Confused on whether I'm greyro

[kola21]

Okay so I just wanted someone to talk to about this.

I think I am greyro, but i wanted to hear accounts from other greyros here, because i have no idea and its stressing me out.

Where to start,

I have never really felt a strong attraction or anyone? Ive been attracted to people, yes, but it was never to the point where i was hung up on them. A lot of the times i think "if this doesnt end up romantic, being friends is just as good"

I have never been bitter/weird about/to a crush that didnt work out.

I have a group of really close friends that i love and we hug and hold each other really close and some of us are okay with platonic kisses and thats fine, but ive never found a person that i have the same connection with romantically. Ive never had those so called "sparks" and ive never been where i felt lonely because i wasnt in a romantic relationship.

I like being alone and im not sure if its just some kind of commitment feat but i dont like the idea of being chained to someone. I hate the whole clingy factor of relationships. I hate how you have to kind of, place someone above all others in your life. I dont think i could ever do this.

When i tried to do the romantic thing with someone, kisses feel like nothing. Theyre more scientific than anything to me? Like i think about how to do it properly and i think about the physical feeling purely from a writers point of view?

Im seeing this girl and i feel bad bc i dont really feel what shes feeling. I dont know?? I am attracted to her i think but the idea of actually being with her, being tied to someone, is really repulsive to me?

I love romance in movies/media/my friends love lifes, and ive fantasized about doing romantic things and getting married etc, but idk, im not sure if i just love the idea or would actually like to do it?

Theres also all the pressure from media to get into a romantic relationship, as well as pressure from my mom. Im in college now and it is hitting me now more than ever.

I havent really dated anyone officially, and sometimes id think id like to but then i think about all the implications of it and i get these feelings of dread.

Does anyone else feel this way??? What are your guys thoughts? Is it that im somewhere on the aro scale or that im somehow? Just super afraid of commitment or? Something? Idk

[Anime Pancake]

Hello. Yeah to me you sound like you may be aromantic. I'm not really sure though.

Grey-romantic is kind of a general word, from my understanding, so it means different things to different people.

If you do like romance somewhat, you can identify as grey-romantic if you want. Or if you don't like romance at all, but like close friendships, then you can identify as aromantic if you prefer.

So I think it depends on if you feel romantic feelings or enjoy romance.

[Lost247365]

Okay so I just wanted someone to talk to about this.

I think I am greyro, but i wanted to hear accounts from other greyros here, because i have no idea and its stressing me out.

Where to start,

I have never really felt a strong attraction or anyone? Ive been attracted to people, yes, but it was never to the point where i was hung up on them. A lot of the times i think "if this doesnt end up romantic, being friends is just as good"

I have never been bitter/weird about/to a crush that didnt work out.

I have a group of really close friends that i love and we hug and hold each other really close and some of us are okay with platonic kisses and thats fine, but ive never found a person that i have the same connection with romantically. Ive never had those so called "sparks" and ive never been where i felt lonely because i wasnt in a romantic relationship.

I like being alone and im not sure if its just some kind of commitment feat but i dont like the idea of being chained to someone. I hate the whole clingy factor of relationships. I hate how you have to kind of, place someone above all others in your life. I dont think i could ever do this.

When i tried to do the romantic thing with someone, kisses feel like nothing. Theyre more scientific than anything to me? Like i think about how to do it properly and i think about the physical feeling purely from a writers point of view?

Im seeing this girl and i feel bad bc i dont really feel what shes feeling. I dont know?? I am attracted to her i think but the idea of actually being with her, being tied to someone, is really repulsive to me?

I love romance in movies/media/my friends love lifes, and ive fantasized about doing romantic things and getting married etc, but idk, im not sure if i just love the idea or would actually like to do it?

Theres also all the pressure from media to get into a romantic relationship, as well as pressure from my mom. Im in college now and it is hitting me now more than ever.

I havent really dated anyone officially, and sometimes id think id like to but then i think about all the implications of it and i get these feelings of dread.

