Ruqiah Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I have a liking for trenchcoats. I could never wear one, though. Also, anything really with a nice collar. I also like men's jackets. They tend to be tighter made, less of that foo foo fur stuff, and not as poofey either. I also like vests (although I rarely wear them). And black jeans ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Suits and ties I dunno. Everything is cool, as long as it's stylish. ;) I pulled it off on parties several times. Plus, a ramones jacket is always good with black jeans and a printed tee. Pretty androgynous, yet nobody bats an eyelid. My mom was dissatisfied, though that I looked like a man-rocker instead of a lady-rocker. Em, well. I had good fun, I felt chilled. Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 80s Axl was so beautiful *swoon* Link to post Share on other sites
Qwerty321 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Did I miss a memo about 30s being the new middle age??? 0___o I wasn't even planning to use that term for myself for another decade at least! ^_^ Especially when I still get ID'd, lol Well, it's a really good question. :) Maybe it depends on a country and culture? I heard many times that 30th-ish people are considered much "younger" in the West. Personally, I like that appoach more. My perception of "middle age" has always been like "it's the age when you supposed to have a steady life (stable career path, family and children)". As long as I don't have nothing of it, I don't feel myself really "middle aged". Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Did I miss a memo about 30s being the new middle age??? 0___o I wasn't even planning to use that term for myself for another decade at least! ^_^ Especially when I still get ID'd, lol Well, it's a really good question. :) Maybe it depends on a country and culture? I heard many times that 30th-ish people are considered much "younger" in the West. Personally, I like that appoach more.My perception of "middle age" has always been like "it's the age when you supposed to have a steady life (stable career path, family and children)". As long as I don't have nothing of it, I don't feel myself really "middle aged". Ah ok ^_^ fair enough hun Everyone I know between late 20s to mid 30s is having the quarter life crisis so I guess even ppl who 'seem' sorted aren't what I thought. They had steady job still etc and I thought oh they're fine not like me bumming around in mad jobs or shifts but then they go arg I hate my job I don't want a house I want to quit. :( quite surprising really. Link to post Share on other sites
natureintendedtheabstract Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Anyone London based, Open Barbers has such a good rep for doing hair for trans folk http://openbarbers.co.uk I really want to visit soon. I have been going there this year and recommend it. It's really welcoming for all people and hair types. I'd recommend taking a photo or deciding what you want in advance, as they do what you ask rather than go onto haircut or gender-normative autopilot like most hairdressers. This is a good thing. They're doing a crowdfunder to get a more central and long-term space at the moment: http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/openbarbersvenue OK, plug-from-satisfied-customer over :) Link to post Share on other sites
Qwerty321 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Did I miss a memo about 30s being the new middle age??? 0___o I wasn't even planning to use that term for myself for another decade at least! ^_^ Especially when I still get ID'd, lol Well, it's a really good question. :) Maybe it depends on a country and culture? I heard many times that 30th-ish people are considered much "younger" in the West. Personally, I like that appoach more.My perception of "middle age" has always been like "it's the age when you supposed to have a steady life (stable career path, family and children)". As long as I don't have nothing of it, I don't feel myself really "middle aged". Ah ok ^_^ fair enough hun Everyone I know between late 20s to mid 30s is having the quarter life crisis so I guess even ppl who 'seem' sorted aren't what I thought. They had steady job still etc and I thought oh they're fine not like me bumming around in mad jobs or shifts but then they go arg I hate my job I don't want a house I want to quit. :( quite surprising really. I have no idea if I have any crisis or not. Being young was much harder for me. I was often depressed until my middle 20-s, and in my teens-early 20-s I had kind of sociophobia and anxienty. So, I consider my late 20-s and 30-s calmer and better. :) I don't know why I'm unable to have a stable job, I just can't force myself to do things, which is not interesting for me, and I still have some troubles with communication sometimes. I really have a lack of motivation for making a normal career Just random jobs to earn some money. Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Yeah no point forcing yourself into jobs you don't like if you don't have to. :( this is the whole thing isn't it, what is 'normal' anyway, for jobs or anything else? We're all so different. I've always done shift work stuff and often late nights, I'm a night owl anyway. I don't like when other people who are used to 9-5 jobs try to shame me for sleeping in, I don't even get much sleep :/ not everyone is the same. X Link to post Share on other sites
