Limerence Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I've been avoiding making this post for a while out of fear of looking dumb -_- But here goes nothing....I don't know what to do. I've been dating the same guy for three years. He's hetero versus me who is pretty committed to my title as "demiromantic (maybe grey) asexual". (Idk if this is TMI or not, but choose to keep reading if you will.) When we first started dating, we were a little bit touchy, and I didn't mind too much. Eventually, it started to bother me more, but I pretended that it didn't and just went along with it. I was pretty sure I was sex indifferent. But recently, I cannot stand being touched in a sexual manner. He'll complain that I don't meet his needs enough, so I'll feel bad and try to give in. But I can't. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. Whenever he tries to do something, it just ends up as me getting furious with him (even though I know that it's not his fault.) I'm worried I'm becoming sex-repulsed. I don't want that because I really love my boyfriend, but I don't want to string him along into thinking that I'll change. We've talked about it before, and he doesn't want to give up on our relationship either. I know y'all don't know the details of our relationship and such, but what would you do? I'm not really looking for an answer but just guidance into making my answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Even for couples consisting of two sexuals, what's often recommended is taking sex completely off the table for awhile. Both parties need a reset. Anyone will begin to feel repulsed by something they're forcing themselves to do without enjoyment, so my best suggestion is to agree to a timeframe where no one will be expecting anything sexual (my suggestion is a month, but you do you). During that time, he should get used to feeling close to you without sex, and you may be able to separate out your feelings to have a better idea of what you can and cannot do without feeling put upon. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I agree with Skulls. It may be best to take a break for a while and see how you feel. I think if you explain that to him (it's not that you don't like him anymore, it's just that you've been feeling bad about sex and you want to take a sex break for a while) he will understand. He seems like an understanding guy. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Limerence Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 Even for couples consisting of two sexuals, what's often recommended is taking sex completely off the table for awhile. Both parties need a reset. Anyone will begin to feel repulsed by something they're forcing themselves to do without enjoyment, so my best suggestion is to agree to a timeframe where no one will be expecting anything sexual (my suggestion is a month, but you do you). During that time, he should get used to feeling close to you without sex, and you may be able to separate out your feelings to have a better idea of what you can and cannot do without feeling put upon. I agree with Skulls. It may be best to take a break for a while and see how you feel. I think if you explain that to him (it's not that you don't like him anymore, it's just that you've been feeling bad about sex and you want to take a sex break for a while) he will understand. He seems like an understanding guy. :) He really is ^_^ Thank you both. We have tried this before actually and it usually does help us a good bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Theory and actuality are two different things, so just because you thought you were indifferent to sex before trying it/things related to it, doesn't mean you will be IRL. Did the desire for sensual contact fade away and then become repulsive or did you come to feel the sensual things would proceed to sex? Asexuals can dislike sensual things they feel will lead to sex. Do not do anything that makes you uncomfortable in a relationship; it can take a mental toll on you and the purpose of a relationship is to be healthy, not unhealthy. You can of course compromise, but that needs to be from your own uninfluenced free will and not due to fear, obligation, or guilt; those things will ruin a relationship. Your partner also shouldn't stay in a relationship on the hope that the other person will change; because the probability of that isn't clear and if it doesn't then he's just been wasting time. So question 1) Can your partner come to be ok with a non-sexually sensual relationship? 2) If not, can they accept the amount you can comfortably compromise? Also, does your partner know you're questioning being Gray-A? (they may also be staying out of a sex possibility) And why exactly do you think you are Gray-A? (as people can have misconceptions on it) But fact is, if the shirt doesn't fit in key areas, liking other features won't fix those major problems in it, and there's nothing wrong with trying another one on (i.e. breaking up). Yes, shirts most likely won't fit you perfectly, but the objective is to find the one that is closest to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.