My asexual Partner prefers to masturbate then do anything with me

[Tarfeather]

Mysticus, I would be happy to talk this out, but this thread isn't a good place.

[Lucinda]

But in my opinion, the "wanting sex" thing is more of an issue on the level of society. People who have a strong desire for sex.. I think the term need is fitting, because the prolonged lack of it can easily destroy your mental health.. People who have that need, but can not meet it in a mutual exchange, are inherently in a "weaker position", where they have to go to great lengths that violate their human dignity just to meet that desire in a somewhat tolerable way.

What is it they do that violates their human dignity?

I don't really feel that this is a good way for society to function, and I don't feel that the attitude of "If I don't have that problem, I won't contribute to resolving it" is a good attitude to have. A society is a symbiosis, we're all benefiting from it, so having empathy and at least some willingness to reach out honestly doesn't seem like too much to ask.

How does one have empathy if they have never had that problem? One can sympathize if they have been in a comparable situation, but empathy? Also what is entailed in a willingness to reach out honestly? How will it contribute to resolving the problem?

My point is that these kinds of situations aren't black and white. "This is my property, I can do with it what I want" doesn't necessarily get you out of any responsibility for the well being of others, and I feel the same can be true when it comes to mating behaviour.

Basically, what I'm getting at is that I feel this trend of sexual freedom (which I fully support in principle) is reinforcing the biological bias we as a species have toward this "alpha male" mating behaviour where we have a group of males with many mating partners at one end, and a group of males with no mating partners at the other. I don't think enforcing monogamy is a good way to deal with this (although it has been somewhat effective for quite a while), so at this point I'm fully counting on each human's sense of empathy and high level thought to avoid this. But that does rather require that we drop this "fuck you, got mine" kind of attitude..

What are you suggesting that these alpha males do? Limit themselves to one partner in a lifetime so there will be more potential partners for the males at the other end? Or are the alphas supposed to search for and direct people towards the betas, omegas, etc.? Is this what you consider high level thought? And you are fully counting on this?

Lucinda

[MacAran]

Folk, I think maybe we should start a new topic for this discussion. Poor Ryker_Corney's problem has gotten lost under a discussion of two different world views

[Philip027]

The OP hasn't been around since the day after he posted it and has made no other contribution, so signs point to this being a dead thread anyway

[Sally]

The OP hasn't been around since the day after he posted it and has made no other contribution, so signs point to this being a dead thread anyway

But it has come back to life as an interesting personal-philosophy-relationships thread.

[trino10]

you must speak with him. Conversation is very important.

[jack616]

This was a very interesting discussion to read, thank you, all.

Some really important points brought up by Mysticus. 'Looming threat of rape' is a very real thing that a lot of people in relationships have to deal with, whether they ID as ace or not, the threat is on a sliding scale of constant whining or nagging, guilt tripping, and then to much more aggressive demands.

Don't put those demands onto anybody. You shouldn't put *any* demands onto anybody but I guess we all do it; I expect my friend to call me back, when they don't I get cross. Do I have a right to be cross? No! If they don't want to call me and that's a regular occurrence, ill go find a new friend who does.

It's quite simple. Don't over think things. No one owes you anything.

[Tarfeather]

Responded to you, Mysticus. http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/128441-on-societal-mating-patterns-tw/

[Guest]

Responded to you, Mysticus. http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/128441-on-societal-mating-patterns-tw/

Answered there, though you probably won't like my answer.