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Do you consider your aromanticism a curse or gift?


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Depends on the situation. Pro: not much fear of relationship turmoil. Con: When you're an affectionate cuddle bug like my self. It's hard to get it without a relationship. Man, what I would give for an affectionate more than friend yet slightly less than partner on my snuggly days.

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I'd say curse...? I don't know, my friends are always bugging me about it...

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Conscientious Ghost

Eh I'd say a little bit from column A, little bit from column B.

It's a blessing and a curse how I see it. It's awesome I don't have to be concerned with romantic partner(s) issues. I don't need to be worried about marrying someone. All of my pets and friends are accepting of it, so it feels natural. On the other hand, it can feel a bit lonely or isolating whenever I'm in a group discussion and most folks are talking about potential lovers and romantic experiences.

It's also awkward when someone tells me I should love myself because I don't really trust or feel comfortable with words of affirmation like 'I love you's'' or 'You're special to me'. I understand what they tried to convey was sympathy, and I guess their suggestion was a hope to view things differently.

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11111111111111111

For me, it's a gift. I look around at all of my friends who are usually in and out of relationships, and it just seems stressful and unnecessary. I'm glad to not worry about anything related to dating, as I have no desire to do anything of the sort. So yes, it's a gift. c:

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Star Inkbright

Both!

I do value emotional experiences, and I think it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. So I do feel like I'm kidding out on something wonderful, and that's a bit sad. Plus I have a fear that one day my friends will all desert me and I won't be able to find more really close friends ("friends" is easy. "Really close friends" is rarer) because most people around me will be more preoccupied with marriage and kids, and so yeah, I'm scared of being lonely.

On the other hand, being aromantic makes me life ten billion times easier.

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

I think it's a gift, not to be in turmoil over romantic entanglements, but it's a curse when your adult daughter goes through one and you can't understand it enough to help her through....

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  • 2 months later...
TiffanyJung

It's a gift in the way that I know my feelings for people are deeper than lust or infatuation.But it's a curse in the way that once people know I'm aro, it seems like they don't want to waste their time with me because I'm not interested in being anyone's arm candy.

I'm sorry deeper?? Are you insinuating that our feelings are shallow? Because my feelings are just as deep as yours are.

And arm candy? Ugh....You disgust me. Love is not about being someone's arm candy. If you don't know what you're talking about please don't say anything.

I have a bit of advice for all Aros: Do not presume that you know exactly how romantics feel because you don't.

You know I tried so hard to sympathize with all of you and on some level I still do but I'm utterly saying that somehow you're better than us

Ugh. Seriously ugh. Some of you disgust me.

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TiffanyJung

Yep, i agree people can be bonkers in socalled love. People generally are very selfish, and they mostly do not consider others, in there obsessions.

People are welcome to it.

I am glad i was asexual, life can be hard no matter what happens, but being alone is my natural state of being. Thats fine for me. It may not be fine for most, but its fine for me.

A good film that demonstrates what your talking about op, is

Birthday Girl (2001)

Sums up the dangers in what those people do, but so many jump right in. Glad i never bothered with anyone in real life, or online. I was glad i was asexual, even though life can be hard being alone.

I think being alone is the lesser of two evils in my life, and i am grateful that i was the type whom could live being alone, and not need human touching or to be with others.

Oh sure so now aros are somehow immune from being selfish are they? Bravo! Brilliant! You don't need to have an obsession to be selfish

Gift. I love my friends and have seen them and others do far too many stupid things for 'love'.

When you put in quotes it seems like you think that what we call love is somehow not love? Newsflash : It's love just a different form from what you feel.

I mostly see it as a gift these days. Before I learned there was such a thing as aromanticism though, I'd sometimes get frustrated with myself for not experiencing these "glorious" feeling others were talking about. At the same time though, I used to think people were being overly dramatic and exaggerated when talking about their romantic love for someone.

Since then I've accepted that this is just the way I am. There is no point dwelling on something I'm most likely never going to experience.

Nope not all of us exaggerate. Get that thought out of your head.

Generally, I consider it a gift. I mean, at least I'll never have to worry about wasting my limited budget on expensive dates/gifts. And of course, I won't have to deal with the emotional struggle that romantics face with breakups and bad relationships.

