Hard time getting to understand who I am

[Big Mike]

Hi, my name is Michael. My friend told me this would be a great place to come to. I was in a relationship for a year, and my girlfriend always seemed to want sex. But when I wanted to not have sex for a change she dumped me. I've also struggle with depression. I rarely feel any sexual needs and have a hard time finding out who I am. I want to say im demisexual, because I only have feelings for friends I have known for a while. But im not quite sure. I rarely feel any sexual needs but yet I still do get them, even if rarely. What is your take on my situation? Please and thanks

[Dazza]

Hi Big Mike (Michael). Welcome.

You have joined a great friendly community here who will offer you support without judgement. Every one is unique and even though we may have similar traits, likes, dislikes etc, we are all individuals and are respected for that. So once again, welcome.

Not knowing your background and feelings etc, etc.... it's difficult to have a real take on your situation. Could it be your depression that is causing your lack of interest in sex? Did you feel pressure from your ex girlfriend to perform and this caused anxiety which in turn has caused your lack of interest in sex? Low self esteem and depression can certainly affect your sex drive and outlook of life and your place in it. This has possibly been compounded with your ex dumping you because of not responding positively to her sexual needs.

Can I please suggest you talk to your doctor about your depression. It is, amongst other things, detrimental to your health and well being. Your whole outlook on life and issues may improve. Depression is treatable and is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

I think most people feel comfortable with friends and/or people they know and are more likely to develop feelings towards them than towards strangers. That in itself doesn't automatically mean you are demisexual. Most relationships develop from friendships.

Finding out "who we are", understanding "who we are" and even accepting "who we are" can be a struggle and confusing and can take many years. As an aside, I am now 50 and have only very recently discovered that I am asexual. I knew who I wasn't for most of my life but didn't know where I fitted in. I tried living a lie to feel like I fitted in but that only made me miserable and resentful. I came across the word 'asexual' a couple of months ago; unsure of the word and meaning I googled it. It's how I came across this site. The more I read the more I associated with it. Finally I knew what I was and I wasn't alone. There were others like me. This was HUGE. I have spent the past couple of months researching more about it. I'm now totally at ease with who I am and I'm the happiest and most content than I have been for a long time.

Can I suggest you do some further research on asexuality from this site to see whether you really identify as being asexual. But please make steps to address your depression also.

Feel free to message me if I can be of any help to you or you need a friend. Good luck on your journey.

Cheers.

[Jea]

Hi and welcome to AVEN :cake:

yes, your friend was right that here is a nice place to join ^_^

Well, I'd say you might be demisexual, or at least in the grey area of the asexual spectrum. In any case, finding your identity takes time, and it is a fascinating journey.

[booksoversex]

Can I just say: Your friend seems awesome and supportive. Kudos to them for sending you here! It's great that people try to educate themselves on their own. :)

Welcome!