How do sexual partners feel about their asexual partners masturbating using porn?

[Telecaster68]

who gets super turned on just from the appearance of a person?

In real life, and non-porn representations, there are women who I find really attractive, and aesthetically (as far as I can disentangle this stuff) beautiful; but not actually aroused. Arousal takes the actual prospect of sex, either with someone in person, or porny visuals, or literature.

[Guest]

^^ Same

[Guest]

I don't think people who enjoy porn are aces, maybe some demisexual can enjoy it, f.ex. if they feel attraction to one of the characters. Much of sexual people prefer porn than actual sex because there is more action and such than in their own sexual life. There are more and more couples like these.

If you feel irritated, just talk to your partner, if you suffer from this, just ask them to take therapy for couples.

[Tarfeather]

who gets super turned on just from the appearance of a person?

In real life, and non-porn representations, there are women who I find really attractive, and aesthetically (as far as I can disentangle this stuff) beautiful; but not actually aroused. Arousal takes the actual prospect of sex, either with someone in person, or porny visuals, or literature.

Huh.. Interesting. I certainly don't need the actual prospect of sex to feel aroused. That's also part of what makes me a bit uncomfortable around women, when I get aroused without really meaning to.

[Philip027]

I can see the taking a shit analogy - but even so, why not share it with your partner, if you know they'd appreciate it?

Because of personal discomfort? I mean, if you've grown up being expected to do your business privately, later on if you're presented with someone who doesn't mind being around when you're doing your business, chances are you're not just going to say "oh okay, I'll make sure to let you know whenever I have to go take a shit", and that you'd still prefer keeping the process to yourself if possible. Either because that is the way you would want it to be if the positions were reversed, or because that's just what you are used to.

I mean, my partner has seemingly no issue with some of the more... ickier sides of me. I went to meet her with what was basically an open cyst on my back... it was leaky, smelly, and needed periodic attention and bandaging to make sure that it didn't ooze onto things, and I was pretty shy and embarrassed about this. She didn't mind, and I knew this. But I still felt self-conscious about it anyway. I imagine this is more or less how a number of libidoist aces feel regarding the management of their libido. Just because you have a partner that doesn't mind, doesn't necessarily mean it's something you want to involve them in.

[Snao Cone]

I don't think people who enjoy porn are aces, maybe some demisexual can enjoy it, f.ex. if they feel attraction to one of the characters. Much of sexual people prefer porn than actual sex because there is more action and such than in their own sexual life. There are more and more couples like these.

If you feel irritated, just talk to your partner, if you suffer from this, just ask them to take therapy for couples.

"Enjoy porn" is a vague and ambiguous phrase. If someone only views porn because they need to work off a frustrating libido that can't be addressed through pursuing a sexual relationship, it's a means to an end of staying sane and not the pursuit of a hobby or interest. Using porn does not equal enjoying porn, so it does not necessarily invalidate one's asexuality.

[WhenSummersGone]

Definitely the main difference is the desire to do it so anyone can enjoy/watch porn for any reason. For me it's certain situations and even what the camera is focused on. What people look like doesn't matter to me. I'll admit I had a crush, and still do a bit, on a popular star in porn but that never did work out when I actually watched his work.

[Sally]

Ha. I almost answered this after assuming that the title was "How do sexual partners feel about their asexual partners." Period. I was going to answer that my sexual partners seemed to like me.

[HanBanan]

Philip

I can see the taking a shit analogy - but even so, why not share it with your partner, if you know they'd appreciate it?

In my case, Tele, it's also like taking a shit in that it's embarrassing. I am used to being embarrassed by the concept of masturbation due to the culture I was raised in. The other reason I would/do tend to do it in private is that I do not want to arouse my partner by masturbating in front of him, only to fall fast asleep right after (as I do when I do it alone), rather than... er... processing the arousal I caused in him like a 'normal' girl would.

Btw, I love this subform. Sexuals are much more blunt than the aces on the other subforums, I think. It's been a little too "be what you want, say what you want, feel what you feel" for me, and I'm thinking, could we discuss the goshdarned issues, please?

I only started porn when the relationship with my girlfriend started, because I wanted to find out more about how sex works, and wanted to be able to please my partner. Hahahahahah, that was wrong on so many levels.

Ooooh no, don't do that. Do some research, instead. I did research on how to be a good lay. There are actually a lot of articles out there about how to please a man in bed and how to please a woman in bed, and the most informational part is (after reading the article) reading the comments. "Real-live" men and women will post comments agreeing or disagreeing with parts of the article and correcting when needed ("actually, I like..."). It is incredibly helpful. My husband says I am a great lay, when I can manage to get into it. It's a good confidence boost.

One tip: sometimes, there will be some pretty odd things in those articles, which are very specific to some men and women (think minor BDSM... not everyone likes it, but the ones who do REALLY like it). Try to stay away from the oddities, at first. Go for the things that most of the commenters seem to agree with, and if that is effective, maybe ask your partner about the moves that are a little out there, or try it once to get a feel for how she responds.

[closetPonyfan]

Just bringing things back to the OP for a bit:

As a sexual person with am asexual wife, I can definitely see how it would bother you if your boyfriend says he's not interested in sex, or doesn't ever respond when you try to initiate, but then as soon as you leave the room he puts on a DVD.

That said, don't jump to conclusions,or try to make their case for them. The only person who can really tell you where they are coming from is them. So talk to them, and maybe even ask directly, "why do you masturbate/using porn? I would really like it if we could be more sexualy active together." and just see where that conversation goes. Maybe even suggest that if sex is something they aren't comfortable with, maybe masturbating together would be a compromise you could agree on?

[AthenaFay]

I felt the exact same way: I felt seriously hurt. Coping with my partner being asexual was one thing, but knowing he still masturbated somehow made that pain worse. - When we used to have sex (before he found his identity, and endured years of not even knowing about asexuality and going along with how he felt the world simply expected of him), it would actually be more like masturbation for him (his words), just inside someone else. I think that hurt more than anything, and knowing that it never meant as much to him as it did me.