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Do you consider your aromanticism a curse or gift?


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Mostly I just think of it as a given, part of who I am. However, all in all, I think I'm happy not to have to deal with all the romantic relationship problems I hear people I know talking about. It sounds rather annoying. The fact that society tends to assume everybody is romantic does get annoying from time to time, but mostly it just gets lost in the background for me, and I don't notice it too much.

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mustachioed panda

I consider it both a gift and a curse; whether one extreme outweighs the other depends on the time of day.

I'm currently in a qpp with my absolute best friend. He's an amazing dude, and I love him to bits and pieces. But he had this insecurity, earlier, that bordered on jealousy that I just didn't understand, and it was basically set around my capacity to love a great many people, due to my polyamorousness. He believed, and was misguided into thinking, that I loved him the exact same as I loved everyone else, and that I would, one day, fall out of my adoration for him and find myself loving another person greater than him, and that he would disappear from my life, after that. And it took me a good 30 minutes, and plenty of tears shed, before I finally hammered it into his stupid brain that that's not how it works, and it was completely ridiculous to believe something so idiotic.

At that moment, I completely hated my aromanticism and my polyamorousness. But only for a moment. But it does happen, and I do get upset with myself that I cannot be what other people need me to be; however, that's also just a thought that I have about everything, and he's already tried his best to make me understand how illogical it is to think that way.

It can suck, though. But it can also be the loveliest thing ever. I can love without regrets. I can love passionately and intensely, without all the melodramatic side effects. I will never have a string of ex-boyfriends or girlfriends who have broken my heart, countless times over. My relationships are happy and kind and full of laughter. That's the beauty of aromanticism and/or polyamory: the love. ^_^

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At first I thought it was a curse but, now that I have come to terms with my Aro side, I find it to be a gift. It is quite freeing to not have to deal with jealousy, or with all the headaches dealing with intamcy issues. Also, I don't have to deal with all the drama of a tradional relationship.

I'm in a celibate relationship with a great guy. There are no stresses regarding intamcy within our relationship. It's been the best relationship I've ever had! So yeah, being Aro is a gift.

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Nebularomantic

Gift and a curse because I like being aro in most cases, especially the cases described above. But it's a curse in that I'm aroflux instead of purely aromantic, if I can even distinguish feelings at all because nebularomanticism. Another con is being a sexual aro rather than an ace aro.

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I'm not too sure if I would consider it a gift or a curse. I've just learned to accept it because it's a part of me, but I also make sure to keep an open mind for things. Aromantic is a term that best fits and describes me, but personally I decided to drop the label and feel more comfortable. I don't really have any kind of interested to pursue a romantic relationship and I'm pretty meh about it. I'd prefer just companionship, but I'm still open to the possibility of being in a romantic relationship. It's an experience that I wouldn't mind, but I just simply don't really care much for it enough to pursue it. Who knows, maybe if I'm in a romantic relationship, I might actually enjoy it! Though, I'll be completely honest, I think the idea of me in a romantic relationship is kind of ludicrous. :lol: But hey! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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A gift I just think it makes life so much easier and with less worries :)

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I absolutely feel like its a curse. I seem to be in the minority here but I do, strongly, desire a relationship. I discovered asexual / aromantic about a year ago and I was devastated because I have always wanted to fall in love, I tried to pretend to myself that it wasn't me, and I completely ignored it for the better part of a year hoping something would change but of course nothing did. I've never had strong ties with friends or family and so I've always been waiting for 'that one' who I can share absolutely everything with, but now every time I think about being in a relationship, I feel guilty, because I know Ill never be able to love that person the way they deserve.

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Ace of Amethysts

Cons:

*Amatonormativity

*Romantic emotions are made out to be really pleasant, and sometimes I do honestly get kind of sad that I'll never feel that way (although really? See above)

*Amatonormativity, and also amatonormativity

Pros:

*Friendships are way more stable than romantic relationships

*Not having to worry about being single or "forever alone" as a negative thing, because honestly? Heck yeah, being forever alone!