As for negatives, its definitely awkward when people get crushes on me because I have no idea how to handle it because I am literally unable to be interested back.

There are definitely positives and negatives to it, but oh well. :/

Uh sure . So now romantic love is only about the dates is it? I don't know how to tell you that this is wrong on so many levels. Maybe talk to people in your life and find out what romantic love really is about eh?

I certainly see it as a good thing. Less drama. And honestly? Crushes sound all kinds of distracting.

Frankly it depends on how you deal with them.

I consider it both a gift and a curse; whether one extreme outweighs the other depends on the time of day.

I'm currently in a qpp with my absolute best friend. He's an amazing dude, and I love him to bits and pieces. But he had this insecurity, earlier, that bordered on jealousy that I just didn't understand, and it was basically set around my capacity to love a great many people, due to my polyamorousness. He believed, and was misguided into thinking, that I loved him the exact same as I loved everyone else, and that I would, one day, fall out of my adoration for him and find myself loving another person greater than him, and that he would disappear from my life, after that. And it took me a good 30 minutes, and plenty of tears shed, before I finally hammered it into his stupid brain that that's not how it works, and it was completely ridiculous to believe something so idiotic.

At that moment, I completely hated my aromanticism and my polyamorousness. But only for a moment. But it does happen, and I do get upset with myself that I cannot be what other people need me to be; however, that's also just a thought that I have about everything, and he's already tried his best to make me understand how illogical it is to think that way.

It can suck, though. But it can also be the loveliest thing ever. I can love without regrets. I can love passionately and intensely, without all the melodramatic side effects. I will never have a string of ex-boyfriends or girlfriends who have broken my heart, countless times over. My relationships are happy and kind and full of laughter. That's the beauty of aromanticism and/or polyamory: the love. ^_^

Umm so can we. You guys are not special snowflakes just because you don't experience romantic love.

SMH .What the bloody hell is wrong with all of you?

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Yep, i agree people can be bonkers in socalled love. People generally are very selfish, and they mostly do not consider others, in there obsessions.
People are welcome to it.
I am glad i was asexual, life can be hard no matter what happens, but being alone is my natural state of being. Thats fine for me. It may not be fine for most, but its fine for me.
A good film that demonstrates what your talking about op, is
Birthday Girl (2001)
Sums up the dangers in what those people do, but so many jump right in. Glad i never bothered with anyone in real life, or online. I was glad i was asexual, even though life can be hard being alone.
I think being alone is the lesser of two evils in my life, and i am grateful that i was the type whom could live being alone, and not need human touching or to be with others.



Oh sure so now aros are somehow immune from being selfish are they? Bravo! Brilliant! You don't need to have an obsession to be selfish

Gift. I love my friends and have seen them and others do far too many stupid things for 'love'.



When you put in quotes it seems like you think that what we call love is somehow not love? Newsflash : It's love just a different form from what you feel.

I mostly see it as a gift these days. Before I learned there was such a thing as aromanticism though, I'd sometimes get frustrated with myself for not experiencing these "glorious" feeling others were talking about. At the same time though, I used to think people were being overly dramatic and exaggerated when talking about their romantic love for someone.
Since then I've accepted that this is just the way I am. There is no point dwelling on something I'm most likely never going to experience.



Nope not all of us exaggerate. Get that thought out of your head.

Generally, I consider it a gift. I mean, at least I'll never have to worry about wasting my limited budget on expensive dates/gifts. And of course, I won't have to deal with the emotional struggle that romantics face with breakups and bad relationships.
As for negatives, its definitely awkward when people get crushes on me because I have no idea how to handle it because I am literally unable to be interested back.
There are definitely positives and negatives to it, but oh well. :/



Uh sure . So now romantic love is only about the dates is it? I don't know how to tell you that this is wrong on so many levels. Maybe talk to people in your life and find out what romantic love really is about eh?

I certainly see it as a good thing. Less drama. And honestly? Crushes sound all kinds of distracting.



Frankly it depends on how you deal with them.

I consider it both a gift and a curse; whether one extreme outweighs the other depends on the time of day.

