Is it normal to become sex-repulsed?

[Starfish_]

I discovered that I was asexual sort of recent I would say a month or two ago. My partner is sexual. When I first came out I was with the assumption I was sex indifferent because I never cared about having sex with my partner. I do it for them but I don't enjoy/want it, but I was always okay with it.

Ever since learning about asexuality, though, I think it is changing. Things that didn't used to bother me--like sex scenes or heavy making out on TV/movies--are bothering me now. I find them gross and I want to look away. The thought of sex repulses me slightly now too whereas it never did previously. My partner is fine with me being ace but they were relieved that I was not sex repulsed and am ok to compromise, but I fear that is changing.

Is this normal? I don't know why and I don't know how to change it from happening. My partner and I are not okay with a poly relationship so becoming totally repulsed would be bad...but I'm getting more grossed out by it as time goes on.

[specialsnowflake]

I don't really know whats normal but when I was a teenager/early 20s I was really sex repulsed more than others, I hated hear anything about sex, the idea made me feel panic. Now I am pretty indifferent - I still have some "iffyness" about it but otherwise I wouldn't say I'm sex repulsed.

Whether that's just getting older or orientation fluidity I don't know. I certainly do think its possible to change.

[Kuebiko]

Well, people change as they find out new things, or as they grow older, or just when they interact with anything.

For example, I might develop a phobia of spiders after watching a documentary or researching something that makes me realise some horrible fact about spiders.

But It's also possible to change your view about something when you realise something about yourself, like, I may start to become more and more bored or disenfranchised with say, Twitter, when I figure that I'm not the type of person who likes informing everyone what I'm doing everyday at every moment.

I don't know you so I can't tell you why your preferences are suddenly changing, but yeah, it's possible to change, especially since humans aren't static beings.

[Starfish_]

I guess that makes sense. It is normal for things to change. I used to try to convince myself I might enjoy it someday because I didn't know being ace was possible--maybe it's changing because I dropped that mindset and accepted it's not for me.

I guess what bothers me is that I don't want it to change like this because it may cause issues in my relationship. Can't help it I guess.

Thank you both for the input!

[Member54880]

There's nothing wrong nor unusual with your attitude towards sex changing over time. Before you knew of asexuality, did you, perhaps subconsciously, used to think that you'd grow to be okay with sex scenes, and the idea of sex? Do you think now that you know of asexuality, you know you don't have to live up with that expectation anymore?

Before I knew of asexuality, and before I knew of non-religious reasons why someone may be celibate, I didn't give sex that much thought but knew it didn't appeal to me. But as I found out about those things later, I dropped any pretense of thinking I'd be open to the idea of sex since I knew for certain I didn't have to.

When reading through this board, were there times you saw sex being described that made you realize that it repulses you, or do you think it may be coincidence, and you've happened to grow more repulsed over time?

Here's a related thread, about becoming more repulsed with age: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/117156-more-sex-repulsed-with-age/

[Rising Sun]

If you feel some pressure to have sex to pleasure your partner, it's pretty normal that you're disliking sex more and more. Maybe you're doing it more than you're comfortable with ?

[Starfish_]

There's nothing wrong nor unusual with your attitude towards sex changing over time. Before you knew of asexuality, did you, perhaps subconsciously, used to think that you'd grow to be okay with sex scenes, and the idea of sex? Do you think now that you know of asexuality, you know you don't have to live up with that expectation anymore?

Before I knew of asexuality, and before I knew of non-religious reasons why someone may be celibate, I didn't give sex that much thought but knew it didn't appeal to me. But as I found out about those things later, I dropped any pretense of thinking I'd be open to the idea of sex since I knew for certain I didn't have to.

When reading through this board, were there times you saw sex being described that made you realize that it repulses you, or do you think it may be coincidence, and you've happened to grow more repulsed over time?

Here's a related thread, about becoming more repulsed with age: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/117156-more-sex-repulsed-with-age/

I think it's possible that I used to think even subconsciously that I'd eventually become ok with it. I recall often thinking "it's ok, I'll understand once I try it" before I ever had sex, and since then has been a sort of "I'm still just inexperienced" type mindset. So that could be very possible--I know I don't have to live up to the expectation of it anymore.

I'm not entirely sure when I started noticing the repulsion. I found this place and started reading through the forums and I guess it did repulse me a little bit if I saw it being described. I used to be able to imagine myself being with my partner though and still be relatively indifferent about it. Now even that sounds more undesirable and more on the repulsed side.

Thank you for the input and for the thread. I'll have a look through it!

If you feel some pressure to have sex to pleasure your partner, it's pretty normal that you're disliking sex more and more. Maybe you're doing it more than you're comfortable with ?

That could be possible too. Maybe I'll see about us doing it less and hope it helps.

[Rainbow~Sprinkles]

I don't know if this is the case but I've heard that asexuals start to find it difficult to have sex over a long period of time and it only progresses as it becomes more emotionally and psychologically draining.

Having less sex might help as long as you both are still happy with it. However just watch that having less sex might make you realise that your happier without sex and make it more repulsive. That's just what I've heard from other asexuals in other forums.

I hope you find the answer soon 😊

[gonegonegone]

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[Sapphire Rose]

I'm definitely no authority on what's "normal" or not, but on the other hand I don't believe anyone really is. From my personal experience, I have become increasingly sex repulsed the more time that has passed after me really discovering what my sexuality was. I think this repulsion stemmed more from the sex-heavy aspect of pretty much everything that exists. By this I mean how it seems most forms of media tend to glorify sex. I guess I was becoming tired of just trying to watch tv shows and having the main plot line always be about getting laid or finding "true love" (I'm also aromantic and have become increasingly tired of trying to relate to shows about romance because I mentally cannot feel what the characters are feeling).

It might be that you are just tired of hearing the same old song and dance about something you don't really have interest in. For example, if you didn't like peaches but everyone around you loved eating them, talking about them, and all the media around you constantly advertised peaches.

[BrightCancer]

I am a born sex-repulsed so i say it's pretty normal....but some people do change....like some people dislike certain types of foods and then in some part of their life they start liking the same foods they disliked before and vice versa....just like this people change in other things and liking's also.....so i say, if your starting to feel sex-repulsed now when you didn't before, that means that your inner ace is growing and coming out which is perfectly normal in my opinion.