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The Asexual-Sexual Q&A Thread

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alibali
21 minutes ago, Apostle said:

If you mean actually having sex with someone then it is definitely more mentally tiring for the male. This mentality factor only occurs with actual penetrative sex though as a balance has to be attained between maintaining an erection and not spilling the load. This takes a lot of time to master, sometimes months or years and I think many females expect the male to be accomplished in this from the word go and are disappointed when it does not happen.

Again, it's probably due to media expectation and porn movies.

If you are only having sex for your partner then it is mentally draining too.

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ryn2
24 minutes ago, Apostle said:

it is definitely more mentally tiring for the male

The “mentally tiring” aspect of doing something unpleasant-to-you while maintaining a cheerful façade is a different sort of mental work than the sort needed to be successful at something you’re enjoying.

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Apostle
On 6/4/2019 at 11:14 AM, alibali said:

 

x

 

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alibali
4 hours ago, Apostle said:

Okay, to be more specific, we are talking about maintaining an erection, something that no woman can experience.

A man cannot think of what colour to paint the wall or ceiling whilst he is trying to maintain an erection whereas a woman can lie back and enjoy sexual stimulation if she so wants to. It would be an absolute disaster for both partners once the man thinks of something other than the act of love, sexual intimacy and his partner. A woman, if she pleases, can completely turn off whereas a man cannot to maintain penetrative sex.

 

Obviously, if the woman is not turned on or is not interested then yes, she will have to start thinking about where she is at in the relationship. 

 

Not sure what you mean by having sex only for your partner though. Perhaps you can clarify?

 

Certainly. As an asexual, when I was younger, I had sex because my partner wanted to, even though I didn't want to and it was painful.

 

I wish I had known now what I didn't then....ie that it was normal for a woman to enjoy it. As you said a woman can contemplate her shopping list if necessary.

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Apostle
On 6/4/2019 at 6:49 PM, alibali said:

 

 

x

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xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

I get absolutely nothing as far as stimulation goes from penatritive sex.  Nothing.  Yet for some reason, biologically, I still want it.  Quick sex is fine.  My body feels satisfied with it.  I get that emotional need fix.  Long sex sessions suck for me because that biological need subsides and then I just feel awkward/bored.  My ex took foreeeeeever...like sometimes over an hour.  It was annoying and probably one of the reasons why sex with him became a chore and I didn't really want it or like it.

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xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

I've had to explain this to my ace partner and he's just like - "well then why do you want sex at all?"  He's super quick and I think it embarrassed him.  But also, it's great, because I get my needs met and he doesn't have the time to get bored or annoyed.  I think it couldn't be a better match to be honest.

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Apostle

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Serran
On 6/5/2019 at 6:49 AM, xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

I get absolutely nothing as far as stimulation goes from penatritive sex.  Nothing.  Yet for some reason, biologically, I still want it.  Quick sex is fine.  My body feels satisfied with it.  I get that emotional need fix.  Long sex sessions suck for me because that biological need subsides and then I just feel awkward/bored.  My ex took foreeeeeever...like sometimes over an hour.  It was annoying and probably one of the reasons why sex with him became a chore and I didn't really want it or like it.

I would be as confused as your partner. I get the emotional fulfillment of sexual interaction from other things, PiV is just... boring, messy and does nothing for me, so I have no interest. 

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Apostle
On 6/7/2019 at 11:51 AM, Serran said:

 

x

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Serran
1 hour ago, Apostle said:

I agree. Most sex with females I have had PiV with have been pretty boring, expecting the man to do all the work and not getting much feedback on what we are doing wrong. 

I think females instinctively know what they have to attract a male but very few know how to use it, in my experience over the years. Obviously, vice versa applies.

Feedback on whats wrong with it for me would be...

 

 

TMI:

 

Hurts, physically. The penis unless at a very specific angle hits either polyps or the cervix, causing severe stabbing pain shooting through my abdomen. Even with people attempting to be careful, it happens 1-2 times. 

 

It doesn't do much to stimulate the clitoris and the "good" spot inside requires a curved upward pointing object (finger curved into a hook shape, for example). Which... a penis simply cant do. So, would require me using hands to do the work while they get off. At which point, why bother if I am pleasing myself anyway...

 

I require lots of physical connection and kissing during, which most positions dont allow very easily. 

 

I dont want sweat dripping on my face from the guy sweating like a pig over me. Its gross. 

 

... so in other words... just dont do PiV on me :lol:

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CBC
1 hour ago, Apostle said:

Most sex with females I have had PiV with have been pretty boring, expecting the man to do all the work and not getting much feedback on what we are doing wrong.

And did you give them any feedback? Did you tell them what you wanted?

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Traveler40
11 hours ago, Apostle said:

Most sex with females I have had PiV with have been pretty boring, expecting the man to do all the work and not getting much feedback on what we are doing wrong. 