Does anyone else feel this way??? What are your guys thoughts? Is it that im somewhere on the aro scale or that im somehow? Just super afraid of commitment or? Something? Idk

My experiences are very similar to yours.

No crushes, no "strong" attractions, Like being alone. Never really dated anyone. Not a very touchy-feely person

The part about the liking the "idea" of romance is definitely like me. I like to say "I am in love with the idea of being in love," but I have never been in love myself. Now I find myself wondering if what I thought was love is just a really strong platonic relationship with an intense emotional bond (to which I have been told by romantics is not quite right).

I have recently started identifying as a Quoiromantic (aka WTFromantic).

WTFromantics can be described as those questioning their romantic orientation. Generally, it is someone who can't say for sure if they experience romantic attraction/desire/feelings or not. For me specifically, I identify this way because I can't seem to find any definition of romance beyond what I mentioned above that makes sense to me. How can I say if I experience romantic attraction or not if I don't even know what romance actually is?

A Quoiromantic can be romantic, aromantic, or (as it is usually is classified) greyromantic. it is even possible that it is totally different from all three. The point being is that you don't know.

Have you considered identifying this way?

[thekittyhawk]

Hi! Not sure if my experience will help, but I can tell you what it's like for me as a grey-romantic person.

I was EXACTLY like you. Mostly acting and feeling like an aro, low romantic drive. I didn't really feel like I needed a relationship. The thing keeping me from identifying as aro, however, is that I didn't think that I completely lacked the capacity to feel romantic attraction. And not long after I realised this and started identifyi as grey, I got a crush. This girl, she was just perfect, and lovely, and funny, and I just really liked her and thought about her a lot. Then after a week of intense crushing, it disappeared entirely. All my interest was gone.

So basically, as grey-aro is a blanket term the experiences can differ but for me I found that I was basically aromantic, but with rare crushes. I now have a girlfriend and feel like a normal romantic, and when I didn't I just felt aro, no undirected desire for a relationship or anything. So that's me.

Maybe you need to think about why it is that you're not identifying as aromantic. Do you think maybe you have the potential for crushes in the future? Have you had one before? You sound aromantic to me, but that's your decision. So just give it a little idle thought, no-one's forcing you to have any labels at all!

[kola21]

Thank you for all your feedback!

@lost: ive looked into wtfromantics, and i think it doesnt entirely fit me, just because its about not knowing if you feel romantic attraction. I know i have, or at least the attraction i would feel, however mild it is, i would define as romantic.

@thekittyhawk: i have had crushes, but theyre never usually that strong that i cant get over them easily.

Idk maybe in part i dont think aro fits me is because i want to be romantic?? It seems like such a good thing, but then also i really dont feel it at all irl so

Yeah, for a couple months ive been doing the no labels thing, but idk, maybe i feel if i label myself i wont have to think about this anymore (which isnt true, i know it isnt) :u labels suck but i get anxious without an identifier

[Lost247365]

Here is a list of romantic and aromantic "orientations"

Maybe one of these will sound more like you?

[Seivan Anantha]

I think the fact that you are unsure is a pretty good indication that you are greyromantic. Just my two cents.

[thekittyhawk]

@thekittyhawk: i have had crushes, but theyre never usually that strong that i cant get over them easily.

Idk maybe in part i dont think aro fits me is because i want to be romantic?? It seems like such a good thing, but then also i really dont feel it at all irl so

Yeah, for a couple months ive been doing the no labels thing, but idk, maybe i feel if i label myself i wont have to think about this anymore (which isnt true, i know it isnt) :u labels suck but i get anxious without an identifier

Well, getting tiny crushes can fit with the definition of grey-romantic. It's basically just where you're not fully romantic, or fully aromantic. If you're like that, then it's a good label to use :P

[kola21]

Wow, there is a lot more orientations than I realized.

Thanks everyone. I think I'm gonna try to sit down and talk to the girl I'm seeing to try to explain the situation... I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't want to lead her on without letting her know what's going on and how it might not work out?? Wish me luck.