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Older Ace virgins over 40

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Back to Avalon

Soon to be 46 and have never had sex, never gotten close to it. I think I could be sexual in a loving, committed relationship with someone I trust, but I have no desire to do it just to do it.

 

I just found this thread as I don't often take a deep dive into the forums, just scan the forums page. As a middle-aged person, I think I should spend more time in the Older Asexuals forum. These are my people.

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newgirl
7 hours ago, Back to Avalon said:

Soon to be 46 and have never had sex, never gotten close to it. I think I could be sexual in a loving, committed relationship with someone I trust, but I have no desire to do it just to do it.

 

I just found this thread as I don't often take a deep dive into the forums, just scan the forums page. As a middle-aged person, I think I should spend more time in the Older Asexuals forum. These are my people.

Welcome. I'm 48 years old  and  I never had vaginal intercourse.

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newgirl

Curious!!!!!!!!!!!!  How many  people are in a  long term relationship?

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AndrewT
4 hours ago, newgirl said:

Curious!!!!!!!!!!!!  How many  people are in a  long term relationship?

I'm not

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will123
8 hours ago, newgirl said:

Curious!!!!!!!!!!!!  How many  people are in a  long term relationship?

Not now nor at any point in the past...

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AndrewT
39 minutes ago, will123 said:

Not now nor at any point in the past...

That's how i should of answered....

 

But I'm not against the idea if i click with a fellow ace

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will123

When a female friend asked me if I could see the two of us having sex (which I said NO!) my excuse/reason was that we weren't in a relationship.

 

So much for wanting to lose my virginity... 🤔

 

This was about four years before I found out about asexuality. 😃

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newgirl

Have you given up finding  love  and dating? we have something in common 49-50 years old virgin asexual

 

  @Podsnap   @fuzzipueo @faraday☘

 

 

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fuzzipueo
32 minutes ago, newgirl said:

Have you given up finding  love  and dating? we have something in common 49-50 years old virgin asexual

 

  @Podsnap   @fuzzipueo @faraday☘

 

 

I never even started looking. Never did see the point and the one time I did go out on a date, it was to satisfy my curiosity of what it was like to be out on a date.

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Podsnap

I have an account on Acebook and I got a date once but he acted like he was in a hurry to go home and then I never heard back from him.

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newgirl
On 7/2/2019 at 9:01 PM, Podsnap said:

I have an account on Acebook and I got a date once but he acted like he was in a hurry to go home and then I never heard back from him.

WOW!!  That suck!. I can't find a asexual man near my age in California.

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newgirl
On 7/2/2019 at 8:22 AM, fuzzipueo said:

I never even started looking. Never did see the point and the one time I did go out on a date, it was to satisfy my curiosity of what it was like to be out on a date.

I've only dated 1 man in my whole life  but I always wonder, are asexual woman my age having success with dating.

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Skycaptain

@newgirl, as a reciprocal, I'm an asexual "male" who's had as much success at dating as they have at skydiving without a parachute 

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will123

For me it would be nice to have a female friend to go out for coffee/drinks, to dinner and/or a movie (or other stuff) with absolutely no expectations of physical contact or sexual activity.

 

That could pretty much describe my 'interactions' with females since my early 20s. Not sure what their intentions were though...

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KeyKey
On 7/4/2019 at 7:17 AM, newgirl said:

I've only dated 1 man in my whole life  but I always wonder, are asexual woman my age having success with dating.

Not really. I’m 44 and a virgin. I have tried faking sexual attraction but I guess I’m not that good an actress. Being a virgin over 40 is to be the butt of a joke (ie. “The 40 Year Old Virgin” with Steve Carrell). That made me consider rushing into somebody’s bed just to prove to society that I’m not tragic or weird. But having a negative experience just to prove a point is not worth it.

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Acing It

Well over 40 and I'm there too and hope I always will be.

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Acing It
22 hours ago, will123 said:

For me it would be nice to have a female friend to go out for coffee/drinks, to dinner and/or a movie (or other stuff) with absolutely no expectations of physical contact or sexual activity.

 

That could pretty much describe my 'interactions' with females since my early 20s. Not sure what their intentions were though...

Hah! Have you been on dates as well without realising they were dates?

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will123
6 hours ago, Acing It said:

Hah! Have you been on dates as well without realising they were dates?

Yes I've been out with female friend (attached and unattached) and no they weren't dates. One explicitly does not want me to refer to us doing lunch or dinner as a date. I guess asexual me was using the term in the wrong context in her books. I wasn't meaning it in a way that I expected something in return. I've told her I'm asexual and apologized for the misuse of the word.

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will123
6 hours ago, KeyKey said:

Not really. I’m 44 and a virgin. I have tried faking sexual attraction but I guess I’m not that good an actress. Being a virgin over 40 is to be the butt of a joke (ie. “The 40 Year Old Virgin” with Steve Carrell). That made me consider rushing into somebody’s bed just to prove to society that I’m not tragic or weird. But having a negative experience just to prove a point is not worth it.

I was 44 when I found out about asexuality. For a period of time before that I had considered trying to lose my virginity so I wouldn't be a virgin. After I identified as asexual, losing my virginity became a non-issue and I'm fine with that.

 

Edit: I'm pretty sure at my age (57) and with my lack of experience,  intercourse would be a negative experience...

