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The Asexual-Sexual Q&A Thread


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Most of our "relationships" are non sexual. The problems arise for asexuals who want a long term partner. I have decided to rely on friends for my needs for companionship but that is not enough for some. Even for myself it feels lonely to think that I will never find anyone who cares mostly about me because I can't be doing with a sexual relationship. It is lonely being asexual.

Edited by alibali
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I've experienced being lonely as an asexual in a relationship too. But when I say lonely I mean being completely alone, as opposed to feeling lonely. When I was married I was lonely but not alone. When our parents died for example we did set aside differences. It was the every day things...like sex or lack of it that led to the divorce not the underlying support for one another.

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  • 1 month later...

Why are people attracted to large butts? Sure, women like to see big muscles on men, but from what I have heard from many sexual men is that they don't like big muscles on women. The exception seems to be the glutes. Why?

Edited by nolanv
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4 hours ago, nolanv said:

Why are people attracted to large butts? Sure, women like to see big muscles on men, but from what I have heard from many sexual men is that they don't like big muscles on women. The exception seems to be the glutes. Why?

It's not that black and white.  I, personally hate big muscles.  They intimidate me.  If we're talking purely physical, I'm attracted to men with long dark hair,  women with big boobs, and green eyes on any gender.

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anisotrophic
On 3/19/2019 at 11:54 PM, nolanv said:

women like to see big muscles on men

No, men tend to overestimate how much muscle women are attracted to. I'm not sure how gay men are the same. I'm male-oriented... I'm generally more attracted to less body fat, I think within a wide range, but I've thought about it... I think it's that I like being able to feel muscles and tendons and bone beneath skin. Size of muscles doesn't matter.

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Yeah, amongst my female friends there is a fairly wide range of body type preferences, both aesthetically and (where applicable) sexually.  Some do like big muscles on men, but others don’t... and I wouldn’t even generalize that - within any given body type - they all think bigger muscles are more attractive.

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I think gay and straight men and women have a wide range of what body types they find attractive. I know my preferences don't get anywhere near the hollywood stereotype.

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Grumpy Alien
On 3/27/2019 at 11:23 PM, Pegasus9000 said:

Do you get a tingly feeling in your face with sexual attraction or is that what happens with aesthetic attraction or both?

I get that in the very beginnings of romantic attraction.

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Anthracite_Impreza

I'm gonna post this here cos a. most sexuals are romantic and b. it's not worth making a thread about. Is having limerence for the same "person" twice a common thing? I think I'm going through it again now I've recognised my feelings as romantic (to at least some degree), and the first time I felt very similar (though I didn't recognise it at the time). The first time was about 6 years ago if that makes any difference.

 

Yours, a confused mecha-(still unsure)romantic

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anisotrophic
16 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I'm gonna post this here cos a. most sexuals are romantic and b. it's not worth making a thread about. Is having limerence for the same "person" twice a common thing? I think I'm going through it again now I've recognised my feelings as romantic (to at least some degree), and the first time I felt very similar (though I didn't recognise it at the time). The first time was about 6 years ago if that makes any difference.

 

Yours, a confused mecha-(still unsure)romantic

I'm still in love with someone I fell in love with ~2 years ago. But... that's a case of it not disappearing, rather than falling in love again with the same person -- it sounds like your feelings faded but then returned, that's interesting! I feel like if that happened to me, it would be like I never really fell out of love entirely? It seems like a sign of a more enduring attraction than a "crush".

 

I think I'm also feeling more romantic about my partner these days, of ~15 years now, maybe as compensation for realizing he's got no interest in sex. But I don't think it has the obsessive/uncertain qualities of new limerance, I would describe it as waning and waxing of romantic feelings over the years. (Also: very thankful he has been kind to me about the falling-in-love-with-someone-else thing. I didn't realize that could happen to me.)

 

Not sure if that helps! :)

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Anthracite_Impreza

@anisotrophic I'm very new to this, anything helps xD

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Did the object of your affection stay an object of your affection all along, or leave/lose your interest and return?

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Anthracite_Impreza
24 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Did the object of your affection stay an object of your affection all along, or leave/lose your interest and return?

Stayed, but I was under the impression I was aro at the time because I have alexithymia and my feelings are blunted for various reasons. When I finally 'admitted' I felt 'enough' for it to be romantic it all came rushing back.

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Anthracite_Impreza
6 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Probably just you being in the normal range, Anthra.

Me? Normal? :o

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36 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Stayed, but I was under the impression I was aro at the time because I have alexithymia and my feelings are blunted for various reasons. When I finally 'admitted' I felt 'enough' for it to be romantic it all came rushing back.

This sounds like the “problem,” if you will - like circumstances not directly related to the situation interrupted/interfered with the initial limerence and cut it off abruptly rather than letting it run  its course.

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Anthracite_Impreza
12 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

This sounds like the “problem,” if you will - like circumstances not directly related to the situation interrupted/interfered with the initial limerence and cut it off abruptly rather than letting it run  its course.

That would make sense, I was in a pretty bad place at the time. Indeed, he's the only reason I'm still here to tell the tale.

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51 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

You can probably get counselling for it.

*snorts*

 

”Doctor, I’m concerned.  I’m getting more and more normal!”

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Anthracite_Impreza
4 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

She's from Yorkshire. It's a recognised condition there.

They ;)

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Is the Yorkshire thing genetic or environmental? Asking for a friend. :ph34r:

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Anthracite_Impreza
2 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

Is the Yorkshire thing genetic or environmental? Asking for a friend. :ph34r:

Genetic, but if you live in Yorkshire long enough it can pass by horizontal gene transfer.

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5 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Genetic, but if you live in Yorkshire long enough it can pass by horizontal gene transfer.

That explains a lot. 

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1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Genetic, but if you live in Yorkshire long enough it can pass by horizontal gene transfer.

True.

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anisotrophic

@Anthracite_Impreza one thing I've wondered about is where limerence ends and a long term steady-state "love" starts. When can one say, "ok, limerence has run its course, what I'm feeling should be called love"? Some people characterize the difference as "time", but I'm not sure about that. Maybe.

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Anthracite_Impreza
34 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

@Anthracite_Impreza one thing I've wondered about is where limerence ends and a long term steady-state "love" starts. When can one say, "ok, limerence has run its course, what I'm feeling should be called love"? Some people characterize the difference as "time", but I'm not sure about that. Maybe.

Pfft, I have no idea what I'm doing or where we're going ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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1 hour ago, anisotrophic said:

@Anthracite_Impreza one thing I've wondered about is where limerence ends and a long term steady-state "love" starts. When can one say, "ok, limerence has run its course, what I'm feeling should be called love"? Some people characterize the difference as "time", but I'm not sure about that. Maybe.

I find it’s the point where you start to notice the person isn’t perfect after all, you have a job and friends you’ve been neglecting, etc.  At that point you either realize “this person frustrates me some, but I love them enough that I’m fine with that” or “uh oh, maybe this person isn’t right for me now that the newness is wearing off.”

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