Asexuals and Masturbation (Why do you do it?)

[Augustus]

Only one person can save this thread...*Screeches loudly for Larien*

Eh, it's a Census thread. I never had much expectation for discussion value. As long as people fill out the poll, it's all good!

[Guest]

A few times a decade, mainly because sexual partners want me to do it on camera for them when we can't be around each other in person. Will never do it for myself, as I see no point (non-libidoist) and do not enjoy it.

[binary suns]

This is the ignorance that bugs me.

a lack of tact does not equal ignorance. ignorance is actively or intentionally disregarding existing knowledge. someone who doesn't know the right words, or even how to be tactful when talking about a certain topic, isn't ignorant. there is nothing wrong with not knowing that the words one is saying can be found rude by others. mistakes happen.

[Perissodactyla]

Augustus: I think it's a worthwhile effort.

And the side effect is that I'm reminded once again how hyper-touchy some people can be here. lol

For my part, I suppose I would have appreciated a clear definition of what 'masturbation' consists of exactly.

AVENites love to split hairs, so I am somewhat surprised no one raised this point yet. :)

[Guest]

I'm going to temporarily lock this thread until Larien gets online. They can decide what to do from there

Kisa the Cat, Administrator

Larien has seen the thread, and she's leaving it locked until later this evening or tomorrow, when she can address it properly.

[Larien]

This thread is now re-opened. Please remember that Census isn’t the place for heated debates; please don’t get personal with your opinions and don’t use insulting or demeaning language in your posts (including troll-calling). If there is an issue with the content of another member’s post(s), please use the report button in the future.

Larien, Census mod

[Sally]

Have we now come to the point where we can't use "female" or "woman" anymore? And also to the point where someone wants a "clear definition" of what masturbation is?

Is no one going to admit that they know what ANYTHING means? If so, just shut the site down; there's no point any longer.

[Skycaptain]

Voted

[Perissodactyla]

Have we now come to the point where we can't use "female" or "woman" anymore? And also to the point where someone wants a "clear definition" of what masturbation is?

Is no one going to admit that they know what ANYTHING means? If so, just shut the site down; there's no point any longer.

Sally, I really love your posts! :) You're so honest, straight forward and to the point. It's very refreshing and kind of stuns me sometimes.

Well, obviously, that 'someone' is ME. :D

While you may not see a rationale for discussing the 'spectrum of masturbation'. I began to consider it when this thread/poll began.

The OP PM'd me about what I meant, and we had an exchange as I explained what I was thinking.

Discussing it briefly in PMs really helped me investigate my notions, which I hadn't really examined before.

Perhaps I should extract what I said to them and post a summary here in this thread. (?)

I think everyone should keep in mind that some people don't really know what masturbation IS especially if they haven't done it themselves.

And for those who learn what it is... perhaps later in life than most people... they may not have a clear concept of what it means in comparison to others who practice it frequently.

I personally did not experience masturbation until I was 18.5 years. I understood the basic meaning of the term well before then, but I had no idea what it actually was or how to do it.

I was very surprised later to find out eventually that some others had been practicing this beginning at a very tender age. :o

So I think I will make another post using what I wrote about the 'spectrum of masturbation' or whatever, since I realized it's worth mapping out a bit.

I don't know why my suggestion that this is perhaps a sensible thing to try to do should be ridiculed. (?)

But I do find it amusing how you express it. Your outrage. Maybe you have been in AVEN too long, while I only joined in April... so all this remains a journey of discovery for me.

And as I learn to contemplate the meaning of so many concepts within the framework of 'asexuality', I still am rather confused about a lot of things... that tend to elude analysis and interpretation sometimes.

Plus I spend a lot of time in chat talking to confused newbies who are asking the most basic questions again and again... which is awesome and wonderful.

I have a lot of experience as a student and a teacher, so I get a lot out of the view and attitude of the 'beginner's mind'.

I never get bored with it or frustrated. On the contrary, since it makes me review my assumptions and definitions.

One always learns by teaching, and newbies are sometimes giving great opportunities to re-think ideas and attitudes, of course.

So I suppose I'm just sensitized to supporting the attitude of a newbie who hasn't thought about these topics before.

You know?

:)

[Perissodactyla]

Question from the OP:

But do you really think it's unclear what masturbation is? I mean, where could there be confusion? I would love to hear your elaborate.

My answer:

Think about it. :)

Every concept in AVEN has a sort of spectrum. Spectrum delineation is what AVENites DO. :)

As for 'masturbation'... if you break it down to steps, it begins with touching one's self.

Then there is the next step of continuing the touching.

The nature of the touching changes over time, if the person doing it continues.

The touching can be very brief... perhaps part of daily hygiene/keeping clean.

Or it can be a little longer... perhaps causing some arousal/pleasure/whatever.

At that point it can stop. Or it can continue... towards a conclusion or orgasm.

So my point here is... does masturbation assume orgasm?

