How many people have you come out to?

[touching-not-so-much]

I agree that the poll doesn't include where online "friends" would be, but I put not-close/colleagues, as the only person I've "come out to" is someone that played in an online RPG I ran for almost three years, that calls me his friend and has helped me out financially - I never really considered you could have online-only friends, but I guess I have a few.

This Sgt. Major is a counselor for vetarans and is trying to get a full civilian counseling degree and he said that I have his utmost respect and he has no problem with whatever expression or tendancies I have because I'm always still the person he's known, but he agreed he could see, given my history and my behavior, this would be a possible facet of me.

I wouldn't have said anything but we were talking on Skype and he made a joke about how it was too bad I didn't get to see the boobs (topic too layered to explain) and I said, "About that... ". I guess posting on here gave me the confidence to try it out on someone I actually sort of know - but still too chickens*** to anyone I know IRL, but also really it isn't relevant for anyone else to know, in my current situation (which is good and just that much less stress I have to deal with).

[SpaceShark]

Yesterday was a good day. I was able to explain the Asexual part of my sexuality with my conservative grandmother. She seemed to get it and accept it. She probably won't remember the conversation in a couple of days. But it still felt very good.

[Scott1989]

I've tried in the past to come out with mixed results.

First one is actually a close friend who thought he'd call me asexual before he knew the term was real (he likes making words up and knew a could be used as a prefix meaning not), but discovered the term just before he made the joke and then half seriously asked me if I was. This lead to me discovering asexuality and that I was one. He has been very supportive.

Another friend I told just didn't care and accepted it.

However,

I got discovered by some teammates in my old uni sports team (see for the whole story of how that happened and turned out http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/36406-incredibly-ace-moments/?p=1061845246)

Also I came out to a sibling who treated me like an idiot over that "So what does that mean? You'll only go out with another asexual or a rape victim who'll be too scared of sex? Don't be so stupid". That was before I discovered I the term Aromantic but I tried to explain that I was happy being single with no plans for romance. They didn't believe that everyone will be coupled up at least.

They seemed to of forgotten about the discussion and I still see that sibling for lunch and dinner since we moved out of my mothers house, so we've not fallen out over it and I've not been disowned by them. Don't know if they told people though as I don't get asked about girlfriends by my mother or grandparents anymore. On the flip side, A hypothetical relationship of mine was apparently used in an argument between family members recently who were debating over one of them being racist (i.e. racist "how would you feel if Scott dates a Muslim girl?" non racist "So what? Are you saying she wouldn't be welcomed in your home if he did have a Muslim girlfriend?") which makes me think they assume I'm hetrosexual.

Regardless, my siblings reaction to me coming out as an ace made me clamp up and not tell a soul again. Though I'm determined that if I do get asked by my mother about girlfriend (or boyfriend) I'll tell her. I believe she's actually be more tolerant than my siblings, as she's faced discrimination in other ways.

[Linx]

Since realising the term asexual applyed to me a couple of months ago I've thought about whether I should come out but decided that I didn't want to make a big deal out of it and only mention it if it was relevant.

So the only time was when I was asked the question "What would you chose out of never having sex or never learning anything new?" and I chose never having sex and mentioned that it was because I was asexual. I'm not sure if they heard that last bit but if they did they are reacted in a good way by just accepting it and moving on which I liked :)

[Jea]

I'm totally out on FB, but most irl people didn't take the hint, probably because they don't know it exists. Therefore, my online friends know, and my ace friends irl noticed my FB posts, so they know too. I'm out to my parents, but not anyone else in my family.

My ideal is to 'be out', because I don't think my being aro-ace is really relevant to anyone but me, and perhaps a potential QPP, so if all my friends irl knew but didn't care, it'd be perfect. I hate coming out, it's so awkward, but 'being out' and waiting for people to notice is a nice alternative for me :)

[Hollieee]

I don't really keep it much of a secret because there isn't much to hide. My friends know and my sister knows and I've never denied what I am to anyone else. I had one colleague who asked me and I didn't lie about it. If anybody asked if I was aseual I'd probably say yes. However when they ask me what my orientation is it might be slightly different purely because I get the 'you've probably not found the right person' response.

[Hermit Advocate]

Just officially came out to my friend the other week. I'm still in the closet in regards to my family.

[Waist of Thyme]

I'm open unless there's someone around who seems to be a sexuality idiot (originally was going to say homophobe, but I thought sexuality idiot was a more accurate/cover-all term) because I'm scared of being yelled at and don't want to listen to lectures

[Tholomyes]

I answered 1-2 people and other, specifically that I never felt like I needed to come-out. To me, if I'm not in a circumstance where sex is a societal expectation, it's not really important to tell anyone. If anyone asks, I don't see any reason to lie, but I don't see a reason to come out otherwise. So my 2 were once on a date, because I felt like I should, and the second was a friend where it just came out in casual conversation.

[Hikuroi]

probably close to 10 people family and friends. few had good reactions but most have accepted it by now.

[Yinlotus93]

I have come out to my parents, just basically found out the information and then just casually said, "Hey mom and dad, according to this information I found, I'm pretty sure that I'm an asexual." By this point in my life, they expect me to be less than ordinary, but it took some time before they started taking it seriously. After that, my mom kind of made me announce it to my uncle's mom, and then after getting an ace pride necklace and wearing it everyday, just got brave enough to announce it at a club I recently started going to at school and have been straight about it since. Oh and then of course I told my best friend since elementary, who was supportive since she was the one who first introduced me to the term that helped me find the information about this orientation. (still kind of nervous discussing it with family though, they can all be a little old fashion about the subject of sexuality.)

