How to stop sexualizing everything

[Jarndyce]

This isn't about asexuality, but I thought people might find it an interesting read nonetheless. Hope this is the right sub-forum.

http://thefederalist.com/2015/12/28/how-to-stop-sexualizing-everything/

[andreas1033]

Just being alive, people seem to sexualise everything you do.

You could have a totally innocent brain, and not want any of it, and i found even very small things, people will try and sexualise. So i do believe it plays a large part in peoples brains, no matter what they say.

[sophy38]

What she mentioned is a alarm. Nowadays even hugging and kissing friends, may seem as a gay relationship! Live in one house with a friend, seems cohabiting!!! It seems folks are obsessed with sexual relations. If it continues like this we will lose our precious friendships.

[Tarfeather]

I'm convinced asexuals need to stop desexualizing everything. >_>

[Minakie]

I'm convinced asexuals need to stop desexualizing everything. >_>

That made me laugh :lol:

It's just one of those things, there will always be two sides of the coin.

I don't worry about the hyper-sexualization of everything anymore, what I do worry about is that sexual people just assume everyone else is also sexual and sometimes they will discriminate people who are different, without even noticing. For instance, I can understand more obvious sex jokes or references, but sometimes, when they're more subtle, everyone else might start to giggle and I just don't get it, and people are always like "oh c'mon, don't pretend you don't know what we mean" even though I told them I am asexual. So what worries me is this lack of respect I feel, and personally I think that's because most sexuals just don't understand what asexuality is and what it implies (and I can't blame them, especially when it's not even the same for everyone, it gets hard to explain) while others just assume we're lying about our sexuality when we come out as asexual. I just hoped people were a bit more open minded and accepting of everyone who's different.

[morgane]

we accept a sexual joke, laugh about it sometimes, but the worst is when pple think you are abnormal not wanting to have sex

[Otakon]

why fight it

[Minakie]

we accept a sexual joke, laugh about it sometimes, but the worst is when pple think you are abnormal not wanting to have sex

My aunt is a sociology graduate. She saw some asexual content on my facebook page I was advertising during the asexual week and she called me on the phone and. among other hysterical things, she said "I know all about the different kinds of sexuality because I had to interview gays and lesbians for my thesis. If you're a lesbian you should just say so, instead of pretending you don't have a sexuality."

I felt a mix of things after that. I couldn't help but to feel sorry for her, she was trying to sound all "hip" and current and up-to-date and she managed to show the exact opposite. At the same time, I couldn't help but to feel like she was trying to force me to be someone I'm not and that whole "instead of pretending you don't have a sexuality" comment just made me feel mad. I never pretended to be someone I'm not and I never claimed not to have sexuality. She said we'd talk later so I could explain to her what asexuality actually was, but honestly, she said it in a very angry tone, it wasn't a "I'm curious and I'd like to know more about it" tone, it was a "we'll have a talk and you better not dare denying you're a lesbian" tone, so I am not looking forward to that conversation and I made sure to avoid that topic ever since.

So yeah, it seems statistics are right after all. It's finally becoming acceptable to be homosexual, but if you're asexual you are abnormal, a freak. Even my aunt seems to think that. I swear people in this family will never stop disappointing me. Story of my life.

[WinterWanderer]

I don't mind when people talk about sex, and I have also been known to make sex jokes myself. I don't find sex talk that offensive.

But I do agree that not enough people know about asexuality, and therefore, they are less likely to recognize it as an actual orientation, and more likely not to believe us, or to downplay how important it is.

[m4rble]

I really liked that article. I've labeled myself as panromantic but what I really desire is closer to a deep friendship than a passionate relationship. Romantic orientations don't fully make sense to me tbh. The only thing I didn't like about this article was the dismissal of people who label themselves as lesbians and bisexuals. I know I'm not straight and I'm sick of people trying to convince me that I am. At first I thought I was bisexual because I find both men and women attractive. I now think of myself as asexual because I don't have the urge to have sex with any gender. I have no evidence to indicate that I have any sexual preference for men over women. Why should I consider myself straight just because that's assumed to be the default?

[morgane]

no one understand that you are a normal person with zero sexual needs, that is why they put you in a lesbo/gay category

who still in the closet. after years i came out to the conclusion : it is no one matter if we date marry love have sex. just a fake smile and move from those dumb qs

[Guest]

I have grown over that to be honest. I work in a male enviroment with 100% sexual males and i have heard everything for so far that it doesnt really bother me anymore, sometimes you just have to ignore that and just walk away thats what i do.

I do like the article and do understand what the person who wrote that article meant but im definetly not in the mood to be the hall monitor when in the company of my male co workers. "You! Stop making sexual remarks/jokes and anything else that has something to do with sex!" and try to teach them all about asexuality because i view that as something private between me and my future partner. Ill be waisting my time if i decide to take that role just because the things they do or say fustrate me. I know that education on asexuality is important but sometimes its good to sit back and see if its a good time for that or not because not all people are open and welcoming to that and its not always the right moment to do so.

Dont get me wrong, im against oversexualization but sometimes you have to choose whats more important: ignore,walk away or go in against everything like a bulldozer every person is unique in theyre own way and im not going to try to change them. I have to work with these guys for many years to come so i just choose to ignore and let them have theyre "fun".

Its none of my co workers business if i have sex or not or if i am in a relationship or not, thats my private life and i want to keep it that way.

The only important thing i need to do with them is talking about the weather, laugh and cry a bit here and there and go home and enjoy my home made meal and comfy couch after a long day at work.

[Guest]

I liked the article... except for... "Polyamory is a glaring example of how phileo is being lost to eros in our modern age. "

It was just like, huh? How is loving multiple people romantically an example of friendship love being lost? Do you even really know what poly is? Everything else she was saying was cool - let two friends be passionate without calling them gay. Yes, don't be ashamed of loving your friends. Patrick Stewart and Ian Mckellan style friendships are totally OK!