I'm currently in a qpp with my absolute best friend. He's an amazing dude, and I love him to bits and pieces. But he had this insecurity, earlier, that bordered on jealousy that I just didn't understand, and it was basically set around my capacity to love a great many people, due to my polyamorousness. He believed, and was misguided into thinking, that I loved him the exact same as I loved everyone else, and that I would, one day, fall out of my adoration for him and find myself loving another person greater than him, and that he would disappear from my life, after that. And it took me a good 30 minutes, and plenty of tears shed, before I finally hammered it into his stupid brain that that's not how it works, and it was completely ridiculous to believe something so idiotic.

At that moment, I completely hated my aromanticism and my polyamorousness. But only for a moment. But it does happen, and I do get upset with myself that I cannot be what other people need me to be; however, that's also just a thought that I have about everything, and he's already tried his best to make me understand how illogical it is to think that way.

It can suck, though. But it can also be the loveliest thing ever. I can love without regrets. I can love passionately and intensely, without all the melodramatic side effects. I will never have a string of ex-boyfriends or girlfriends who have broken my heart, countless times over. My relationships are happy and kind and full of laughter. That's the beauty of aromanticism and/or polyamory: the love. ^_^


Umm so can we. You guys are not special snowflakes just because you don't experience romantic love.


SMH .What the bloody hell is wrong with all of you?

Breathe. :)

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Lightning Blue Ray

I see it as a gift. Not being interested in relationships means that I can focus my energy on other things, like maybe schoolwork. At this age, people are finding the time to go out when there's work to do. For me, I use all that extra time for myself, such as relaxing, sleeping, doing whatever I want, instead of worrying about relationship troubles. If I could choose, I'd probably stay aromantic.

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TiffanyJung

SMH .What the bloody hell is wrong with all of you?

Maybe you should rewrite your personal statement, because now it says this:

Here to support all aces, aros and aro-aces [/size] :D

I am here to support all of you. I'm here to support the fact that amatonormativity is harmful and is hurting you all in more than one way.I don't believe that people should be shamed or made to feel broken for something they can't help.

I'm here to make sure that you're all accepted .

When I said 'What the bloody hell is wrong with you all, I meant why on earth are some of you trying to say that you're the only ones who can love deeply? '

I'm not here to hear people go 'We're so much better than you because we're the only ones who can love deeply.' Do you know how offensive that is?

It's just the same as romantics going 'Oh we're much better than you because we experience romantic attraction.'

And they're both wrong. I'm not going to condone this just because you want me to.

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Sleepy Skeleton

It's a gift in the way that I know my feelings for people are deeper than lust or infatuation.But it's a curse in the way that once people know I'm aro, it seems like they don't want to waste their time with me because I'm not interested in being anyone's arm candy.

I'm sorry deeper?? Are you insinuating that our feelings are shallow? Because my feelings are just as deep as yours are.

And arm candy? Ugh....You disgust me. Love is not about being someone's arm candy. If you don't know what you're talking about please don't say anything.

I have a bit of advice for all Aros: Do not presume that you know exactly how romantics feel because you don't.

You know I tried so hard to sympathize with all of you and on some level I still do but I'm utterly sick of people saying that our feelings are merely because of chemicals and that somehow you're better than us.

Ugh. Seriously ugh. Some of you disgust me.

You want to know what's shallow? Not wanting to have a relationship with someone unless they let you kiss them. Acting like a person never existed as soon as they say, "No, I don't want to be your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner." Abandoning your actual friends because you think your romantic relationship is automatically better than every other relationship in your life. Never again speaking to the person you used to date after you break up.

And I say "arm candy" because that's exactly what happened to me. They never cared about my feelings. All they wanted was to say they had a girlfriend. So yeah, I'd say I know more about my own life than you do.

You talk about being disgusted, but what I think is disgusting is you barging in here and judging aromantic people and their experiences and feelings. Advice for alloromantics: stay in your own lane. I don't care what you think. You are irrelevant to me.

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TiffanyJung

It's a gift in the way that I know my feelings for people are deeper than lust or infatuation.But it's a curse in the way that once people know I'm aro, it seems like they don't want to waste their time with me because I'm not interested in being anyone's arm candy.

