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Asexuality vs anxiety


somethingrandom

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somethingrandom

I've always been a bit nervous around people of the opposite gender to me, don't know why I just have. I also find it difficult being in large groups of people that I don't know. I've never had any relationship and no one has ever even been interested in me so I was just thinking, could this be because I am asexual or because I'm just so nervous around certain people? I think about kissing someone and I just couldn't imagine doing it even though it comes so easily to most people, but then I think that I would like to experience it.

I was just looking for opinions on this - how do you know if you're asexual or have anxiety or something? Any thoughts or people that feel the same would be appreciated.

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I suffer depression and anxiety unrelated to asexuality. I'm an introvert and an only child that was never encouraged to leave the house (mother was overprotective but I would never hold it against her). I'm pretty certain this is why, as an adult, I'm terrified of people in general and groups specfically. I just never learned the social skills and now it hurts like hell.

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I have pretty bad social anxiety myself...its not really that I dont have social skills because in the right places I can open up and have alot of fun and be pretty crazy... but when around giant crowds or if more than 3 people have their attention on me at a time- I get really nervous and scared...Theres this annoying (male) voice in my head that just keeps telling me all these things that make me feel even more nervous even more scared and just makes the situation worse...until Im reduced to a blushing, nervous- (sometimes sobbing) mess.

Its not because Im asexual though I class them as two different things- as an asexual I dont like sex, Dont really do well in relationships- I am not fond of kissing...dont understand romance...etc... but though they are two different "issues" (I like being an ace, hence the quotes) And that voice can make just about any situation worse- its not asexuality thats causing the anxiety... its something different.

You are an Ace.
but you also have anxiety..

Two different things in my book.

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I've always had anxiety surrounding sex etc, and even when I managed to get past it (with the help of alcohol or similar) there was still very little, if any, desire to do anything... But I do think a great deal of my issues are also tied up with gender dysphoria and general body weirdness...

I dunno, for me, they used to be very much linked as I'm sure they are for a lot of people here, and many others who have no connection between their sexuality (or lack of) and levels of anxiety.

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anxiety feels like something

asexuality is the lack of feeling of something

they are related in that asexuality can cause anxiety, but anxiety shouldn't CAUSE asexuality. If you have sexual attraction to someone, you should definitely make sure you eliminate that anxiety because it should not hold you back from enjoying and experiencing something that you desire.

Mind you, if you have anxiety AND are asexual, you will also suffer a lot because sex or no sex, a deep connection with another human being requires exposing yourself and your vulnerabilities

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I've never been diagnosed with anxiety and it certainly isn't as bad as other peoples but i do have it

meeting new people, talking to them and trying new things are all so difficult for me

i guess finding out that I'm asexual has made me a little more confident because i know I'm not alone

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it's hard for me, wondering if I'm not ace after all, but just full of anxiety and 'repressed', especially because that was exactly what a lot of rude people said about me when I finally came out as ace. that hurt a lot, because when I discovered asexuality, and realized that I did fit into the spectrum, I finally felt like everything made sense and I belonged somewhere. but I have pretty low self esteem anyway, so getting attacked like that made me really doubt myself.

but the more I think about it, I still have to go with ace. even if I had anxiety, if I were sexual I would still want to have sex with someone, I'd just be nervous about it. but I don't feel any desire. I feel aesthestic attraction towards people, but I can't fathom what sexual attraction is, and that was really what made me realize 'if I'm taking this long to try to think about what sexual attraction is and if I've ever felt it, then I probably never have'

another thing that made me realize for sure was that, even though I love my girlfriend and I feel more for her as far as attraction goes than I've ever felt towards anyone (it's like a weird step above aesthetic but still just not sexual attraction and it disappoints me a lot) when I think about having sex with her it's 'For her I could try it' instead of 'wow I can't wait to have sex with her I'm excited'. and it's also pretty vague in my head come to think of it, because I just cannot fathom yet.

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I feel like my anxiety definitely may have made me think that I was an asexual. Now that I've been addressing that with what I had learned in psychology classes, I've been wondering if I would be considered a demi or even *gasp" a potential allo instead... :unsure:

If anything, addressing one's anxiety is definitely important to do since it doesn't help in life anyway. Then, if anything changes in you, you'll see. If not, then at least you're handling your anxiety a little better. :) A win-win!

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My experience is just as HollowOak said, except I do hold it against my mother. I only started realizing it so I'm a mess now.

But your description there is for anxiety and not much of sexuality. There are sexual people who don't like sex and asexual people who like it (for different reasons). I'm not denying that you are asexual but just from your words, I'm not absolutely sure.