*Not having to go through breakups, rejections, unrequited love, any of that

*No "I like this person but they're already dating someone, WHAT DO I DO" drama

*On Valentine's Day, all the chocolate is for ME

*Did I mention being single is awesome? Because being single is awesome.

Conclusion: pros >>> cons, therefore aromanticism is indeed a gift as far as I'm concerned.

Agreed with all bolded. Italic emphasis is for effect only. I HATE AMATONORMATIVITY SO MUCH :(

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I don't know - I've not seen it as a curse or a gift before but merely a part of me. Does having blue eyes mean I have a gift? Or does that make my brown hair a curse?

I suppose if I had to pick one or the other, though, I'd say a bit of both. It's a gift for me because I've seen first hand what some people will do for the idea of love when they themselves are actually dealing with stark, sometimes cold reality. I'm sort of immune to that. Plus, all the chocolate on Valentines' Day for myself....! And I still get QPRs, so I'm not cut out of relationships per se.

At the same time, though, I do feel like it's a curse because romantic love sounds brilliant and I sometimes feel like I'm missing out on something big. I also sometimes feel very immature because of my aromanticism, or are made to feel immature, because of the way that our society tends to hold up romantic love as the great ideal and if you don't happen to be 'into' that then you're not considered mature - sometimes I feel like if I were to be open to everyone I met about my aromanticism then they'd think I was quite childlike, which is of course not helped thanks to my age. The basis that being in a romantic relationship means you must be grown up and must be an adult with the appropriate adult-y wisdom is ludicrous, really, considering that many people in relationships can be just as immature, or even more so, than people not in relationships, but it's very hard to remember that when you're surrounded by signs and ads and all sorts telling you 'LOOK THIS IS A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP YOU MUST HAVE ONE'. Amatonormativity is something I struggle with sometimes.

For me, it's a mixed bag. Most of the time my aromanticism doesn't bother me but sometimes I do wonder why I am like this and how easy it would be to just be asexual and inserthere-romantic than aro-ace.

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It depends on how I feel. Most of the time I'd say it's a gift because I don't get distracted by the latest 'hot guy' to walk past, as some of the other girls seem to do.

But when I feel romantically lonely I consider it a curse because, being aro, I can't stop that lonely feeling.

So like most things, aromanticism is a double-edged sword.

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aggressivelyace

For me right now, being aromantic is definitely a curse.

I only recently figured out that im aromantic and have been confusing my squishes with crushes. I just broke up with my girlfriend (breaking her heart horribly in the process). She loves me, and I am unable to return the feeling, and so being aro is undeniably a curse right now.

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Ace of Amethysts

I don't know - I've not seen it as a curse or a gift before but merely a part of me. Does having blue eyes mean I have a gift? Or does that make my brown hair a curse?

I suppose if I had to pick one or the other, though, I'd say a bit of both. It's a gift for me because I've seen first hand what some people will do for the idea of love when they themselves are actually dealing with stark, sometimes cold reality. I'm sort of immune to that. Plus, all the chocolate on Valentines' Day for myself....! And I still get QPRs, so I'm not cut out of relationships per se.

At the same time, though, I do feel like it's a curse because romantic love sounds brilliant and I sometimes feel like I'm missing out on something big. I also sometimes feel very immature because of my aromanticism, or are made to feel immature, because of the way that our society tends to hold up romantic love as the great ideal and if you don't happen to be 'into' that then you're not considered mature - sometimes I feel like if I were to be open to everyone I met about my aromanticism then they'd think I was quite childlike, which is of course not helped thanks to my age. The basis that being in a romantic relationship means you must be grown up and must be an adult with the appropriate adult-y wisdom is ludicrous, really, considering that many people in relationships can be just as immature, or even more so, than people not in relationships, but it's very hard to remember that when you're surrounded by signs and ads and all sorts telling you 'LOOK THIS IS A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP YOU MUST HAVE ONE'. Amatonormativity is something I struggle with sometimes.

For me, it's a mixed bag. Most of the time my aromanticism doesn't bother me but sometimes I do wonder why I am like this and how easy it would be to just be asexual and insertlabelhere-romantic than aro-ace.