I'm sorry deeper?? Are you insinuating that our feelings are shallow? Because my feelings are just as deep as yours are.And arm candy? Ugh....You disgust me. Love is not about being someone's arm candy. If you don't know what you're talking about please don't say anything.I have a bit of advice for all Aros: Do not presume that you know exactly how romantics feel because you don't.You know I tried so hard to sympathize with all of you and on some level I still do but I'm utterly sick of people saying that our feelings are merely because of chemicals and that somehow you're better than us.Ugh. Seriously ugh. Some of you disgust me.
You want to know what's shallow? Not wanting to have a relationship with someone unless they let you kiss them. Acting like a person never existed as soon as they say, "No, I don't want to be your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner." Abandoning your actual friends because you think your romantic relationship is automatically better than every other relationship in your life. Never again speaking to the person you used to date after you break up.And I say "arm candy" because that's exactly what happened to me. They never cared about my feelings. All they wanted was to say they had a girlfriend. So yeah, I'd say I know more about my own life than you do.You talk about being disgusted, but what I think is disgusting is you barging in here and judging aromantic people and their experiences and feelings. Advice for alloromantics: stay in your own lane. I don't care what you think. You are irrelevant to me.
Oh wow Lacey.

Thanks for doing exactly what romantics do to you. We don't abandon our friends and seriously 'Actual Friends'? But never mind I have no interest in arguing with you either because it's futile.

I'll just repeat what I said here:http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/140025-is-the-gap-between-romantics-and-aromantics-too-wide-to-bridge/page-2#entry1061771217

I think Fuzzipueo has hit the nail on the head here. See as people we don't get along that well with everyone. It's quite natural that you know we would prefer one person over the other because it depends on how many things we have in common.

Would someone spend time with say a person 'X' if they had nothing in common with them?

And while I would love to be as important to all my friends as they are to me I know that it's foolish to expect that because of the reasons stated above.

You know, I'm just content with them remembering when my birthday is and meeting up once in a while because , hey at least they haven't forgotten me.

And I'm sure that not all romantic people would actually forget you but with the stress of life don't we all forget to call up a friend even though we plan to ?

Relationships aren't the only reasons people drift apart or friendships break: They change as people, their values may clash with yours, they might have to move away even though they don't want to and job pressures.

We don't condemn these reasons(Well The Thinking Aro does but I certainly don't believe that we all do that) so why condemn romantic partnerships?

We need to learn to make compromises. All we can do is try and spend equal time with each other but it just might be impossible because various factors still crop up and these are unavoidable parts of life.

What if someone's mother comes to visit and you don't go to the airport to pick her up simply because your friend or the person you're in a QPR with wants to spend time with you at that moment. Wouldn't your mother be terribly hurt if you didn't go when you promised that you'd be there?

So yes we shouldn't condemn people for their choices. Now if that person mocked you, insulted you,said you're less than human, then there's a problem.

Shouldn't we be focussing on this issue instead of mocking each other's form of love and the way that we express it?Or hurting each other?

Because that's just going to alienate us further and right now , what we need more than ever is understanding.

I'll admit that I got angry when I read the 'Arm Candy' bit and I'm sorry that they didn't care about your feelings but all the same please people, stop condemning Romantic Relationships!

Some of us hurt you all but don't stoop to our level. You're better than that.

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Definitely a gift, I often feel terribly sorry for people who sacrifice so much to some stupid relationship - which is often not going to last, because the romantic madness disappears in few years.

Looking at them from the outside, it is like a drug addiction or alcoholism or something like that.

OK, I also don't want other things, like children or some kind of platonic relationship, so it makes things even more easier, but even without that, I think that the ability to decide based on mutual compatibility (and not on "ooooh I love youuuu so much, it is all going to work somehow") is a huge advantage.

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Both. On one hand I've never felt more free than when I realized that I didn't need to get in a relationship. It's also liberating to be open about it. You prevent any fear of anyone flirting with you because you just go play the aro card over and over and I consider it their problem from there on out. Plus it's kind off a good way to screen people, too. Anyone being an asshole about it can pretty much just go fuck off, anyone trying to understand it or who might even know about it already are usually worth getting to know better.

I'm also terribly glad that I don't have to go through all the drama some romos go through in order to not be alone. I've seen some do crazy shit that tore friends apart or left everyone looking at it from the outside make a double facepalm.