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This is what I’ve been struggling with too, as I sometimes wonder if I could be capable of having romantic feelings if I weren’t so uncomfortable around other people

As an introvert with a low self-esteem, I have been avoiding other people for a big part of my life because I felt so uncomfortable around them. In the last few years, I’ve been slowly trying to deal with my social anxiety, but a lifetime of avoidance has left me with a lack of social skills. It is not as bad as it has once been, but I still find it really hard to connect with people beyond the acquaintance level.

I agree with Elena-Ace that it is important to address your social anxiety, as it can really limit you in life. Perhaps in some cases, I think that social anxiety could prevent romantic/sexual feelings from developing.

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I have anxiety, and I thought it had to do with that for the longest time, and that it didn't make me "really" asexual. I eventually figured out that it plays a MUCH a more significant role in my sex repulsion than in my asexuality, and while I'd probably be more willing to compromise if I wasn't so anxious, I really don't think the attraction factor would be there regardless. I guess it's different for everyone, but I hope that helps.

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I think I agree with what has already been said, I am definitely an introvert and have social anxiety, I also suffer from depression and am going through a really bad time right now. I have only recently, in the last few months, accepted that I am asexual and this has nothing to do with my depression and anxiety, I have always felt that sex is something I do not like or understand, and although I like the idea of being romantic towards someone, I'm not sure how to proceed, but then I think that is more because of the anxiety.

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I have pretty extreme anxiety but then once I'm out and doing something with good people around me it gets s little better. I've had sex before and didn't like it, not because of anxiety, but because I didn't like it and was just doing it because I thought I was supposed to. I figured no woman likes it, we just live in a patriarchal society where women have been repressed for so long and have been told that a single woman will never be as successful as one that can rely on a man. In my mind, women were putting up with having sex as a safety net. I've been told some women like it (although I don't see why because you can have an orgasm without being tied to someone else) but I know I don't like it. Even when I'm comfortable around someone and not anxious I still don't want to have sex with them, no matter how much I care for them. There are people with anxiety that still desire to have sex and want to not be so nervous so they can accomplish that. And then there are people like me who have anxiety surrounding everyday tasks and do not have sexual thoughts about other people at all. I guess it just depends what you desire and if you feel like your anxiety is limiting you from it, or if you are an ace with anxiety about people and life in general even when it doesn't concern physical intimacy.

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This is just me speaking but I do feel anxiety can mask asexuality. At heart of anxiety is some kind of fear or discomfort, and those aspects can be all consuming at times. Trying to notice a lack of a certain attribute can be nearly impossible.

Speaking for myself I generally don't like people. I don't like being around most people let alone talking with them. It's nothing against them, most are probably decent sorts. I just don't care for it. Due to this I have had limited social interaction, but over the last few year I have tried to work on this. Thanks to this I have had a chance to get to know myself better through personal interactions. Which in turn help me realize I am asexual. So to answer the question, the only way to know is to get out there.

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  • 2 months later...
Chief Neuron Inspector

... I can open up and have alot of fun and be pretty crazy... but when around giant crowds or if more than 3 people have their attention on me at a time- I get really nervous and scared...

I can relate. I don't like crowds. Parties and such make me uneasy. I like the idea of being social and hanging out, but when I'm actually in the situation, I tend to withdraw. I mostly just watch. I do not actively mingle. I'm also hearing impaired and I depend on reading lips. Thus, it's kinda hard to keep track of conversations amongst a crowd of people, especially evening parties. When I miss or misunderstand something, it makes me feel more anxious.

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I've always suffered from anxiety, and while I was in my teens I assumed that it was why I hadn't felt attracted to anyone that way, because I didn't meet a lot of people with not liking crowds and having trouble relaxing around people I didn't know really well. Later I met someone at work and slowly built up a friendly relationship with them, and as I relaxed I found I liked them more, in a romantic way. When they left the company we started dating but I never felt sexual attraction to them. Long story short it took me being comfortable around someone to really know what I was feeling and what I am.

For you, it's tricky - I don't know where you're at but do you have any friends you really feel comfortable around? I'm not saying try it (really, I'm not) but maybe think back to whether you've ever even thought of having more with any of them.

I really hope this helps, but even if it doesn't I hope you find a way to keep being the person you want to be, because I know anxiety can run your life.

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GreenWithEnby

I suppose I do have issues with anxiety, but not because of my asexuality? It seems like it would be harder to come out as anything else other than asexual, so I guess that takes a lot of the pressure off of it, but it also seems to me like we could just be more mellow in nature? However, without studying or research, no one can really prove that, and, as there are many different shades of asexuality, it would be difficult nonetheless. I'm not particularly a psychology master, but I know that it would be difficult. So, from a non-researched standpoint, I'd have to say that no, it isn't because of asexuality. However, I could be wrong, so feel free to correct me!

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Rainbow~Sprinkles

Being afraid of large groups could be a personality trait and not necessarily a bad thing. You just got to find a medium of communication that works best for you ^_^

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