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Advice welcome (a sexual/gray sexual/something else?)


mbyrne

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Hello,

So I'd like to start off by saying that I am completely new to this website, and just recently began knowing anything about the sexual spectrum beyond the commonly talked about LBGT areas. I am a young, male, straight, sexual human being. If you need more of a background, I'm happy to share it.

Next, you should know that I am completely in love with my relatively new girlfriend. I've never met anybody like her before, and even though we've just been together for a couple of months, it feels like I've known her for years.

Our relationship has moved quickly, but pretty normally on the physical side of things. Hand holding, kissing, more aggressive kissing, etc.

A couple weeks ago, she came up with a fun drinking game for us to try. We both had too much, and among the many things we talked about, she mentioned that she was a sexual. At the time, I was in no state to think much of it, and we moved on.

The next morning, she didn't really remember anything we'd talked about. I didn't want to bring it up, because she obviously didn't mean to tell me that much, yet. Though I did do a bit of Googling and read through the FAQ of this website.

This past weekend, we had a fun date night and she stayed the night with me - both completely sober. Our aggressive kissing got a little more intense than in the past, and I don't want to get too detailed, but it turned to more sexual-like acts. Things were going great, but after about five minutes, it was like a switch had been turned. She asked to stop. And we had a very good conversation about what we each thought about sex and relationships (did I mention that I love her?).

Basically, she has had sex before, but never had a good experience with it. She told me that she'd always thought of herself as a sexual, but that it can't be the exact case because she (obviously) was completely sexual for a while that night. 90% of the time she is completely uninterested and pays no attention to anything to do with sex, but then the other percent (usually around me) it's different. After a short time, though, she says it just shuts off, and she loses all interest - almost as if it starts hurting (mentally, not physically).

This seems to be a new situation for her, and she said that she wants try to work through it, and maybe even learn to enjoy having sexual activities to completion, though it isn't a top priority for her.

Sex is not a top priority for me, either. But understanding, and helping, my girlfriend absolutely is a top priority for me - and I was wondering if anybody here has been through or knows of a similar situation?

Are there other conversations we should have soon? Ways to help her feel more comfortable with exploring the sexuality she is feeling, without pressuring her (I would never, ever, ever ask her to do anything she didn't want to)? Any other advice for things that I might be overlooking?

I welcome anything you can do for me.

Thanks!

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I think it's best to let her tell you in her own time. Even though there's a chance she is asexual and you accept that, it is hard coming out and she is probably figuring things out for herself. If you wanted to mention it, you could do of course and honestly I'm not sure about the outcome, she might be pleased or will recoil if she feels pressured. Give it some time but then do what you think is best. Thanks for coming on AVEN and looking into it more, I hope things go well and she is comfortable with whatever she chooses to be :)

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Androgynoid Replicant

You've come to the right place. Your love for one another will help you both. I'm so glad that you said that:


Sex is not a top priority for me, either. But understanding, and helping, my girlfriend absolutely is a top priority for me

Hold fast to this.

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