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Telecaster68

Asexuals, how long do you think sex takes? (TMI)

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

But, but... I don't know what their intentions are with any activity. My intentions are never to lead it to sex. :lol:

It's still not actively sexual for you if you don't want it to lead to sex. Imagine a guy is kissing and fondling a girl, hoping it will lead to sex, but even though she's sexual, she doesn't want sex...then turns him down when he tries to take it further. Even if he pressures her into it and she gives in, yes the sex itself is obviously sex. But she initially just thought they were heavy petting, to him though, it was very sexual. .... So for you as an asexual, heavy petting is heavy petting. For a sexual partner, who is hoping specifically it will lead to sex.. then it's a lot more sexual for him/her.

I think if someone keeps looking at an actual timer while it's happening that person is probably asexual.

Haha. Guilty as charged? I actually used the stop watch on my tablet one week cause it just felt like it was taking forever....

Yeah I was always looking at the clock on the wall (especially when there a time limit as there often was) praying the hands would move faster (though I think the same is true for many sexual girls in the situation I was in). I'd also count down the minutes in my head when I was too mentally exhausted to try and do maths (I hate maths and find it really difficult, so it was the only thing that could distract me enough from sex while it was happening haha)

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Philip027

Well, I'm not necessarily talking about outright sex here, but I can say that when I was with my partner and we were in bed together, hours would fly by like they were nothing, just cuddling and enjoying each other's presence, to the point where we often got up in the afternoon hours rather than the morning ones. If sex were to ever happen, it would likely involve more of the same sort of thing, so I could see it going on for quite a while if you're counting all that other stuff.

The actual act itself, I have no idea. Can only go by what I see mentioned by others, but based on how most of them seem to mention times of under 1 hour, I have to assume they are likely not counting things like cuddling/foreplay or that it's just something they don't bother with in the first place.

I can certainly see though how some people would view the entire thing as a time eater. Thing is, I'm a video gamer. I'm used to time eaters >_>

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Hobbes!

Well, I'm not necessarily talking about outright sex here, but I can say that when I was with my partner and we were in bed together, hours would fly by like they were nothing, just cuddling and enjoying each other's presence, to the point where we often got up in the afternoon hours rather than the morning ones. If sex were to ever happen, it would likely involve more of the same sort of thing, so I could see it going on for quite a while if you're counting all that other stuff.

So much want. I'd put out for an hour, whatever, for that :wub:

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Serran

Well, I'm not necessarily talking about outright sex here, but I can say that when I was with my partner and we were in bed together, hours would fly by like they were nothing, just cuddling and enjoying each other's presence, to the point where we often got up in the afternoon hours rather than the morning ones. If sex were to ever happen, it would likely involve more of the same sort of thing, so I could see it going on for quite a while if you're counting all that other stuff.

So much want. I'd put out for an hour, whatever, for that :wub:

It's so much nicer when you don't have to put out at all though. :)

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Philip027

Well, I'm not necessarily talking about outright sex here, but I can say that when I was with my partner and we were in bed together, hours would fly by like they were nothing, just cuddling and enjoying each other's presence, to the point where we often got up in the afternoon hours rather than the morning ones. If sex were to ever happen, it would likely involve more of the same sort of thing, so I could see it going on for quite a while if you're counting all that other stuff.

So much want. I'd put out for an hour, whatever, for that :wub:

It's so much nicer when you don't have to put out at all though. :)

It actually is something I feel like I would be open to by this point :p But yeah, part of what makes it so nice is that there is no pressure or expectation, on either of us. We're able to just enjoy each other's presence, like I said.

But maybe I should shut up about this now as it's kinda straying from the topic XD

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Sutaomiiru

I cannot imagine anyone doing it more than ten minutes, but my guess is that I am wrong.

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Sally

The timer started for me when the guy looked at me with that look and I realized that it had been at least 6 days since the last time, and I'd think "Oh hell." Considering that, it would take about two hours until I could just be by myself again (even if he was still there). Just makes me exhausted thinking back on those days.

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Tarfeather

I think whatever you are doing (ie tongue-kissing and having your tits groped for example), if you are doing that with the intention of it leading to sex, then yeah that's sexual and a part of the sexual enjoyment. But if you're doing those same actions (tongue-kissing and having your tits groped) with absolutely no intention/expectation of it leading to sex (ie you are both asexual and have no intention of having sex, you just love tongue-kissing and touching each others bodies) then well, it's not sexual exactly. That's the difference to me. Whether the actions are meant as a lead-up to sex.

Well, now we're at sexual, not sex. I think tongue kissing without expecting it to lead up to up to sex can still be "sexual", as can many things. Honestly, personally I consider anything that makes me aroused sexual in some way.

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Mysticus Insanus

I just kinda count the sex clock as starting when genitals come into play. Which is why I don't really count the kissing and all that. Whatever form the genitals come into play as.

Yup, this.

And on that basis, I'd guess sex takes between 2-15 minutes. As for long sessions like Skulls mentioned... I'd describe that as saying if you have sex on a day, at all, you tend to have sex several times that day. :D

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Tarfeather

And on that basis, I'd guess sex takes between 2-15 minutes.

