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OneOfAKind, October 19, 2015 in Asexual Relationships
Yeah I'd just leave it alone personally. She could just be a flirt and have sent you mixed messages early on. Even if she is interested a bit then she probably doesn't want to hang with you too much and confuse her current situation with her girlfriend or upset her girlfriend. Plus, if you were dating someone and they had another person texting them to hangout that you knew had a crush on them would you feel okay with them hanging out? Either way if she is taken its not going to go anywhere and if you wait long enough maybe they will break up or you will become better friends with her through mutual friends in group settings. Being new to college there will be plenty of people you meet that you may like, some you will become friends with and others will just be an idea that never works out. There are plenty of people who will show greater interest and be less fickle about their intentions.
If I was initially interested in someone and discovered they weren't interested in me, then I wouldn't pursue them anymore. We can't change our feelings, however, we can change the way we act on those feelings.
Well it's always kinda awkward and I don't know how to act when I know someone likes me romantically and I don't feel the same way back, especially if I'm already with another, so usually I just try to be friendly in person so I don't come across as rude but then if they try to personally contact me I usually just ignore the messages or respond saying I'm busy and can't talk but hope everything is good with them. It's hard to tell someone you are flat out not interested and that they should step back a bit and set their sights elsewhere if I know that I am going to continue to see them at school or work etc. You may have gotten some ideas off this girl and played them up nicely as something that could have been great but in reality it doesn't sound like it is going to happen or that she is as nice as you want her to be in your head. Sometimes I'll like someone and think they are awesome after a few encounters but once I get to know their true ways and not just the persona they put off I get completely turned off and wonder why I even thought I liked them, kinda like what happened a bit when you were over at her house and she was on the phone with ex losers and was being lewd and vulgar. There will be plenty of cute girls who want what you want and aren't just seeking attention at the expense of others feelings. Try to make a few new friends, or join your schools LGBTQ+ group and you may move on and find a new crush much quicker than you think :)
Hey OneOfAKind - the girl is playing games. I'm not really ok with that myself, but some people like the challenge. It's all about what you can deal with.
My only advice is to be careful. If/when you get together, she will flirt with others the way she has been flirting with you. It could be a recipe for heartache. :(
Hm, I don't know this girl, but she sounds like one of two types of people I met before.
One type always looks happy to see you, but doesn't really care or is happy to see you, but not any more than they are happy to see everybody else. So their signals look like more than they really mean.
There is another type, who plays games and tests other people. I cannot deal with those, so I usually stay away from them.
Not saying that your friend is one or the other, just that it is a possibility. And in any case, if she doesn't make an effort to stay friends with you/ build an emotional bond with you, then there is, unfortunately, nothing you can do to change that. Maybe be patient and see whether her behavior changes for the better or ignore her in order to save your energy for something more important/ pleasant.
Eh, you're new at school, she's being friendly. From your story it sounds like she has a lot of friends and goes out a lot... it's probably her personality to be friendly and flirty and shit. And yeah, she probably thought you were cute or whatever and so was being flirty, but didn't actually want to hang out with you/ date you/ whatever.
As for the whole friends thing... this really irritates me, and I'm sorry for unloading here, but... I don't understand why people think they have a right to a friendship. Great, you wanna bang me but you'll settle for friendship. If I say "too bad' then i'm a bitch... but why do I have to be friends with someone just because they initially wanted to hook up with me?? Besides, it's not like those "friendships" are ever completely void of weirdness.