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m4rble

How old were you when you first felt sexual attraction?

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m4rble

I have a question for the sexuals out there: How old were you when you first started to feel sexual attraction? Sex was honestly one of the last things on my mind when I was in high school, but that's obviously not true for everyone. Around what age do think it's typical for sexual feelings to start?

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nanogretchen4

I was about sixteen or seventeen. I don't think that's typical, though. It's probably pretty late.

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Scarlet 

i was 20 when i first felt actual sexual attraction towards someone everything else was just libido (if 16-17 is late then im screwed LOL)

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scarlett45

13-14 years old. I didn't want to have sex at that age (and wouldn't have) but that was the age I first experienced arousal, sexual fantasies about a crush.

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scarlett45

13-14 years old. I didn't want to have sex at that age (and wouldn't have) but that was the age I first experienced arousal, sexual fantasies about a crush.

I think the feelings tend to start around puberty, or a bit later depending on your enviorment (i.e. A heterosexual at a same sex school).

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m4rble

4

Somehow I doubt that.

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nanogretchen4

Well, I've known a lot of people who claim to have known they were gay since before kindergarten. If this is accurate I guess something must have tipped them off.

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m4rble

Well, I've known a lot of people who claim to have known they were gay since before kindergarten. If this is accurate I guess something must have tipped them off.

I think a lot of that has to do with consistency bias, the tendency people have to think of their past attitudes as more similar to their present ones than they really are. Of course they could have been more stereotypically masculine or feminine than other people of their gender at that age, which people associate with being gay. Fairytales about romance are also fed to children at a very young age and children could have various thoughts and feelings about them. I remember I was shown a lot of princess stories in preschool. I imagined myself in the role of the princesses because I was a girl, but I'll admit, I was kind of jealous of the prince because they got to marry the princess. The princesses always seemed like a much better romantic partner in those stories because they were prettier and much more interesting.

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Star Bit

I think you should be asking two questions.

The first being "when did you first desire to have sex".

And the second being "when did you first feel sexual attraction". (as they're two different things and the first one is typically felt first)

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m4rble

I think you should be asking two questions.

The first being "when did you first desire to have sex".

And the second being "when did you first feel sexual attraction". (as they're two different things and the first one is typically felt first)

Could you define those things then.

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Star Bit

Sexual people can desire sex for many different reasons, so they can desire sex in general before finding any specific person sexually attractive/sexually alluring.

According to sexual people on here, about half of allosexuals never experience sexual attraction and just desire sex for other reasons.

There are studies on what age people first desire sex. Google "development of sexual attraction [or sexuality]"

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closetPonyfan

Also, I've been on AVEN for many months now (maybe a year?) and I'm not actually sure what differentiates sexual attraction from having a crush, or just generally thinking someone is cute. Maybe I'm actually closer to gray-A than sexual? But for me at least I felt an attraction to another person as early as 3rd grade and maybe before that but I don't have any memory. It was my best friend/arch rival's twin sister. At that young of an age I didn't even know what sex was, but I knew I liked her. She was aesthetically pleasing, but more than that I felt a connection to her, she was smart, and loved to listen to me talk. That's the same way I feel about anyone that I'm attracted to today. I don't really think anything sexual comes into the equation for me until there is an intimate setting for things to escalate.

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Star Bit

Sexual attraction is having a triggered impulse to have sex with someone specific due to something about that person (whether the reason is recognized or not).

A crush is romantic attraction, which is an emotion; so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). Some people have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase, blushing, etc. [though those are also symptoms of platonic nervousness]). Others may react emotionally with a dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, romantic fantasies, etc.

Thinking someone is cute/aesthetically attractive is also a completely different thing that may or may not accompany the previous attractions. It can be felt platonically/just means you have a pull to look at someone due to their appearance or mannerisms. Like a sunset or beautiful flower. Aesthetically pleasing is different because it's just recognition with no fixation.

 

Asexuality only has one qualification, and that's not desiring sex with anyone. Anything else is irrelevant. Sexual and romantic orientations are two different things.

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closetPonyfan

Well put. So then I guess my early experience didn't count a sexual attraction. So then how would you classify a person who experiences sexual desire, but not directed to a person or tied to attraction towards a person?

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Star Bit

By sexual desire do you mean a desire for sex or a desire to masturbate? (as the word sexual is broad)

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closetPonyfan

Huh, well I suppose both at times. Interestingly enough I never considered how they differ, but I suppose they do. And I experience both of them.

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Tarfeather

6

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m4rble

Now I'm confused about what I was actually trying to ask. I guess what I wanted to know was:

1)When did you first feel like you wanted sex. and

2)When did you first feel directed sexual attraction.

As of this point in time I've never felt like I wanted sex, but I have experienced associated sexual arousal for the first time this week.


6

Really?

