The Asexual-Sexual Q&A Thread

[Guest]

There's a subtle distinction between emotional selectiveness in sexuals and demisexuality. Demis need to form an emotional bond (an actual relationship or at least contact) first and will only then be capable of desiring the partner sexually. On the contrary, emotionally selective sexuals can first get attracted to someone sexually, and start dreaming of romantic relationships with the person as 'part of the package', but then, if they see that romance with their crush won't happen or would be harmful, their sexual attraction withers; or they can first get attracted romantically and then sexually as a 'part of the package', but don't need to start some kind of actual relationship with their crush first to develop sexual desire for them. Do I understand the distinction correctly?

That's my understanding, yes.

[butterflydreams]

I have another question for sexuals on here. Do most sexuals not enjoy casual sex? Could I just be one of those people? I've thought about this and maybe I just prefer to masturbate if I'm single. Without an emotional connection sex just doesn't interest me at all.

I don't think most do... I do enjoy it, and that hasn't gone over well with most people. Even sexual are pretty judgey about that. But if I were to pull a percentage out of my ass, i'd say about 20/80% like/dislike

It's cute that college and media love to portray it as the most common, natural thing since chewing your coffee beans in the morning because brewing them is too mainstream. What? That's not normal? :lol: Fine...as normal as ...ugh... beer at a football game?

And thank you, Martin de V! I'm writing all these insights to my internal disk! I really wish I had talked to people candidly about this stuff way earlier...I'm clearly different from you guys :( I guess I always expected I would be that way eventually. If not for asexuality, I'd probably still be waiting for "eventually".

[Sage Raven Domino]

It's cute that college and media love to portray it as the most common, natural thing since chewing your coffee beans in the morning because brewing them is too mainstream. What? That's not normal? :lol: Fine...as normal as ...ugh... beer at a football game?

I tend to blame USA for spreading this view to the entire world. The societies of socialist countries were remarkably selective in sex and monogamous (borderline demisexualised) up to the 1970s-80s. You might recall the famous USA-USSR live telecast on July 17th, 1986, when a Soviet woman proudly stated that there was no sex in the USSR [on TV], and believe it or not, there was indeed close to no extramarital sex here until the 'Iron Curtain' and the Berlin Wall fell and the Western culture started invading the socialist countries.

My mother is happy with the way the US society has 'understood its mistake' and is returning to purity and family values now.

Edited January 3, 2015 by DiamondAce

[WhenSummersGone]

There's a subtle distinction between emotional selectiveness in sexuals and demisexuality. Demis need to form an emotional bond (an actual relationship or at least contact) first and will only then be capable of desiring the partner sexually. On the contrary, emotionally selective sexuals can first get attracted to someone sexually, and start dreaming of romantic relationships with the person as 'part of the package', but then, if they see that romance with their crush won't happen or would be harmful, their sexual attraction withers; or they can first get attracted romantically and then sexually as a 'part of the package', but don't need to start some kind of actual relationship with their crush first to develop sexual desire for them. Do I understand the distinction correctly?

I think this helped and it makes sense. I sometimes have the idea of someone but in reality it's different. I'll think about this but I'm pretty sure I need to know someone better first before I'm interested.

[Guest]

I have another question for sexuals on here. Do most sexuals not enjoy casual sex? Could I just be one of those people? I've thought about this and maybe I just prefer to masturbate if I'm single. Without an emotional connection sex just doesn't interest me at all.

I don't think most do... I do enjoy it, and that hasn't gone over well with most people. Even sexual are pretty judgey about that. But if I were to pull a percentage out of my ass, i'd say about 20/80% like/dislike

It's cute that college and media love to portray it as the most common, natural thing since chewing your coffee beans in the morning because brewing them is too mainstream. What? That's not normal? :lol: Fine...as normal as ...ugh... beer at a football game?

Hahahaha. :D I like chocolate covered espresso beans!

