DeletedAccount00 Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Hi everyone! Hope you're all well.A few months ago, I conducted a small experiment. I was interested in how people on dating websites would react to my demisexuality, plus I've always wanted to at least attempt to be in a relationship (however unsuccessful my attempts to find one may turn out). I set up on account on both Plenty of Fish (henceforth referred to as POF) and OKCupid (OKC) for a full month, and simply went with the flow. My only rules were that I didn't lie at any point on either of my profiles, and that I only messaged people that I found intriguing or cute haha.Anyways, long story short, the vast majority of people that I messaged ignored me, with most of them only doing so after they had checked my profile. Please bear in mind that on POF, it is entirely possible to view someone's profile whilst not logged in.This made me think that the interest was there, but they were put off by the full explanation of my demisexuality that I have in my bio. On the other hand, not one person on OKC, and only one person on POF EVER mentioned my sexuality. Many of the messages I received were straight up flirting, compliments, or lengthy paragraphs telling me that I'm not quite as awkward as I think I am (which was sweet, actually. Not gonna lie).My apologies for the roundabout manner in which I've got around to saying this, but I'm interested to hear if any of you guys have had similar experiences? What do you think of my experience? Please let me know! Also, full disclaimer here: I am still on POF haha! I've just hidden my profile away because the messages I was receiving were getting a little overbearing, plus I saw someone from school on there, and that would have been REALLY awkward!Have a great day everyone! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlet Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I read the title as " My Experience on Demisexual Dating Sites" and that shocked as well as confused me haha! Ive never thought how me as a demisexual would go about on a dating site seeing as you never know who you are going to get that emotion bond with and I would never go trying to force it with someone just to have a partner...? hm this gives me something to think about thanks :) Link to post Share on other sites
DeletedAccount00 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 Hi Scarlet! Regarding the title misreading, that would be interesting indeed haha!I understand exactly what you mean. As I mentioned, I messaged people that I felt were interesting, and who I hoped to be able to befriend at some point, with the possibility of us forming a bond in the future. I've only ever truly liked one person, and that started off as a friendship too. In addition to this, I only have one friend on the asexual spectrum, and we're more like family than anything else, so I really don't have many options if I'm looking to date, or have the chance to be in a relationship, other than to go online and have a look around, essentially.From all of this, I've actually managed to gain a new friend, which is great!I hope my explanation makes sense, and that I've cleared up any confusion I may have caused :) Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Anyways, long story short, the vast majority of people that I messaged ignored me, with most of them only doing so after they had checked my profile. It could be about you or have nothing to do with you at all (i.e. they met and clicked with someone else). If It's something in your profile, it could be anything in there, so, I wouldn't automatically assume it's the "demisexuality" aspect. I'd have a trusted friend (or several) take a look at the profile and see if anything sticks out to them that might be "off-putting." Link to post Share on other sites
Flits Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I very briefly had one such profile before (Okcupid); and I can confirm that most decided to ignore what I was looking for (people around my age, somewhat locally, etc). I'm not sure that's something that's unacceptable but in my case it was disheartening. That said, I'd like to point out that when I did this (two years ago, now), there was no asexual-type choices, so already the limited amount of messages I gained before I scrapped it seemed mislead- even though I tried to be sincere in what I wasn't comfortable with in the text itself. I'm glad there's more options for it now, although I suspect there's people who ignore that just as they did my similar location/age group ideal. To clarify, I was hoping to make more friends- that didn't really work, much less anything more meaningful. I think it's a tough audience, but I'm not convinced it's impossible, however. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 In the past I've gotten many messages (I'm female) and some even asked me about being demisexual, but then there were those who didn't read my profile. I tend to get too many messages from guys who really aren't looking for something serious so I have stopped online dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 I tend to get too many messages from guys who really aren't looking for something serious so I have stopped online dating. I think that may be a fairly common issue, however, I think it's fairly easy to respond with "not interested" and then ignore someone after that. I wouldn't be afraid to use the "block" feature, either, and I'd actually use it quite liberally, especially if I get continuous messages from someone I've already responded to with a "not interested" response. Basically, I'd use online dating as another way to meet people and not my only way to meet people and I wouldn't let the fact that most people aren't compatible with me (online and offline) hold me back. Link to post Share on other sites
El-not-so-ace Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 On Okcupid, I used to not really answer almost anyone unfortunately... ^^' I would often find a deal breaker in the answers or sometimes I would see that our hobbies or lifestyles wouldn't coincide. So definitely don't take it badly. Women get way too many messages and usually the typical copy-paste ones. The statistics of how many messages a guy receives back is typically low compared to girls, so there's that. Have you used tge demisexual keyword in the okcupid search? :) Link to post Share on other sites