Even just counting genital stimulation, 15 minutes is way too short. o_O Unless the genital stimulation is only a small part of what happens, in which case calling the other things not sex would be weird.

I think if someone keeps looking at an actual timer while it's happening that person is probably asexual.

Well, unless they have an important appointment afterward so they need to watch the time. Which most certainly only sexuals would do. "Nope, not now, you have an important appointment in an hour!" would be way too good of an excuse for an asexual.

Hrm. Most guys I have dated are ready to go the second I say go. See me in a tank top? They're ready. Parked outside a bowling alley ready to go in, they're ready... just hand down the pants a couple of minutes. So, it's hard for me to think of it as one long process that starts with kissing some of the time. I guess it makes sense to lump it together when it happens together. But, then, how do you determine what started it, if it's like... you make out at a bar, then have to go home, watch a movie a little bit together, go back to making out and then have sex. Their initial wanting sex sparked at the bar, would you start the clock there, or the second make out session or? :unsure:

I'm also always "ready to go" if you mean erection. It's just that without previous mental stimulation, this erection can last 20-40 minutes without orgasm even if I want to be quick. ^^

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chair jockey

In the dark days of my youth, when I attempted sex a number of times, what would typically happen is that my partner and I would lose track of time. We wouldn't be attempting penile-vaginal intercourse the entire time we were together, but we would kiss, cuddle, caress, talk, share food and drink in bed, snooze while snuggling, etc. From that perspective sex lasts for hours and hours. I think my personal longest time between glances at the clock was about eight hours on a lazy Sunday.

There are also certain myths promoted by the popular culture of sex that I think are seriously damaging. Even with penile-vaginal intercourse, it's not necessarily continuous because penile erections come and go DURING sex. And there's tons of other stuff you can do, and people do regularly do (which I don't want to get into because it would be TMI).

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Tarfeather

Even with penile-vaginal intercourse, it's not necessarily continuous because penile erections come and go DURING sex.

They what

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Corretto

I've been waiting 54yrs now and don't know what I'm missing. Is it good? :ph34r:

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

And on that basis, I'd guess sex takes between 2-15 minutes.

Even just counting genital stimulation, 15 minutes is way too short. o_O Unless the genital stimulation is only a small part of what happens, in which case calling the other things not sex would be weird.

I've been with a large number of guys (young and old) who literally last a few minutes flat, from when they first start being stimulated until they orgasm. I can often orgasm in a few minutes also, though sometimes it takes up to 40 minutes. Honestly, people are sooo different Tar. As I said before, you seem to think the ''average'' is ''quite a long time''?? (that's what I am getting from your comments though I could be reading you wrong) but I think you're just going on how you feel personally? When you have had a lot of sex you realize there is literally *no* average for how long the actual stimulation part takes. Some people it's literally 5 mins from start to finish, yet in about the same amount of people (in my experience) it's anywhere up until like 40 mins from start to finish (start being when the genitals come out, finish being when the orgasm has happened, continuous stimulation the whole time)

Even with penile-vaginal intercourse, it's not necessarily continuous because penile erections come and go DURING sex.

They what

Yeah erections can sometimes soften while the sex is happening (and that might be oral, hand job, anal, vaginal, tits, whatever) and you have to harden them up again so the guy can keep going. No matter how ''into it'' the guy is, it can and does happen to almost any man at some time or another during sex.

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Busrider

Time taken by sex: Let me put it simple: If I want to ride somewhere on my own, it takes me as long as it takes, at my pace. The Honda doesn't run any faster than at full throttle, I don't overtake too daredevilish either and when I need a break, I take it at that moment until I feel I had it and ride on. - Doing the same ride in a convoi with one or more friends is slower. - I'm tempted to say needs for breaks add up. - Any need for communication also counts against the performance. - And usually one of two riders is slower than the other whom he urges to wait.

Back to sex: If an autosexual gets through it in 20 minutes that doesn't mean they would only cause 20 minutes of annoyance per sexual need to their asexual "partner in use".

I went to school and had a genius teacher who could regularly get involved into a 6+x min discussion about not granting a 5min break between 6th & 7th hour.

I'm trying to say: a sexual compromise demand happening once the bedroom lights go out might also spoil a lot of physical couple interaction during the day? - I imagine an asexual dishwasher right now who would not mind hugs and stuff as such, but suddenly perceives them as "foreplay" and fends them of for that reason. - Bil them under "sex time" also any other courting / negotiating of sex.

How about collateral damages? Shouldn't an additional bath tub session triggered by sexual compromise be billed under sex too?

Sex in a relationship is way worse than the hour per week the acts themselves take, if less than both partners are into it.

Sorry, I'm gender wise limited about arranging my mindset to endure sex. - My negative experience is mainly about it being demanded after too long and already in their way too exhausting days, as an icing on the "too much!" cake. - If I managed to be a wealthy lazy bum in peace with my environment, I'd prolly be just indifferent.