On the other hand it get's pretty lonely, because the fears I have for my future are so fundamentally different from the problems my friends have. I have yet to meet another aro person in RL, so most of the time I'm completely alone with my world view. One can't help feeling alienated. Plus, you know? The whole friendship < relationships 99% of romos have going on sucks for all aro's, who's platonic love for friendship will probably always be greater, then what they can expect to get back in return. Sure, it's nobodies fault, but it sucks big time and one can get bitter about it.

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TiffanyJung

Both. On one hand I've never felt more free than when I realized that I didn't need to get in a relationship. It's also liberating to be open about it. You prevent any fear of anyone flirting with you because you just go play the aro card over and over and I consider it their problem from there on out. Plus it's kind off a good way to screen people, too. Anyone being an asshole about it can pretty much just go fuck off, anyone trying to understand it or who might even know about it already are usually worth getting to know better.

I'm also terribly glad that I don't have to go through all the drama some romos go through in order to not be alone. I've seen some do crazy shit that tore friends apart or left everyone looking at it from the outside make a double facepalm.

On the other hand it get's pretty lonely, because the fears I have for my future are so fundamentally different from the problems my friends have. I have yet to meet another aro person in RL, so most of the time I'm completely alone with my world view. One can't help feeling alienated. Plus, you know? The whole friendship < relationships 99% of romos have going on sucks for all aro's, who's platonic love for friendship will probably always be greater, then what they can expect to get back in return. Sure, it's nobodies fault, but it sucks big time and one can get bitter about it.

I'll just repeat what I said on the Hot Box thread:

This is something I told my friend when she was feeling down because of the same thing (She's not Aro though) so I'll tell you what I told her.

Sometime in life we're all going to feel abandoned if not now, then a few days , months or years later. Our orientations really aren't necessarily going to play a part in it.

Thinking about it so much isn't going to help you, you're just going to find yourself depressed and you're only going to hurt yourself and not anyone else.

I get that for Aros it probably hits a hundred times harder when this happens because you give your all to the friendship but try and talk to them.

Tell them how you feel. You don't necessarily have to come out as Aro for this.

And if you're feeling down , read a good book, listen to your favourite music or watch a movie or head out . Who knows you might just make a new friend .

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Ace of Amethysts

Both. On one hand I've never felt more free than when I realized that I didn't need to get in a relationship. It's also liberating to be open about it. You prevent any fear of anyone flirting with you because you just go play the aro card over and over and I consider it their problem from there on out. Plus it's kind off a good way to screen people, too. Anyone being an asshole about it can pretty much just go fuck off, anyone trying to understand it or who might even know about it already are usually worth getting to know better.

I'm also terribly glad that I don't have to go through all the drama some romos go through in order to not be alone. I've seen some do crazy shit that tore friends apart or left everyone looking at it from the outside make a double facepalm.

On the other hand it get's pretty lonely, because the fears I have for my future are so fundamentally different from the problems my friends have. I have yet to meet another aro person in RL, so most of the time I'm completely alone with my world view. One can't help feeling alienated. Plus, you know? The whole friendship < relationships 99% of romos have going on sucks for all aro's, who's platonic love for friendship will probably always be greater, then what they can expect to get back in return. Sure, it's nobodies fault, but it sucks big time and one can get bitter about it.

If I could re-evaluate my post in this thread, I`d probably say this. Aromanticism is extremely mixed for me. I`ll definitely stay closeted though, because aromantics like me are such a small minority.

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aussiekirkland

Yep, i agree people can be bonkers in socalled love. People generally are very selfish, and they mostly do not consider others, in there obsessions.

People are welcome to it.

I am glad i was asexual, life can be hard no matter what happens, but being alone is my natural state of being. Thats fine for me. It may not be fine for most, but its fine for me.

A good film that demonstrates what your talking about op, is

Birthday Girl (2001)

Sums up the dangers in what those people do, but so many jump right in. Glad i never bothered with anyone in real life, or online. I was glad i was asexual, even though life can be hard being alone.

I think being alone is the lesser of two evils in my life, and i am grateful that i was the type whom could live being alone, and not need human touching or to be with others.