El-not-so-ace Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 On Okcupid, I used to not really answer almost anyone unfortunately... ^^' I would often find a deal breaker in the answers or sometimes I would see that our hobbies or lifestyles wouldn't coincide. So definitely don't take it badly. Women get way too many messages and usually the typical copy-paste ones. The statistics of how many messages a guy receives back is typically low compared to girls, so there's that. Have you used tge demisexual keyword in the okcupid search? :) Link to post Share on other sites
kdbaker17 Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 I just want to add this small input. I more so identify with being demisexual and have messed around on Tinder for the passed year. I didn't ever disclose my sexuality, assuming it was pointless because I probably wouldn't actually date any of these people anyway. Also, everyone in my college would then find out my sexuality. I got a few date offers and always turned them down. I only ever got close to 1/2 guys, but eventually run away from the idea of a date. I matured a bit and decided to finally go on an actual date with someone I was constantly talking to, everyday for a month. I actually asked him out and we dated for about three weeks. We official became a couple, a serious one at that, at the end of a date. I disclosed my sexuality a little before we defined the relationship. He didn't understand, but was accepting, and decided to give us a chance. I won't lie by saying being in a relationship with a sexual, a hypersexual at that, isn't hard. Trust me, it is. But you can always work it out, and if it doesn't work out then you don't have to waste your time going on additional dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 I just came across this article about online dating sites and I highly recommend it! Link to post Share on other sites
Vixrotre Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 I registered for OKCupid a while back and most people didn't seem to grasp the concept of demisexuality, like they'd compliment me and if I wouldn't complement them back they'd ask for a compliment. I'm simply unable to give any compliments to a person who I just exchanged one line with, unless I'd make something up. Some people were asking for sex or sexual photos. Some wrote as a starter "What does demisexual mean?" and I'd explain. I'm a very open person, so I don't have a problem with questions of any sort. :D There was one situation that stood out. I was usually matched up with men and about 90% of my conversations were with men, so I was browsing my matches for highly matched women one day for some difference. I was answering the questions like crazy while on OKCupid, 20-100 a day, so matches were usually pretty accurate... Usually. I found one girl who had ninety-something % match with me. She was a lesbian. I read through her profile and she seemed okay, so I wrote to her. BIG MISTAKE. She was a radical feminist and she completely denied my sexual orientation, saying that I'm just a bisexual with special requirements. She was also saying that transgender people aren't real, she completely denied the existence of people identifying as any non-binary gender aswell, saying there are only "Women and men, heterosexuals, homosexuals and bisexuals". I don't think she accepted asexuals in her mindset, but I don't really remember by now. OKC should ask less sex-questions and more personality questions in my opinion... ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
Sunflowerfield Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 I relate to a lot of what you guys have been sharing here! I've experimented with a number of dating sites and apps including POF, OkCupid, Tinder and others - and my experiences have been quite mixed. I think the biggest problem is that a lot of people seem to fall in love and get sexually attracted to me very quickly, and that makes me anxious if I don't feel the same way in return. It's also frustrating that the people I find most interesting and attractive often don't respond to my messages, so I guess the problem goes both ways. XD Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 is not fun times. I mean there is just such a focus on what people look like that I can only stand looking through pictures for so long. that and so many people describing who someone that they expect someone looking wants to see, not themselves. so much self advertising... Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 22 hours ago, Sunflowerfield said: I think the biggest problem is that a lot of people seem to fall in love and get sexually attracted to me very quickly, and that makes me anxious if I don't feel the same way in return. It's also frustrating that the people I find most interesting and attractive often don't respond to my messages, so I guess the problem goes both ways. XD A lot of people either want nothing or want to move quickly. Demis and others who want to take it slow are going to have trouble, I know from experience. I don't even like meeting up quickly, and that's become a Bad Thing on places like okcupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunflowerfield Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Yeah, I don't mind meeting up with someone if I really like them (not necessarily in a romantic way at that point, but like them as a friend/person in general), though often by the time I do meet up with them for a drink or meal they are really into me... I usually like to Skype people first as a way of screening people, which does help to an extent, but the pace other people move in dating is still a buzzkill for me. The intense anxiety seems to destroy any possible budding attraction that could emerge, and I just want to quickly friendzone them! I think what most people don't understand is that when I friendzone them, it's actually my way of trying to get to know someone for a possible romantic relationship... obviously it depends as there are some people I turn down because I know I'd never date them anyway, but in a lot of cases I just feel uncertain or ambivalent. Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Yeah, video chat, is I think the best way to do a "first meeting." Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.