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Acing It
18 hours ago, will123 said:

Yes I've been out with female friend (attached and unattached) and no they weren't dates. One explicitly does not want me to refer to us doing lunch or dinner as a date. I guess asexual me was using the term in the wrong context in her books. I wasn't meaning it in a way that I expected something in return. I've told her I'm asexual and apologized for the misuse of the word.

Mine were the other way round, when I was out with a friend, which I thought was just that, us going out and having fun, but they clearly thought it was a date and 'wanted something more' at the end of them. Cue end of friendship. 😒

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will123
2 hours ago, Acing It said:

Mine were the other way round, when I was out with a friend, which I thought was just that, us going out and having fun, but they clearly thought it was a date and 'wanted something more' at the end of them. Cue end of friendship. 😒

😞 That would suck. You obviously liked the person enough to socialize with them. And that shows how difficult it is for aces to have 'social' friends of the opposite sex.

 

I only realized a year ago that I was aro, but always wanted female friends thru the years not knowing why I was so hesitant in meeting them.

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sallimae76

I am a 43 year old female virgin asexual. I would love to find an asexual man to date. When I was still heterosexual, I was approached for meaningless sex all the time, and I was repulsed by the propositions. I needed love for sex. Now, I don't want sex ever.

They say Adam and Eve were virgins before the Fall. Maybe we are the normal ones.

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sallimae76
On 5/30/2017 at 12:10 PM, Glyn said:

There was a documentary shown over here in the UK that showed two adult virgins who were both close to 40.  The difference between many of us here and the two in the documentary was that those in the documentary actually wanted to lose thier virginity (I for one am quite happy with being a virgin at my age).

 

What was interesting though was that the guy in the documentary (the other was a woman) said that many people thought he was gay when they found out he was still a virgin at his age.

 

...which sounds spookily familiar to many here on AVEN I imagine.  I've lost count the amount of times someone has assumed I'm gay because I am still a virgin at 40 and have no particular interest in losing my virginity.

Story of my life. Most people think I am a lesbian. It doesn't help that I am a bigger woman, with hair loss.

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will123
18 minutes ago, sallimae76 said:

I am a 43 year old female virgin asexual. I would love to find an asexual man to date. When I was still heterosexual...

On the former I can see where you're going but I think that would leave the available pool (personalities, interests) pretty thin.

 

On the later, I'm glad over the years I was only 'set up' twice by two different female friends and only one resulted in a friendship that lasted a year or so. I exnayed one suggestion when it was disclosed the other person had a child.

 

I guess what I'm getting at if multiple friends had attempted to set me up and I either refused their offers or nothing ever came of them, people may have wondered what my issue was (this all happened when I thought I was straight).

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will123
On 5/30/2017 at 12:10 PM, Glyn said:

There was a documentary shown over here in the UK that showed two adult virgins who were both close to 40.  The difference between many of us here and the two in the documentary was that those in the documentary actually wanted to lose thier virginity (I for one am quite happy with being a virgin at my age).

 

What was interesting though was that the guy in the documentary (the other was a woman) said that many people thought he was gay when they found out he was still a virgin at his age.

 

...which sounds spookily familiar to many here on AVEN I imagine.  I've lost count the amount of times someone has assumed I'm gay because I am still a virgin at 40 and have no particular interest in losing my virginity.

Yes that pretty much is the default assumption if you aren't sexually active or in a relationship :(

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Glyn
17 hours ago, will123 said:

Yes that pretty much is the default assumption if you aren't sexually active or in a relationship :(

It doesn't surprise me one bit to hear that.  I used to work with someone at my last job as a kitchen porter.  She was one of the best team leaders I've ever had the pleasure of working with.  But she's never been in a relationship as long as I've known her.

 

Of course, the waitress supervisor decided that my team leader was a lesbian - for no other reason than because my team leader was single and showed no interest in relationships.

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will123
2 hours ago, Glyn said:

It doesn't surprise me one bit to hear that.  I used to work with someone at my last job as a kitchen porter.  She was one of the best team leaders I've ever had the pleasure of working with.  But she's never been in a relationship as long as I've known her.

 

Of course, the waitress supervisor decided that my team leader was a lesbian - for no other reason than because my team leader was single and showed no interest in relationships.

Sad 😞

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Glyn
20 hours ago, will123 said:

Sad 😞

Agreed.

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faraday☘
On 7/2/2019 at 8:49 AM, newgirl said:

Have you given up finding  love  and dating? we have something in common 49-50 years old virgin asexual

 

  @Podsnap   @fuzzipueo @faraday☘

 

 

Nope, there is always hope!!

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Muledeer
On 7/7/2019 at 5:10 PM, Glyn said:

It doesn't surprise me one bit to hear that.  I used to work with someone at my last job as a kitchen porter.  She was one of the best team leaders I've ever had the pleasure of working with.  But she's never been in a relationship as long as I've known her.

 

Of course, the waitress supervisor decided that my team leader was a lesbian - for no other reason than because my team leader was single and showed no interest in relationships.

That is a default assumption to people with binary thinking.  One has to be either  young or old; white or a minority; male or female; straight or gay.  I met some new friends several years ago and they couldn't accept that I wasn't either straight or gay, for the first few years of our friendship.  Even my best friend questioned my sexuality later on in life, but in the same conversation, he introduced me to the concept of asexuality.   It seems like people with addiction issues or religious issues are more prone to this black and white outlook on life in general. 

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