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biggreenmonkey

The Asexual-Sexual Q&A Thread

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uhtred

I think gay and straight men and women have a wide range of what body types they find attractive. I know my preferences don't get anywhere near the hollywood stereotype.

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Pegasus9000

Do you get a tingly feeling in your face with sexual attraction or is that what happens with aesthetic attraction or both?

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disGraceful
On 3/27/2019 at 11:23 PM, Pegasus9000 said:

Do you get a tingly feeling in your face with sexual attraction or is that what happens with aesthetic attraction or both?

I get that in the very beginnings of romantic attraction.

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Telecaster68
On 3/28/2019 at 3:23 AM, Pegasus9000 said:

Do you get a tingly feeling in your face with sexual attraction or is that what happens with aesthetic attraction or both?

I just get that when it's cold. To me, it has no relationship to attraction or arousal.

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Apostle
15 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

I just get that when it's cold. To me, it has no relationship to attraction or arousal.

Agree. This is just a person specific thing.

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Anthracite_Impreza

I'm gonna post this here cos a. most sexuals are romantic and b. it's not worth making a thread about. Is having limerence for the same "person" twice a common thing? I think I'm going through it again now I've recognised my feelings as romantic (to at least some degree), and the first time I felt very similar (though I didn't recognise it at the time). The first time was about 6 years ago if that makes any difference.

 

Yours, a confused mecha-(still unsure)romantic

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anisotrophic
16 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I'm gonna post this here cos a. most sexuals are romantic and b. it's not worth making a thread about. Is having limerence for the same "person" twice a common thing? I think I'm going through it again now I've recognised my feelings as romantic (to at least some degree), and the first time I felt very similar (though I didn't recognise it at the time). The first time was about 6 years ago if that makes any difference.

 

Yours, a confused mecha-(still unsure)romantic

I'm still in love with someone I fell in love with ~2 years ago. But... that's a case of it not disappearing, rather than falling in love again with the same person -- it sounds like your feelings faded but then returned, that's interesting! I feel like if that happened to me, it would be like I never really fell out of love entirely? It seems like a sign of a more enduring attraction than a "crush".

 

I think I'm also feeling more romantic about my partner these days, of ~15 years now, maybe as compensation for realizing he's got no interest in sex. But I don't think it has the obsessive/uncertain qualities of new limerance, I would describe it as waning and waxing of romantic feelings over the years. (Also: very thankful he has been kind to me about the falling-in-love-with-someone-else thing. I didn't realize that could happen to me.)

 

Not sure if that helps! :)

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Anthracite_Impreza

@anisotrophic I'm very new to this, anything helps xD

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ryn2

Did the object of your affection stay an object of your affection all along, or leave/lose your interest and return?

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Anthracite_Impreza
24 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Did the object of your affection stay an object of your affection all along, or leave/lose your interest and return?

Stayed, but I was under the impression I was aro at the time because I have alexithymia and my feelings are blunted for various reasons. When I finally 'admitted' I felt 'enough' for it to be romantic it all came rushing back.

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Telecaster68

Feelings, and their intensity, ebb and flow. Sometimes they're pretty muted, sometimes they're intense. Probably just you being in the normal range, Anthra.

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Anthracite_Impreza
6 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Probably just you being in the normal range, Anthra.

Me? Normal? :o

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Telecaster68
Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Me? Normal? :o

Shocker, I know.

 

You can probably get counselling for it.

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ryn2
36 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Stayed, but I was under the impression I was aro at the time because I have alexithymia and my feelings are blunted for various reasons. When I finally 'admitted' I felt 'enough' for it to be romantic it all came rushing back.

This sounds like the “problem,” if you will - like circumstances not directly related to the situation interrupted/interfered with the initial limerence and cut it off abruptly rather than letting it run  its course.

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Anthracite_Impreza
12 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

This sounds like the “problem,” if you will - like circumstances not directly related to the situation interrupted/interfered with the initial limerence and cut it off abruptly rather than letting it run  its course.