Heart Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Just my own two cents: finding and keeping a stable job can be hard when your comfortable presentation is not "professional". And of course, all "professional" clothing is cis clothing. Because the only way to be professional is to present as the gender you were assigned at birth. Unless you've transitioned, then the only professional way to present is the way people assume you were assigned at birth, and sometimes there is no professional way. Who invented "professional" attire anyways? Why must it always be make up if you have a vagina and collared button up shirt if you have a penis? Why can't someone with a penis wear earrings and a necklace on top of that plain button up shirt? There is no sense in this. And no leeway: looking professional means not looking in any way gender-bending. This often makes office jobs and other such jobs where you are expected to dress "business" difficult to feel comfortable in Link to post Share on other sites
Qwerty321 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Yeah no point forcing yourself into jobs you don't like if you don't have to. :( this is the whole thing isn't it, what is 'normal' anyway, for jobs or anything else? We're all so different. I've always done shift work stuff and often late nights, I'm a night owl anyway. I don't like when other people who are used to 9-5 jobs try to shame me for sleeping in, I don't even get much sleep :/ not everyone is the same. X Money is the only reason to have a job for me :) Just my own two cents: finding and keeping a stable job can be hard when your comfortable presentation is not "professional". And of course, all "professional" clothing is cis clothing. Because the only way to be professional is to present as the gender you were assigned at birth. Unless you've transitioned, then the only professional way to present is the way people assume you were assigned at birth, and sometimes there is no professional way. Who invented "professional" attire anyways? Why must it always be make up if you have a vagina and collared button up shirt if you have a penis? Why can't someone with a penis wear earrings and a necklace on top of that plain button up shirt? There is no sense in this. And no leeway: looking professional means not looking in any way gender-bending. This often makes office jobs and other such jobs where you are expected to dress "business" difficult to feel comfortable in Yes, that's true. And there is also a kind of paradox: if you're a biological female who tends to the masculine side of the spectrum, you may want to have more "typical men's" job, and it also might make you feel more dysphoria, as people will be prejused and associate all your mistakes with being a female. That was the reason, I never thought seriously about being a programmer or something related. Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Excellent point! Thank you ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Just a quick note to celebrate, I just had my first ever T shot! (At last! Delayed by months) Whoop! *goes to lift a train* :D Link to post Share on other sites
Qwerty321 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Just a quick note to celebrate, I just had my first ever T shot! (At last! Delayed by months) Whoop! *goes to lift a train* :D Just a quick note to celebrate, I just had my first ever T shot! (At last! Delayed by months) Whoop! *goes to lift a train* :D Congrats :) There are some changes or it takes time? Link to post Share on other sites
Heart Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 The psychological benefits start instantly. Any physical changes take time ;) CONGRATULATIONS JACK!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thank you! ^_^ my leg tingles lol. One doc said he thinks I'd see changes within the first 3 injections, but he looks at your heritage too and that plays into it. I.e how hairy are your family. That kind of thing. (Tmi sorry) Psychological effects, definitely yes. I feel relieved. One could argue that's a placebo effect but w/e. I feel calmer. :) Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Saw couple of posts about new findings to suggest the human brain isn't 'male' or 'female' https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2015/12/01/brains-arent-actually-male-or-female-new-study-suggests/ (Omgosh u dont say!!! :// But I guess news like this helps with breaking gender binary and roles???) Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Of course they're not. They're as female or male as any other non-reproductive organ, skin, for example. Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 I've just ordered some trousers online, fingers crossed I've chosen the right sizes. At least I got a short leg option! ^_^ This is for a cosplay but I still hope it's the right size. Or, close enough! Does anyone else buy online? Any tips? Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Eugh I had a tough time with dysphoria today... top surgery won't come a second too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Share Posted December 5, 2015 Eugh I had a tough time with dysphoria today... top surgery won't come a second too soon. :( sorry to hear that (hugs) Do you have a date for it happening? I was so relieved to get mine done, even if I did have a hard time (my body is a rebel) I had such a huge chest for a tiny person and the difference is phenomenal now. I wish I'd done it years ago, it was def the right decision for me. :) Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I'm still waiting for my initial assessment with the gender clinic. They're not going to like me though because I'll need to have top surgery before hormones and it's not the NHS way! :P My usual dysphoria is weird though. I need to read the thread here on people's experiences of it, because I'm yet to find anyone who has it similarly to me. It's certainly not a daily thing... I'm occasionally reminded of how my body should've been, for example when I wear a binder or men's clothes, and I freak out and have to take it off. I have to be in control of going back to "normal", I can't be accidentally reminded. I don't know if that makes sense :D But anyway, today was different. Usually I put on fitted t-shirts etc and ignore my chest. I pick stuff that fits me and don't give it another thought. But when I put on a men's sweatshirt today and for some reason forgot about my chest and went to look in a mirror and... shut down. Didn't talk for about 20 minutes as I tried to process. As always, difficult to explain to folk who enjoy owning breasts. Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 6, 2015 Author Share Posted December 6, 2015 ((Hug)) hey I'm sorry to hear it's difficult :( dysphoria sucks any day it happens if it happens. The only way I can deal is compartmentalization. I avoid certain things and try to focus on what I know I like. Just trying to avoid the awkwardness while I get through it. I guess if you are aware of what triggers you that would help to try avoid those. My therapist before kept trying to say about accepting yourself but with dysphoria it's really hard. Then she said there's two pathways to take if we are unhappy with ourselves. One is to get in a rut and not do anything. The other is to change. And even if the change isn't instant, you're on the path to change and this is good. Hope that helps a bit. X Also more non binary people are asking for top surgery first (or only) so the GIC's will be aware. I think it depends how you come across and how sure of yourself you seem to them. Feel free to PM me if you want tips bc I've seen sooooooo many doctors now, and asked my friends how their appointments went. They look for things like, have you been living 'in the desired role' already, do you seem certain of what you want. I mean I can understand they'd be reluctant to refer anyone for surgery who is questioning or unsure, bc surgery is a permanent thing. I still think it's dumb to expect everyone to want hormones tho. Not everyone does or can. X Link to post Share on other sites
S.Kobold Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 The Open Barber's are having a fundraising thingy: https://www.facebook.com/events/1167241786637482/ Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 The Open Barber's are having a fundraising thingy: https://www.facebook.com/events/1167241786637482/ Ooh thanks for this! I'm not on Fb so tend to miss event info. X Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 The trouser ordering did NOT go according to plan... :/ Unless I plan to wear them with braces and rock comedy clown trousers. Link to post Share on other sites
Valiant Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I guess it was blissful ignorance to begin with, followed by eventual acceptance. What made me begin thinking I was more transmasculine than anything else was identifying more with the experiences and stories of FTM guys on YouTube. I looked high and low through NB resources, but found very little in the way of identifying with the community. I kept going back to FTM vids, like a moth drawn to light.Can I give you a big hug? (Squishes) <3Please come back to chat whenever you want to!I feel ya, I'm the same. I never really feel like I fit in with groups, I've sat with very binary ftm groups and felt out of place, but also ditto afab nb groups. (Pleased to say I moved groups a bit and did meet some others who felt more 'me', and they're a bit nb male centered perhaps?)Lol at the smoke signals, that's so true.I don't think I was even a tomboy, I think I was trying so hard to fit the wrong mold I couldn't even relax enough for that. Hindered or aided by various jobs I had that required a very femme role, I don't know.Changing more of my outward