Keep in mind I answered in terms of liking it, not in terms of whether it was common. I think a lot of people do it and don't like it, so it's more common than it is liked, if that makes sense. And that probably is media's fault, at least partially.

[WhenSummersGone]

That makes sense. I wonder how common it is as you get older. I don't care enough about sex to hook up but I can see myself doing it with friends or a boyfriend. I think it's the emotional connection that gets me the most interested.

[Guest]

That makes sense. I wonder how common it is as you get older. I don't care enough about sex to hook up but I can see myself doing it with friends or a boyfriend. I think it's the emotional connection that gets me the most interested.

It's been my experience that sluttiness decreases a little with age, but that someone who likes casual sex is going to continue to pursuit it whenever single. So, if a guy gets divorced at 50, he'll be slutty again until he remarries or whatever. I think the big difference is that when you get older, finding casual sex partners becomes more difficult.

[WhenSummersGone]

That makes sense. I wonder how common it is as you get older. I don't care enough about sex to hook up but I can see myself doing it with friends or a boyfriend. I think it's the emotional connection that gets me the most interested.

It's been my experience that sluttiness decreases a little with age, but that someone who likes casual sex is going to continue to pursuit it whenever single. So, if a guy gets divorced at 50, he'll be slutty again until he remarries or whatever. I think the big difference is that when you get older, finding casual sex partners becomes more difficult.

That makes sense and I agree. If someone wants or enjoys it then they will do it. Those men are really vocal on dating sites. I guess the media and other places make it seem like everyone wants/has meaningless sex. I don't mean to hate the idea or anything but it just never worked for me. To each their own.

[Martin de V]

That makes sense. I wonder how common it is as you get older. I don't care enough about sex to hook up but I can see myself doing it with friends or a boyfriend. I think it's the emotional connection that gets me the most interested.

I think as you get older, it gets less common; it did for me, at any rate, and most of my social order seems to have followed roughly the same path. I started getting more selective in my late 20s, early 30s.

I was always monogamous within my relationships, but between girlfriends...oi. I drifted a lot.

[Guest]

That makes sense. I wonder how common it is as you get older. I don't care enough about sex to hook up but I can see myself doing it with friends or a boyfriend. I think it's the emotional connection that gets me the most interested.

I think as you get older, it gets less common; it did for me, at any rate, and most of my social order seems to have followed roughly the same path. I started getting more selective in my late 20s, early 30s.

I was always monogamous within my relationships, but between girlfriends...oi. I drifted a lot.

Lols me too.

[Glad-I-Found-This-Site]

Why are all these questions and answers being posted to a single thread? Most, if not all, that I just read while skimming through are quite interesting and would get more visibility as their own threads. It would also be more organized, as someone skimming the topics could choose the questions that interest them most. The forum is slow lately, and a nice set of questions on the main page could liven things up a bit.

[Lady Girl]

Why are all these questions and answers being posted to a single thread? Most, if not all, that I just read while skimming through are quite interesting and would get more visibility as their own threads. It would also be more organized, as someone skimming the topics could choose the questions that interest them most. The forum is slow lately, and a nice set of questions on the main page could liven things up a bit.

This is a nice way to keep them front and center...if they were separate threads, they would eventually slip off the main page as new topics are started. However, you are welcome to pull a question from here and start a topic if you feel it warrants it's own thread.

I personally think this thread is kind of awesome as a "go to" if you want a question answered, but don't feel it needs to be a stand alone thread (or you are someone who maybe doesn't like being the OP :)).

[RaplhCramden]

. A lot of it involves curiosity ... ie, wonder what she looks like naked or are her pubic hairs straight or kinky? These feeling pass very quickly and don't seem to leave any long lasting effects. They may cause a slight bit of tingly sensation in the penis, but don't cause erection ... well, at least they don't any more.

You guys soemtimes think about THAT when you see a woman out in public?

Do you ever see someone of the opposite sex and just wonder what they know. What nonseual secrets and indepth knowledge that their mind may hold?

