TaylorH96 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 So... As my teen years are coming to an end, I feel more and more "weird" about the fact that I've never had a crush, and never been in a relationship or kissed anyone. This makes me feel like my friends are 10 years older than me even though were the same age. I feel like an alien who got misplaced. My biggest fear are being alone forever, while at the same time I hate all this pressure to hurry up and get a boyfriend. It's incredibly confusing and terrifying. I ind of feel like I want to be in a relationship, but at the same time, i feel like I would just feel awkward and out of place Can anyone here relate? -a confused 19 year old who has no idea who she is Link to post Share on other sites
Sleppy Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Well I'm still a teen and although I'm a little younger I've never had a crush before. Talking to my friends who have crushes is completely alien to me to be honest, and people fawning over celebrities is the weirdest thing! Although I have been in a relationship it wasn't serious really but I still felt no romantic attraction to the guy, I don't think I have towards anyone else. I identify as pan asexual because I reckon I have the capability to be in a relationship and have romantic attraction, but so far I've felt nothing towards anyone. So I might even be aro, I'm not sure. Don't worry about people pressuring you to get in a relationship, people are way too obsessed over things like relationships, it's not really that different from a friendship and for me relationships can be quite overrated. To be honest I'd probably be super awkward in a relationship now that I'm older. Link to post Share on other sites
Caith Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I can relate to many of the things you mention and I also felt like I had not grown up as my friends did. I am 23 now and now I feel I don't need to have crushes, or relationships or kiss anyone to grow up. And I have realized that not wanting to have romantic relationships does not imply that I will end up alone. I still have my friends and family. I also hated all the pressure to find a boyfriend and from time to time I still feel like people judge me because I've never been in a relationship or kissed anyone (even if not a lot of people know that). With time I have come to the conclusion that if I have a crush at some point iy is fine, but there is no problem in never having one. Link to post Share on other sites
The Green Aro Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 dw dude I am also 19, have also never had a crush, felt like all my friends were so much more ahead of me in life and constantly worried about how strange I was. But turns out there are a bunch of poeple like us, aromantics. I've honestly never understood what a crush is, what it feels like and that when people say they have a crush on a fictional character, they AREN'T EXAGGERATING. Only you can define your identity but aromantic sounds right Link to post Share on other sites
Seraphina Willow Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I'm seventeen, and my friends are always asking me who I like and stuff. They never believe me when I say no one, and it's hard when they get hurt because they think I'm lying to them. I've had one crush, but I was nine so I don't really think that counts. It may seem "weird" but it's just different, I think social pressure is ridiculous, and the only choice really is to go with what we feel. It's not like we can force feelings, maybe influence, but not turn around. I agree with Caith though, having crush is fine, but so is not having one. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I can relate! Im in my 30's and still a happy single, the last time i dated someone it was out of pure curiosity and it was so super boring and annoying that i was glad it ended! I only saw the poor guy like 5 times in the two months we dated but when it was over i treated myself a new videogame and promised i would never waiste time on boyfriends again. I know i indentify as panromantic but i seriously doubt i will ever be capable to experience romantic attraction because i know i once felt something but that something faded as soon as i got to know the person better and i just wanted them to leave asap I sometimes wonder if im not more on the aro spectrum instead because i havent been able to find myself a nice romantic relationship in more then 10 years and im not all to worried about that if i really have to be honest :P Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 22 tomorrow, never had a crush, never had a (romantic) relationship, still no intention to do so ;) Do you want a relationship, or is it just that you've absorbed society's message of single=loser? Link to post Share on other sites
TaylorH96 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 22 tomorrow, never had a crush, never had a (romantic) relationship, still no intention to do so ;) Do you want a relationship, or is it just that you've absorbed society's message of single=loser? Im not sure... I think a bit of both. I'm just having one of those days today where I'm feeling particularly terrified and lost. The thought of being alone forever terrifies me, and I have no idea what this means. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 22 tomorrow, never had a crush, never had a (romantic) relationship, still no intention to do so ;) Do you want a relationship, or is it just that you've absorbed society's message of single=loser? Im not sure... I think a bit of both. I'm just having one of those days today where I'm feeling particularly terrified and lost. The thought of being alone forever terrifies me, and I have no idea what this means. Romantic relationships aren't the only type, you could have queerplatonic, communal housing, living with friends/family... You could even just live alone with a good social network. Technically you could even pair up with a romantic partner, as long as they know you can't experience the same feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
