Web Article

[Eta Carinae]

<a href="http://www.bent-voices.org/jan02/asexual.htm">http://www.bent-voices.org/jan02/asexual.htm</a>

Found this on a Google search for asexuality. It's a personal account; It doesn't really contain information that's new to anyone who's read these boards, but you might consider it worth a look anyway.

Note: the magazine this is from seems to have shut down, so I don't know how long this article will be around.

2012 Mod Edit: The link above gives a 404 error, but the article can be found here. For future reference:

The Secret Life of an Asexual by Amanda

As I was younger I expected to one day come out as a lesbian. That's what happened on the after school specials, when a girl didn't have a boyfriend, didn't fit in, or acted like a "tomboy". I filled all of the above requirements, at least in some people's definitions. My mom would ask me if I was a lesbian and I expected to one day say, "that's been the problem all along. I am into girls." But it didn't happen. Not much happened with boys either.

There are homophobes who will tell you homosexuality is wrong. Then there are people who are not homophobic and they will say all kinds of love are grand. No one tells you that it is okay to lead a life devoid of sex. If you do they think you are rather queer; which you are; which I am.

It is a lonely life being an asexual, a term I do embrace. I don't intend to limit myself with this label but my history of reactions to sexuality, my lack of sexual experiences and my attraction to few lead me to sway towards the A.

If we trace back a few years we may see how I blocked out dealing with sexuality. I found people more attractive who came off in a non-sexual manner. I came off that way as well; non-sexual. I was completely uncomfortable with the topic of sexuality. If it came up I ignored it or left the room. I wanted to scream, or cry when friends tried to get me to talk about sex or masturbation. It embarrassed me extremely.

Eventually a few friends and I started the Asexual Alliance (how tongue in cheek the coalition was we will never know; [there were recruitment fliers at one point]). Still I couldn't really talk about my non-existent experiences, out of non-existent opportunities as some of the others would say things like "we've had sex and we're choosing not to, right?" I was left feeling like no one would ever understand. Years later after my buddy in Germany and I started a Goettingen chapter of the Asexual Alliance and I saw that he had no qualms about telling people he had never had sex or kissed anyone, I felt less embarrassed about my history of asexuality. Now I can come out about my experience more easily. By the way readers, I still haven't had sex.

The issue of homosexuality resurfaced over time and I got crushes on women, but I felt fine when they showed no interest. On the other hand ([no] thanks to heterosexual socialization) I have become obsessed with one or two of the unrequited male crushes to the point of extreme depression. It is an unfortunate gender imbalanced situation but it is my personal reality. I try not to get obsessed with anyone, anymore; especially people with little interest in me. (In case anyone does not understand that crushes exist without the ultimate goal being fucking, they do). In the last few months I have not been attracted enough to anyone to act on it. I've had people tell me that I am lucky for my asexuality and I have had people tell me they could never be asexual. But it is not as if it is something I want or don't want; it is simply a part of me. I can appreciate not having been in fucked up relationships, and not having had sex and regretting it, on the other hand life is really lonely and I don't appreciate the lack of intimacy and companionship. Like Morrisey said "I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does". As Rrragazza Pom Pom said "I'm just as sexual as you, I just lead a secret life as an asexual".