ASEXUALITY IN THE MEDIA

[fruitygums]

Hi :) I'm Casey and I'm a final year journalism student who has decided to produce a final multimedia project on the subject of asexuality. I've only just started uncovering some of the issues surrounding asexuality and I'm really interested in getting some pointers from anyone who identifies as asexual on how to cover the story. What are the big issues you face? How have you found the media treatment of asexuality? Is alienating to identify as asexual in a society so focused on sex? Please don't hold back on your opinions, I think criticism is healthy and I really do appreciate any input.

Lots of love!

[Jea]

Hi! I think it's great that you're doing this project, it's a great step forward for visibility! Quoting Ellamerre from another post:

I seriously doubt that I was the only ace who had a crappy time figuring themselves out as a kid, and in general. I was questioning myself before I was ten, seeing the differences between myself and the world and having no way to understand them. It was so frustrating. I questioned if I was gay, but that was revolting because I'm definitely not gay. I tried to be straight but that was revolting too, I am not a sex-positive person. I freaking thought that someday I would have to let myself be raped by my spouse because - well - that's just part of life right? :P The only comfort I have ever found about relationships came from learning I was ace and there are other people out there like me. I don't have to force myself into anything or put on a fake personality anymore. Ever.

I completely agree with that, it's such a big relief to find out what asexuality is. Before, you see everyone around you talking about sex, and you don't understand why you don't care. You feel different, broken because you don't understand that difference.

I don't find it alienating to actually identify as asexual. Now that I know that it is a thing, I know why I'm different and I embrace this difference. The only problem I face is that most people don't have an idea that it even exists. I'd say that mainstream media (because more watched/read) should make a big course on all sexual orientation. No, but seriously, it'd be awesome if everyone knew about it.

I'll probably have other things to add soon, but I'll come back then :)

[New Strawberry 8]

Something I've encountered (personally as well as in media) is disbelief or misunderstanding. Whenever asexuality is brought up in the news people tend to joke about it ("Well they just haven't tried sex with Susan yet. She'd fix 'em,") or they often think they're repressed or traumatized by bad sex experiences in their past. My boyfriend's best friend insists I must have been molested as a kid to cause my asexuality. >_<

People also tend to have a pre-set idea as to what they think asexuality is. They may believe it's a choice, like celibacy, or they may think it's linked to other things, like "all aces are aromantic" or "all aces are sex-repulsed." I've had to explain time and time again that it's not my choice to be asexual, and I'm not trying to convert anyone else into my way of living. In the media I've seen asexuals having a hard time fitting in at LGBTQA+ rallies/marches/etc because people are somehow threatened by our lack of desire to have sex, like we're going to try to make the world celibate.

Asexuals make up around 1% of the population, but it's rarely covered in the media. Even when there are misunderstandings, I'm grateful to have the word out there that we exist, but the incorrect facts being spread around makes it harder to come out. I have to get up the courage to tell a friend or whomever, then I have to spend an extra 10 minutes explaining that we're not celibate or mentally/physically unhealthy.

[fruitygums]

Thanks so much for your messages, I'm so happy to have your support!

I found what you said about misinformation on asexuality being a major challenge to come out really interesting New Strawberry. Can you give me any examples of incorrect facts or representations? It's shocking that you experience resistance from the LGBTQA+ community, if you could point me toward any examples of this that would also be great!

a_fox please do come back to me if you think of anything to add! It's crazy that in the age of the internet and information over-load people still don't know about asexuality - what kind of reactions have you had when you tell people about your orientation?

A question to you both: you both mentioned that people tend to have misjudged preconceptions about asexuality, how would you describe it or like people to perceive it?

[Steph Ace]

I have approved this research/ interview request after conversations with Fruitygums. It has been approved under the Student Exception.

Steph

Dedicated Research Contact.

[New Strawberry 8]

Examples of misinformation on asexuality are in many news programs, online articles, and pretty much anywhere else asexuality might get featured. I can think of a plethora of times I've seen this, but I think the overall concept of misunderstandings would be obvious just looking at a few of them. And I think the opposition I've encountered from the LGBTQA+ community is because the rallies and everything they do has been to be able to love and sleep with whomever they please, and the desire to love without sex seems strange. The whole community is not like this of course, and in many places it is very inclusive. Just some people are very determined about sex being a good (or the best) way to show affection.