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Caring Capybara

Apparently not as long as I thought, considering these posts. I just assumed it was like an all night thing, with sex lasting hours and eating into the time needed for sleep an other necessities. But to be fair i'm not the most sex wise individual, knowing literally nothing about it but whats needed to pass my biology gcse.

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Jade Cross

Thats usually how its made to be seen.

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Tarfeather

Yeah erections can sometimes soften while the sex is happening (and that might be oral, hand job, anal, vaginal, tits, whatever) and you have to harden them up again so the guy can keep going. No matter how ''into it'' the guy is, it can and does happen to almost any man at some time or another during sex.

Well, personally I can have a continuous erection for 30+ minutes without even being stimulated genitally, so I guess I'm more unusual than I thought. ("softening" does happen, but never to the point where sex wouldn't be possible, unless I consciously calm myself and meditate to make it go away)

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Serran

Three out of four of my partners, 15 minutes of continuous genital stimulation would do them. Two of them, five minutes would do them. By "ready to go" , I meant ready to orgasm. Like, my ex took three minutes outside a bowling alley in his car, no"mental stimulation" beforehand. It really varies. Some people are easy to get off, some are hard. My (sexual) friend likes sex to be no more than half an hour, cause she just wants to get off and be done with it.

The reason my averages with my partners are so high is because first one tried to be extremely quiet, which made it take longer (making sure the bed didn't squeak etc). Second one was trying to last for me, cause he was told that women want it to be long (like, he would get embarrassed and apologize if he couldn't make it last at least 15 minutes)... Third the bdsm stuff took forever, especially when I was scared about having sharp metal on his genitals at first! Lol They were really fast and easy when those things weren't an issue.

Edit: As for softening... I've never had that issue with any of my partners. Is it really that common ? :o

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andreas1033

I do not think about the physical aspects of having sex.

I would assume every person would be different based on how sensitive they are, and how quickly or slowly the male comes.

But like i said, i do not really care about the pyhsical aspects of sex. We as asexuals can understand psychological aspects of it, but really the physical side does not come into my brain, and i care not for questions like these.

I would assume it would depend on many factors, and i doubt any two people will be the same as any other two.

I am staying a virgin, so this question means nout to me.

I would guess males at there peak, could probably have sex for a good while, but when they have gone well past there peak, i would assume its alot quicker overall. But like i said i do not really care about the physical aspects of people doing it, as being asexual, i do not care.

I have no knowledge about what females do obviously being a virgin, but i would assume males at there sexual peak, probably could go for a good few hours( i am talking about the whole session), doing it many times in a night.

^^

I am just guessing, as i never was in that position, but knowing what a physical peak in males is like, when you are at your peak in early 20's, i would assume you could do it many times over many hours, depending on your partner.

Even though i was asexual. From the way i was at my peak, it probably would of taken a healthy female to exhaust me when i was young. But like i said having no real sex drive i never found out, but if i did, judging from other things, it probably would of taken a healthy female to tire me when i was young.

But like i said, staying a virgin, i never got to find out. Also being asexual, you do not really think about the physical aspect of sex.

One can theorise, but when your interacting with another, like those do with sex, it probably has variables that people do not think of that decide the answers to this question.

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Skullery Maid

Yeah erections can sometimes soften while the sex is happening (and that might be oral, hand job, anal, vaginal, tits, whatever) and you have to harden them up again so the guy can keep going.

This is almost guaranteed to happen on occasion after drinking a lot.

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Hobbes!

I'm seriously beginning to think that male genitals are a strong argument against intelligent design

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Serran

Yeah erections can sometimes soften while the sex is happening (and that might be oral, hand job, anal, vaginal, tits, whatever) and you have to harden them up again so the guy can keep going.

This is almost guaranteed to happen on occasion after drinking a lot.

Maybe that's why I have never had the issue. I wouldn't ever sleep with someone under the influence.

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Skullery Maid

No way! You've never had drunken hook ups? amazing :D (sorry this is blowing my mind like Jade's was blown earlier). I couldn't have sex sober for the first about decade of my sex life.

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Snao Cone

I can count the number of drunken hookups I've had on both hands. I can also count the total number of hookups I've had on both hands. With "hookups" meaning "any time I've had vaginal intercourse".

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Serran

No way! You've never had drunken hook ups? amazing :D (sorry this is blowing my mind like Jade's was blown earlier). I couldn't have sex sober for the first about decade of my sex life.

I've never had hookups... :lol: All of my sexual partners have been relationships of 1+ years (literally, the four I listed is all my partners) and I can't handle being around drunk people, it triggers my flight response. All the BDSM, public sex, letting some guy watch, etc experimentation was totally sober and done between the ages of 15 and 19. Well before drunken hook ups were even legal for me.

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Snao Cone

You are braver and more adventurous than I, Serran.

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Skullery Maid

Same! I like to do all my experimentation heavily under the influence...

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tase

Peeks in-hangs head in shame (day 2) runs away

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HeartBreakerA

Clearly sex is not for me. *giggles*

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