appearance has made me calmer and realise that being femme/camp/excitable is my personality, and that's okay. Ours personalities don't have to fit gender roles either :)You're not alone is what I'm trying to say ^_^ take care x Sure, I may seem prickly by my word choices sometimes, but deep down I'm not too averse to the occasional hug. Thanks! Thank you so much as well for the words of support. In some aspects I'm grateful for how I was brought up (and I use that term with the loosest association), with not being forced into any clothes or roles I wanted nothing to do with. Other aspects, not so much. But if there was one thing my father did right by me, it was not forcing me to be a girl. This got depressing real quick, time to change the topic. I haven't been to any trans related support groups, only to a Queer Straight Alliance that had non-trans (gay and lesbian) members. Don't get me wrong, they're great people, awesome even, but I feel awkward around them. All of them go to school or are recently out of it, and have either got a partner, or recently had one. Meanwhile I haven't been to school in nine years or had anything close to romantic partner for eleven. I guess there's a whole heap of dissociation happening when I go there. I'm fighting the urge to bail on one hand, and feeling out of touch with people around my own age on the other. Add the irrational feeling that everyone's watching me with a critical eye, prepared to judge everything from my skills to my interests, and you have one hell of a socially awkward Valiant on your hands. To think I used to talk in front of a whole school of kids and not have rattled nerves. How times have changed. xD I'd like to go to a trans support group, have been wanting to go to the nearest one around here (which is unfortunately hours way) since July, but alas travelling there isn't as easy as I'd like it to be. If things go according to plan, I'll be going to the next one! I'm looking forward to it as from what my gender therapist said, there's a heap of transguys that go to it. I've never met a trans person in RL before, well, not to my knowledge anyway and if as many go as what my therapist said (30+), I'll probably want to bail as soon as I walk in, but hopefully I won't feel like a giant neon sign is flashing "socially awkward penguin" above my head. Sorry to read that your trouser ordering didn't go to plan. Finding clothes that fit without throwing being trans into the mix is a trial on its own, add being trans and it's a whole different ball game. Link to post Share on other sites
jack616 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 Hey, it's cool (hug) Pretty sure nearly all trans folk go to meets with the same thoughts. It's definitely more shy than other lgbt+ meets. Can you contact the meet organisers beforehand? Usually they'd be okay with meeting a new member or taking you under wing, sorta thing. Could help? Yeah the travelling ducks :( I think you'll be pleased you went though. Is it an evening one? Take care mate x Ducks. Travelling ducks. 0____of Lol Link to post Share on other sites
TheStarrySkai Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I'mma join in cause why not. ^_^ I came out as trans...3 years ago I think? Maybe 2.5. Don't remember accurately. Anyway things, especially recently have been moving along crazy fast. Within the past 4 months I have started testosterone, started college [so very awkward] and am now planning top surgery for next year, probably by june. This has mainly been thanks to my local doctor who has been an angel and directed me to an awesome endocrinologist in nyc and has supported me a lot. I have yet to change my name and gender marker which makes school horribly awkward. Half of my friends think I'm a guy, half think I'm a girl. It's weird. My professors are super chill with using my correct name though and I go to the mens bathroom and no ones has starred at me weirdly or anything. I should probably change that soon. It should be kinda easy now since Cuomo did the whole "Trans people should have rights therefore I shall use my executive power!" thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Desmister Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I'd like to join in too. I'm pretty male centered. I don't really have much to say at the moment though. I'm still trying to figure things out. So yeah... Hey there :) Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I'm starting to think I'm actually bigender; sometimes I feel "I'm neither boy or girl, just a me", other times I think "Please call me a lad, please?" like it'd be the biggest compliment ever, sometimes I'm just like "Make your mind up brain". Right now my brain's in male mode, last week being referred to as "he" would've been weird... Can bigender work this way? Also I never know whether to say male or masculine, because while lad, guy or mate makes me smile, man would make me feel weird. That could be the connotations of maturity though, I'm not mature :P Link to post Share on other sites
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