AceWolf Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 I can sort of relate I don't really feel weird about it though (its everyone else who's weird!), but people do keep asking why I don't/haven't had a boyfriend. They seem really shocked I just can't see what the big deal is. That's what makes think a I might aro. I'm 19 and I have never had a crush either, I remember when I first started secondary school and my friends were like 'so you do you fancy?' It was so awkward. I used just give random names of boys and hope they would have forgot all about it by next week. I couldn't see how anyone could have a crush at 11 and assumed they were trying to act like adults. I know how you feel about feeling younger though I always felt behind everyone else and still do. I just keep to myself these days I always feel so out of place and disconnected. Even at like family gathering or at work, so I should imagine I would feel the same in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiffyParadox Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I'm 21 years old and never had a crush (never kissed anyone either.) Turns out all the supposed crushes I had through school were actually squishes, aha. :D Honestly, I don't feel weird about never having a crush on someone. Though, it did annoy me when certain friends/classmates kept asking me if I had a crush on someone. Oh, and when I did have a 'crush' (which was actually a squish, but I didn't know the term at the time) my friends teased me incessantly x_X; I suppose I can related about not feeling like i'm caught up with my friends who've crushed, dated, slept with, and/or married people. However, as time went on, I find myself becoming less bothered by it. Maybe, in time, you'll feel the same way? Go by your own pace. If people are pressuring you, kindly tell them to bugger off since your romantic life is not their business. You'll be ready when you're ready. I wish you the best! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueButterflies Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I'm 21, and I'm pretty sure I've never had a crush. I had a boyfriend for a couple months in high school, but it was more out of curiosity than anything. (and shock because holy shit someone asked me out) and I broke up with him kinda right before prom. I kinda wish he never sent me this really long 'goodbye' note on facebook recently so I could tell him that it DEFINATLY was not him, but me. I've gone on another two dates in the last few months with two other guys, and felt nothing for either of them. I used to think Robert Downey Jr was hot, but I think that was more of a squish than anything. And maybe to do with him being a great actor. My mom doesn't really get that I don't get crushes on people, but she's stopped (for the most part) saying shit like 'when you're heart skips a beat' and stuff, because if I hadn't told her, I was going to go insane from that. My friends are super cool about it, though. At least the ones I'm out to. And we never really talked about relationship stuff anyway. It was more anime and video games, so it took me a while to figure myself out. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused-about-everything Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I'm 19 and I've found people attractive and awesome but never in a way that is typically defined as a crush (partially as I'm confused as to what a crush should feel like). I find all those romantic ideas of heartbeat racing, sweaty palms etc amusing but I don't understand why someone would feel that way. I've never been in a relationship and despite being comfortable with talking about sex the idea of being in a relationship or sexual situation makes me uncomfortable! In my opinion relationships are a good thing for other people but not something I wish to be a part of and I much prefer friendships and reading/watching other peoples relationships and crushes! Link to post Share on other sites
TiffanyJung Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 I don't see why you find that amusing Confused . It's not funny :| Link to post Share on other sites
Katy No Pockets Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 I'm 21 years old and never had a crush (never kissed anyone either.) Turns out all the supposed crushes I had through school were actually squishes, aha. :D I'm 22 and it's the same for me. I only figured out my asexuality last year, and I get super intense squishes, so college was really confusing at times . But luckily for everyone involved, I never tried kissing or dating any of my squishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Baam Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Not being in a romantic relationship doesn't mean you're alone. Whoever says that romantic relationships are valued higher than platonic are wrong. Your friends should always be there. If not, make more! I'm 18, never had a crush, never been in a relationship, and I'm happy. I recently had the same fears as you as I was coming to terms/trying to accept my aromanticism, but now I have. I'm not afraid of being alone because I won't be. I have brilliant friends. I look forwards to all the money I won't be wasting on children. I look forwards to all my freedom. I look forwards to all my independence. Link to post Share on other sites
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