I`m mentally struggling with this so much that I wish I could stop myself from venting about it, but I will admit there are some positives to being aromantic. (Not the positives, amatonormative society. :ph34r: )

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For me personally, I do not think it is a curse or a gift, it is just who I am.

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As of now, curse.

Today, I hung out with my opposite-gendered friend and posted some tidbits of our day on my Snapchat story (like I usually do when any of my friends and I hang out). Automatically, I got a slew of messages asking if we were dating. For the most part, I didn't care about the people who didn't know me that well. However, ALL the friends who I had confided in being aromantic and asexual to were among those who pushed for my relationship status. I felt incredibly hurt, simply because it seemed as if they were invalidating an integral part of my identity, something I struggled so long to come to terms with.

What's the point of finally "owning" my romantic orientation if the people I care for most don't see it as legitimate? It makes me feel small. It makes me wish I was straight. It makes me wish I never told them anything.

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AceWizardApprentice

I've seen it as a curse for several years even before I found this site since I can hardly identify with anyone's experiences/anything on the media. I haven't had any 'real' friends (more than an acquaintance) who understood me. I almost had a best friend once, but she moved, and I had never felt happier being with a friend, haven't seen her for many years. Had one 'friend' after that, didn't feel the same (she was probably a romantic ace since she said I'd probably grow out of being aromantic.) Instead, I felt sad/hollow during certain conversations, I couldn't get her feelings for people. I laughed every time when she described how 'cute' some guy/actor was, but inside, I was in pain. It happened often. Went to different universities, haven't seen her since. Haven't even tried making any new friends for fear of experiencing similar things again. The one time I actively tried the other person thought I was a lesbian and found me disgusting throughout middle school, took me 'til high school to figure it out. I've lost my trust in people due to my own insecurities. Spend my time working/alone/on the net, like usual. Never hung out with any friends, don't get invited to parties, etc. Have my family as support, don't see it as enough, feel empty too often and so on. Long story short: problems galore.

The daily hetero-/amatonormativity I see/hear makes me feel like I either don't or shouldn't exist and I feel alone even in the company of others. I just don't get the world/society and am constantly reminded of my 'otherness', whether intentional or not. Life ain't all bad though. At least I know my identity and that I exist, and I have AVEN. Hoping I get a QPP/s at some point in life, I can wait. Have been for my entire life.

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instead of thinking aromatism as either gift or curse, I look at is as a case of compatibility.

For example, I'm a natural loner, and asexual, so being aromantic is 100% compatible with the rest of me.

so it depends on the individual and what they want in life.

but I will agree with many above me saying that aromatism has the pros of less drama, because less relationships less worries.

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Sadly, I'd have to say curse. I don't think that I'm cursed being aromantic as such, but because of the way everyone (especially my parents!) act about me being aromantic. They pity me, and act like as I don't have (romantic) relationships, that I must be lonely.

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When I found out I was ace, I thought it was a great gift--it finally explained something about me that I didn't know before, but explained everything. When I found out about asexuality, I was ecstatic.

Aromanticism, on the other hand, was something I resisted, initially. I was still under the impression that there was something wrong with me for not being in a relationship. I was basically forcing myself to have crushes (I honestly thought that was how everyone did it). However, as time went on, it became a relief (and freed up lots of brainpower from no longer having to fabricate crushes). Now it is something I completely feel is a gift.

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Blue Phoenix Ace

Sadly, I'd have to say curse. I don't think that I'm cursed being aromantic as such, but because of the way everyone (especially my parents!) act about me being aromantic. They pity me, and act like as I don't have (romantic) relationships, that I must be lonely.

If you weren't aromantic, and not in a relationship, then they would still pity you.

Personally, I'm happy with being aro. I like a lot of alone time, so I feel like having someone else around all the time would be stifling. I also have a lot of freedom to do whatever the heck I want to do. Sure, amatonormativity is crappy, but the same can happen for any traits you have that are rare or unique.