Yes I think about that! I am at least somewhat sexually interested in something like 50% of the women I meet. The percentage has gone up as I have gotten older. It is rare for me NOT to think about their breasts. This is not simply a matter of larger or even noticable breasts, many women I have been attracted to have been flat, I still think about their breasts. Breasts are probably the single most sexually attractive part of a woman for me, have been since I was 13 years old or so. I tend to think of them as magic, which I interpret to mean that my sexual attraction triggering by them is hard-wired in at a pretty deep level. And I think this is true for many men, I think the reason boob jobs are so effective despite their unsubtlety is that the reaction they are counting on is not a subtle one.

If you were to meet me and talk to me, even if I was attracted to you, you would not know how I was looking and thinking about your body. You would find me charming and interesting, and would generally be flattered by my interest. I convert a vanishingly small percentage of my attractions into any kind of sexual relationship where the other person would be conscious that sexual attraction was part of it. I convert an even tinier percentage of attractions to anything that would ever involve even touching or kissing. But because I am so pansexually perverse, this still puts me in the teens for partners over the decades.

I have NO IDEAL how common my response is, but I am essentially positive that it is not unique and not all that uncommon.

I've got a question!

What's sexual attraction like? I've asked this question to a few other people, and it seems like when I do get a reply, half the time they're describing sensations that don't seem (on their face) to have much to do with sex -- they get weak at the knees, or things like that. If this is the case with you, could you describe how those sensations tie in to sex? In other words, if you know you're attracted to someone because you get weak in the knees, how did you originally realize that that sensation was sexual attraction?

Thanks.

I just joined this forum tonight and wanted to answer this before my thinking becomes too affected by what I am reading here. I did read other responses to this question in this thread.

I am a male sexually attracted to women. I remember a male homosexual friend telling me how he engaged in sex with a female surrogate in order to try to NOT be homosexual. I was surprised and said "so you can have sex with women?" He said "of course, but its not fun." I immediately thought: "I am not gay!" For me, sex with a women is the epitome of fun. I suppose I would liken it to eating ice cream or prime rib or something you really like and really want. And I did have a gay friend in high school who did some stuff to me, and I sort of put up with it for a little while, it was not fun. Although I did think later I could probably train myself to like it, much as I have trained myself to like Scotch Whiskey or spicy foods.

For me, female breasts are an important trigger. But this doesn't mean bigger is better. Bigger is a bit more effective, but I am still fascinated by the breasts of flat chested women. I don't mean to be coarse, just trying to give the flavor. If you don't understand sexual attraction, think of people who like a food you do not like. I can compare sexual attraction to wanting and eating prime rib because I like prime rib. Someone with a different sexuality from mine, I would imagine they are someone who doesn't like prime rib and maybe they like kim chi or sea urchin or kidneys or brains or something, which has no attraction to me.

Introspectively, I do not believe my attraction to females or even to breasts was caused by culture or society. Maybe enhanced, reinforced, but the basic cause is there under it all.

I should also add sexual attraction does not get in the way of friendship or other intellectual attraction. To the contrary, I am generally interested in acting out sexually only with women I like and who I think of as smart or accomplished in some way. So there are plenty of women I would want no relationship with that in reality I would avoid having sex with. But I would avoid it only to avoid having a relationship with them that went beyond sex. If there were a totally anonymous way to have just pure physical sex and they wouldn't be able to find me afterwards, I'd probably go for that, although I don't go looking for that. I guess that is liking a lot more pieces of beef then I ever actually eat.

ANother aspect of sexual attraction that should be stated. Especially when I was younger, my attraction was diffuse, not aimed at intercourse of penetration by any means. I saw a beautiful woman/girl and I just wanted her in a craving kind of way. My first fantasies involved seeing breasts, not even necessarily touching them, although once I got a chance to touch breasts I was quite taken with that and would seek to do that quite happily. As a teenager I could be transported to an altered state of consciousness just from hours of kissing (on the mouth) and fondling breasts with my hands.