Oh sure so now aros are somehow immune from being selfish are they? Bravo! Brilliant! You don't need to have an obsession to be selfish

Gift. I love my friends and have seen them and others do far too many stupid things for 'love'.

When you put in quotes it seems like you think that what we call love is somehow not love? Newsflash : It's love just a different form from what you feel.

I mostly see it as a gift these days. Before I learned there was such a thing as aromanticism though, I'd sometimes get frustrated with myself for not experiencing these "glorious" feeling others were talking about. At the same time though, I used to think people were being overly dramatic and exaggerated when talking about their romantic love for someone.

Since then I've accepted that this is just the way I am. There is no point dwelling on something I'm most likely never going to experience.

Nope not all of us exaggerate. Get that thought out of your head.

Generally, I consider it a gift. I mean, at least I'll never have to worry about wasting my limited budget on expensive dates/gifts. And of course, I won't have to deal with the emotional struggle that romantics face with breakups and bad relationships.

As for negatives, its definitely awkward when people get crushes on me because I have no idea how to handle it because I am literally unable to be interested back.

There are definitely positives and negatives to it, but oh well. :/

Uh sure . So now romantic love is only about the dates is it? I don't know how to tell you that this is wrong on so many levels. Maybe talk to people in your life and find out what romantic love really is about eh?

I certainly see it as a good thing. Less drama. And honestly? Crushes sound all kinds of distracting.

Frankly it depends on how you deal with them.

I consider it both a gift and a curse; whether one extreme outweighs the other depends on the time of day.

I'm currently in a qpp with my absolute best friend. He's an amazing dude, and I love him to bits and pieces. But he had this insecurity, earlier, that bordered on jealousy that I just didn't understand, and it was basically set around my capacity to love a great many people, due to my polyamorousness. He believed, and was misguided into thinking, that I loved him the exact same as I loved everyone else, and that I would, one day, fall out of my adoration for him and find myself loving another person greater than him, and that he would disappear from my life, after that. And it took me a good 30 minutes, and plenty of tears shed, before I finally hammered it into his stupid brain that that's not how it works, and it was completely ridiculous to believe something so idiotic.

At that moment, I completely hated my aromanticism and my polyamorousness. But only for a moment. But it does happen, and I do get upset with myself that I cannot be what other people need me to be; however, that's also just a thought that I have about everything, and he's already tried his best to make me understand how illogical it is to think that way.

It can suck, though. But it can also be the loveliest thing ever. I can love without regrets. I can love passionately and intensely, without all the melodramatic side effects. I will never have a string of ex-boyfriends or girlfriends who have broken my heart, countless times over. My relationships are happy and kind and full of laughter. That's the beauty of aromanticism and/or polyamory: the love. ^_^

Umm so can we. You guys are not special snowflakes just because you don't experience romantic love.

SMH .What the bloody hell is wrong with all of you?

Look I understand that some people here have said hurtful things but I agree with Lacey in that you need to stay in your own lane. This topic is a place for aromantics to share their experiences with each other, and quite frankly, you barging in and stomping on everyone's thoughts and feelings and calling us 'disgusting' is really immature and invasive.

People have a right to say how they feel, especially if it's in their own space. I'd suggest not invading other people's space and attacking them. Either have a civilised, rational conversation or mind your own business.

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And, ironically, this is exactly the kind of attitude that makes me think that "romantic feelings are shallow" -_-.

And... "Maybe talk to people in your life and find out what romantic love really is about eh?" - eh, really? Am I going to hear something else than the regular bullshit about "it is absolutely amazing" and "you cannot understand how good it is until you try it", which "surprisingly" reminds me of moos who are pushing motherhood on others :).

People who are aggressive, trying to push their views on others and don't have better arguments than "it is totally amazing" are just weird, and I usually read it as "misery loves company" and suppressed regrets.

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TiffanyJung

And, ironically, this is exactly the kind of attitude that makes me think that "romantic feelings are shallow" -_-.

And... "Maybe talk to people in your life and find out what romantic love really is about eh?" - eh, really? Am I going to hear something else than the regular bullshit about "it is absolutely amazing" and "you cannot understand how good it is until you try it", which "surprisingly" reminds me of moos who are pushing motherhood on others :).