This sounds as if you may be somewhat submissive in the bedroom and illustrates that even two sexuals together can have an unspoken mismatch over things as basic as position. The operative word there is “unspoken”.

 

As with everything, communication is key.  My largest sex organ is my brain, so without incorporating that (communication being foundational) the encounter would be lacking in most ways.

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Apostle
On 6/7/2019 at 5:58 PM, CBC said:

 

x

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Apostle
On 6/8/2019 at 4:15 AM, Traveler40 said:

 

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Sweet Potato
On 6/4/2019 at 6:49 AM, Apostle said:

Okay, to be more specific, we are talking about maintaining an erection, something that no woman can experience.

A man cannot think of what colour to paint the wall or ceiling whilst he is trying to maintain an erection whereas a woman can lie back and enjoy sexual stimulation if she so wants to. It would be an absolute disaster for both partners once the man thinks of something other than the act of love, sexual intimacy and his partner. A woman, if she pleases, can completely turn off whereas a man cannot to maintain penetrative sex.

you have no idea the mental workout I went through trying to maintain arousal. if I slipped, I went dry really fast and my partner could definitely tell. no, cis women may not maintain erections, but that does not mean that faking it is easy!

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Apostle
On 6/18/2019 at 3:53 AM, Sweet Potato said:

 

x

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anisotrophic
18 hours ago, Apostle said:

A relaxed female will, under normal circumstances and no medical grounds, produce natural lubrication.

 

...

 

I have not personally experienced a female partner with your experience

Spoiler

Moi8Rpr_d.jpg?maxwidth=640

 

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CBC

@anisotrophic Hahaha yeahhh... cringe.

 

Narrating a nature documentary there, @Apostle?

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Snao van der Cone
1 minute ago, anisotrophic said:
  Reveal hidden contents

 

lol, I see the word "female" here more than anywhere else (partly because of the diverse gender identities, partly because of body talk, and partly because people awkwardly use that as if they are in fact Ferengi) and it makes me shudder.

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Apostle
On 6/19/2019 at 4:02 AM, CBC said:

 

x

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Apostle
On 6/19/2019 at 4:02 AM, Snao Cone said:

 

x

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CBC
2 hours ago, Apostle said:

Sex averse people would of course shudder. It's not in their DNA is it?

How would you know whether Snao is sex-averse? And it makes me shudder in contexts like this one too, and I'm neither asexual nor sex-averse. My dislike (and I assume Snao's and anisotrophic's as well) has absolutely nothing to do with the act of sex. You know what's not in my DNA? Using somewhat dehumanising terminology. There are contexts where it seems more appropriate, but it's just grammatically weird here.

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Philip027

I gravitate toward male/female because they don't indicate age.  Using "boy/girl" to refer to an adult can make them uppity, and using "man/woman" to refer to someone that could potentially be in adolescence (or earlier) doesn't feel right either.

 

About the only times I would use the latter terms is when their age is specifically part of whatever point I'm making/addressing

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anisotrophic

Oh well, I'm sure it's a lost cause with @Apostle. It must be telling that he thinks het men have to do all the work? not a complaint I think any of my lovers would make. Lie back, honey, and I'll take you for a ride... 😉

 

A relaxed male will, under normal circumstances and no medical grounds, experience natural tumescence. Anyone with underlying issues or with a partner who does not understand how you work may experience something different, like you have for example.

 

I have not personally experienced a male partner that has any difficulty with erection but I hope you have solved this now.

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Apostle
On 6/19/2019 at 12:00 PM, CBC said:

 

x

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Apostle
On 6/19/2019 at 2:05 PM, anisotrophic said:

 

x

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CBC
1 hour ago, Apostle said:

And where did I mention Snao? My statement was a question (having a question mark after the question) so I expect it to be answered in a proper manner.

Perhaps calling yourself a bitch answers all my questions?

You responded to her directly by quoting her, and you referenced something she said she did/felt/whatever. Who the hell else is one to assume you're talking to/about? Santa Claus? Surely you understand human communication well enough to know why it would read that way.

 

Damn right I'm a bitch. ;) 

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Snao van der Cone

I don't get why sex aversion would make people shudder at "female" but okay. And it has nothing to do with how much a person understands sex and sexuality. And it's not oppressive to heterosexual men (or "malesssss") to point out that it's an odd choice of words. 

 

Anyway, I think Apostle greatly misunderstood me in a way that is inconsequential to me, so who cares. And the thing that ends with a question mark doesn't make sense, so I wouldn't know where to begin answering it. 

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anisotrophic
7 hours ago, Apostle said:

Sex doesn't rear it's ugly head in my life and she only made it clear who she was by not talking about it. 

Yeah and I'm saying: I really do want to empathize with others on "Team Sexual" but, daaaaamn, I wouldn't tap that either. I think the way you write about women is repulsive. I am @Apostle-repulsed. 🤮

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