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closetPonyfan

In that case

1) 14 or 15.i remember the specific event but not when exactly it was.

2) I guess I'm not sure if I ever have? When I'm romantically attracted to someone I want to be physically close to them. When I am physically close with them I get aroused. And when aroused I desire sex. I guess the first time It got to that level I was 17. But then again, at least for me, it was the same as what happened when I was 15.

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Serran

2)When did you first feel directed sexual attraction.

Are you talking about "Saw them and that made me want to bang them"? Or, "we were making out and one thing lead to another and I really wanted it"?

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m4rble

2)When did you first feel directed sexual attraction.

Are you talking about "Saw them and that made me want to bang them"? Or, "we were making out and one thing lead to another and I really wanted it"?

I don't know, maybe neither, people can just write what they want, I'm too confused now.

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Serran

2)When did you first feel directed sexual attraction.

Are you talking about "Saw them and that made me want to bang them"? Or, "we were making out and one thing lead to another and I really wanted it"?

I don't know, maybe neither, people can just write what they want, I'm too confused now.

Welcome to my world whenever I try to discuss "sexual attraction" - everyone has their own definition so you have to define what you mean haha

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m4rble

2)When did you first feel directed sexual attraction.

Are you talking about "Saw them and that made me want to bang them"? Or, "we were making out and one thing lead to another and I really wanted it"?

I don't know, maybe neither, people can just write what they want, I'm too confused now.

I guess either of those definitions could work. I mean had the desire to have sex with a specific person regardless of the situation, so it could have been a response to seeing them or making out with them.

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Star Bit

@closetPonyfan

Desiring sex period is just a normal sexual person. According to the sexual people on here, half of sexual people never or rarely feel sexual attraction and desire sex for other reasons.

@Serran

Your first example is seemingly spontaneous sexual desire (as sexual attraction has a trigger whether the person realizes what it is or not) and the second is physically triggered sexual desire.

It's common for sexual men (rare for sexual women) to spontaneously desire sex, where as it's common for sexual women (rare for sexual men) to require sexual arousal before the desire for sex is triggered.

So with that, it could be rare for women to feel sexual attraction. And since sexual women typically need romance to feel sexually (the opposite for sexual men), it could also mean more women are demisexual.

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m4rble

@closetPonyfan

Desiring sex period is just a normal sexual person. According to the sexual people on here, half of sexual people never or rarely feel sexual attraction and desire sex for other reasons.

@Serran

Your first examples is seemingly spontaneous sexual desire (as sexual attraction has a trigger whether the person realizes what it is or not) and the second is physically triggered sexual desire.

It's common for sexual men (rare for sexual women) to spontaneously desire sex, where as it's common for sexual women (rare for sexual men) to require sexual arousal before the desire for sex is triggered.

So with that, it could be rare for women to feel sexual attraction. And since sexual women typically need romance to feel sexually (the opposite for sexual men), it could also mean more women are demisexual.

Where are you getting your statistics from? Also, isn't it still sexual attraction if it's activated after making out?

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closetPonyfan

Sexual attraction is having a triggered impulse to have sex with someone specific due to something about that person (whether the reason is recognized or not).

Asexuality only has one qualification, and that's not desiring sex with anyone. Anything else is irrelevant. Sexual and romantic orientations are two different things.

The front page of the AVEN website defines asexual as a person who does not experience sexual attraction. It doesn't mention desire at all. I think there are many people within the community who would disagree in whether a person desiring sex while not feeling sexualy attracted, counts as asexual or not. Imo it makes more sense to go with the "lack of attraction" definition, and then continue that asexual people can still become aroused and desire sex, it just isn't triggered by any person. Some people identify as Ace, but have a high libido and enjoy sex.

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andreas1033

I never felt sexual attraction.

The females i remember in life, it was something to do with energies, not sexual attraction.

I knew at 13 i was not going through puberty properly, and i was right. Real asexuals, for some reason do not go through puberty properly, so do not develop the right drives leading to those instincts never really opening in us.

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Lady Girl

Sexual attraction is having a triggered impulse to have sex with someone specific due to something about that person (whether the reason is recognized or not).

Asexuality only has one qualification, and that's not desiring sex with anyone. Anything else is irrelevant. Sexual and romantic orientations are two different things.

The front page of the AVEN website defines asexual as a person who does not experience sexual attraction. It doesn't mention desire at all. I think there are many people within the community who would disagree in whether a person desiring sex while not feeling sexualy attracted, counts as asexual or not. Imo it makes more sense to go with the "lack of attraction" definition, and then continue that asexual people can still become aroused and desire sex, it just isn't triggered by any person. Some people identify as Ace, but have a high libido and enjoy sex.

And some asexual people experience attraction to other people in much the same way sexual people do, but feel a disconnect when it comes to sexual activity with those people...not all asexual people define themselves in terms of attraction.

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