People who are aggressive, trying to push their views on others and don't have better arguments than "it is totally amazing" are just weird, and I usually read it as "misery loves company" and suppressed regrets.

No you're not going to hear that it's absolutely amazing, at least not from me,because it can be very devastating and yes it can ruin people's lives but have you asked them why they think it's amazing?

And I had too many personal emotions involved so that's why I lashed out.I am not trying to force my views on you but I was trying to make you understand that maybe it's not as bad as you think it is.

Obviously I failed, so I'm going to stop trying.

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TiffanyJung

Yep, i agree people can be bonkers in socalled love. People generally are very selfish, and they mostly do not consider others, in there obsessions.

People are welcome to it.

I am glad i was asexual, life can be hard no matter what happens, but being alone is my natural state of being. Thats fine for me. It may not be fine for most, but its fine for me.

A good film that demonstrates what your talking about op, is

Birthday Girl (2001)

Sums up the dangers in what those people do, but so many jump right in. Glad i never bothered with anyone in real life, or online. I was glad i was asexual, even though life can be hard being alone.

I think being alone is the lesser of two evils in my life, and i am grateful that i was the type whom could live being alone, and not need human touching or to be with others.

Oh sure so now aros are somehow immune from being selfish are they? Bravo! Brilliant! You don't need to have an obsession to be selfish

Gift. I love my friends and have seen them and others do far too many stupid things for 'love'.

When you put in quotes it seems like you think that what we call love is somehow not love? Newsflash : It's love just a different form from what you feel.

I mostly see it as a gift these days. Before I learned there was such a thing as aromanticism though, I'd sometimes get frustrated with myself for not experiencing these "glorious" feeling others were talking about. At the same time though, I used to think people were being overly dramatic and exaggerated when talking about their romantic love for someone.

Since then I've accepted that this is just the way I am. There is no point dwelling on something I'm most likely never going to experience.

Nope not all of us exaggerate. Get that thought out of your head.

Generally, I consider it a gift. I mean, at least I'll never have to worry about wasting my limited budget on expensive dates/gifts. And of course, I won't have to deal with the emotional struggle that romantics face with breakups and bad relationships.

As for negatives, its definitely awkward when people get crushes on me because I have no idea how to handle it because I am literally unable to be interested back.

There are definitely positives and negatives to it, but oh well. :/

Uh sure . So now romantic love is only about the dates is it? I don't know how to tell you that this is wrong on so many levels. Maybe talk to people in your life and find out what romantic love really is about eh?

I certainly see it as a good thing. Less drama. And honestly? Crushes sound all kinds of distracting.

Frankly it depends on how you deal with them.

I consider it both a gift and a curse; whether one extreme outweighs the other depends on the time of day.

I'm currently in a qpp with my absolute best friend. He's an amazing dude, and I love him to bits and pieces. But he had this insecurity, earlier, that bordered on jealousy that I just didn't understand, and it was basically set around my capacity to love a great many people, due to my polyamorousness. He believed, and was misguided into thinking, that I loved him the exact same as I loved everyone else, and that I would, one day, fall out of my adoration for him and find myself loving another person greater than him, and that he would disappear from my life, after that. And it took me a good 30 minutes, and plenty of tears shed, before I finally hammered it into his stupid brain that that's not how it works, and it was completely ridiculous to believe something so idiotic.

At that moment, I completely hated my aromanticism and my polyamorousness. But only for a moment. But it does happen, and I do get upset with myself that I cannot be what other people need me to be; however, that's also just a thought that I have about everything, and he's already tried his best to make me understand how illogical it is to think that way.

It can suck, though. But it can also be the loveliest thing ever. I can love without regrets. I can love passionately and intensely, without all the melodramatic side effects. I will never have a string of ex-boyfriends or girlfriends who have broken my heart, countless times over. My relationships are happy and kind and full of laughter. That's the beauty of aromanticism and/or polyamory: the love. ^_^

Umm so can we. You guys are not special snowflakes just because you don't experience romantic love.

SMH .What the bloody hell is wrong with all of you?

Look I understand that some people here have said hurtful things but I agree with Lacey in that you need to stay in your own lane. This topic is a place for aromantics to share their experiences with each other, and quite frankly, you barging in and stomping on everyone's thoughts and feelings and calling us 'disgusting' is really immature and invasive.

