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In need of some hope


JaceEzekiel

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Hi,

I have been with my partner for two years, and they have been out as ace for one year. I am very sexual. So far, I have been okay only having sex when my partner is in the mood (averaging once every two weeks). When they are not in the mood, they are very sex repulsed, so I try to never push it. Sometimes the wait puts extra stress on me, but I have ways to cope that have helped so far.

My main concern is with our future. My partner is a trans woman, and, as a trans man, I can understand most of what they are going through. But we are both concerned that once they start hormone therapy, their sex drive will completely disappear, because it is already so low.

We are technically in an open relationship for my sake, but I haven't acted on it yet. I am afraid that once I am having sex with someone else regularly, I will fall out of love with my current partner.

I was wondering if there are any success stories from similar situations -- with the sexual partner sleeping with someone else while still maintaining the relationship with the asexual as the primary relationship in their life?

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We are technically in an open relationship for my sake, but I haven't acted on it yet. I am afraid that once I am having sex with someone else regularly, I will fall out of love with my current partner.

I was wondering if there are any success stories from similar situations -- with the sexual partner sleeping with someone else while still maintaining the relationship with the asexual as the primary relationship in their life?

Interesting. I'm in a similar situation, though the reason I don't get to have sex with anyone else is that nobody would take me, not that I'd be afraid that I'd "fall out of love" with my current partner. But if I had the chance, I'd take it pretty much instantly. I have no worries there. It's hard to explain, but let me try..

I believe the reason I'm not worried is that for me, "romantic" feelings (I hate that word) can't be sustained if the other person isn't intellectually challenging me. They need to be smart, thoughtful and unpredictable (in the sense that their thoughts are too complex for me to predict them, not that they're random, random is boring) so that I will maintain an interest in that person.

So I could totally see myself having one night stands with people who can't hold my interest for long, and that not affecting my relationship with my partner at all. And if the person is very smart and honest so that I could maintain an interest, then I feel any issues that arise could be worked out in a mature way, without compromising my relationship with my partner.

So, yeah. For those reasons I'm not worried at all about falling out of love with my current partner. But that's just how I work. Given my very bad experiences with women who didn't share my relationship ideals/reasons to develop "romantic" feelings at all, it seems that I'm in the minority there..

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