But there are perhaps several points of stimulation/excitement which occur long before orgasm.

Perhaps some people have a practice of quasi-masturbating at the brief self-touching levels without ever getting close to orgasm.

Or perhaps they choose to get as close as possible to orgasm without achieving it.

So... would you still call it masturbation if the person briefly touched themselves or touched themselves longer without coming anywhere near an orgasmic phase?

Or does masturbation equal self-stimulation to orgasm... only?

There are attitudes around each of these approaches which may be subtle to some, but are really quite important to take into consideration.

[Hooded_Crow]

I masturbate at least once per season (but usually monthly).

I do it because my body gets aroused occasionly and I get rid of the tension. I do it to alleviate period pain. Those are my main two reasons.

I like the feeling and used to masturbate much more in my teens but now the urge and appeal have much lessened.

And I maturbate when interacting with my LDR partner in intimate ways. Those are the most enjoyable experiences for me. Out of these experiences, it's really more of a chore than anything else.

[Grumpy Alien]

I don't masturbate. That entire region is dead.

[Frigid Pink]

So... would you still call it masturbation if the person briefly touched themselves or touched themselves longer without coming anywhere near an orgasmic phase?

Or does masturbation equal self-stimulation to orgasm... only?

Yes to the first question and no to the second question. I consider partnered sex to be "sex" regardless of whether or not the people involved actually orgasm. I think "pursuit of orgasm" is a better way to define sexual activity (masturbation or partnered sex) than whether or not someone actually achieves orgasm. Otherwise, someone could engage in intercourse or some other activity and say they didn't have "sex" because they didn't have an orgasm, and, well, the act of "sex" is the act of "sex" regardless of how someone's body responds to it.

[Philip027]

Masturbation (or any sexual activity, really) does not assume orgasm. You wouldn't say you're a virgin if you've had sex before but just never had an orgasm from it... or at least, I hope you would not, because that's a potentially very misleading thing to say to a potential partner, or doctor, or what have you.

I would define masturbation simply as the manipulation of one's own sexual organs for the purposes of sexual pleasure (this means ruling out things like using the potty, or taking a shower, or whatever)

I think "pursuit of orgasm" is a better way to define sexual activity (masturbation or partnered sex) than whether or not someone actually achieves orgasm.

It's better, but still not entirely accurate. Not everyone actually pursues orgasm, or can even experience it, but they can still potentially enjoy masturbation/sex anyway for various reasons.

[Frigid Pink]

Masturbation (or any sexual activity, really) does not assume orgasm. You wouldn't say you're a virgin if you've had sex before but just never had an orgasm from it... or at least, I hope you would not, because that's a potentially very misleading thing to say to a potential partner, or doctor, or what have you.

I would define masturbation simply as the manipulation of one's own sexual organs for the purposes of sexual pleasure (this means ruling out things like using the potty, or taking a shower, or whatever)

I think "pursuit of orgasm" is a better way to define sexual activity (masturbation or partnered sex) than whether or not someone actually achieves orgasm.

It's better, but still not entirely accurate. Not everyone actually pursues orgasm, or can even experience it, but they can still potentially enjoy masturbation/sex anyway for various reasons.

Yeah, I actually agree with you on that. I'll go with "pursuit of sexual pleasure," then. :)

[Qwerty321]

Look, I asked for sex. A woman has long been understood to refer to an adult female human that can have children. Read most texts throughout history. That is what they mean. You can't just drop a definition that has existed for centuries and then say I am the one acting dense just because you are in bad mood or something.

I am generally not interested in polling identity groups. Frankly, because of how loosely the terms can be used in gender theory, I don't know that people mean the same thing when I talk about gender, but we know pretty clearly what people are when we are talking about sex, and I want to use objective categorizations, rather than subjective ones, as I think it makes the data more reliable.

If most people here are born females, then most people, at least the adults, are women. Do they identify as women? Perhaps not, but that's not the question. It was never the question. Quit making arguments that don't belong and just make conflict for no good reason.

Some women can be naturally infertile, btw. Men also can "have" children, unless they aren't infertile.

I guess, you mean "which kind of genitalia a person has", so if seems like a good idea to clarify, if you only want cis people to take part in your poll (which is absolutely legitimate if your purpose to only collect data about cis people). if you don't mind non-cis people to take part, please clarify your criteria. For example, do people while transition being on HRT are OK to participate (cause hormones are an objective matter and affect one's sexuality), and what about post-surgery trans people, are they welcomed to take part and if yes, which biological sex should they indicate: their current post-surgery sex ot their sex, assigned by birth. It definitely will make your poll more accurate and the data more trustworthed.

[R_1]

I just have to ask people though. Why does Augustus needs to believe those who aren't biologically female, and yet identify as female are female? His beliefs may or may not change, but at least, he could have done and pretend to believe they are or just address them as such. Also, at least he did admit what he actually thinks of them, so that's something than having to pretend to lie about what one believes. On my end, I know there are people who don't believe in asexuality, but for those who doesn't believe in asexuality and recognize that I think I am not interested, I would like for them to at least pretend as if it exist and address me as I am happy with who I am. I do not care if they don't believe in asexuality if we both are responding in an adaquate manner.

[Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion]

I hate doing it so much. I'm sex repulsed and the feeling of doing it makes me kind of queasy. Plus it is super boring. But if I don't do it the feeling of near-constant physical arousal just gets worse and worse. To the point where I asked my doctor if anything could be done to reduce (or preferably remove) my libido. They sent me to get my hormones tested (guess what, they are 'normal'). This means that there is nothing to be done according to my doctor.

[Xavy]

I don't think there is any particular reason why I do it, and it's so very rare anyway that I probably should have voted that I never do it.

[Perissodactyla]

Have you noticed a correlation between your eating habits and the occurrence of arousal? It's worth observing and everyone is different.

I've read that some buddhist monks and nuns try to limit their arousal by not eating in the evening. Also eating heavily in the afternoon is avoided, all depending. I guess the idea is that there is a relationship between when the food is passing through your system and how it affects your sexual organs.

Reducing food intake a little or a lot has an observable affect on your strength, obviously. Also, what types of food you eat has a big affect on your overall calmness, centeredness and 'self-control'.

Some people avoid certain foods because they think they 'create desire' or 'clouded thinking' which interferes with clarity of mind and equanimity. Some avoid 'irritating foods' such as garlic, onions, spices, etc. But these choices are personal, of course.

It's just worth noting if there are any affects from foods or whatever, that you might have the ability to reduce or increase.

Fruit and fruit juices, for example, make it easier to eat less, if one wants to reduce consumption. Plus the fruit cools the system and purifies it of toxins that might build up over time and bring about some arousal related irritation.

Maybe worth a try, but it's not everyone's first choice of a method for 'self-control'. :)

Just a thought. :)

I hate doing it so much. I'm sex repulsed and the feeling of doing it makes me kind of queasy. Plus it is super boring. But if I don't do it the feeling of near-constant physical arousal just gets worse and worse. To the point where I asked my doctor if anything could be done to reduce (or preferably remove) my libido. They sent me to get my hormones tested (guess what, they are 'normal'). This means that there is nothing to be done according to my doctor.

[A Meaningful Username]

Tried it a couple of times in my teens. I came to the conclusion that it want worth the effort. I haven't done it since.

[Robin L]

I do it for the funsies. That's an acceptable reason, right?

[Maiflower]

Mostly for it go get away. And none of the "How often" questions applied to me. It's like once every few days.

[m4rble]

Question from the OP:

But do you really think it's unclear what masturbation is? I mean, where could there be confusion? I would love to hear your elaborate.

My answer:

Think about it. :)

Every concept in AVEN has a sort of spectrum. Spectrum delineation is what AVENites DO. :)

As for 'masturbation'... if you break it down to steps, it begins with touching one's self.

Then there is the next step of continuing the touching.

The nature of the touching changes over time, if the person doing it continues.

The touching can be very brief... perhaps part of daily hygiene/keeping clean.

Or it can be a little longer... perhaps causing some arousal/pleasure/whatever.

At that point it can stop. Or it can continue... towards a conclusion or orgasm.

So my point here is... does masturbation assume orgasm?

But there are perhaps several points of stimulation/excitement which occur long before orgasm.

Perhaps some people have a practice of quasi-masturbating at the brief self-touching levels without ever getting close to orgasm.

Or perhaps they choose to get as close as possible to orgasm without achieving it.

So... would you still call it masturbation if the person briefly touched themselves or touched themselves longer without coming anywhere near an orgasmic phase?

Or does masturbation equal self-stimulation to orgasm... only?

There are attitudes around each of these approaches which may be subtle to some, but are really quite important to take into consideration.

I masturbate but I've never orgasmed. I think that's actually pretty common.

So... would you still call it masturbation if the person briefly touched themselves or touched themselves longer without coming anywhere near an orgasmic phase?

Or does masturbation equal self-stimulation to orgasm... only?

Yes to the first question and no to the second question. I consider partnered sex to be "sex" regardless of whether or not the people involved actually orgasm. I think "pursuit of orgasm" is a better way to define sexual activity (masturbation or partnered sex) than whether or not someone actually achieves orgasm. Otherwise, someone could engage in intercourse or some other activity and say they didn't have "sex" because they didn't have an orgasm, and, well, the act of "sex" is the act of "sex" regardless of how someone's body responds to it.

I don't really attempt to orgasm when I masturbate either, so I don't agree with that definition.

I would say masturbation is any self-touching with the goal of achieving sexual arousal.

Edit: Not necessarily self touching because things like water could also be involved.

[Guest]

This poll is being locked and moved to the read-only Census Archive for 2015. As part of ongoing Census Forum organization, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, each poll will last for one year. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to restart new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

Snow Owl

SPF&A, Census & Site Comments Moderator