Although the ideation was not genital, there was a genital response, and indeed at the very first when I was young this surprised me. To be clear, I would get "excited" and if activity went on for a while, even without direct stimulation there was a reasonable chance I would have an orgasm. As I got older, the orgasm became more of the goal, the aim, but this was sort of directed learning, from diffuse attraction and just messing around, to essentially discovering where the real payoffs were. I suppose on the food analogy it would be like initially just following the odor of the prime rib cooking and being impressed by it and willing to take small tastes, to learning that the real payoff was to sit down with a nice 500 gram piece of meat for an hour with potatoes and red wine and just really immerse in the experience.

I do have the sense that the sexual attraction I am describing is fairly male. I'd love to read the response from a female hetero to see how it might be the same as mine, and how it might be different.

I should also add as easy as it is for me to identify breasts as a trigger, they are not at all the only way for me to be triggered. Today some brushed brown hair and soft leather boots on a young mother carrying her two year old had me happily attentive. Expressing interest in my ideas is an easy way to get my interest. There are LOTS of ways to get sexually attracted. In the food analogy, there is prime rib, yes, but there are also sweet potatoes and flan and apple pie and lamb and ham and pizza.

[WhenSummersGone]

I'm just going to post this here because I need opinions on how I feel and I have a question.

So I've seen posts here that say the emotional connection is quite important to sexuals, but how do you tell if you are sexual without it?

I've never thought about this until now. I could just be celibate because sex without a connection doesn't interest me at all, but I am opened to sexual experiences when it feels right (an emotional connection with someone works best). I'm not at all turned on by strangers but I can tell if they are good looking or not.

I'm starting to feel it's common to only want sex with close friends or romantic partners and the comments about Demisexuality have changed my mind a bit on this. I do believe not every sexual wants sex with a stranger.

Anyways, any opinions or comments about this from sexuals would help a lot. Thanks!

[jladue85]

I have a question...

Are there gay people/couples in the world who are Asexual? This would be of great help if anyone had information on this! I am going through a domestic partnership separation at the moment. All because he didn't believe me when I told him, "I do not have sex", when we met two years prior! I I

know that I am attracted too men. But not on that level of intimacy lol (which is also how I know being gay isn't a choice 😆)

thanks for any replies!

[Sage Raven Domino]

^ Yes in a way, there are many homoromantic asexuals (the old term is 'gay/lesbian asexual'), i.e. those who're attracted romantically only to people of the same gender, but don't desire sex intrinsically. See e.g. the Romantic and Aromantic Lexicon and FAQ and the 'Homoromantic / Asexy lesbian time!' thread.

[Sage Raven Domino]

Q: What percentage (ballpark) of single sexual heteronormative cis-females aged 18-35 would regard the following sexual compromise agreement (with a male like me) as not worse than the 'standard' setup they'd have with a heteronormative cis-male, provided that their romantic, platonic and sensual needs are fulfilled?

1. I'm obliged to do a tongue or hand job often enough (subject to agreement).

2. I have the right to refuse any kind of contact that involves touching or observing my genitals. In particular, I reserve the right to request time for sole masturbation with no questions asked and with any kind of fantasies that don't necessarily involve the partner. She has the same rights.

3. I have no right for a romantic, sensual or sexual relationship with anyone else.

4. The partner has the right to have any relationship with another person, including penetrative sex, as long as that other person is warned about my role in her life and doesn't violate my freedom and sufficient measures are taken against STIs.

5. We must refer to each other publicly as the primary peer, or at least one of the several most important peers, in our lives. In conversations with people who don't understand asexuality and don't know my identity, we must refer to each other as sexual partners.

6. If the partner gets pregnant from someone else (it can't happen from me by definition, as I'm repulsed by children and so won't go for artificial inception either), I assume no responsibility for the child and reserve the right to break up.