People have a right to say how they feel, especially if it's in their own space. I'd suggest not invading other people's space and attacking them. Either have a civilised, rational conversation or mind your own business.

I was angry and I let my emotions cloud my judgement. It's not going to happen again. :mellow:

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TiffanyJung

Have some :cake: :cake: :cake: :-)

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Yes, and I've never got any kind of proper answer, only things like:

- it is so amazing that I cannot describe it

- you have to try it

- here, this friend of my is single, let's date him and you will see

The most specific thing I've ever got was "it is so great to absolutely submit to someone", but somehow I guess it is not the general rule :).

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@Tiffany: This thread is about aro's experiences and I shared mine. I do neither want nor need a life couch lesson or sympathy for that. And I can do well without second hand advice from someone, who doesn't know my situation. My friends happen to know everything already and for all the downsides and fears I get, I still consider myself pretty lucky and happy. I'm a grown human and know how to deal with my issues myself.

I'm sure you meant well and all, but for a supposed ally you sure do give out judgment and life advice super quickly.... it comes of as patronizing and aggressive (which is probably not your intend but still, it's how it sounds to me)

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TiffanyJung

Yes, and I've never got any kind of proper answer, only things like:

- it is so amazing that I cannot describe it

- you have to try it

- here, this friend of my is single, let's date him and you will see

The most specific thing I've ever got was "it is so great to absolutely submit to someone", but somehow I guess it is not the general rule :).

'It's so great to absolutely submit to someone'? SMH. I seriously wonder whether the person who told you that knows what love really means.

You're right it isn't the general rule :)

I'll try and explain to the best of my ability what it is and perhaps why they consider it amazing.

So romantic love is this pull 'X' feels towards another person, a pull that makes 'X' think of them 24/7 ( Which can be a bit annoying), makes 'X' smile involuntarily whenever 'X' think about him/her, makes 'X' want to be with him/her even if he's/her hurt 'X' (Nothing serious though, no cheating or anything like that) , just want to make him/her smile when he's/she's feeling down and hug him/her tight and say I love you. It's something that makes 'X' want to share every moment with him/her and saddens 'X' when he/she leaves.

It's this feeling that makes you feel on top of the world and believe that you can do anything.

Of course it can be seriously devastating too , people commit suicide if their love is unrequited but those people are cowards who can't face life.

And yes it can make people lose their jobs , turn them into stalkers but those people lie at the extreme end and frankly in their cases it's not really love, it's obsession.

It can make people depressed but then those people rely too much on their relationships which isn't healthy at all, and this is applicable to both aros and romantics so.....

So I'll say that it's both positive and negative.

When you love someone you want them to be happy. I don't know whether I've managed to change your opinion about these feelings being shallow but even if I haven't , well there's still :cake:

:)

@Tiffany: This thread is about aro's experiences and I shared mine. I do neither want nor need a life couch lesson or sympathy for that. And I can do well without second hand advice from someone, who doesn't know my situation. My friends happen to know everything already and for all the downsides and fears I get, I still consider myself pretty lucky and happy. I'm a grown human and know how to deal with my issues myself.

I'm sure you meant well and all, but for a supposed ally you sure do give out judgment and life advice super quickly.... it comes of as patronizing and aggressive (which is probably not your intend but still, it's how it sounds to me)

No that's not my intention. And I had too many personal emotions involved which is why I was judgemental. It's not going to happen again.

And I can relate to being lonely. That's why I was trying to help. I don't want you to go through what I did.

And I'm glad that your friends know. Hopefully they're considerate of your feelings :)

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Anthracite_Impreza

People who commit suicide aren't cowards.

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Saber Wing

Ultimately, I look upon it as a gift. A gift, because I love that I've embraced who I am, and I don't have to feel the pressure of doing all of the things that horrify me: fall in love, get married, have kids, etc. Ick. I have two best friends I live with who have passed mere friendship: they're family, and I don't feel as if I'm lacking a single thing just because my brand of love is different from a romantic's. Now that I know what I want and what I don't want, I can focus on living a life that is fullfilling to me.

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TiffanyJung

People who commit suicide aren't cowards.

Well they certainly aren't brave. :mellow:

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