I would like people to understand that asexuality is just a lack of desire to do sexual things with a partner. I'm heteroromantic and have a boyfriend, but people don't believe I can be anything more than friends with him because I'm asexual. Ignoring the fact that we've had sex, people seem to think that sex is a necessity for love and therefore I must not be capable. I would really appreciate it if we someday got to a point where romance didn't imply (or require) sex in the minds of the general public.

[happylostgirl]

Yes. It is very frustrating BC we can still feel love just not in a sexual way.

[secretagentpenguin]

I have never seen asexuality represented anywhere other than on tumblr a few times and this website. The only way I discovered my asexuality was through a documentary on Netflix, (A)sexual, two years ago. I have not only been alienated by society, but even among my best friends at times. Asexuality is the only thing we have ever really gotten fired up over. When I came out two years ago one time when I was hanging out with them I couldn't believe their reactions. I just figured I'd mention, "Hey, I watched this documentary a few days ago about asexuality and I realized I am asexual." And then I figured they would want to know what it is, then I'd explain it, then they would say, "Oh. Cool." Then we'd go back to playing video games or whatever. But oh my gosh, no. That is not what happened. After I explained it, they asked questions for like an hour, and when they finally seemed to get what I was saying they forced me to sit as far away from them as I could get and noticeably felt uncomfortable if I got within a certain radius of them for a few days. That was two years ago, and whenever I reveal my sexuality to someone who needs to know that I am asexual and they are around, they are noticeably embarrassed about me saying it. I honestly don't understand what the big deal is since they honestly can accept every other fact about me and we have been friends for like seven years. They would have handled it better if I had told them I was a lesbian, not saying there is anything wrong with that. So that's why I'd really like asexuality to be represented more, so that everyone can see that it's not really a big deal. I still do consider them my best friends, I just am waiting for the day where they don't care about it anymore. Also, my cousin is 12 and when she came out this year half her grade alienated her. Weird stuff. Don't know if any of this is helpful but maybe it is.

[deltaX]

I think the biggest issue for me personally was the lack of visibility that asexuality receives.

I went to a Catholic school where issues like asexuality weren't talked about in sex ed courses, and I never went out of my way to personally do research on anything in the queer community. I knew a bit about the gender spectrum, and about heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, and pansexuality. However, because asexuality is such a little-known orientation, the asexual label never made it into my radar, and I didn't have the correct label to explain myself. I first found out about asexuality when I was 19, but I probably could have identified as ace at the age of 13/14 if only I had the right words.

So many times I see new members to this site talk about how they had never known asexuality was an option before finding AVEN, and that makes me sad. I had a really tough time in my sophomore year of college because I assumed I was straight and was trying to fit into something I wasn't. I wish asexuality could be more well-known so that other people wouldn't have to go through the same things I did.

In my experience, there is basically no mention of asexuality in the media. There are characters (like Sheldon Cooper or Sherlock) that can be hand-cannoned as ace, but no one fully out that I know of. And usually anyone that acts in an "asexual" way is socially inept, which is a harmful stereotype that isn't true for the majority of asexuals.

I don't know if any of this helped with your project, but I'd be willing to answer any follow-up questions if you have any. Good luck!

[ZBGatsby]

I think personally the big thing I faced was that same feeling of broken-ness as other people in this post. Generally males are expected to be sexual deviants, with sex always on their minds, and I always felt like my validity as a male was in question when I wanted to change the channel during a make-out scene or if my friends were oogling some actress's body and I couldn't care less. Even more so when my male family members would ask me in a regular conversation if I was having sex, and made fun of me when I said no. I also know from teen movies and TV shows that even from young ages that girls are stereotyped as needing to look for a boyfriend or needing to be 'sexy' in order to get the guy. Even the magazines in the checkout aisle advertise women or men on the cover with something relating to 'better bedroom tactics.' Sex sells in media, and Ace doesn't really belong it seems.

Media creates a set up that doesn't really allow for asexuality or aromantic to be discussed either. One thing I've noticed is that even if there are characters who could be asexual or aromantic, they are never represented that way. Usually the actor or the creator of the show will make some joke about that person not fitting in or not being normal or how someone might fall short on an emotional level.

[MrAce]

Well what im currently going through is the fear of accepting this is who I really am. In such a sex crazed society I feel like there's no escape from the subject. Im worried about my future life and how/who I will spend it with, children don't seem like much of a possibility for me when I can barely bring myself to kiss someone, let alone even do the "deed"

Edit : If you have any questions to ask please dont hesitate to post them here or PM me! No bars for me, the more personal the more I can explore myself