It's actually the rule set I've thought of way before I discovered AVEN and understood that asexuality is compatible with libido. Basically, it gives the partner a lot of freedom and an exit strategy, is meant as temporary until she finds someone she's comfortable having children from if she wants, which is of course compensated by some benefits or services for me in the meantime that I find better than sex.

I don't mean to prohibit penetrative activities between us, just want to steer the partner in the right direction so that she don't waste effort on that sweaty nonsense that doesn't contribute to her orgasms anyway (which are known to only be achieved via 'foreplay'), but provide me with something more valuable instead. The same goes for her assistance in my orgasms - it isn't harmful, but takes more collective effort to achieve the same level of satisfaction, and this effort can be spent on something else.

[yomo]

For me when someone is sexually attracted to me i kinda find it creepy having the thought that they want to have my body is just well repulsive i know its not a choice but they CAN control actions...Someone trying to get under my skirt just makes me feel very uneasy so i prefer to stay cautious if someone is sexually attracted to me.

I just wanted to say that I mostly agree with you on this. ;u; it's not with everyone but with most people and I'm glad I'm not alone!

[Kuromi Akumura]

For me when someone is sexually attracted to me i kinda find it creepy having the thought that they want to have my body is just well repulsive i know its not a choice but they CAN control actions...Someone trying to get under my skirt just makes me feel very uneasy so i prefer to stay cautious if someone is sexually attracted to me.

I just wanted to say that I mostly agree with you on this. ;u; it's not with everyone but with most people and I'm glad I'm not alone!

I'm not alone either ;U;

[yomo]

For me when someone is sexually attracted to me i kinda find it creepy having the thought that they want to have my body is just well repulsive i know its not a choice but they CAN control actions...Someone trying to get under my skirt just makes me feel very uneasy so i prefer to stay cautious if someone is sexually attracted to me.

I just wanted to say that I mostly agree with you on this. ;u; it's not with everyone but with most people and I'm glad I'm not alone!

I'm not alone either ;U;

Yay for platonic togetherness! :lol:

[Kuromi Akumura]

For me when someone is sexually attracted to me i kinda find it creepy having the thought that they want to have my body is just well repulsive i know its not a choice but they CAN control actions...Someone trying to get under my skirt just makes me feel very uneasy so i prefer to stay cautious if someone is sexually attracted to me.

I just wanted to say that I mostly agree with you on this. ;u; it's not with everyone but with most people and I'm glad I'm not alone!

I'm not alone either ;U;

Yay for platonic togetherness! :lol:

YAY :D

[Allotasm]

Q: What percentage (ballpark) of single sexual heteronormative cis-females aged 18-35 would regard the following sexual compromise agreement (with a male like me) as not worse than the 'standard' setup they'd have with a heteronormative cis-male, provided that their romantic, platonic and sensual needs are fulfilled?

Women, just like men, are a wild smattering of humanity and follow no rules but their own. I think the idea of "how many" or "what is my statistical chance" is a bad way to go about things. The key should be to figure out what you want and need, and what you would like from someone else, and then just sort of go looking for that. Many people are not going to be up for it, but many people are going to be up for it and also not be the kind of person you'd like to have in your life.

We don't follow rules and there's no way to figure out what percentage of women would like or dislike one particular thing, we're just people and maybe someone would be less interested in something like this until they tried it, maybe someone would be down until they got into it and would realize that they don't like it at all.

Just like, do your thing, find someone that's into it.

I'm just going to post this here because I need opinions on how I feel and I have a question.

So I've seen posts here that say the emotional connection is quite important to sexuals, but how do you tell if you are sexual without it?

I've never thought about this until now. I could just be celibate because sex without a connection doesn't interest me at all, but I am opened to sexual experiences when it feels right (an emotional connection with someone works best). I'm not at all turned on by strangers but I can tell if they are good looking or not.

I'm starting to feel it's common to only want sex with close friends or romantic partners and the comments about Demisexuality have changed my mind a bit on this. I do believe not every sexual wants sex with a stranger.