[anzu2snow]

Well, as soon as I fully realized (had somewhat of an inkling a long time ago) back in June, I felt like telling everyone. It felt good to know that there was a word for it, and there were other people who were similar. So, I told my parent about it first. I don't think she really 'got it' at first, but has been accepting. I told a couple of people that were kind of close acquaintances at a Pride picnic. They were members of a trans support group my parent created. I'm a strong ally in the group. Tend to be the only one that goes to the meetings regularly, and they consider me family and almost like a mascot. :D Anyways, they were really accepting, too. In fact, one of them thought that he might be ace as well. Yay! I then came out on facebook. In my friends list, I only have people I met in person or people I've become good friends with from other sites. So, a lot of friends and family. They all know now. Some were happy for me, some wanted to learn more, I got a lot of 'loves', etc. Overall a very positive reaction. I noticed some family members were very quiet about it. They might have been against it, or not understood it. I'm guessing it's the former. I also told some people physically during a lax meeting of the support group, after that. I got several hugs, and someone even suggested I make a local ace group. They said they'd help if I wanted to do it. I got a better reaction from everyone than I expected.

[Icelime]

I told my close friends, and siblings. I don't care to tell anybody else.

[RHD95]

Came out to exactly 2 people: my mother and a friend, reactions were lukewarm to positive so I can't complain. Don't plan on telling anyone else for now.

[Nebulous]

I've come out as aromantic/asexual to two people - my sister, who I trust greatly, and someone I didn't know very well who wished to date me. I probably wouldn't have told the second person in any other circumstance, but I felt obliged to inform them that I wasn't interested in romance instead of leading them on.

[Elnae]

I have come out face to face to 5 people, Mum, Dad and 3 close friends, all of whom were unbelievably supportive, understanding and lovely.

My Mum has since outed me to 2 aunts (her sisters) and my brother. Although I love her to bits for being proud of me, I wasn't entirely thrilled tbh. I probably wouldn't have told my brother and I DEFINITELY would not have come out to her oldest sister in a million years, we aren't exactly close and she's pretty narrow minded and judgemental.

I have since had a quiet word with her and she's promised not to out me any more unless I give her my permission first.

[JohnnyRocket]

I'm out to everyone, family, friends, people at work, even people I don't know well. Keeping secrets, any secret actually, is too energy wasting and not where I want to be at this point in my life. So, if people find out and they're good with it, great. If they're not, well, great also since I don't worry about others opinions.

I'm out to everyone, family, friends, people at work, even people I don't know well. Keeping secrets, any secret actually, is too energy wasting and not where I want to be at this point in my life. So, if people find out and they're good with it, great. If they're not, well, great also since I don't worry about others opinions.

[Zsareph]

My parents and close friends I told personally. A few other people found out when a friend told them (in my presence and I'm ok with people knowing, though I did mention they should probably ask me first). A couple of others I accidentally mentioned it to. About 17 in all.

[Andiamo]

I have taken the poll already, so I can't change my vote, but my answer now has changed. Whereas previously I said that I had come out to several people and only to family members and friends, I would now change it to "no secret at all" and to people I don't know very well in addition to the others. This is because I have since come out to several of my classes (once on purpose, once not so much) and to pretty much the entire QSU here, and I really didn't know most of them and have no idea who knows now.

[nicknack12]

I've only really come out to people who I think will be understanding. A few close friends (but not all), my sister, the LGBTQ+ group at my school--I don't tell people if I don't really know their views/how open-minded they are

[nicknack12]

I've only really come out to people who I think will be understanding. A few close friends (but not all), my sister, the LGBTQ+ group at my school--I don't tell people if I don't really know their views/how open-minded they are

[=NolePtr]

Very bad poll. I have to choose one for the second question even if I never came out. And why did you not include "Internet friends" as a separate category for that?

[Flyaway4me]

I've come out to my parents, and my few friends. This was a gradual process spanning over years and some were not accepting while others were from day one.

[SpaceNebula]

I haven't come out to anybody, although before I knew the term asexually I had mentioned to my close family and a few friends that I have no interest in guys or marrying.

I'll come out to my family when it becomes relevant/ an issue, like when they start pestering me to get married and get them some grandkids. I hope to be openly an ace in collage- not like announcing it because it isn't everyone's buisinness but when the conversation turns to boyfriends I hope to be brave enough to say it to explain why I don't have one and don't really get what they are talking about. 

[Falcom92]

Online I'm very much out, but I've only really told my fiance (at the time friend) and a friend. 

 

I've never really considered it relevant enough to say something about it to family, especially since I've never really been bothered by anyone in my family about relationships and whatnot. So, honestly, they'll probably never find out, nor will they likely ever find out about the not-caring-about-the-sex-or-gender-identity-of-my-partner side of things, either. It's just one of the many things they don't know about me...

 

My fiance was immediately accepting, and told me that one of his friends had actually come out to him as being asexual before so he was familiar with it, and my friend...well, he kind of flip-flops, even more so since I got into a relationship, but more often than not he's been alright with it.

[cooliocool]

I have come out to a few family members and friends. If they don't like it, I stop talking to them. 

[ProtectorOfTheLight]

I'm out to 4.5 close friends/family members and a bunch of random people on the internet who I've never met before. Like y'all.

[Ettina]

I come out whenever the topic comes up. The only people I actually avoid discussing it with are people I expect to be hostile or people my parents want to impress.

[Avangelica]

I've fully come out to just 1 friend but almost every in my life know to some extent my sexuality

[AshenPhoenix]

This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organization, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to re-start new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

 

AshenPhoenix, Census Forum Moderator