature later than my peers. I was kind of a loner in high school so not many people really bothered me about my sex life. I did have some friends but they all tended to be very shy, artistic and/or intellectual. No one in my circle really talked very much about sex. I had heard people say they would save sex for college so I kind of assumed that some sort of switch would be flipped in my brain when I got to college(University if you're English) and I would start wanting sex. This was obviously a very faulty thought process and I came to discover that the people that were saving sex for college weren't doing so out of a lack of desire. About a month or two ago I told my Dad I thought I was asexual and he was very surprised by this. He told me that as soon as he went through puberty when he was about sixteen years old he became kind of obsessed with sex. I was surprised by this because he always told me he was a late bloomer in this regard. I never realized that by late bloomer he meant he developed sexuaal feelings at 16, I thought he was talking about developing them around the age of 18 or 19.

I did feel awkward whenever the subject of sex did enter into the conversation in high school. I felt weird and immature. However, thanks to my social isolation and friendship group this was rare. When I really started questioning my sexual orientation was when I entered college. This was kind of difficult and uncomfortable for me. I started questioning the possibility of not being straight when I was about a junior in high school, but did much more frequently when I got into college. At that point I came to the conclusion that I was bisexual because I thought both men and women could be attractive and I've desired to date both men and women. I even told my parents about this. My Dad believed me but my Mom seemed to doubt me. (She recently told me that everyone has crushes on everyone, which makes me think she might be biromantic, but I'm not sure) I stuck to this label for about a year.

I'm not sure what lead me into researching asexuality. It could have been the difficulty I had dating because I don't like the idea of open mouthed kissing. It could have also been the fact that I often felt like I wasn't a real bisexual. Whatever the reason it caused me to have a dream one night where there was this voice telling me that I wasn't really bisexual, I was asexual. This confused me, but it got me to google asexuality the next day. That's how I found Aven.

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Philip027

I'd have been able to feel broken about this subject well before the age of 14 if I actually knew what sex was before then.

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Tarfeather

What's a vacuum bed?

No nudity, but picture.

galleryimage-434511446-feb-5-2012-600x40

It's used in bondage. You vacuum seal the person in. Some have entry points for intercourse, some don't. You can do tickle torture, or touch stuff through it. Or pain stuff. Or... well, anything.

And now I know where Silent Hill got its visual design from..

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Vixrotre

So I'm demisexual and I've had the "traditional" PiV sex. It lasted from 2 minutes up to 40 minutes.

Oh the horror. x_x

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Jade Cross

What's a vacuum bed?

No nudity, but picture.

galleryimage-434511446-feb-5-2012-600x40

It's used in bondage. You vacuum seal the person in. Some have entry points for intercourse, some don't. You can do tickle torture, or touch stuff through it. Or pain stuff. Or... well, anything.

And now I know where Silent Hill got its visual design from..

I love Silent Hill <3

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