Jump to content

I want our relationship to work for the both of us


katyln22

Recommended Posts

I apologize for this benig long or just jumbled. I am worried about the relationship I have with my boyfriend, and it has me just scared. As well as I apologize for the TMI

I have been dating my significant other for nearly a year and a half now after being friends for over 2 before that we are a long distance couple seeing each other only a few times a year and after being friends he was the one to confess feelings for me. He is trans and I am female so it is a very give and take one side at a time thing, we've taken things very slow, and though hes done things in the past, and had some bad expiernces I felt there was something wrong with me when he just wouldn't reciprecate what we've done or just stop part way through. I've never gotten there, and just sometimes by body just aches for this affection. However I put it as I know the bad experinces he's had in the past and that was it. The other night we began talking and he's realized he doesn't do anything for me. While talking he says the idea of sex sounds nice, but the act just makes him feel a bit weirded out more so giving than reccieving hes able to reccieve and accually asks for more at times also hes said about doing things alone as I was the only partner to give him a better experince. After talking about it I honestly have to wonder if he is asexual, and that the past expiernces have heightened the feelings of beeing weirded out by sex or that it could just be them. He's thinking he has always felt that way. Hes expressed he is up for things but not consistantly, I am perfectly fine with that, as I wouldnt want stuff every night, but I admit I crave just small amounts of effection and he said just kissing me not making out type here and there won't be to much.
I accept him for this, completely and i do not want to force him to do anythign he does not feel comfortable with. But, I am a person who craves this affecton and has a longing during sex to have what he is having, and that extends to even small gestures like kissing ones neck, he just doesnt return that.

I will not force him into anythign he does not want, that is not fair for him and goes against my moral code. But, I desire and long for more. I honestly do not want this to end up being a deciding factor in our relationship that beings it to an end. We both generally love each other, and have plans to move in and one day get married, because we both feel we are heading that way.
I think what I'm asking is, what can I do about having these feelings of deire that can be at times painful (and they are only to be with him I don't want another partner like some articles say to have an open relationship for sex I just do not want that) , and not force him into anything but make him as comfortable as he can in our relationship.


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dealing with conflicting desires can be very complicated. It's really good that you're trying to keep his feelings and desires in mind through this! Honestly, my best advice is to set aside some time one day to discuss this with him. Communication is the most important part of any relationship, and your best solution to this will be one you reach together. It'd be a good idea to discuss what each of you wants physically from this relationship and how both of you can make that happen for the other person without stepping over individual boundaries. If you can't come to a satisfactory conclusion, it might be time to start lookin at other options, but talk with him first and try to come up with a plan that will benefit both of you. Best of luck!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Figure it out before your relationship progresses any further. I'm not suggesting any course of action, but I know where my marriage is right now and if I'd known this was the way things would go I might have done things differently. It is unlikely he will change, can you?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Let's put it very bluntly:

You want -- desire, long for -- sex and physical affection.

He doesn't.

Neither of you is going to change.

Do you think that will work?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...