Anyways, any opinions or comments about this from sexuals would help a lot. Thanks!

I can't speak for all sexuals, but while I might feel *sexual attraction* to some strangers, I probably don't actually, really want to have sex with people I don't know at least somewhat, or have gotten to know, or for some reason like particularly well, think I can trust, whatever. Not that we don't sometimes have moments where we're like FUCK IT and decide to go run off into the sexy sunset with a random human, but having the sexual attraction is not the same as actually wanting to do the thing.

[Caehlim]

I have a question...

Are there gay people/couples in the world who are Asexual? This would be of great help if anyone had information on this! I am going through a domestic partnership separation at the moment. All because he didn't believe me when I told him, "I do not have sex", when we met two years prior! I I

know that I am attracted too men. But not on that level of intimacy lol (which is also how I know being gay isn't a choice )

thanks for any replies!

Hi there *waves*

I'm a homoromantic asexual. I'm attracted to guys, at least on a romantic, sensual and aesthetic level. However I'm asexual in that I don't desire to have sex with them.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope things work out okay for you.

[Kuromi Akumura]

Is getting physically aroused ( so body creates lubrication and the discomfort feeling but not feeling any pleasure or desire or feel like stimulating furter ) count as a s*x drive? It's nothing mental or emotional just pure physical automatic mechanical reaction be it's own thing? But only triggered with sensual touch by someone i am strongly emotionally attached to

[Masswell]

Hello, I just established a relationship with an Asexual. She said she doesn't know if she can experience attraction, but she's always wanted to be in a relationship and she would be willing. I have googled this term "asexual" and I feel extremely insecure as I always am because I have always had trouble in the relationship department. She is my first girlfriend and I am her first boyfriend, I just want to know what I am in for. I know this will be an uphill battle, but I really care about her.

[Nazgir]

Hello, I just established a relationship with an Asexual. She said she doesn't know if she can experience attraction, but she's always wanted to be in a relationship and she would be willing. I have googled this term "asexual" and I feel extremely insecure as I always am because I have always had trouble in the relationship department. She is my first girlfriend and I am her first boyfriend, I just want to know what I am in for. I know this will be an uphill battle, but I really care about her.

Yes, it will be an uphill battle, and the way to get through is communication. Never stop talking about it. About what the both of you want out of the relationship, about how much either of you is willing to compromise. Sometimes two people who love each other find that they want different things out of a relationship, and that's terrible, but then it could be best to separate. Other times, the needs and wants coincide enough with each other to make it work to varying degrees of success.

Again I stress, communicate, communicate, communicate. When it comes to sex, even more so than usually, because you need to find the boundaries of the both of you. Don't do anything without asking, even if you think the signals are there, because it could just as well be a physical reaction and she's disgusted by it. A lot of this territory depends on whether she's sex-averse or sex-repulsed or not. For instance, my girlfriend just doesn't "understand" sex and is ok with it, but there are other factors that prevent her from having any. For every bit of sexual and most of the time even physical contact, I have to ask, even if it feels silly as fuck. It's a hard thing to learn, but I'm starting to get there. So don't give up when things are going a bit harder. As I said above, sometimes breaking up is the only healthy option, but don't reach for it too quickly when things are starting to go wrong.

[RaisedByHippies98]

Hello, I just established a relationship with an Asexual. She said she doesn't know if she can experience attraction, but she's always wanted to be in a relationship and she would be willing. I have googled this term "asexual" and I feel extremely insecure as I always am because I have always had trouble in the relationship department. She is my first girlfriend and I am her first boyfriend, I just want to know what I am in for. I know this will be an uphill battle, but I really care about her.

Respect her boundaries and make sure she knows she can tell you anything. Communication is crucial! I'm so glad you care enough about her to look into this.