That would make sense, I was in a pretty bad place at the time. Indeed, he's the only reason I'm still here to tell the tale.

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Apostle
9 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

That would make sense, I was in a pretty bad place at the time. Indeed, he's the only reason I'm still here to tell the tale.

A knight in shining armour no less......

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ryn2
51 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

You can probably get counselling for it.

*snorts*

 

”Doctor, I’m concerned.  I’m getting more and more normal!”

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Telecaster68
36 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

*snorts*

 

”Doctor, I’m concerned.  I’m getting more and more normal!”

She's from Yorkshire. It's a recognised condition there.

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Anthracite_Impreza
4 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

She's from Yorkshire. It's a recognised condition there.

They ;)

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Telecaster68

Soz.

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Snao Cone

Is the Yorkshire thing genetic or environmental? Asking for a friend. :ph34r:

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Anthracite_Impreza
2 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

Is the Yorkshire thing genetic or environmental? Asking for a friend. :ph34r:

Genetic, but if you live in Yorkshire long enough it can pass by horizontal gene transfer.

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Snao Cone
5 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Genetic, but if you live in Yorkshire long enough it can pass by horizontal gene transfer.

That explains a lot. 

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Midland Tyke
1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Genetic, but if you live in Yorkshire long enough it can pass by horizontal gene transfer.

True.

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CBC

Oh yeah, very normal Anthra. Definitely if (like ryn said) something happens abruptly or whatever. I've been there with about three different people in the course of my... existence.

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anisotrophic

@Anthracite_Impreza one thing I've wondered about is where limerence ends and a long term steady-state "love" starts. When can one say, "ok, limerence has run its course, what I'm feeling should be called love"? Some people characterize the difference as "time", but I'm not sure about that. Maybe.

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Anthracite_Impreza
34 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

@Anthracite_Impreza one thing I've wondered about is where limerence ends and a long term steady-state "love" starts. When can one say, "ok, limerence has run its course, what I'm feeling should be called love"? Some people characterize the difference as "time", but I'm not sure about that. Maybe.

Pfft, I have no idea what I'm doing or where we're going ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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ryn2
1 hour ago, anisotrophic said:

@Anthracite_Impreza one thing I've wondered about is where limerence ends and a long term steady-state "love" starts. When can one say, "ok, limerence has run its course, what I'm feeling should be called love"? Some people characterize the difference as "time", but I'm not sure about that. Maybe.

I find it’s the point where you start to notice the person isn’t perfect after all, you have a job and friends you’ve been neglecting, etc.  At that point you either realize “this person frustrates me some, but I love them enough that I’m fine with that” or “uh oh, maybe this person isn’t right for me now that the newness is wearing off.”

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Serran
On 4/10/2019 at 3:28 PM, anisotrophic said:

@Anthracite_Impreza one thing I've wondered about is where limerence ends and a long term steady-state "love" starts. When can one say, "ok, limerence has run its course, what I'm feeling should be called love"? Some people characterize the difference as "time", but I'm not sure about that. Maybe.

For me the limerence ends when its not every thing with them sounds good and my personal preferences come back in. Like... I will say no to watching a silly comedy (not a fan of most comedy) over watching it and disliking but just loving being near them enough to not care. For about 6 months it lasts then i can start focusing on whether it is real long term stuff or not. 

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El:)

I have a question for sexual people, maybe kind of weird, I'm sorry.. 

 

I am fourteen years old( soon fifteen). Right now I inentify as ace, though I am of course open to that changing because of my age. I find it strange that many people my age are having sexual feeøings, and some, have sex too. People assume I'm a butch lesbian because of my short hair and very masculine clothing style, does that mean they think I am sexually attracted to females?Or do they think I am romantically/ aesthetically attracted to females? Whem people my age, 14-15, come out as gay or such, does that mean they have discovered sexual attraction towards that gender? 

 

I am so sorry if my questions are rambly and unclear! I am just kind of confused and trying to figure things out (also I am not English, sorry for grammar errors)

 

 

 

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