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Ace of Amethysts

I've seen it as a curse for several years even before I found this site since I can hardly identify with anyone's experiences/anything on the media. I haven't had any 'real' friends (more than an acquaintance) who understood me. I almost had a best friend once, but she moved, and I had never felt happier being with a friend, haven't seen her for many years. Had one 'friend' after that, didn't feel the same (she was probably a romantic ace since she said I'd probably grow out of being aromantic.) Instead, I felt sad/hollow during certain conversations, I couldn't get her feelings for people. I laughed every time when she described how 'cute' some guy/actor was, but inside, I was in pain. It happened often. Went to different universities, haven't seen her since. Haven't even tried making any new friends for fear of experiencing similar things again. The one time I actively tried the other person thought I was a lesbian and found me disgusting throughout middle school, took me 'til high school to figure it out. I've lost my trust in people due to my own insecurities. Spend my time working/alone/on the net, like usual. Never hung out with any friends, don't get invited to parties, etc. Have my family as support, don't see it as enough, feel empty too often and so on. Long story short: problems galore.

The daily hetero-/amatonormativity I see/hear makes me feel like I either don't or shouldn't exist and I feel alone even in the company of others. I just don't get the world/society and am constantly reminded of my 'otherness', whether intentional or not. Life ain't all bad though. At least I know my identity and that I exist, and I have AVEN. Hoping I get a QPP/s at some point in life, I can wait. Have been for my entire life.

Seconded this. :)

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Easiest way for me to say it is likely blessed with a curse.

It has its pro's and some pretty big ones but same time I also often sort of feel a bit left out of the world if that makes sense.

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Phantasmal Fingers

Gift!

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As with a lot of people I struggle with it at times and at other points, it's who I am and I'm fine with it. I don't think about it too much, but there are times when I wish I was able to feel the way other people do. This isn't an aro problem, but I'm really not emotionally attached to anyone. Not friends, not family, there really isn't anyone "special" in my life. Some days I wonder what's wrong with me, it makes me feel slightly less than human. This part of me kind of scares my parents, they think I'm depressed or something because I could go days without seeing them or talking to them and I wouldn't really "miss them". My sister lives 20+ hours away so I only see her for major holidays, and she's always so happy to see me and so sad to go, and my other sister that lives closer is ecstatic to see her and cries when she leaves. It's really hard for me because I just don't feel the same way, it makes me feel broken and I wanna just sit down and cry sometimes because of it. I feel like if I told someone they wouldn't understand and look at me like I'm some kind of monster. The good part of it is if I'm ever unhappy about anything, I can fix it. My happiness is dependent on no one but myself. I can turn to others for advice or help but I never am in need in a way that only another person can help.

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Gifts. I always find platonic/ queer platonic relationship stronger than romantic ones, i guess.

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Curse. I find this very hard to say without sounding incredibly patronising/melodramatic but my aromanticism and heterosexuality combined have been purgatorial for me, for too many reasons, I wish I could say otherwise. Whinge whinge whinge. Of course not everyone's experience will be the same, and it's nice to see others' have been more positive. ^_^

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I see it as a slightly negative thing, a curse is a huge exaggeration. I wanna know what romantic love is, it seems nice and I would like to understand this strange love-oriented society. In the absence of romance, I often find myself wishing for something more than a fulfilling platonic relationship :/

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In general, I don't think there is anything gifted or cursed about being aromantic. There are pros and cons to every orientation, and I don't think one is ever inherently better than the other.

If I had to chose for myself though, I'd probably chose gift. My aromanticism is an inherent apart of who I am, and I think my experience of being aromantic has really shaped me as a person. If given the choice to switch orientations, I'd 100% stay the way I am, which wouldn't be true if I viewed aromanticism to be cursed.

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I would call it a bit of both.

Generally I am quite content with my aromatic ways, especially when I get to see an acquaintances latest relationship train-wreck.. I find I over-all seem less stressed out over the little things that my more romantically inclined friends seem to worry about(anyone friends with folks that are super enthusiastic and overly emotional about literally everything?)

But then again when I see examples where it does work, and quite well at that, I go "I wonder what that would be like?"

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