[andallthatjasper1]

In response to the question about how often and how we think about sex (which I thought was very interesting!), I feel like it's necessary for me to answer from the perspective of the horniest group of people on earth- slightly sexually repressed teenage boys ;) I find that the amount of time I spend thinking about sex varies greatly. It's pretty much everywhere, what with the internet and high school and all. I actually tend to think more sexually during class, because as the kind of student who usually breezes through tests without having to do much work, I spend a lot of my class time doodling and the majority of that is spent doodling half naked women. Not because I'm a pervert or anything, I just think the female form is really gorgeous and it's fun to draw. Other than admiring people's beauty, which is a thing lots of asexuals probably engage in pretty often, I rarely think about sex. Usually a fleeting thought of "he/she is attractive" or "I had such a great day with (significant other) yesterday", it doesn't cross my mind much.

I will admit that at the beginning of a relationship it's really hard to take your mind off your partner, but I can't say that's usually a sexual thing. For me, the butterflies in my stomach are about the romance, the friendship, and looking forward to seeing them again. Pretty much what an aromantic person might feel after just meeting the most interesting person in their life, somebody who shares all their interests and has cool new ones to introduce your to, and someone who wants to be your friend. It just feels pretty damn great to get to be around somebody that awesome, and it's never really been a sexual thing for me.

Going a bit on a tangent here, for me sex is just a bit of icing on the cake. It's the kind of thing you do for fun every once in a while with somebody you really really like, cause it feels good. For me, that "feels good" is all about pleasing my partner. I don't necessarily enjoy the sex, I enjoy the connection I feel with the other person and I enjoy making them feel good. Most of the actual "sexual" stuff (primal, sexual feelings like lust and arousal, wanting to actually have sex with someone for the sake of sex- like what would drive you to have a one night stand rather than what would drive you to "make love" with a person you care about) is confined to my own bedroom with a couple pornhub windows open.

I can't speak for all sexual people here (although I know very well from other posts on this board that not all sexuals are quite as gray as me), but for me reationships are just like really freaking awesome friendships, but where you've got each other's back through everything and a lot more consideration goes into it all, often make disgustingly cutesy comments, think they're really smoking hot, and occasionally take some articles of clothing off.

On a sort of related note, here's something interesting I've found out that I think you guys would find just as confusing as me. Does the phrase "I want my dick in you" sound hot? No? I agree. The words are just gross- I mean, any word to describe genitals is usually pretty gross sounding. I find it more sexy when people say things like "make love" or even "fuck." But as soon as you're in a relationship with somebody, and in the heat of the moment under their breath they whisper, "I want my dick in you," it's suddenly the hottest thing in the world. Later you kind of laugh at how silly it is. But in the moment, just for that little while, you think anything remotely sexual said by your lover is goddamn Mozart. That's probably also the explanation for why nobody but me seems to have noticed that the word "pussy" is horrible and should never be used to refer to a woman's genitalia. I kind of agree with you guys on that- sex makes you ridiculously irrational.

[Dodoa]

Hi!

So I just read this whole thread (yes all 10 years/ 31 pages of it), because I just can't do anything by halves, it's always all or nothing for me (took me the better part of two weeks). It did answer a lot of questions but I've got another one: If you masturbate without actively fantasizing about anything and just let your mind wander, where does it go?

I'm just asking because I was curious and I tried that and the answer for me is, it goes nowhere, it stays right where it is wondering about where it will wander if left to it's own devices and then goes on to wonder about where other minds would go if put under the same conditions, at which point my inner scientist kicked in and started planning sample sizes and experimental conditions and control groups and practically turned the whole thing into a scientific study.

So now I'm curious: What do sexuals think about during masturbation, if they aren't actively fantasizing about something.

[Shaala]

forgive me if this has been asked before but It just keeps bugging me. This is a question for you sexuals :)

Does it make a difference to you whether someone is naked or clothed ? even if youre not attracted to them? Do you feel something more when someone's naked than if they are clothed ?

I read that some people imagine the naked bodies of others so I was wondering why.

Sorry for the weird question but I am quite confused x(